I haven't been able to put my heating on yet

[Anono2022]

I know I'm one of MANY, but I cant help be feel like a bloody failure right now!

I work full time in a school support role for SEN. I have a SEN child myself. I am a single parent with no help from father. Literally everything falls on me.
I'm miserable. i cant heat our home! My monthly electricity is coming in at 170 alone and I'm only paying 100 which is the maximum I can afford! After outgoings have all gone out I have very limited money to feed us on. How the hell am i meant to afford to put the the heating on? Any help available to me is limited due to me having a mortgage.
I feel ashamed and very lonely as everyone around me has a partner/decent two income household. No one understands how tight my finances are.
I come home from work and I often cry because I cant afford even a simple lifestyle. I'm utterly miserable and frozen!

This is just a vent really as I know I am one of very very many. But God I feel shit that i feel like im doing my very best and its not good enough.

We are so close to Xmas now and I've not even brought a single thing. How can I be excited for Christmas when I cant even keep us warm.

I’ve just checked mine and they estimate I will be paying £98 a month for electric with 4 kids so why is yours nearly double? Are you not getting dla?

Do you have debts? Could you apply for Breathing Space? Step Change are a really good charity.

That does sound a high electricity bill for just 2 of you, not home during the day and not using it for heating.

Our Nov usage was £105 and Dec looks like it will be around £110, that 4 bed detached with 5 of us here and one working from home.

Does your bill match your meter reading? Or is it estimated? Make sure you are reading the meter and providing them with correct usage figures. Obv not relevant if you have a smart meter or key meter.

Can you double check there's not any random electricity guzzlers accidently left on somewhere? Immersion heater is the one that immediately springs to mind.

How are you spending that much on electric, it's loads. We are high electric use it's still no where near that.

It does seem extremely high, I'm on an inherited pre pay meter and mine is around £80-£100 a month for a 3 bed house with myself and 2 children.

In fairness to @Cheeseandhoney when you have been on Mumsnet a while you get pretty cynical about the flurry of these posts at this time of year. But I always treat them at face value and give advice,.and just hope no mumsnetters hand over cash or items.

And I understand that but at least have a bit of kindness and not automatically assume that this person is a scammer when they actually could ge having the worst time of their lives. Some of the awful comments I read on hear make me wonder if people are really that awful in real life it actually makes me pretty sad how rude and judgemental some people can be

I've had a benefits check so I am in receipt of everything available but it's limited and all I am told is that it's because I have a mortgage. Maintenance is via a DOE however it rarely gets paid and the CMS are useless at getting payment.
I dont know why my usage is so high, however I do have to use the washer and tumble dryer a fair bit due to my child's incontinence issues. Otherwise I cant see what I run that would use so much as most things are turned off at the switch. I should say that bill includes standing charge and a very small amount of gas (14 units).
I am currently fighting DLA at tribunal stage. Apparently my child is age appropriate but has lots of support in place via therapies and through new school.

The earlier comment that upset me is because I just needed to vent. It wasn't a beg for money. I'm first to help others than myself and I cant even help others at the moment. I also said I am one of many so in no way was I on the beg but I have no one to talk to about how I feel and bottling it all up is hard. And I feel shit. I feel like I've failed. I work my arse off to provide and be present in my child's life. We've never lived on much money but just about managed. Every single bill has rocketed to an unmanageable amount.

I've never been in debt with an energy company but it frightens me as I don't want debt hanging over my head when I have no way to pay it. But I feel this is my only option now

If you are really struggling.
Please speak to a local community centre.
Mine told me that they gave this scheme (can't remember who finances it now) where if you're in need they'll actually pay for mortgage or your bills or one particular bill for a certain amount of time.
This isn't advertised I would never have known about it unless someone told me. They decide if you need it/eligible but you know, these things are with mentioning in case you need it

@Anono2022 gosh yes it is horrible knowing things would be nowhere near as bad if their father was just paying the basic maintenance. I have been there, skipping meals while he lived the high life.

Do look at the charity I suggested, charities will often look at other factors than a benefits assesment will, so don't discount this option

@purpleme12 yes that's the kind of thing the charity I am a trustee of will do. Or we pay childcare costs for a period of time, or fund a piece of equipment.

Not a panacea, but sometimes a helping hand that fills the gaps that benefits don't cover

Can you use heating instead of the tumble dryer? Mine dry easily on a rack in front of the sitting room radiator. That way you get the warmth as well.

Some tips for keeping warm cheaply are
-use local warm banks for free (most local authorities are offering them now)
-electric blanket on the bed
-electric throw on the sofa
-shut doors and only heat living room (with electric underblanket for warmth in bedroom at bedtime). Make sure rads are turned off in other rooms.
-wear layers and thermal and socks and good, warm slippers. Things like legwarmers/wrist warmers/(unbranded) oodies are all good too.

£170/m is MASSIVE for electric. Are you inadvertently wasting money by putting on costly expensive heaters to avoid putting on the GCH? If so, that's likely a false economy.

I dont use heaters. I'm now worrying why my usage is so high. How would I find out? I don't have a smart meter

Do you have a smart meter? That might help. I've done a lot of experiments with my gas and electricity lately to try and cut it back, even with leaving my heating on low all day seems better than having it on timer and I'm forever turning lights off and unplugging things.
Good luck with DLA I know it's a hard battle sometimes but if you do get it that will be a huge help.
Please don't be upset by others rudeness it is after all mumsnet and not everyone is the same.
I'm sorry you don't have anyone to talk to.
You have not failed. Like you said you work hard and do everything you can you haven't put yourself in this situation it's the shit show of an energy and cost of living crisis.
Please look at some charities that may be able to help or evening ringing someone like Mind so that you do have someone to talk to.

Just pure curiosity sake, can people do a quick count of items and sockets... our bill is HUGE, but maybe we just have more items gadgets than most.

E.g.
5 big items (fridge, freezer, washer, dryer, oven)
8 lights
~30 smaller items usually on (Alexa, clocks, chargers, kettle etc)

Big items 4
Lights 9
Small items Inc TVs 13

I don't leave anything on standby anymore, alexa is off unless I'm using it, tvs go off at the wall, I turn sons TV and xbox off in the night, I unplug charges when not in uses, microwave is off at the whole and if I walk out of a room or hallway I turn lights off after me. Currently sat in the living room with the lamp on and every other light is off.
Hope that helps.
I'm on pre pay meter so it's a lot and I average £2-3 a day.

If you work full time in min wage you should have around £1200 per month wage. Child benefit is £80. How much universal credit do you get?

It doesn't matter what you own, just what is used and how often. My fridge-freezer and WiFi are on all the time so if I had extra fridges or freezers it would cost more but other things wouldn't.

Washing machine, two loads a week at 30.
Oven, but I mostly cook on the stovetop.

A lot of lights, all LED so very low usage and it only matters how many are on, we turn them off if not needed. Small appliances only used as needed.

Thank you.

I know posting on here has opened me up to criticism but when the odd comment makes someone feel like a scammer, it's not very nice. In no what have I posted to scrounge or expect anything from anyone. I just needed an outlet but maybe here wasn't it.

Thank you for all the helpful comments. I'm genuinely worried now about my usage. I felt really proud over the summer months as I more than halved our usage. Now its up but still around 100 units less that a year ago. Weekends are our biggest usage. I'm not paying 170, that's how much my usage is coming out at. I am only paying 100 a month as that's all I can afford.

It’s rubbish isn’t it? Nobody out of my
whole team at work dares to put the heating on. My boss said their smart meter read £14 for one day for the heating on the one day they had it on, so they’ve never had it on again. Nobody can afford that and he’s on a decent middle class wage. None of us are on salaries where we should be struggling, but we’re terrified, so everyone is in a big hoodie in a 9 degree house when we’re on WFH video calls. I open my windows every morning to stop the house getting damp but I haven’t had the heating on. Just love living on this island with its current government!!!!

How many KWh are you using a month and what is electric? Shower, cooker, water heater, medical equipment?

Yours is much higher than mine and I don't have a gas supply.

It has gone up but that is an abnormally high bill assuming you don't live in a huge house..

Ok, so you're using about 450kwh a month in electricity a month at the moment...
Other than the laundry, is there anything else energy intensive you're using?
I'm assuming all your lights are LED bulbs etc

Electric shower? Do you already have a shower timer?

My boss said their smart meter read £14 for one day for the heating on the one day they had it on, so they’ve never had it on again.
For how long and at what temperature though? It's not all or nothing, mine is on in the evening at 16, huge difference to no heating at all, house was 8 degrees when I got home (heating off for 22 hours).