Advice needed on partner's debit situation

[Greenyinabottle]

Dear all,
I hope this is the right forum to post this question. If not I'd be grateful if you could direct me to more suitable forums.
I've been dating a guy for over a year. Things are fine, steady, of course there are some niggles but you need to make some compromises. I hope I won't give too much superfluous information but just want to provide context. Feel free to jump to the last paragrah which contains my actual question :)

From the start I made it clear that I am intending on buying property soon, as I have saved up for it for years. This is my plan, and it never featured in others. Recently he brought up the suggestion that we could buy together. I wasn't too thrilled but didn't dismiss it right away because I was curious what his plan was. Until this point money had never been an issue as we have our own finances.

Here is the thing: I am on a good salary, and have never had any debt/ credit issues, so I know nothing about it. I am also not British and just been living here for a few years, so I have even less of an idea.

Since I met him he has been on lowish income. I don't have an issue with this, and I don't mind paying more if we do things because I earn more, and he pays his bills. In the past he has mentioned having had debt issues in the past, but that all of that was resolved. Of course my ears pricked up, but I decided to let it slide since our finances are strictly separate and I reckoned his past is his past.

After a recent conversion I am quite bewildered: I mentioned that I was quite happy with my bank and their service, and he said that they were "the first" to refuse him a bank account" after his debt situation. In fact all banks had refused him as a customer after he had set up repayment plans etc. Tbh I was quite shocked because I never heard of this, but I guess people don't talk about this a lot. When raising the "buying together" idea he said that his credit rating was good, and that all of the debt issues were in the past, but when I hear that things got so bad that all banks refused him as a customer I have to wonder...
Can someone tell me how bad things need to get for banks to take this step? I am already thinking this must be bad, but I know nothing of the banking systems here and I don't want to be hoodwinked.

Thanks for reading and sorry for the long text. I just wanted to provide context.

Don't apologise, I was just a bit concerned as he obviously sees you as the one who will look after him financially and his only way out of shared accommodation. I can't imagine that he's going to be thrilled with the news that you're carrying on with your plans to buy, just without him.

I think you're making the right choice. Something really doesn't add up and his explanation has raised more concerns and not answered the ones you already had.

Enjoy a relationship without living with him.

You are right. Something doesn't add up, even though I can't quite put my finger on it. I do not believe in white knights and I did not like the debt origin story. I've been in a similarish situation and I did not rack up 15k in debt.
I know I am sensitive about this because I grew up with people who thought they could outsmart debtors, but I don't think I am being unreasonable.
Thank you all so much for sharing your thoughts and helping me with this. I will run this by a friend too but I just wasn't sure if I was being paranoid.

I will run this by a friend too but I just wasn't sure if I was being paranoid

You're definitely not being paranoid and I think that taking this through with a DF (preferably with ) sounds like a good plan.

"Tbh I know I don't want to buy a place with him."

This is ALL that matters.

Having briefly read your posts my gut instinct is don't do it. Given that you're thinking of breaking it off, look after your own self and don't allow yourself to be talked into doing something you know you don't want to do.

Buy the house. With your own hard-earned cash. Put it in your name. Reap the rewards x

Well, his talk of buying together only started after I got confirmation that I had gotten a new job which would increase my income significantly. That's what had caused my initial raised eyebrows moment.
My friend is an accountant and I am sure she will have an opinion. I told her what I'm planning on doing and she immediately offered to come over if I needed her, but I feel fine.
I do not like being lied to.

You can’t keep a student account for 20 years after you graduate, its turned into a regular current account. And if it’s not been used for 20 years it would been dormant or closed.

www.theguardian.com/money/2016/jul/23/graduated-what-happens-bank-account-interest-free-overdraft

One reason he might not be able to open a bank account is that he is using an assumed / false name. Have you ever seen his passport or driving license OP?

This is getting more and more bizarre. Maybe it was different in 2011.
To be honest it doesn't change the story much. Something isn't adding up and I think he knows that himself. He has withdrawn since our conversation which means he knows what's coming.

I made a lot of stupid financial decisions back in my youth, they were giving out credit like nobody’s business before the crash. Crash happened, I ended up on a dmp with the consumer credit counselling service as they were known then. All my accounts were frozen, and I had to open up a basic account with a bank I didn’t owe any money to which left me with the option of Barclays basic account, I didn’t even have a debit card at the time. It’s possible he didn’t owe money to the bank he used as a student, but failed opening a regular current account because it used to have to be a cash account - debit card spending didn’t come out the same day back then from memory! Used to be dead helpful when I was utterly broke as I knew I had a couple of days before the shopping would be taken from my account.

That being said, it sounds like he’s not learnt from this and you’d be wise not to buy with him and risk your own financial security.

Am I the only one on here who thinks good on him to have dealt with his debt issues? Anyway I wouldn't financially associate with anyone else these days unless they could match me financially income and capital wise!

I got myself into debt when I was at uni about 2001. NatWest closed my student account the previous year due to debt. I managed to open a basic CardCash account with Halifax with no issues, so certainly in 2001 he would have been able to get a basic account even with bank debt.

I suppose now the details don't really matter as you have made your decision very wisely. It would niggle at me though, mainly cause I am nosey and always like to know the whole story

Yes, but I don't think I will get the full story...
As I said I can't quite put my finger on it but something doesn't add up. He's not a bad guy but I think there are too many issues, this just being one of them.

How are you getting on now @Greenyinabottle?

I ended it and he didn't take it well, and immediately shut down and withdrew.
His only communication is that he will be picking up his stuff tomorrow, and he doesn't want to talk.
I would have liked to explain myself but I also appreciate that I probably hurt him now, so I will just hand him his things and I will probably never see him again. I've been feeling guilty and second guessing myself but I won't go back on it...what's done is done. I just hope he'll be ok and that he finds someone who suits him better than me.
Before ending it I spoke about it with 2 friends, both very different and coming with different perspectives, and both agreed they could understand my concerns.
Thank you, you have been a great support to me. It's a bit sad now but I know it's the right decision for both of us.

It's sad for him, because he can't sponge off you.

After dating a guy for a year, you don't owe him your financial security. Enjoy buying on your own - it's a fabulous journey.

You know what? I don't harbour any bad feelings and I think he just made poor choices at the time. The reason I broke it off was different as there were other issues.
I wanted to tell him in person but he insisted that I shouldn't come up and that he'd call. When he called and I told him he immediately hung up and refused to engage. He then turned up to pick up his things, and still didn't want to engage or talk about anything.
I then received a hand written letter which detailed how I had accused him of things such as fraud (which I had never done), and how he realised later that I had just been looking for a reason to get rid of him. And that he had written the letter because he was too angry to speak to me because he'd say things he'd regret.
This letter did annoy me. I know it shouldn't, but it did. I knew this would be the narrative he'd spin given that I didn't get a chance to even explain my reasons. I will reply and wrap this up, but I am finding it quite disappointing and frankly insulting.
At least I know that I made the right call. Thank you so much for your guidance when I felt confused and conflicted, I appreciate it.

I sorry he’s treated you like this, you don’t deserve it. But at least it deals with any lingering doubts you might have had about whether or not you have done the right thing.

Id think carefully about replying to him. He sounds like the type to want the last word, he’s not going to listen to you anyway and he might seek to use it against you with mutual friends.

Personally I’d write a long, detailed reply and then burn it .

I did reply but I had waited a few days before doing so. I made sure not to be mean or hurtful, but I told him my reasons and pointed out that the debt thing had not been the one reason. I had had my doubts already, and I told him what had made me unhappy. No idea if he will accept it or just tell people a wild story why I broke this off, but I can't do anything about that.
Personally I would prefer if he didn't contact me again, because I won't be sending back another letter, but I do not like the idea of someone being angry with me and holding a grudge.
Thanks all! I know I made the right call even though I hate that I made him very sad.

Well done for breaking it off and you've definitely made the right decision.

He seems the type who doesn't take any kind of responsibility so he's unlikely to realise he's contributed to the break up in any way. Unfortunately you don't have control over what he says or how he feels about you. Just try and forget about it now if you can