Advice needed on partner's debit situation

[Greenyinabottle]

Dear all,
I hope this is the right forum to post this question. If not I'd be grateful if you could direct me to more suitable forums.
I've been dating a guy for over a year. Things are fine, steady, of course there are some niggles but you need to make some compromises. I hope I won't give too much superfluous information but just want to provide context. Feel free to jump to the last paragrah which contains my actual question :)

From the start I made it clear that I am intending on buying property soon, as I have saved up for it for years. This is my plan, and it never featured in others. Recently he brought up the suggestion that we could buy together. I wasn't too thrilled but didn't dismiss it right away because I was curious what his plan was. Until this point money had never been an issue as we have our own finances.

Here is the thing: I am on a good salary, and have never had any debt/ credit issues, so I know nothing about it. I am also not British and just been living here for a few years, so I have even less of an idea.

Since I met him he has been on lowish income. I don't have an issue with this, and I don't mind paying more if we do things because I earn more, and he pays his bills. In the past he has mentioned having had debt issues in the past, but that all of that was resolved. Of course my ears pricked up, but I decided to let it slide since our finances are strictly separate and I reckoned his past is his past.

After a recent conversion I am quite bewildered: I mentioned that I was quite happy with my bank and their service, and he said that they were "the first" to refuse him a bank account" after his debt situation. In fact all banks had refused him as a customer after he had set up repayment plans etc. Tbh I was quite shocked because I never heard of this, but I guess people don't talk about this a lot. When raising the "buying together" idea he said that his credit rating was good, and that all of the debt issues were in the past, but when I hear that things got so bad that all banks refused him as a customer I have to wonder...
Can someone tell me how bad things need to get for banks to take this step? I am already thinking this must be bad, but I know nothing of the banking systems here and I don't want to be hoodwinked.

Thanks for reading and sorry for the long text. I just wanted to provide context.

I don’t know the answer to your question Im afraid. But I strongly advise you NOT to buy anywhere with him soon.

Move into rented property together and you will soon find out if he passes the landlord’s credit checks. Then try living together for a few years and see if he pays his share of bills and does his share of chores.

If you do buy together, make sure your deposit is protected . You MUST take independent legal advice.

These are a couple of potential reasons given by citizens advice. Not sounding good to be honest I would avoid tying your finances to him in any form, it could go very badly for you if you become associates with his credit score. I'd be asking for proof of his credit rating.
*
If you're bankrupt or have a record of fraud*, you will not usually be allowed to open a bank account. Also, you may be refused permission to open a current account if you have a poor credit rating. However, if you're bankrupt or have a poor credit rating, you may be able to open a basic bank account.

i wonder how old he was when this occurred? A poor financial hx at 15, sorted by 25, would not concern me in a 35yr old.

Yes bankruptcy would result in being refused a bank account although some banks will offer a basic bank account as mentioned by a PP.

I'm more concerned though that you're earning, saving and subsidising him on nights out.

You seem to have enough doubts to question things on here. I would keep things very separate if you do intend to stay together.

Don't entertain the idea of buying a house together unless you can talk openly about finances, both your current financial situations and your financial priorities. Look at his actions to see if it backs up the words he is saying.

His comments would make me want to explore it more, but I wouldn't automatically see it as a red flag. It might be that circumstances were beyond his control and he has learned how to manage money well as a result. It might be that he is a safer financial bet than someone who is from a wealthy family and had everything handed to them on a silver spoon.

Of course it could be that he spent all his money on frivolities and his priorities don't match yours at all.

That's why you need to have an open conversation.

Also, of you do buy a house together, are you aware you can legally protect your contribution?

I asked him if he had declared bankruptcy and he said he hadn't. He said he was lucky because when he couldn't get any bank to take him on he remembered that he had opened an account during his student days, and that's the one that he keeps using.

Oh, I will not go ahead and join up finances. I just don't know or understand how bad things must have gotten to get to a stage for not a single bank would let you open a bank account. When I moved to the country I obviously had zero credit rating but I had evidence of my income, which was enough.

He is mid 40s now, and will be inheriting a lump sum some time next year, which he offered to put towards the deposit. But I know that his monthly contributions won't match mine as he has been living in house shares on minimal costs until now. That was my concern when he first brought up the idea of a place together, so I had doubts already. But the debt thing is an entirely different level to me...but then I don't know how "easy" it is to slip into a situation like this.

He may have had a Debt Relief Order - insolvency similar to bankruptcy.

You could ask him to show you a copy of his statutory credit report before you make a financial association with him - any CCJs or insolvency would be listed for 6 years

Great, thank you!
I am in no rush to buy, but I have been saving up to it for years and I don't to jeopardize anything. How the debt occurred in the first place is a different matter and I will need to find out.
I just wanted to see if there was anything I should be aware of before I have the conversation, so I know if I am being given a half truth.

Thank you. Apparently he couldnt even open a basic current account with any bank.

Not being able to open a basic bank account is odd as you can open one even after bankruptcy. Something doesn't seem to quite add up.

Either

1 he's not explored all of the options as some banks will offer these and some won't.

1. There's more to this than he's letting on, maybe criminal convictions for fraud or

3 he's lying

1. A mixture of the above or something else

Thanks all. This is making me super uncomfortable because of some family history that was affected by fraud.
I will ask him.
He literally said "no bank wanted to give me a bank account at the time. XXX were the first to say "no thank you, we want nothing to do with you" which just sounded very odd.

I really don't know enough to explain the you why he was refused even a basic bank account by every bank. I work in debt and I've never heard of that one which would trigger alarm bells for me.

If you working in debt haven't heard of anything like this I guess it must have been a lie. Thank you so much for have shared.

Ask him to do a credit ref check with Experian or similar and give you full access the the results.
Any challenge by him to this will tell you all you need to know.

How real is this inheritance? There was a thread on here about a woman who found out her partner didn’t own the house he hived in despite telling her he did and I think he was telling her he was planning to sell to move in /buy with her. So it was all lies and other posters had similar stories.

Best case scenario is that he has had a lot of bad luck financially - however to be living in house shares at 40 years old he must have had a LOT of bad luck. It’s over 20 years since his student days. Do you really want to be with someone who has such bad money management skills.?

A bad scenario is that he’s got a string of CCJs and there are a string of debts he has made no effort to resolve

Worse case is that he has addiction issues, is a gambler or has a criminal record for fraud or he has used his accounts for money mulling and is banned from having a bank account.

Irrespective of this you are all his Christmases and Birthdays rolled into one - financially stable, good earner with savings so the solution to all his financial problems able to provide a roof over his head, and all home comforts with sex thrown in.

You are a real catch - presumably he has some great redeeming features.

Tread very carefully before you get your finances linked with his and don’t get pregnant

Basically agree with everything said above. Tread carefully especially if you have other concerns. A year isn't really a very long time to know somebody and he could be taking advantage of you.

Also have you tried googling him? If he had a conviction for fraud it could have been in local papers?

Something isn't adding up right here as even bankrupts can get basic bank accounts. So I'd be careful about joining your finances to his.

I was in debt up to my eyeballs years ago and went bankrupt.
I was able to open a very basic card account. All I could do was put money in and take it out. It was that basic I couldn’t even earn interest on my money, not that I had any!! I needed an account for my wages to be paid into. Because there was no overdraft it wasn’t a risk for the bank. First one I went to accepted me.

I would go ahead and buy your house without him. If you move him in be careful how you charge him rent and the tenancy you give him. Any rent that goes towards the mortgage he could then put in a claim if you split.

Explain to him you haven’t know each other long enough to tie finances and in 5 years of still together and his finances have improved including money for a deposit, you could buy something together then.

If this isn’t acceptable to him that’s his problem and don’t let it interfere with your own plans.

There’s nothing wrong with house shares. One of my dcs did this for years so they could save up enough to buy something. Was going to do it first back in 2019 then covid him, pushed it to this year but waiting cos of the current climate. In the meantime the deposit money is increasing

When we met he explained that he had lived in house shares for years, after a breakup from a crazy ex. I don't dispute she existed and that she was nuts btw. He does not badmouth her or any other exes. At the time he said that after that experience he just wanted to live alone but couldn't quite afford it. That's why I was surprised when he mentioned buying the house together and I reminded him of his "wanting to live alone". Something didn't sit right with me then.
I haven't met any of his family - Tbh I haven't pushed it because he finds them exhausting, but now that I suspect some form of lie or secrecy about the bank situation I guess there is more to it.
I don't think he is hiding me or another family or so. He shares what he do on social media, while I am the one who never posts anything.
I am dreading this conversation but I will have it later and in person.

Tbh I know I don't want to buy a place with him. It's unrealistic and I have been saving long enough to have my own space.
I am considering breaking it off entirely though at this stage.
I'd like to be believe I am a tolerant person, but I despise being lied to. I have a tendency to be make quick judgements though.
Seriously, thank you all so much. Your feedback is helping me a lot.
I had a niggle of doubt and now I have a belly full of fear, if that phrase makes sense.

It would need to be bankruptcy or an individual voluntary agreement. Can he still not get a regular account? It may be that his issue were a while ago and his finances are now recovering. However in the uk all items stay on your credit file for 6 yeas.
Personally I had an IVA about 5 years ago from debt with an ex. I literally couldn't get any credit and had a cash bank account. Luckily I am quite good with money and managed to pay the IVA off myself in the end about 3/4 years ago.
I have just bought a house with my now partner. BUT to secure the mortgage we had to go in with a huge deposit and got a higher interest rate.
It wasnt so much of an issue for my partner as the original debt wasnt down to how I managed my own finances and I was 100% open about it, and I think this is the only way you can make thos sort of thing work.
Something for you to consider is that purchasing together will financially link you - meaning his poor credit will make your good credit score drop.
If you are considering it I'd think about how he manages his finances now and then get a broker / financial advisor. Be very careful though as I ended up in my situation by pushing ahead because I cared about my ex rather than looking logically at how he managed his affairs. Please protect yourself though. Financially it too me 12 years to recover and that was quick. Most ppl would never be able to financially recover from the situation I was in.

Oh my….
the crazy ex who financially bled him dry, the reluctance to be open about his family and the inconsistent back story he’s really winning at the cock lodger/financial abuser bingo

More than likely the ex got wise to his drugs/gambling/debts/financial incontinence/cock lodging and threw him out.

Im sure if you search these boards you will find a wealth of threads with all following very similar stories.

Of course we could all be wrong but be very careful.

With Facebook its possible to have more than one account. I never use it as a way of establishing someone’s circumstances.
I have more than one. A dormant one with all my family one, don’t talk to them anymore and was easier to just create a new one.
That second one has my dcs and friends on.

Then a third one for online people and those I don’t really know enough about to add to my real account. I’ve had that one for 15+ years and appears to be a legit account as I do talk to people on there, post pictures etc of random things. I even post the occasional relationship status. This one was created as I once had an online stalker.

I agree ending the relationship sounds like the best idea. You will never be financially equal and although some couples think that's ok, in this situation I get the sense he will be sponging off you endlessly. Throw in a child and you are trapped and tied.

I had a niggle of doubt and now I have a belly full of fear, if that phrase makes sense

Yes it does make sense and I too would think of walking away. I'm not too sure how asking him about it would go, especially if he's been vague or lied to you previously.

I think you deserve better.