Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Cost of living

Stretching your budget? Share tips and advice to discuss budgeting and energy saving here. For the latest deals and discounts, sign up for Mumsnet Moneysaver emails.

Original poster

Child benefit

74 replies

Rich1981 · 30/10/2022 14:08

Hello everyone. My son is 8 and since 1year he stays with me 6 nights per week. Prior to this he was staying with me 4 nights per week for another 2 years. I have made child benefit counter claim few days ago as my ex claims everything. I'm nervous if they will allow her to keep the claim. The arrangement we have with our son is amicable because he didn't want to go with her . He was angry when at school saying that he wants to be with me so they put him on SEND program and since then stays with me. I spoke with lawyer and was told that there's no need for court order and it's unlikely that judge will issue one If my son stays with me inline with his wishes. I also heard that when 50/50 custody parents apply ( not my case) HMRC go by whos address is at doctors dentists etc. When however majority of time the child is with one parent then they will award CB to this parent . I don't want to go GP and change the address alerting my ex and start arguments between us ,but at the same time I don't want to lose a chance for support which I need taking care of my son for 6 nights. HMRC people are vague on the phone, only advice I got was " apply we will investigate". Not very helpful tho.

OP posts:
girlmom21 · 30/10/2022 14:13

They can only investigate though. They'll speak to you and your ex to clarify your story. Does she not pay maintenance?

Unexpecteddrivinginstructor · 30/10/2022 15:03

If he is with you most of the week though then technically it could be fraudulent to have him registered with a different GP. He needs to be with a GP in the local area usually. Do consider though where you will be applying for secondary schools, you will need to use the address you have used for child benefit and the GP.

Original poster
Rich1981 · 30/10/2022 15:21

She doesn't pay maintenance. Few days ago she called me to scoop my son early in the morning because she had flat viewing. My son didn't want to go so she went by herself. I was going to ask why she is claiming 2 bedroom flat if he stays with me. But i stopped myself to avoid pointless conversation. GP is our area so roughly same distance from each other. School is little closer to me as she probably will move 2 miles away.

OP posts:
Original poster
Rich1981 · 30/10/2022 15:22

@girlmom21 no she doesn't

OP posts:
girlmom21 · 30/10/2022 15:23

Ok I'd say she's claiming everything immorally at the least so it's time to make your situations known so that you can claim what you're entitled to. Both child benefit and maintenance.

Original poster
Rich1981 · 30/10/2022 15:27

@girlmom21 I could have gone to GP and change address or move him to mine which is next block from his one. But i don't know if the address should stay where child benefit is at the moment. So I don't want to alert her and cause arguments over something which may not even be important at this point.

OP posts:
girlmom21 · 30/10/2022 15:47

Both should be where the child is the majority of the time.

If you needed a home visit, or if the doctor was referring him for something and you were waiting for a letter, your son would be disadvantaged. He could easily be referred for something and you miss the appointment because the letters gone to her.

Whose address do the school have?

Original poster
Rich1981 · 30/10/2022 15:53

@girlmom21 both addresses. But once they told me she is priority and am number 2. When I challenged them and said he stays with me most of the time, they said that she registered him years ago so it needs to stay this way. Then I asked them to show me policy. They said that they don't have one . So I told them to use common sense. Then they said that they are going to put us both as number 1 .

OP posts:
girlmom21 · 30/10/2022 16:07

Rich1981 · 30/10/2022 15:53

@girlmom21 both addresses. But once they told me she is priority and am number 2. When I challenged them and said he stays with me most of the time, they said that she registered him years ago so it needs to stay this way. Then I asked them to show me policy. They said that they don't have one . So I told them to use common sense. Then they said that they are going to put us both as number 1 .

She's probably number 1 because more often than not moms are the resident parent, which is ridiculous.

When you say his doctors is 1 block away, do you mean like a couple of streets? If his moms close too? Is it going to affect catchment areas for secondary school?

SpookyPanda · 30/10/2022 16:11

Seriously the GP is ridiculous. I'd pursue that. It needs to be the one you choose if you are the parent who has sole care most the time.

Original poster
Rich1981 · 30/10/2022 16:34

@girlmom21 his GP clinic is 0.3 miles from me and it's 1 mile from her. My GP is 0.1 miles from me ( 1 minute walk) and it would have been 0.3 from her ,if I changed it.

OP posts:
Original poster
Rich1981 · 30/10/2022 17:01

@girlmom21 he can stay at his GP I don't mind. But i don't want to be refused child benefit just because my address is not there. Like he goes GP every day or something , maybe once a year if that. Plus NHS is free. Taking care for a child 6 nights is not free,as well as i have no time to work because of my son. That's why I don't know what to do.

OP posts:
girlmom21 · 30/10/2022 18:30

Rich1981 · 30/10/2022 17:01

@girlmom21 he can stay at his GP I don't mind. But i don't want to be refused child benefit just because my address is not there. Like he goes GP every day or something , maybe once a year if that. Plus NHS is free. Taking care for a child 6 nights is not free,as well as i have no time to work because of my son. That's why I don't know what to do.

I'd honestly make it formally known that his home is your home. You're right, it's not cheap. It's expensive raising kids and you're entitled to child benefit so should claim it.
Have you got evidence he's with you the 6 days so she can't dispute it?

The other thing to bear in mind is if she's moving she might move him to a further away GP/school if nobody knows you're primary carer

Original poster
Rich1981 · 30/10/2022 18:43

@girlmom21 i spoke to her about not moving him ,she said she will not. Am going to speak to school when it starts that I don't agree with potential move if attempted. If anything lawyer told me to use prohibited step order. Only evidence I have that he stays with me is school, because I informed them that she only picks him up Monday. And tx message when she agreed on Mondays. I just don't want to be refused this CB just because stupid GP. People from CMS told me straight that go doesn't matter. She shouldn't be claiming CB and the only time when GP matters is when 50/50 . Because when 50/50 in place and no split benefit, they have to give it to someone,so they try to find some leverage on either side. When is clear 4 days per week or more,then nothing else matters. But i don't know

OP posts:
Razzle5 · 30/10/2022 18:46

Why haven’t you changed your son’s address at the GP, school etc to… yours ?

Razzle5 · 30/10/2022 18:47

Rich1981 · 30/10/2022 17:01

@girlmom21 he can stay at his GP I don't mind. But i don't want to be refused child benefit just because my address is not there. Like he goes GP every day or something , maybe once a year if that. Plus NHS is free. Taking care for a child 6 nights is not free,as well as i have no time to work because of my son. That's why I don't know what to do.

So you are employed?

you have “no time to work”?

Original poster
Rich1981 · 30/10/2022 18:50

@Razzle5 because she has child benefit and I don't know if GP will allow me to do it without calling her. I told school about it and they said that they have both parents address so it's not a big deal

OP posts:
JustLyra · 30/10/2022 18:51

Its not “stupid” for them to want things like GP to be at your address.

Things like school, dentist and doctors and what address they have on file tell the story of who mainly looks after the child in the vast majority of cases.

If your ex doesn’t dispute it they’ll change it to you. If she does they’ll look for further proof (it’s not just in 50/50 they look at addresses and the likes - it’s when there’s any dispute) as they have to do to prevent malicious changes being made by controlling or abusive parties.

Original poster
Rich1981 · 30/10/2022 18:53

Am on disability at the moment.

OP posts:
girlmom21 · 30/10/2022 18:55

It's time to put on your big boy pants. You can't talk to her about the fact you don't want to change his doctors if she moves (she'll have no choice if she moves outside the area they cover) but can't tell her she needs to pay for her child?

Original poster
Rich1981 · 30/10/2022 18:59

@girlmom21 . Well why should I be asking her for money when my child stays with me. I should be claiming CB as I take most responsibilities and pay the cost. At this moment she claims for the child which doesn't live with her.

OP posts:
JustLyra · 30/10/2022 19:07

Rich1981 · 30/10/2022 18:53

Am on disability at the moment.

Are you on disability benefits or sick pack?

If you are on disability benefits then claiming child benefit will allow you to access other child related benefits.

(Be aware though that if you are on old style ESA that would trigger a change to UC, so be sure the situation of your child living with you is going to stay before you do as many are worse off due to the loss of premiums).

JustLyra · 30/10/2022 19:09

*sick pay

Original poster
Rich1981 · 30/10/2022 19:10

@girlmom21 imagine your ex takes care for your child 1 night per week. U have have 6 nights. Then he claims everything and someone tells you to ask him for some change because u struggling. So he takes some money out of benefits which he shouldn't have and gives u cash in hand. Then expects you to be quiet and happy. Would you do it?

OP posts:
YerAWizardHarry · 30/10/2022 19:12

You NEED to get this sorted you’ve lost out on thousands and thousands of pounds. Assuming you haven’t been claiming UC for him either?

Swipe left for the next trending thread