Downsizing - am I crazy!??

[Pando53]

So am I being crazy? We moved into our lovely 7 bedroom home almost 2 years ago, we mortgaged as much as we could afford and all was well. My husband earns really good money, I’m a sahm, as we have four children and the youngest two aren’t at school yet.
My husband has now taken a new role within the same company, much better job for him, better hours and benefits and much less travel, he’ll be able to see the children more etc. However it is a pay cut, still really well paid but a fair bit less than before. So now with him earning less, and all the bills currently seeming to be going up at the moment money is stupidly tight. I can’t buy anything without worrying if we can afford it. We won’t be able to afford a holiday etc. I’m starting to worry if things continue to rise how we will afford our bills.
I have searched and searched for jobs that I could do that would fit around the children, and would mean I could bring something home too, but so far anything I’ve found, Would simple go back out in childcare costs, so no luck so far.
When he initially took in the role, he was told his salary wouldn’t change, so when he asked me what I thought I agreed it would be great. However in reality it’s not happened like this, and there’s no going back.
Ive explained how much were struggling to him with it all and he does understand. Personally I believe we’ve taken on too much with our house, I think we should downsize, I’ve seen some modern four beds (our two youngest are both girls and could share - I grew up sharing with my sister) we could afford that would pretty much half our mortgage, be cheaper to run etc (this ones old and costs a fortune to heat up) it’d also be easier to clean, maintain etc.
we are the sort of family who are always together, the childrens large lovely bedrooms sit unused all day and are only used for sleeping. They all play together in the lounge, bringing toys in from the playroom as they never play in there either. Also our home is out of the way currently so no children around for the older ones to play with, they just play in the garden together. So perhaps living in a modern house (new estate type place) would mean they’d being able to play out too.
Husband thinks I’m crazy to consider going smaller with four children, and we should just suck it up be skint and hope for the best, yet he’s the one who likes the luxuries in life too, much more so than me - he’s from a family with money and I was brought up in a much more normal household. It makes sense to buy a cheaper smaller house doesn’t it?

We had a lodger when I was a kid. This was in a far smaller house than that. A three bed terrace with just me, my sister and my mum. My mum converted the dining room and our (female) lodger lived in there. We were early primary school and it all seemed fine to me. Would you consider that?

I think you need to look at what else could be clipped in your budget. You say money is tight but is that the kids have their own horses which they ride regularly in between ski lessons, learning mandarin, the flute and martial arts whilst you go to the salon twice a week l, ship exclusively in farm shops, eat out regularly, all in the latest expensive clothes, drive two gas guzzling cars and not much left over OR you're shopping in Tesco for clothes and food, you can't afford after school clubs and your car is older than you.

I’ve told him there’s no shame in moving to a smaller house that we can afford, peoples circumstances change all the time, it’s just life

OP there's definitely no shame in downsizing. I'm sure your DH is rightly proud of what the two of you have managed to achieve with your lovely home. But people up and down the country have been re-evaluating their lives in the last year, so nobody would be that surprised if you decided that actually a simpler, slightly less stressful life feels like the right thing for your family. And if you're going to downsize do it now. Heating costs are are about to go through the roof so get your big, draughty house listed now before those rises start to bite.

Depending on the floorplan of your house...could you use partition walls to create a separate entranced 1 bed flat (or similar annexe type setup) that you could rent to cover the gap in costs as an interim measure as it sounds likely your husband's pay will increase in the long term?

Otherwise, I would consider downsizing to a 4/5 bed so that it is more manageable financially and it sounds like the sooner the better.

There is no shame in downsizing. However if you want to save face a little why not just say you are moving to a modern smaller house for environmental reasons. There’s no shame in living in a 4 bed. Unless you are going to have more children then you will likely not use the space anyway.

In your position I would definitely downsize. I’m just waiting for my adult sons (26 and 24) to get on the property ladder, hopefully the autumn or next spring, so that dh, ds3 and myself can get something smaller and more affordable.

Def downsize. You have 2 spare bedrooms if all 4 have own room at the moment

going to a 4/5 makes sense

4 is fine snd younger 2 share fir maybe 10yrs and you can revaluate

to be closer to shops and every day life

obv mortgage will be less as will ct and heating bills

Mn has a huge spread of Rich (£50k in premium bonds for example) and big houses to poor (wondering how to pay for next months heating or food) and those in the middle (me)

I work so can afford bills etc but do think ouch snd omg hope doesn’t go up too much but have some leeway to cut back iyswim

@Pando53 this is your thread and you shouldn’t have posters trying to make you feel bad

Does the house have any land? Could you sell off a building plot or outbuilding for redevelopment?

Depending on the value of what you are buying I would be loathed to move so quickly due to moving/stamp duty costs. When we costed it is was over £70k which would pay for a fair number of heating bills.

What about a business from home, is childminding a possibility with your LOs?

I would look at all alternatives to moving, as others have said you will lose ££££'s on moving costs.
What are your skills? Could you work from home doing some sort of admin/data analysis. Or do childminding? Or could you do evening work at your local hospital (there's a massive lack of health care assistants right now) or pub work?
Alternatively what about cake making/ironing or sewing from home?
Rent off driveway parking space and garage space.

Could he ask his (wealthy) parents for a loan?

I'd also be careful about painting a rosy picture of living on an estate, my poor sisters family live on a "nicer" estate but have been plagued with groups of kids knocking on her door for years asking if her DC want to go out to just hang out causing bother. She constantly has balls bouncing off cars and windows, early morning and late night noise and parking issues and damaged gardens.

I don't think it's mad to consider downsizing. When we moved to our 4 bed I was concerned there was no play room and two smaller bedrooms than I would have liked. Fast forward 18 months, the bedrooms sit unused all day and my kids follow me everywhere and play under me feet so a play room and big bedrooms wouldn't have added much to our daily lives except for gathering more 'stuff'.

So I think it's really interesting that op has also pointed this out. I think when we are looking for a family home, we have a list of things that we deem 'essential', like a playroom, when really, that's not always the case.

It’s sensible to consider downsizing, the house is bigger than you need, and it’s preventing you from enjoying the extra things you enjoy, such as holidays etc. Life is short, if the downsize will help you financially do it.

We downsized and relocated last year, we lived and loved our family house for 18 years, but I was absolutely ready for a move, however we also had another (non financial) reason that made our move a necessary one. Best thing we ever did, less cleaning. And you will find when your children become teens, you don’t need huge living space, as teens only appear at meal times, and then straight back to their bedrooms! Well that has been my experience.

Good luck.

We downsized as you are considering, as we found we were not using all the space we had and maintaining it all was a burden… and yes it cost us in terms of stamp duty, but it was still a good move. We could afford the bills on a bigger place but in honesty, who doesn’t have better things to spend £3000 per year on than the gas bill? Not to mention the eco guilt…the solar panels barely made a dent in the power consumption. We swapped the big house in the sticks with a smaller house on the edge of a market town, there were more play opportunities for the children and we could walk most places rather than getting the car out for the smallest thing. Much better. I do miss the garden but that’s it.

What is the current situation with your mortgage? Are you in a fixed deal? When does it end? What's the % and term?

I think thinking long term, as he does, is OK as long as you have a realistic way to get through the short term.

Is your mortgage fixed?

Are you on an energy fix? (Bills will almost certainly come down again, the gvt £loan thing is predicated on that).

Go through the monthly budget with him and work it out.

The process of actually selling and buying is so expensive, work out the % fees plus VAT of the EA, solicitors etc, moving costs, mortgage co costs, redecorating new house if needed etc etc and then work out how long it would take to recoup that cost in lower living costs in the new house.

The first £7,500 of money you make from lodgers in a tax year is tax free. In a big house with rooms you don't use, that is a very tempting proposition.

I'm poor as fuck and have 3 kids in 1 bedroom and I don't think she's being insensitive talking about her situation.

Just because her husband earns well she has to make a grovelling apology for doing well financially on every post she makes?

Give over

I live in a similar house to the one you describe (5 beds but I have fewer kids) and have been here ten years. I spent the first five years wanting to downsize and thinking we had taken on too much, that it wasn't financially feasible or sustainable. I thought about posting on here many times but feared comments like you have had. But it is stressful and feels lonely as it's not something you feel easily able to complain about IRL! My husband was much calmer about it, but we have a low mortgage. But I came from a 'normal' town, not even a leafy market one and for me having such a big house seemed alien and overwhelming. We'd have been happy downsizing (we looked into it) but I am equally happy in my house now. Playing with other kids happens a lot, we just invite them over. Other kids love the house too. I have a bike to get to a local shop as it's too far to quickly walk. Just my experience but I get where you are coming from. Two years is not a long time to settle into a big family house though. And when your kids are older, they will definitely value the space.

I'm asking about the fix and interest rate on your mortgage because the rates have started to increase lately, and I think are likely to continue to increase.

Moving to a smaller house means paying stamp duty, solicitors fees, estate agents fees, removal van costs, possibly need some new furniture/blinds etc if your old stuff doesn't suit/fit. Moving is very expensive in itself. Then have you had a look at what sort of deals are out there now? A relatively small increase in your interest rate can make quite a big difference.

If DHs job is likely to progress and pay rises are on the horizon I would see if you can lengthen the term of your mortgage or make cut backs in other areas.

If you aren't currently on a fixed mortgage or are out of your initial low interest rate period it could be cheaper to fix now or shop around for a better deal, especially if the value of your house has increased, your LTV will have changed and you could maybe access better deals.

I wouldn't rush any decisions - moving house costs a lot and they'll be at school before you'd probably recoup the loss. By which time he may have had a pay rise. Things can change.
I'd not rush it

No I wouldn't rush into moving in your circumstances. Only severe financial difficulty would force me. If it was a question of a five bedroomed house with as good a garden and other features then I might. But otherwise no. I would explore every other option first.

I wouldn't sell as I love space more than anything in a home.
Can you air BnB part of it or all of it (when you go on holiday/weekends away)?
My friend is a single mum in the lovely Georgian house and she does this - it's hard work (her children are older and she works full time) but she earns £2k a weekend.
More than covers the cost of her weekend away.

Maybe aim for something in between? A modern house cheaper to run but with the potential to have 5 bedrooms

@Pando53 what did you decide to do in the end? We are currently mulling over a similar decision. We have a large 5 bed house on a big plot which is in reasonable condition but will need a large amount of money spent on it in the next 5 years. We're just not sure we have the time, money or inclination to do it all, and with only 4 of us living in the house it definitely feels a bit big to us. We've been looking at more manageable 4 bed new or newish builds to make life a bit easier but are worried that we are throwing away a sound investment and that we might miss the space. Would be interesting to know if you made a decision and how you are feeling about it?

Very hard to do with a mortgage due to the devaluation

stamp duty and selling costs are so high I would try to ride it out.

the baby is 1 . You would get 30 hours childcare for the 3 year old. Childcare for 1 should be affordable. Look for a proper job rather than a pin money job to work around the children