Ex claims benefits for kids I have

[Dendad]

So I’m a dad (step) in 1 kids case there’s actually 3 kids but the 17 year old lives with mum the 10 year old boy whose not biologically mine & the 6 year old who is biologically mine are with me 10 year old has been with me since sept 23 6 year old since nov 29 & ex is claiming the benefits for them. I wouldn’t have a problem with this if she was forwarding them to me but since iv had 10 year old she’s sent me £205 & some vouchers from the school. Also im currently homeless & we live in 1 room in my parents home currently so not ideal. They also go to school in Carlisle but I live in Gretna so im paying a fortune in diesel every month around £240 keeping them in school so as not to unsettle them more than they are already unsettled. My ex refuses to send any more money & has blocked me on WhatsApp after sending £50 for this month to feed & clothe them both which equates to £6.25 each a week iv had to buy him new shoes for school & a new bag & for the 6 year old tights skirts a bag & shoes in the last month & all I asked her for was help am I being unreasonable when she’s getting every penny for them? Any advice on what I can do & if 10 year old not being biologically mine will have any impact please I’m desperate & struggling I have £50 to my name to last until feb 3rd & I’m not sure what I can do

Sorry not even sure this belongs in this category

Is she getting Universal Credit (or Tax Credits), Child Benefit or both?

Are you eligible for either?

If they're living with you and you are entitled to UC and not precluded from CB by high earnings then I'd be claiming for them yourself.

If you and the other parent cannot agree who they live with a DWP Decision Maker will decide who gets the benefits.

Edit: If you're not on UC already then, as ever, the go to is Help to Claim.

I’m not sure what I can do

Contact social services what an absolute shit show for children to be living in.

If the children are with you predominantly then you need to apply for the child benefit to go to you. This then allows you to claim for them on any UC claim. You should also file with CMS for maintenance from their mum if she isn't seeing them much.

So let me get this right, you, your 6yo son and an unrelated 10yo boy live full time at your mums house?

Do either the 6yo or 10yo see their mums?

You need to sort your life out asap, if you are homeless with children then you need to be top
of the housing lists and going into temp housing. Claim for the kids and prove they live with you, even if you can’t claim for 10 year old you can for your child. Contact social services and ask for help

I’d contact social services regarding 10yo they may be willing to place him with you but that should come with funding, apply for child benefit for your one. Get yourself on housing list, I’d move schools for your DS.

I have texts saying she doesn’t want the 10 year old back & will put him in care if I won’t keep him I’m not working as she absolutely destroyed me mentally & iv been trying to rebuild my life this was facilitated at the jobcentre. He turned 10 on dec 22 & she didn’t even see him then saw the youngest for 5 minutes on Xmas morning & that’s all she’s had them all I asked her for was help but £50 isn’t gonna cover much

You absoloutley need to get social services involved. You need to be able to formalise this arrangement, and they need to know he is now a looked after child. You'll likely get support with moving him to a closer school, housing, and benefits.

Do you have parental responsibility for the 10 year old? As far as the authorities are concerned have they been officially placed with you? If not you need to speak to social services about this child, as they are not your legal responsibility. Social services might be happy for them to stay with you so they can be with their sibling but it needs to done officially, then you would get benefits and financial support for that child.

Iv been scared to go down that route incase he’s taken off me & put in care that would destroy me I don’t have parental rights but she’s happy for me to have that now I’m all he knows as a dad & I know my situation isn’t great but the kids are happier than they were & I do my best for them both

@Dendad there are rules around informal care and benefits. If the 10yo would be in care but for you looking after them that should be enough.

If you're already on UC then you won't be in scope for the Help to Claim Service but your local Citizens Advice, or another local advice service, should be able to help.

If he’s not neglected or in danger they won’t take him away, but you need to be an adult and sort your life out. They need proper housing, a local school, access to medical treatment and you need to be claiming benefits for them. Are you on the housing list as a single parent with 2 dependant kids? Are you applying for every house there is? Claim UC and child benefit for your kid today and contact social services about the 10 year old

They will keep the 10yo with his sibling if they think you can offer them a home, and they will support you. If their mum and dad have both decided to opt out, but a home exists with his brother, and they think its a safe home, they won't take him off you.

Have you got anything in writing from his mum to show she has asked you to take him?

It's more concerning that you would try and withhold the information that he is living with an unrelated adult from the state, than if you are open and work with them.

Most councils have a benefits advice service too, if you contact social care they should signpost you.,you sound like you want to parent these two children and the social care should help you find accommodation etc.

Does your ex work? You are entitled to all the benefits for these children as they live with you full time. If your ex doesn't work there's a high chance she will take the children back when she finds out she's about lose all her income and because she now has no dependents the DWP will except her to get a full time job. If the 17 year old isn't in full time education she will lose their benefits when they turn 18 (the 18 year old will have to apply for themselves).

Social Services can help you officially become the resident parent which means Mum can't just take them back. They can also help you find housing. A single Dad with two kids and no home would go to the top of the housing list.

Please contact SS.

If the mum contacts the police or SS then you could be seen as kidnapping/witholding the children from her.

You need to be open with SS and get them on your side.

As a PP said, she may want the kids back if she loses the benefits for them.

1.Ring SS and explain your situation and ask for their advice.
2.Ring up universal credit and child benefit and make a claim for both and explain the situation.
3.Go on the council list.

Please contact social services for help. And get advice on how to apply to get the child benefit (and any other benefits you might be entitled to). I’m sorry you’ve found yourself in this situation, but the best thing you can do for those children is get help from the right services. Good luck.

Iv been trying but councils are very unwilling to help last contact with them was he would be put in care & I would live on the streets the level of help given to men compared to women is honestly chalk & cheese hence why I’m here asking for help I’m doing everything for them kids & other than 5 minutes on Xmas morning with 1 of the kids she has done nothing

im on the council list have been for 2 years nearly but very little help for me being a man over 25 last conversation I had with homeless was when I took 10 year old & I was told he would go into care & I’d have to live on the streets

@Dendad Citizens Advice or similar as soon as they're open on Monday.

Can you remind me, if you're in Gretna are you in Scotland?

But OTOH if the kids are settled in Carlisle you might need to seek help there.

Was that an formal response or junior front of house staff trying to 'gatekeep' you out of the system.

As I said, proper advice first thing Monday.

No this is not true.

It is probably because you’re not officially the residential parent because you need proof and that’s usually child benefit payments.

Speak to SS and make another application.

You still have a biological child and no council would put a kid out of the street but without proof then they’re not just going to take your word for it.

Anyone could say they’ve got 5 kids and are homeless and need a large house asap.

You need proof that you are the residential parent.
So you need to claim child benefit and UC asap.

IME parents are treated equally when it comes to housing (if you don’t have kids then it’s a different story).

I know many men who have been given housing and I know many men who have taken on their step kids.

Please contact SS as you’re putting yourself in a very vulnerable position.

They don’t log you lower down as a single parent to 2 kids because you are male. If you can’t prove the kids live with you then that might do it though. Are you looking for private rentals too? UC still helps towards that when you sort benefits out

That was a response from the homeless officer herself so to avoid him going into care I have persevered with the situation as it is because I love him & as far as I’m concerned I’m his dad & always will be I potty trained him taught him to read & write I coach his football team among all other responsibilities a dad has