Advice needed on partner's debit situation

[Greenyinabottle]

Dear all,
I hope this is the right forum to post this question. If not I'd be grateful if you could direct me to more suitable forums.
I've been dating a guy for over a year. Things are fine, steady, of course there are some niggles but you need to make some compromises. I hope I won't give too much superfluous information but just want to provide context. Feel free to jump to the last paragrah which contains my actual question :)

From the start I made it clear that I am intending on buying property soon, as I have saved up for it for years. This is my plan, and it never featured in others. Recently he brought up the suggestion that we could buy together. I wasn't too thrilled but didn't dismiss it right away because I was curious what his plan was. Until this point money had never been an issue as we have our own finances.

Here is the thing: I am on a good salary, and have never had any debt/ credit issues, so I know nothing about it. I am also not British and just been living here for a few years, so I have even less of an idea.

Since I met him he has been on lowish income. I don't have an issue with this, and I don't mind paying more if we do things because I earn more, and he pays his bills. In the past he has mentioned having had debt issues in the past, but that all of that was resolved. Of course my ears pricked up, but I decided to let it slide since our finances are strictly separate and I reckoned his past is his past.

After a recent conversion I am quite bewildered: I mentioned that I was quite happy with my bank and their service, and he said that they were "the first" to refuse him a bank account" after his debt situation. In fact all banks had refused him as a customer after he had set up repayment plans etc. Tbh I was quite shocked because I never heard of this, but I guess people don't talk about this a lot. When raising the "buying together" idea he said that his credit rating was good, and that all of the debt issues were in the past, but when I hear that things got so bad that all banks refused him as a customer I have to wonder...
Can someone tell me how bad things need to get for banks to take this step? I am already thinking this must be bad, but I know nothing of the banking systems here and I don't want to be hoodwinked.

Thanks for reading and sorry for the long text. I just wanted to provide context.

I 100% want to protect myself. I guess he could get a bank account now, he just said at the time nobody would give him one. He just stuck with this bank account so, which makes sense to me.

The reason for the debt is very important to me now. He drinks and for a while he placed regular bets on football matches, but I haven't seen him do this for a while. It was always small amounts like a pound each, but it was nonsense bets which would have gotten him huge winnings. In short: nothing realistic unless you get really lucky. I didn't think much of it as it was small amounts and he seems to have stopped it, but if the debt had anything to do with addictions this "occasional" dabbling would obviously be a deal breaker.

How does he bet @Greenyinabottle

If it's online would he give you full access to his phone so that you can look at the gambling apps and the history yourself?

To be honest though if he hasn't told you already it's unlikely you're going to get the truth now.

You can’t physically have a poor financial history at the age of 15. You have to be 18 to take out any kind of credit, or some companies stipulate 21.

It's online. Whenever he placed a bet he'd check the football scores a lot, so it was noticeable. I didn't mind much as it's his money and as far as I was concerned he can do with it what he wants.
However, now...

I wouldn't tether my finances to this guy. He's a liability. And not an entirely honest one by the sounds of things.

It's online. Whenever he placed a bet he'd check the football scores a lot, so it was noticeable. I didn't mind much as it's his money and as far as I was concerned he can do with it what he wants.However, now

Well it is his money and yes, he can do with it as he chooses but you've also said that he's not paying his fair share on outings with you and that you're subsidising him.

So yes, he can do what he wants but the thing he's prioritising doesn't seem to be spending time with you or building a future together.

Oh, he had never asked me to pay more. I just volunteer to pay more frequently because I know I have more.
True, he seems to be living in the now and does not plan anything. I am meeting him shortly and I am nervous.
I'm so glad I decided to ask for opinions.

Oh dear the bingo card is really filling up now with the gambling.

Maybe they refused him a credit card rather than a bank account?

This!
Literally every red flag going.
Bin

I am meeting him shortly and I am nervous.

I'm so glad I decided to ask for opinions.

Are you meeting in a public place @Greenyinabottle?

Are you worried that he might get angry?

No, I will go to his place.
I'm not worried about him getting angry, I'm just not looking forward to this conversation and some potential lies.
Yes, I think I deserve better.

He’s more or less told you himself just in not so many words and without any clarity or context which suggests it’s not a good reason.

Money has a funny way of altering people, whether they have it or they don’t. I’d be reconsidering the relationship if I were you.

Sorry, what has he told me?

I'd call him and tell him that you'll meet him at a local Coffee Shop instead. I don't think you should be talking to him about this in private at his place. I am usually on the side of caution in situations like this though.

My friends bank account was closed randomly one day.the bank suspected fraud, she also couldn't open any other account with any bank. It took months to sort out and to even get her money back that had been deposited

He’s told you he couldn’t open an account anywhere without providing any reason as to why this was the case.

It may be completely innocent and simply the mistakes of being young and naive, but I would be cautious about involving yourself financially with him just incase his motives aren’t benign.

What he is saying is consistent with the situation when you have a Debt Relief Order or bankruptcy. Around 10 years ago the only bank that would allow a basic bank account was Barclays and coop. It's entirely likely he was refused by other banks. Even if he had entered into an informal debt management plan his poor credit rating and or credit rating and DMP together would be enough for him to be refused with most banks. I was a debt advisor.

What he is saying is consistent with the situation when you have a Debt Relief Order or bankruptcy. Around 10 years ago the only bank that would allow a basic bank account was Barclays and coop.

That isn't what's he's saying though. Isn't he saying that all banks refused him? It was well known that Barclays would give a basic bank account, the person processing the bankruptcy or DRO probably would have tons him this or if he'd asked anywhere really.

I wouldn't be interested in this man. He has problems with debt, he has a problem with telling the truth, he's 40 years old and lives in shared housing and he's waiting for his inheritance.

As the previous post said, you are all his Christmases and birthdays rolled into one.

I would end it but do it somewhere public as this will be a huge financial disappointment to him.

I think what he meant is that he had a basic account but xyz bank refused him.
Its the rhetoric here thats ringing alarm bells
The banks to blame
My ex is to blame
Many people get into debt, drag themselves out of it and take responsibility,make changes etc
Hes a blame shifter and eternal victim.

1. Never, ever jeopardise your finances and credit rating knowingly.
2. Do not form a financial association with him.
3. stay focused on your own life goals and financial plans in a really calm way. Getting tied to this person is not going to help you.

Hope you're ok @Greenyinabottle

Sorry guys, I just got home. I'll update but sorry in advance for the long text.

We spoke and he clarified the debt and bank account situation. This all happened in 2011. I don't know if the rules have changed much since then.

Apparently he had racked up the debt and his bank at the time had set up a repayment plan, so he'd gradually pay back the amount owed. According to him that made his situation worse because he was still haemorraging money and struggled more to pay bills. He then consulted a debt advising service and was told to open a new bank account with another bank and transfer his funds there, so his bank would renegotiate the repayment plan and agree to smaller monthly amounts. That's when he realised that he could not open another bank account and gave up after trying a few, as he had remembered that he had his old account from his student days, and he has been using this ever since.
He said he paid back the owed amount over 5 years and worked extra hard to clear the debt. Note here that last time he claimed the last bank who had refused him a new bank account had been the one I am with. This time they were the ones who he owed the money to.

Now to the actual cause of the debt: It all happened because his ex (the crazy one) and himself rented a place together which was already stretching their budget. A few weeks after moving in she got worse and quit her job to focus on her mental heath, so he was the only one footing the bills and her alcoholism. He had mentioned her alcoholism before, and obviously her mh problems. His argument was that he wrongly believed that he could help her, but that he couldn't. I have no reason to disbelieve him here: he is empathetic and usually tries to help people if he thinks he can.
What I cannot understand though is how and why they did not seek help elsewhere. Sorry if this sounds cruel, but a very similar situation happened to me when I moved to the UK with my then partner. Their mh issues worsened, and reached a point where I simply could not be the sole caregiver and we needed to reach out to family and friends abroad who helped. I cannot understand how this was not possible for 2 people whose families lived in the general area, but I could be unfair here.
I had first thought that they had bought the place together, and that that was why it was difficult to move out, but it was a rented accomodation. Their plan had been to buy property in Cornwall and open a shop there, "but thankfully it didn't come to that".

Now, I believe he was trying to help, because I have been in that situation before, and I don't know how bad things were. However, I am finding it very hard to understand how a 36 year old could possibly entertain the idea of opening a shop in Cornwall (with no retail experience), and let things get this bad. I know this will sound cruel, but I am missing some common sense in the whole situation, plus the fact that all of the blame is put on the ex.

I told him I'd think about this but to be honest my mind is made up. He is either lying, made some very poor decisions given the situation, or severely lacks common sense.

Sorry @PritiPatelsMaker I didn't mean to worry anyone :(