DD very anxious about school and everything really

[iwishiwasasleep]

Hi. I hope this isn't too long. Dd(13) hates school. She won't say why. I have long thought that she may have some ASD type disorder. Please don't flame me. I am being genuine (I think I may be on the spectrum too which is probably why I have tried to deal with it myself for so long). I am posting here as I'm Irish and don't want to be told how things work in the UK and also I don't want to overstep the boundaries by positing elsewhere.

Some of her behaviours are as follows:
She hates new places/ food/ clothes/ shoes/ socks etc. etc. to the point where she will wear clothes, shoes and socks with holes in them rather than wear new ones (even if they are exactly the same type as the ones she has).

She will eat the same food for weeks at a time but if it changes slightly (over or undercooked or more or less seasoning) she will not eat it again. This is exhausting as we are literally running I out of food she will eat.

She gets obsessed with something like a board game/ tv show/ toy and will only think and talk about that for weeks at a time.

She hates social situations including school and will stay at home anytime we go anywhere like out for a meal.

She went to school very late this morning as she was begging to stay at home. She has missed 23 days since September (mostly due to genuine illness) so we don't want her to miss any more unless she really needs to.

She gets very anxious if she cannot get 95 -100% in exams. She studies obsessively for weeks and weeks before exams (like 10-12 hours a day every day on days off and 5-6 hours on school days). She is very bright and does do very well but not as well as she would like. We keep telling her to go easy on herself and that getting lower marks is ok and would make her life easier as she wouldn't put herself under so much pressure but she can't seem to help herself. Both DH and I were only average at best in school but have done quite well career wise so we do not put DC under pressure at all with regards to school.

Sorry it's so long. I could go on and on but I don't want to bore people. Should I take her to the GP? Does anyone else have a child like this or any advise to offer?
TIA.

I am Irish but in the UK (just for context and honesty). You say she's 13 - is she in 1st or 2nd year? If she's in 1st, that's an awful lot to have missed when the class are getting to know each other. If she's in 2nd year, then it's a lot of studying giving that she has the state exams next year. I think a visit to the GP would be a good idea. Does the school have a counsellor? Could you talk to them?

Oh4fork Thanks for your reply. We had a bad day yesterday so I didn't see it. I will take her to see the GP. She doesn't want to talk to the school counselor. She said everyone in school would know.

I'm in Ireland and my teen suffers from anxiety.

Firstly I would go to your GP, explain the situation and ask for a referral to CAHMS. If you are in Dublin you are usually seen relatively quickly. They will assess your daughter, I agree she does seen to have a lot of traits that would suggest asd. My friend's dc was recently diagnosed via the GP/CAHMS route and she has found the care very good.

Secondly I would talk to the school. My dc developed anxiety in first year and the school have been very helpful and supportive. Email her form teacher or year head and set up a meeting. So many young people are suffering from anxiety these days that most schools have strategies to put in place to help them.

Huge sympathy to you and your dd, it's really hard dealing with it on a daily basis, but I found it a huge relief when the school were supportive and day to day life was s bit easier.

Thanks pink. We have seen the GP and are waiting on an appointment.