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Original poster

Truly terrified if losing my home, what would you do…

78 replies

Permanentlyoverwhelmed · 16/10/2022 08:27

I saw a post about a lady ‘terrified of losing her house’ it prompted me to do my own post. Whilst I am not trying to go one up, after reading it she had £700 spare a month and 40k in savings… this is not the case for me.

I left the father of my two children 3 years ago (I had no choice it was DV and spiralling). Since then I have had a rough few years battling through courts for the domestic violence, children and finances. I have nearly come out the other side (still another Childrens case to go next month)

Financial wise I can stay in the house till the children are 18 and he should pay £300 towards the mortgage (currently £815) then when I sell we take 50/50 each.

Im battling as best I can through debts accumulated whilst we was together (various catalogue’s in my name that we used for house furnishings) and I just about keep my head above water and my two children (5 & 9) clothed, fed and happy.

However, my gas and electric debt is spiralling (nearly £2,000) in arrears. I cannot afford to pay more then I do currently. I increased my monthly payments to what I could which was £120 to £200 and now my mortgage rate is due due renewal in January. I have two choices (but really only one). 1) is accept a assisted rate for 1 year which has been offered to me in exceptional circumstances as the court proceedings order is still be put into effect. This rate is 2.49% for 1 year. An increase of around £50. I can scrape to this or fix in for 5 years at 5.69%. An increase of around £400 a month. I cannot cover this but what happens when the 2.49% come to an end and the rates are higher then the 5.69% I could of got now. I cannot sleep at night worrying over it all. I will be forced to lose my home.

I work part time, I cannot increase hours as being a single mum and my daughter having various issues that require a lot of hospital visits and lots of diiferent appointments with various professionals I struggle with time as it is and live in a constantly overwhelmed state.

I’ve accessed all the support available to me. I literally do not no what to do for the best.

any advice would be greatly appreciated. I just really want to no what others would do in regards to their mortgage if they were me.

OP posts:

WahineToa · 16/10/2022 08:38

I’m so sorry, you must be incredibly stressed out. I also so very sorry for the abuse you’ve suffered. I hope you’ve been able to access some counselling. You sound like you’re doing an incredible job by yourself and are dedicated to your children. It’s really hard to do what you’ve done, so well done. I grew up in a DV house and I wish they’d divorced sooner for all our sakes.

I’ve never owned a house, I rent. So I don’t know enough about mortgages. However, what would happen if you really couldn’t afford this house, how difficult would it be to sell and get something cheaper? Would it be a nightmare because if your ex? Would you lose any equity?

weekendninja · 16/10/2022 08:44

I'd be looking for support from others to increase my hours. Are your workplace supportive with flexibility?
Do you have a close family member to attend some appointments? Can the hospital be flexible and give you over first thing/end of day? Can their DF take them - the responsibility shouldn't fall solely on you.

To earn more you will have to outsource some things - this will help with your sanity and feeling overwhelmed.

ChaseDreams · 16/10/2022 08:46

Is there anyone else who could take your dd to the appointments? The knock on effect from working park time is causing the problems.

120go · 16/10/2022 08:46

That's really tough OP, sorry to hear what you have been through.

Few thoughts of mine:

The £300 towards the mortgage that your ex is paying, is it a flat amount? What is the reasoning for £300? Is it possible to negotiate it to be a % of the mortgage payments? Likely the courts will look favourably on that request. But it does rely on my next point.
What is the term remaining on your mortgage? You need to increase the term to the maximum possible. Better still, go to interest only if available.

ChaseDreams · 16/10/2022 08:47

Cross posted with @weekendninja.

I agree that having more money coming in will lead to you feeling less overwhelmed overall.

Afterfire · 16/10/2022 08:50

If your daughter is having lots of appointments is there a chance you could apply for dla and carers allowance if you haven’t already? You don’t need a diagnosis to claim and it’s awarded based on the child having more care needs than a child of the same age- going to frequent hospital appointments would satisfy this criteria. Have a google of the cerebra dla guide.

DoodlePug · 16/10/2022 08:52

How much equity is there in the house?

If very little I'd consider some formal resolution to your debt (insolvency, Iva, dro). They wouldn't put a charge on the house. You'd need to speak to a debt charity if going down that route.

If not that, why is the ex's contribution to the mortgage fixed? I'd expect it to be a percentage so it should go up if the mortgage does. He's still expecting half the house in the future.

You'd be best off posting on money saving expert, lots of their forumites are charity advisers and can point you in the right direction. If you genuinely can't service your debts and mortgage something will need to be done.

It is really unlikely that you'll lose your home. There will be a huge number of people in the same position as you in a year or two, there's no advantage to the banks in crashing the housing market with mass repossessions and the government don't want that either.

Cherryana · 16/10/2022 08:55

You can look into extending the term and lowering the payments but pay for a longer term.

You can look into changing for a while to interest only.

If you do either of these things you will need to reorder other finances and ultimately look for ways to increase income - lodger, different job.

outtheshowernow · 16/10/2022 08:58

Really sorry your struggling so much. I would speak to the mortgage company and explain situation ask if you can go onto interest only until your situation improves.

WahineToa · 16/10/2022 09:07

Shes already said she can’t do extra hours. If she had suitable people to help I’m sure that would be happening already. The extra time involved organising help for appointments would just increase feeling overwhelmed and flustered. The child probably also wants their mum to take them to the hospital which is fair enough.

ChaseDreams · 16/10/2022 09:10

What do you think she should do @WahineToa ?

WahineToa · 16/10/2022 09:17

@ChaseDreams I replied first above.

DisplayPurposesOnly · 16/10/2022 09:18

If you haven't already, please get in touch with one of the reputable debt charities. They will help to manage your debt repayments to an affordable level.

On the mortgage side I would see what the debt charity plans are first. But my instinct is to go with the 2.49% for one year - it keeps the increase down, and it buys you time. Next year is next year's problem.

redredwineub40 · 16/10/2022 09:21

And you've applied for the energy hardship funds too? So sorry, sounds very tough.

ChaseDreams · 16/10/2022 09:23

I know, I read your post but you didn't say how she could address her problem of not having enough money to be able to pay her bills.

You did not actually answer her question.

I don't think anyone would think she hasn't done the right thing by leaving an abusive relationship but she's on to the next problem now.

She hasn't got enough money.

She needs to either get more money in or reduce her outgoings.

The most immediate way of getting more money into a household is by earning more money.

By increasing your hours or by getting a pay rise.

redredwineub40 · 16/10/2022 09:24

I would take the one year fix, more help for mortgages may be in place in 12 months. I would not fix at 5.49 in your shoes. It's a no brainer.

WoooahNelly · 16/10/2022 09:27

Is the children's court likely to change how much your ex has the children and therefore change the amount of child maintenance you can claim?

Colderthanever · 16/10/2022 09:29

I’m so sorry you’re going through this, in reality it doesn’t seem you can afford the house either way, and I really can’t fathom folks saying more money coming in will reduce your stress, well of course it will but it doesn’t exactly go on trees and the ex also needs to house himself even if he would be asked by the courts to pay more.

honestly I think the answer is to move some place affordable

WahineToa · 16/10/2022 09:31

The most immediate way of getting more money into a household is by earning more money.

She can’t do that. Read her post. I asked her what would happen if she had to move to something cheaper as it seems her only option is to reduce her outgoings.

AmberGer · 16/10/2022 09:34

If I was struggling as much as you I would extend the mortgage term or go interest only for the foreseeable.

redredwineub40 · 16/10/2022 09:36

What's the rush to move? Op can afford her mortgage for a year at the reduced rate, so immediate issue is the energy bills, her child's health and setting the court case. That would be enough for anyone.

In a year we'll be ramping up for a general election and if interest rates haven't been slashed due to recession, there may be more help for mortgages available. I'd bet on that rather than rush to move in a panicked market.

ChaseDreams · 16/10/2022 09:37

Asking someone 'what would happen' if they lost their house is not giving advice.

It's fine to not give advice, to just give support - which you did.

But to criticise other posters for suggesting ways she improve her untenable situation is frankly bizarre.

That's my last post on this however as we are derailing the thread.

WahineToa · 16/10/2022 09:39

But to criticise other posters for suggesting ways she improve her untenable situation is frankly bizarre.

oh now stop it. You’re being ridiculous. I didn’t even direct my prev comment about that specifically to you! I simply said suggesting something she said she cannot do from her OP, isn’t helpful. I asked her a question which would then enable me to offer a better suggestion. Jesus fucking Christ woman! Telling an already stressed overworked victim of DV to work more is nonsense!

WahineToa · 16/10/2022 09:40

Yes. No need to move right now, if not necessary, but it might be for the best in future if Ex isn’t going to contribute more.

JanglyBeads · 16/10/2022 09:45

Your daughter's various issues - there's probably a dedicated charity with an advice line for at least one of them - ask for sources of financial help with all the appts? There might be something? How old is your Dd?

Plus debt charity as others have said.

You're doing so much already, well done for escaping and keeping going.

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