Downsizing - am I crazy!??

[Pando53]

So am I being crazy? We moved into our lovely 7 bedroom home almost 2 years ago, we mortgaged as much as we could afford and all was well. My husband earns really good money, I’m a sahm, as we have four children and the youngest two aren’t at school yet.
My husband has now taken a new role within the same company, much better job for him, better hours and benefits and much less travel, he’ll be able to see the children more etc. However it is a pay cut, still really well paid but a fair bit less than before. So now with him earning less, and all the bills currently seeming to be going up at the moment money is stupidly tight. I can’t buy anything without worrying if we can afford it. We won’t be able to afford a holiday etc. I’m starting to worry if things continue to rise how we will afford our bills.
I have searched and searched for jobs that I could do that would fit around the children, and would mean I could bring something home too, but so far anything I’ve found, Would simple go back out in childcare costs, so no luck so far.
When he initially took in the role, he was told his salary wouldn’t change, so when he asked me what I thought I agreed it would be great. However in reality it’s not happened like this, and there’s no going back.
Ive explained how much were struggling to him with it all and he does understand. Personally I believe we’ve taken on too much with our house, I think we should downsize, I’ve seen some modern four beds (our two youngest are both girls and could share - I grew up sharing with my sister) we could afford that would pretty much half our mortgage, be cheaper to run etc (this ones old and costs a fortune to heat up) it’d also be easier to clean, maintain etc.
we are the sort of family who are always together, the childrens large lovely bedrooms sit unused all day and are only used for sleeping. They all play together in the lounge, bringing toys in from the playroom as they never play in there either. Also our home is out of the way currently so no children around for the older ones to play with, they just play in the garden together. So perhaps living in a modern house (new estate type place) would mean they’d being able to play out too.
Husband thinks I’m crazy to consider going smaller with four children, and we should just suck it up be skint and hope for the best, yet he’s the one who likes the luxuries in life too, much more so than me - he’s from a family with money and I was brought up in a much more normal household. It makes sense to buy a cheaper smaller house doesn’t it?

I don't know. What are his prospects - might his salary increase over time till he's back at the same level? Or perhaps this sideways move is setting him up well in the long run for a better job? How long till your littlest is at school - and are there jobs locally that could fit around school hours then? It would be a shame to go through all the expense and palaver of moving house only to find your financial situation quickly perks up anyway.

That said, I think there is a huge amount to be said for having some slack in your budget when you have a family.

Going from an old house out of the way, to a new-build on an estate, feels like a huge change. Kids don't really play out anymore either :-( Could you and DH talk about what your priorities are in a home, and see where that leads you? 7 bedrooms does sound excessive, so perhaps shared space/outdoor space is one priority, and you agree that the kids can share rooms?

If it is stressful financially then is your husband stressed too? Can he see the numbers aren’t adding up?

7 beds does seem generous and on paper here it certainly seems sensible to downsize

Thanks for your reply. Yes his new jobs is better prospects long term definitely, he’s having lots of training etc too which is great for him, I’m not annoyed with him taking the cut at all. My littlest is only 1 and her sisters just 3 so it’s a while before they are at school.
It is a bit excessive I think, most of upstairs is hardly ever used. Our old house was a 3 bed semi on an estate, so probably wouldn’t be too much if a shock since we’ve not actually been here that long (although luckily the house price has increased a lot)
I’m just trying to work out what’s best for the now….I don’t want us to get into trouble financially, especially for the sake of the big unused house.

Have you shown your husband the numbers? Why not make a spreadsheet and show him how much you have left each month? Sometimes people need to see in black and white.

Honestly? Seven bedrooms is insane unless you're mega mega rich (ie don't have to work at all).

Also mortgaging to the max is a risky strategy. Surely your husband would have known that he couldn't take a pay cut until at least the initial period of the mortgage was over and you had a bit more equity in the property? Why would he do such a thing knowing it would put the family in this position?

Seems to have been a lack of planning really. Don't make another move without thinking through all the implications- sit tight for a bit and don't make any rash decisions.

You going back to work isn't really going to help. You have 4 kids needing childcare. That will far exceed the salary you could get, even if you're v well paid. Jobs that are part time/ term time are mostly very badly paid, so again aren't going to make much of a dent in your housing costs.

I feel like this is a problem caused by your husband taking a lower paid job but you're tasked with finding the solution. Not really fair on you! It's for you both to find a solution. So put it back on him- what are his plans to sort it?

Remember the options aren't the current house or a new build. There are many many more options. The majority of houses are going to be smaller and cheaper than your current home. You could look to Compromise on a normal family home with 4 beds that you both like. It wouldn't have to be a new build (some people aren't keen).

He’s much more laid back than me. He’s a clever man and does see the numbers not adding up too. Just think he’s ignoring it currently 🤦🏻‍♀️ Thank you - I think it’s definitely a sensible idea too.

I'd move.
No question!

Your DC are very small at the moment do not underestimate how much they will prefer their own space when growing up. That said it depends how much of a struggle the struggle is IYSWIM.

If you have spare bedrooms ( and a bathroom?) would you think about taking a lodger and/or doing something like being the paid guardian for an international student at a private school?

I agree I was very annoyed when he first told me about the new salary he’d all ready agreed to.
I’ve shown him everything in black and white and told him how much we need to reduce our outgoings by in order to keep on top - I’ve told him to either gets those bills down, the salary up again(unlikely) or we need to move, and have left him with it…..so hopefully he’ll spend some time scratching his head at everything not adding up like I have and be sensible.
And yes I’d be open to other houses too, I was just thinking running costs in general would be cheaper in a newer one.

@Pando53

I agree I was very annoyed when he first told me about the new salary he’d all ready agreed to. I’ve shown him everything in black and white and told him how much we need to reduce our outgoings by in order to keep on top - I’ve told him to either gets those bills down, the salary up again(unlikely) or we need to move, and have left him with it…..so hopefully he’ll spend some time scratching his head at everything not adding up like I have and be sensible. And yes I’d be open to other houses too, I was just thinking running costs in general would be cheaper in a newer one.

I'd be annoyed too. Sounds like he has moved to the job he wants not thinking about the implications for the family which isn't great.

Yeah give him some time. Make it clear he is the one who has to find a solution. After all you're keeping up your end of the deal in your relationship.

In the interim could you both apply for a 0% credit card so you can buy what you need, with a view to paying it off when the house sells?

Only other thing I can think of is sell some assets like investment shares or downgrade the cars to small cheap models. Not exactly a long term solution though is it?

Also I know they’ll want their own space when they’re older too - my older pair are only 11 and 9 so still quite young. However still like to be in my company at all times (lovely really). I’d still want them to have their own rooms as they’re a boy and a girl too.
I say this growing up I was always downstairs with my mum all the time….was only when I had friends over Or doing homework I went into my room. However I’m sure they’d enjoy treats, holidays too which we can’t afford right now.

Oh I agree, he hasn’t thought it through really it’s very annoying. He thinks long term not right now like I do. Oh he has a company car, and my cars a very unstylish mummy bus anyway for transporting the children so not worth much unfortunately:( credit cards a good idea thank you

Sounds like you have found a "forever house" for your large family, but it's come along a bit early!

Another option could be to rent it out for a few years. Don't know if that's feasible in your local property market. Still involves lots of faff and upheaval and uncertainty, especially with tenancy protections likely to be strengthened.

I agree that your husband really needs to face up to this and talk about it properly with you, looking at facts and figures. It sounds like the stress of this has all fallen on your shoulders. Perhaps his confident projections are right, but he needs to explain his workings!

Is the house a status symbol for him? A tangible bit of proof of how well he's done? Is it significantly nicer than the houses he grew up in?

Only asking because my old Dad (80) is refusing to budge from his 5-bed house - even though it's way too big for him and Mum now - as he admits he's really proud of buying it.

We did this. OH had to leave full time work for health reasons so our income dropped. We sold a large house and used to proceeds to buy a smaller one (mortgage free) and pay of a number of other debts associated with his work. I worked more hours to help offset the loss.

There were things that we lost - big garden, school changes due to new location etc. etc. But it was a good move - it removed a great deal of stress, and it was a valuable lesson to our 3 children (a bit older than yours) in the idea of co-operation, making sacrifices for the good of all etc.

Downsizing to a 4/5 bed seems the obvious solution?

Do not take in lodgers in a home with young children.

It's not just about bedrooms. You will pay less for everything in a smaller house....council tax, utilities, house insurance etc

Inflation is predicted to to hit 7% by April.

I agree, forever house, we’re just not quite there financially for it yet especially after the pay cut. I’ve told him there’s no shame in moving to a smaller house that we can afford, peoples circumstances change all the time, it’s just life. Thank you for all the comments - I realise I’m not being daft thinking of moving so we actually have a life rather than living on beans on toast in our big house.

Yep, I’d do exactly what you’re suggesting, better to have enough space and enough money than loads of space but not enough money

@Pando53

I agree, forever house, we’re just not quite there financially for it yet especially after the pay cut. I’ve told him there’s no shame in moving to a smaller house that we can afford, peoples circumstances change all the time, it’s just life. Thank you for all the comments - I realise I’m not being daft thinking of moving so we actually have a life rather than living on beans on toast in our big house.

There is no such thing as a "forever house" tbh

I think that's an Instagram saying

Your honest should serve you not the other way round

house not honest!

And no it’s not a nicer house than he grew up in unfortunately- his parents had mahoosive houses with land etc - maybe that’s part of the problem, I’m not sure, i grew up in a normal 4 bed (4 kids) with a normal garden.

You could extend the mortgage term to lower the repayment for now.
Whilst it sounds sensible to move, consider how much stamp duty you spent moving to the house and how much you will spend again if you move.

How old are your younger two?

Your options are downsize and / or get a job. If I was starting out now I’d set up as a a cleaner / housekeeper. Drop kids, clean /organise a house, pick kids up. Monday-Friday, you could bring in £250 a week no problem.

Don’t 🤦🏻‍♀️ It’s crazy money.

I’ll keep my fingers crossed he comes up with a great solution before we end up in trouble.

OP do you think it's a pride thing with your DH? Like he'd feel like a failure to take a "step back" to a smaller house?