Truly terrified if losing my home, what would you do…

[Permanentlyoverwhelmed]

I saw a post about a lady ‘terrified of losing her house’ it prompted me to do my own post. Whilst I am not trying to go one up, after reading it she had £700 spare a month and 40k in savings… this is not the case for me.

I left the father of my two children 3 years ago (I had no choice it was DV and spiralling). Since then I have had a rough few years battling through courts for the domestic violence, children and finances. I have nearly come out the other side (still another Childrens case to go next month)

Financial wise I can stay in the house till the children are 18 and he should pay £300 towards the mortgage (currently £815) then when I sell we take 50/50 each.

Im battling as best I can through debts accumulated whilst we was together (various catalogue’s in my name that we used for house furnishings) and I just about keep my head above water and my two children (5 & 9) clothed, fed and happy.

However, my gas and electric debt is spiralling (nearly £2,000) in arrears. I cannot afford to pay more then I do currently. I increased my monthly payments to what I could which was £120 to £200 and now my mortgage rate is due due renewal in January. I have two choices (but really only one). 1) is accept a assisted rate for 1 year which has been offered to me in exceptional circumstances as the court proceedings order is still be put into effect. This rate is 2.49% for 1 year. An increase of around £50. I can scrape to this or fix in for 5 years at 5.69%. An increase of around £400 a month. I cannot cover this but what happens when the 2.49% come to an end and the rates are higher then the 5.69% I could of got now. I cannot sleep at night worrying over it all. I will be forced to lose my home.

I work part time, I cannot increase hours as being a single mum and my daughter having various issues that require a lot of hospital visits and lots of diiferent appointments with various professionals I struggle with time as it is and live in a constantly overwhelmed state.

I’ve accessed all the support available to me. I literally do not no what to do for the best.

any advice would be greatly appreciated. I just really want to no what others would do in regards to their mortgage if they were me.

@CrotchetyQuaver

i think the judge decided that as I’m living here I should pay more 🤷‍♀️. I’ve had solicitors and all the ladies from the woman’s centre tell me it’s a very strange order and one they haven’t come across before. The judge seemed in a rush to get things dealt with before lunch 😂

It was doable on the old rate and only amounted to me paying £115 more then him a month but now with the new rates he would be paying £300, me more like £900 and then he gets half at the end too.

problem is I have no finances or fight in me to appeal it.

no help from him with appointments either as he doesn’t see them anymore (since August) Different judge stopped contact as he’s too emotionality damaging to them as he sees them as his final way to hurt and control me 😞. Tried everything, even supervised contact but after finding a way to assault me, in a contact centre, infront of the children, that too had to stop.

@ChaseDreams

plesze read my reply to weekend ninja. Hopefully can explain why this isn’t an option unfortunately. Believe me, if I could I would.

Its not a given that she cant do that and I dont think criticising suggestions of how she might do that is helpful

OP certainly get signed up with a debt charity that doesnt charge so that you can have your existing debts looked at, you may well want to consider a debt management process although that has some pitfalls and long term implications but it might mean that your lenders are in agreement to take payments over a longer term, lower level etc etc

You do need to just sound out options for increasing income and that also applies to the father, if he is still on the mortgage then surely any mortgage increase should be proportionally met by him, is this someting that can be addressed in the court settlement?

As others have said you have about another year yet but have a think about longer term mortgages.

@Afterfire

yes I do claim. My daughter has a epilepsy diagnosis.

with my wages and the additional support like DLA I was finding my feet and getting things organised and paid but that was before the energy prices and mortgage rates. Now i feel like I’m drowning again.

@ChaseDreams

Not really, she has epilepsy and a severe speech disorder, severe seperation anxiety and on top of this is undergoing a referral for ASD.

Shes traumatised by hospitals as associates them with her seizures and pain. The other appointments, speech therapy, emotional well-being specialists etc all need me to attend with her. She simply wouldn’t go otherwise plus I need to be in close contact with these professionals so I can learn how to best help her too.

my workplace is a family member so extremely flexible and paid well. I wouldn’t be able to hold a job at all with all the appointments, court dates, additional support etc I have to attend so I’m extremely grateful and blessed to have this.

ex partner doesn’t even currently see the children so no help there with medical appointments.

@DoodlePug

yes a percentage would of definitely been fairer I believe but the judges decision is final and without opening an appeal which would be costly, time consuming and stressful, there’s nothing I can do I don’t think.

@outtheshowernow

unfortunately I seem ti be unable to do either of these things as they say I would need to reapply for the mortgage which means us both consenting to new credit checks. Something he is unwilling to do

@DisplayPurposesOnly

this is my thoughts, just terrified I might find myself in a worse situation next year

@WoooahNelly

the courts have stopped contact altogether. He assaulted me again in August in front of the children in the contact centre. The courts believe the emotional damage he’s causing to the children is too much for it to continue.

@JanglyBeads

thank you so much, that means a lot.

my daughter is 5. She has epilepsy amongst other things. I have reached out and I do get help. I believe I have exhausted every avenue in regards to support, maybe not but I struggle for time. It’s all very time consuming. I’m back in touch with cab at the moment to see if there’s anything else I can do.

helpforhouseholds.campaign.gov.uk

I really feel for you OP
I've attached a link there's some helpful info on it - you might have have already seen it but thought it was worth sharing

It may not feel like it but you are in a position of strength in these negotiations.

If you fail to pay the mortgage you will go into arrears and they will chase both you and your ex.

If they can't get the money, they will repossess and sell the house, and will deduct all fees from both of yours' equity.

If the equity is not enough to cover losses they will sue for the remaining losses. Both of you.

So your ex loses a lot of money if you default on your mortgage.

Explain this to him. Explain calmly how he will lose in the region of £X (depends on house price but certainly tens of thousands), and be chased by bailiffs if he does not agree to extend the term or remortgage to interest only. Also tell him how changing won't affect how much he pays towards the mortgage.

When faced with the cold hard facts of reality, and he realises how much he stands to lose personally, I promise you he will submit.

@120go

submit is not in his vocabulary. Or compromise. Or reasonable. Or indeed anything like that.

He is, still after 3 years, absolutely furious I called the police and left the relationship And removed his control over me.

He will do absolutely anything to make life difficult for me. Even if that means making the children homeless. He doesn’t care aslong as I’m suffering.

He is a very wealthy man (has his own company, hides it well). He literally gave away our caravan £40,000 worth. Just incase I’d get any money from the sale.

Your suggestions are great but unfortunately I think it will fall on death ears if I tried.

I don’t have any contact with him at all now as it opens me up to a barrage of abuse and nastiness so I just stay as disconnected as possible which obviously doesn’t help in these situations but it’s physically and mentally better for me to do that.

@OhIdoLike2bBesideTheSeaside

thank you 😊

There are lots of energy funds to help so make sure you contact them. Also contact your local CAB and Christians against poverty. There is support out there and grants that you can apply for that may just help tide you over until you are in a better position.
I would prioritise your mortgage and council tax over all other bills. CAB can refer you for a food bank voucher if you are stuck for food. You can also apply for the family fund grant.

I understand OP and sympathise.

It certainly makes things much more difficult if he is both wealthy and a criminal and so hell bent on revenge that he would rather destroy himself than let you live in peace.

All I'll say is that you are on the receiving end of a massive multi-faceted injustice (ex, courts, mortgage company rules etc.) but the world is cruel and unless you fight like a wounded animal yourself, you will be cheated out of what's rightfully yours.

That's not to say you have to. I know someone close to me who went through something similar and she gave up on trying for financial justice in favour of her mental health. Years later she is happy with her decision.

Hope things work out well for you no matter what path you choose.

I can’t offer any advice .which is really pissing me off with myself as I can’t beleive the situation you’ve found yourself in.and feel so much for you.
do you have general suppport.I no you said they can’t physically take any tasks off you or what you need to do for dc but just having peoples being there to share the load can be a huge difference.
someone just to do the odd meal or wash for you can feel like a god send.
or someone to listen.give a hug.
are you managing food,general living.
I no it must feeel terrifying and that feeling of doom always on your chest. But if you can try to find those pockets of joy or smiling.cosy up with the kiddies.
man’s remember how fucking amazing you are for getting free of him. That proves what an amazing mum and woman you are.you can do this too.

Hi op,
These aren't long term solutions to your dilemmas but may help in the short term.
Can you switch bank account? A lot are offering 150+ for doing so at the moment. Natwest £175 (usually need to pay in a certain amount per month but doesn't matter if this is transferred from savings to and fro, benefits or wages).
Look on local council website. My LA does a local welfare assistance. It gives £50 towards energy bills, £50 food shop voucher and a few other bits.
If you're in receipt of UC? Phone your water provider, they can make sure you're on the cheapest rate
Sell any unwanted clutter on fb marketplace
My local CAB is giving £100 food shop vouchers currently so ring yours to see if they're offering similar
As for the energy debt, ensure these are based on actual readings and not estimates. If you need to reduce your dd you can. Contact your energy company and explain
Also ask your bank support. I used to work in one and people had 1000s written off and other help - I didn't realise how helpful they can be

Not sure on long term I'm afraid but I'd be opting for the 2.49% mortgage for a year without a doubt. A lot can change between now and then and hopefully for the good for you

Would you consider representing yourself to go back to court over the financial order to minimise costs? It might be your only choice to keep the house if rates don't come down.

Do you have a spare bedroom? You can earn up to £7,500 tax free if you rent a room out in your home. If you live near any large employers, there will often be contract workers who just want somewhere to stay for 3 or 4 nights a week so the house is your own at weekends and during the day they are out at work. Obviously you need to be careful who you have in your house with kids, but contractors to a large company will be DBS checked as part of their employment process. Near me a Mon-Fri only room is around £450 a month.

Take a look on spare room for what you could earn where you live. www.spareroom.co.uk/

www.gov.uk/rent-room-in-your-home/the-rent-a-room-scheme

problem would be that after the equity is paid and 50/50 split. There wouldn’t be enough to buy somewhere outright and I wouldn’t get a mortgage now on my affordability and credit rating so would need to rent (again I’m not sure if a landlord would take me on) or go to the council, facing temporary accommodation etc. I no a lot do this and have no choice which I truly sympathise surf but I really do not want to have the children having to deal with any more upheaval after everything that’s happened. If I have no choice I have no choice.

Hi, thanks for answering my question. This is what I suspected, that there would be an issue for you getting a mortgage on your own. This is sadly a common problem with breakups of this nature with dangerous controlling men who have no concerns over their family staying in the home. I’m very sorry that you are left with few options. It’s a difficult thing, but losing the house may be something to worry about in a year if you take that option. Then if the situation changes you’ve left it to the last possible moment to try and keep the house. Personally I think if you have an option that means you can keep it and delay this a year, take it and give yourself a mental rest from it for awhile. There will be options if it comes to it, for private or council housing for a single mother with children.

You have been very brave and done the best thing for you and your children. This part is hard, finding your financial feet and worrying about housing. My mother did it and I remember we had a lot less. But we weren’t scared that our parents would kill each other anymore. That’s worth more than a house, your children feeling safe. Although it’s frightening, you aren’t going to be homeless and your children won’t be scared for you.

Sorry if you’ve already done it, but have you properly looked at your other outgoings? The money saving expert forums can be really helpful on that score.

Thanks for responding OP. It sounds like you're really up against it at the moment. This is enough to completely overwhelm even the strongest of people.

Is there a possibility you could do some sideline from home in whatever little free time you get? I know there is a mum around here that makes up party bags/sweet hampers etc. Or something like that?

@120go

I understand your friends decision and after 3 years of fighting like a wounded animal it gets to the point where I just don't have any fight left in me.

Thank you for all your help and advice.

why would there be help for mortgages? ridiculous assumption