I got caught shoplifting

[RoseBiscuitll]

I really didn't know what topic to choose for this

I'm mortified, I got caught shoplifting in boots today, I was stealing baby milk and a facial moisturiser. I'm so ashamed of myself. It was in the city center aswell. They didn't call police but they took my details, took a picture and told me I can't return to the store again

Will this picture and my details go around to the other shops near by or will it just go to the other boots shops.

I can't believe I was stupid enough to do this! I'm so embarrassed and also feel really guiltily!

What am I even reading, do you think money grows on trees. You crack on and give other mums your hard earned to stay home as a life style choice. I pay enough tax thanks and I will be fucked if I agree to pay even more so folks can have babies they can’t afford, stay home and I pay for them.

utterly ludicrous idea.

No, it's to point out that moisturiser is NOT an essential.

I agree,

those who can work should.

those who can’t should be kept financially comfortable.

unfortunately all those who can work and don’t, take all the money , which if they didn’t, could be given to those who can’t, to boost how much they get.

benefits should never ever be a lifestyle choice. The tax payer should never ever pay for those who can and chose not to, for whatever lifestyle reason they chose.

Fortunately from next month the OP will be £40-ish better off when her phone contract ends. It's just a pity she couldn't have waited one more month to buy that cot-to-bed investment piece.

Christmas will be interesting.

unfortunately all those who can work and don’t, take all the money , which if they didn’t, could be given to those who can’t, to boost how much they get.

Exactly this. They are depriving other people from the help and services they should be entitled to.

I've been reading this thread since it started and I've found it really interesting. Not taking into account PIPs and hypothetical scenarios (because what do we really know about the OP except what they have told us. It's so easy to construct a narrative for others on the internet and get carried away)

Facts are, that there are lots of people in the UK living in poverty. You don't have to be hard left to know that, and to know that prices have increased so that "regular" (i.e. middle class) people are struggling. You also don't know if the people online are telling you the truth, and we know that lots of people shoplift for a variety of reasons.

Would I condone theft? Yes, if it was to genuinely to feed a starving person. I was incredibly poor when I first moved to the UK and received no benefits - I did stuff like find any random events on Eventbrite that had free lunch/snack/catering and signed up so I could eat. However, I think that whether or not Boots makes a huge profit/dodges tax is relatively immaterial. We have certain social contracts, and if we didn't, we might as well just loot any shop that made a profit whenever we wished. So I feel it's not relevant to the argument.

As for OP being much more concerned about being recognised over taking the advise of people on the thread, that did sound alarm bells. It felt the whole thread was about "can I go to Boots" rather than "please help me feed my child", which of course should have been at the core of it.

Lastly, the OP said that their child "deserved" a bed. While EVERY person deserves a clean, dry, appropriate bed, they don't "deserve" a NEW bed. When I was on mat leave, money was tight and we bought a cotbed for £40. I sold it on for £20 and the person who collected paid for an Uber so it was still a good deal for them, even with a taxi fare. I think it gets very dodgy when people start talking about "deserving" things. I knew a mum, years ago, who told their child to steal other kids' new school jumpers at PE class because they only had second or third-hand ones. She told me quite seriously, "But why wouldn't MY child deserve new jumpers too?" If I feel like I deserve a Porsche, is it ok to steal one? Just because something exists, doesn't mean you deserve it or are entitled to it. The poster who stole nail varnish definitely smacks of "well, others can have it, why can't I just because I can't afford it" -entitlement. Plus, some of it is learnt incompetence as well. This jumper-mum used to buy 2 ready-made pizzas at nearly £10 a pop for the kids' tea because she couldn't be "bothered" to cook. If I did that as a working parent, my money would run out too. Not saying this is everyone - but how you spend your money definitely comes into it too.

Anyway, after reading the whole thread I feel that there are a few things amiss, and while I fully agree that things like UC are not usually enough, something about this feels a little off.

Or moisturiser, come to think of it!

Well said

I'll tell you a bit about my life and food.

It really depends how much I have to eat. If something happens and I have a large bill - potentially zero. If my car needs repairs, which it sometimes does because it's pretty old, that's everything I have to live on for the month. I need the car because I am not able to be mobile for long periods, so it's got to be paid for.

I'd be guessing, but maybe £15 to £20 a week for food. Probably a bit less. My goal is always to spend as little as possible on food. So I'm allowed one meal a day, if I can afford it.

I get sick and bed bound a lot and I can't use the kitchen. To demonstrate the effect the cost of living has had in the last few years, if I was in that position in 2021, I'd have ordered a takeaway from Uber Eats. In 2024, I have to lie in bed and go hungry.

Sometimes if there are threads on social media about food or there's food on the TV, I have to click it off because it'll make me ravenous.

I very occasionally get to the food bank (I'm not always well enough and I struggle to carry heavy things), but it's poor quality and not a lot of it. A lot of it is a jumble that needs other ingredients to make a meal - which I can't necessarily buy. I also struggle to cook at times because I can't hold a saucepan, can't stir, can't stand up sometimes. So I can't be too creative or make something very complicated. I can't batch cook. I wouldn't be able to manage that.

I get very guilty when I'm in the supermarket because I feel like I'm wasting money I don't have. I often fret constantly over my basket and count it over and over again to make sure I'm not going to get a surprise at the till.

The last time I managed to go to the supermarket was about a month ago and I did overspend because I had something coming up I needed extra food for. I wasn't careful enough and I got a fright when she said the amount. I was in half a mind whether to just walk away, but I couldn't take the shame and ended up transferring some money I needed for bills to pay for it. I spent the entire evening kicking myself and worrying about it, plus most of the next few week or so.

Sometimes my friends buy me food because they worry about me and they notice I haven't eaten for a while. But I don't like to ask.

It's not unusual for me to notice I've lost five pounds in a week. I try and add butter to as much of my food as possible to stop myself from losing too much weight, but I can't always afford it. I haven't had any butter in the house for about three weeks, for example.

I'm about a stone thinner than I was before I got sick and that's nothing to do with my illness. I didn't have a particularly high BMI to start with and now even some of my smallest clothes are too big for me.

When I got sick last week, I couldn't eat or hold down water. I very nearly became underweight because I don't have the weight to lose. I'm pretty close to it so a sickness bug could put me in the hospital.

That's how I live on a 'generous' amount of UC.

If anyone is going to tell me that's fair or I deserve it or I'm too stupid to budget or that I must have calculated something wrong - please don't.

Sorry to be harsh, but you appear to be more worried about your own skin and whether you will be recognised, than the fact that you committed a crime. Shoplifting is rife these days and it makes a mockery of those who obey the law whatever their circs. If you can't afford baby milk where is your child benefit going? If you're really skint your health visitor will help you, or a food bank.

That sounds really tough. It would be worth applying for PIP as you meet some of the criteria regarding difficulties preparing food.

I haven't RTFT but you can have moisturiser prescribed from your g.p. OP if you have a dry skin condition

Look that's your first issue, £45 for mobile phone, you obviously have a expensive/upto date phone if you can't afford to feed your child that's the first thing that should be going and getting a cheap pay as you go until finances are better.

I actually had sympathy until you said you had the money, I'd use my last bit of money to feed my kids over myself (which I have and I was working). Also the face cream that was just pure stupidity, learn from it and don't do it again. Look for food banks/household support fund has also just been renewed so seek some help from them as they can provide food vouchers.

Also healthy start it's not a lot but £34 is 3 tubs of cow and gate if you get it from like asda £10.50 a tub, my nearly 6 month old has 2 tubs a week so I get it but another £34 (your phone bill) you'll have 6 tubs to last as its every 4 weeks it put onto card. Also child benefit weekly that's what it's for.

As parents we sacrifice things for our children but there's also help out there

OP didn't spend £2 though, she tried to steal the moisturiser.

Oh, I forgot to mention that I have digestive issues. So I should be eating really healthily to combat that. But there's fat chance of that happening so I have to keep eating things that give me horrendous diarrhoea or stomach aches.

I also should be eating really healthily to reduce the amount of pain I'm in because some things are really bad for causing inflammation. Again, no.

I very rarely eat any fruit and I'd consider a punnet of strawberries to be a treat. It's just too expensive. I also can't buy it often enough that it wouldn't go bad so it's just not in my budget.

Yes, I've tried to apply for a PIP but it causes me so much anxiety that I just can't get through it. It's a huge, complicated process that would take a lot of work, input from professionals, a very long time for the administration to go through, and I really can't cope with the idea of a tribunal for reasons I won't go into. Everyone that works there is deliberately hostile and mean to you. I've had issues with major depression and anxiety before and I'm terrified of setting off another episode of it when I'm pretty stable at the moment with my mental health.

Of course my GP or consultant could just write a supporting letter for me and I could provide that along with my details, in an ideal world. But because we have people in the UK who think people will apply for PIP because of a broken toenail, that's not the system. There's a tiny proportion of false benefit claims, for which every single true benefit claimant is now being punished.

Yeah, it's not easy. I try and stay cheerful but when I write it all out, it's bloody bleak.

For all the people taking the moral high ground over the facial moisturiser… it’s pretty obvious you have never been at rock bottom before… pipe down

That's why I get irritated when people tell me benefits are enough to live on. They're just not.

But the poster isn’t at rock bottom, she stole baby milk and fancied a jar of moisturiser, she didn’t need it, she wanted it, she then thought oh okay I can’t afford it so I’ll steal it.
Want and Need have two different definitions… look it up!

It's the opposite actually. That was my childhood. Moisturiser wasn't even on my radar until my late-30s. It's laughable that people think it is an essential.

The point is that she didn't have the money for something as simple as a bit of moisturiser.

People on benefits should be at least be able to afford a bit of face cream. And if they can't - what else can't they afford?

What kind of a life is that? And people genuinely think it's acceptable. It's staggering.

I understand that it is daunting but until you apply you don’t know whether you will get it. I had heard the horror stories but I applied and was granted enhanced rate of the living component which is £434.20 every four weeks. I filled in the form myself and just sent off all the review letters from my consultant as evidence and it was actually an suprisingly quick and simple process. The CAB will help you fill in the form too if that would make it easier.
Good luck.

I know the CAB would help. I've tried to do it but it gives me panic attacks and I have to stop.

I'm sure I'm not the only one they've scared off applying either.

They actually are often enough to live on. While I appreciate you feel you do need your car, benefits like UC were never intended to cover the costs of running a car - if you weren't running the car you would in fact have more money for food.
It does sound like you might potentially qualify for other benefits (PIP for example) - please look into that because it could dramatically improve your life, and open doors to other support. Places like CAB can support you through applying.

Your late 30s!? Wow you must have terrible skin 😅

This.
OP we arent perfect...none of us.
Ring citizens advice or gp etc...or even us at Womens aid..or..local council..they can issue you with vouchers for food and help with baby milk etc or at least refer you or signpost you to support. If you qualify they can help with money towards electricity £49...loads of help just seek it out. Sorry youre having a bad time. Xxx