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Original poster

Downsizing - am I crazy!??

74 replies

Pando53 · 02/03/2022 13:41

So am I being crazy? We moved into our lovely 7 bedroom home almost 2 years ago, we mortgaged as much as we could afford and all was well. My husband earns really good money, I’m a sahm, as we have four children and the youngest two aren’t at school yet.
My husband has now taken a new role within the same company, much better job for him, better hours and benefits and much less travel, he’ll be able to see the children more etc. However it is a pay cut, still really well paid but a fair bit less than before. So now with him earning less, and all the bills currently seeming to be going up at the moment money is stupidly tight. I can’t buy anything without worrying if we can afford it. We won’t be able to afford a holiday etc. I’m starting to worry if things continue to rise how we will afford our bills.
I have searched and searched for jobs that I could do that would fit around the children, and would mean I could bring something home too, but so far anything I’ve found, Would simple go back out in childcare costs, so no luck so far.
When he initially took in the role, he was told his salary wouldn’t change, so when he asked me what I thought I agreed it would be great. However in reality it’s not happened like this, and there’s no going back.
Ive explained how much were struggling to him with it all and he does understand. Personally I believe we’ve taken on too much with our house, I think we should downsize, I’ve seen some modern four beds (our two youngest are both girls and could share - I grew up sharing with my sister) we could afford that would pretty much half our mortgage, be cheaper to run etc (this ones old and costs a fortune to heat up) it’d also be easier to clean, maintain etc.
we are the sort of family who are always together, the childrens large lovely bedrooms sit unused all day and are only used for sleeping. They all play together in the lounge, bringing toys in from the playroom as they never play in there either. Also our home is out of the way currently so no children around for the older ones to play with, they just play in the garden together. So perhaps living in a modern house (new estate type place) would mean they’d being able to play out too.
Husband thinks I’m crazy to consider going smaller with four children, and we should just suck it up be skint and hope for the best, yet he’s the one who likes the luxuries in life too, much more so than me - he’s from a family with money and I was brought up in a much more normal household. It makes sense to buy a cheaper smaller house doesn’t it?

OP posts:
D0lphine · 02/03/2022 14:54

@SpiderinaWingMirror

You could extend the mortgage term to lower the repayment for now. Whilst it sounds sensible to move, consider how much stamp duty you spent moving to the house and how much you will spend again if you move.
Good idea and worth asking the provider for sure!
Original poster
Pando53 · 02/03/2022 14:57

They’re 1 and just turned 3. I’d love to get a job, I’ve been searching and searching but every time, it’s either earning slightly less than you need to get the 30hours for the 3 year old so paying for 2 most of the time, or it ends up we’d end up paying for child care for all 4 after school and in the holidays, so just zeros itself out or we’d be worse off. I keep my eye out constantly for the perfect job though - I will find it one of these days. Im happy to do anything too, I love cleaning Smile

OP posts:
Calmdown14 · 02/03/2022 15:09

Is there a part of the house that might annexe off? E.g has a bathroom, could add a kitchenette?
Just wondering if there's business potential to have a self contained holiday let or something within in?

Otherwise I would sell. Not necessarily to move to new build estate but certainly to something more manageable.

Do you actually enjoy living there? If it's a case you tried the dream and didn't like it then take advantage of current house prices and sell

Original poster
Pando53 · 02/03/2022 15:21

Honestly yes and no. I love walking round our home and garden as it’s lovely it is. However, I have to drive everywhere (unlike our old home I was close to everything) I can’t walk to the park or the shop etc, there’s lovely walks close to us, but there’s only so far little ones will walk so it’s the same over again. I miss being able to buy things without worrying constantly. I miss our weekends away etc. when it was just missing extra holidays it was probably worth it, but now it’s a case of we will be in trouble soon if we carry on as we are unfortunately.

OP posts:
SunnySideDownBriefly · 02/03/2022 15:47

Can you afford to move? Are you taking stamp duty and all those other costs into account?

If downsizing is the way to go then I wouldn't go any smaller than a 5 bed. There are 6 of you and room sharing isn't the norm any more - it can be really difficult for siblings if they don't get on and the world has changed. There will be boyfriends and girlfriends as they get older and you don't want a lack of space or privacy to be the reason that you don't see your teenagers/young adults as much.

Original poster
Pando53 · 02/03/2022 15:59

Yes we luckily can afford to move. We put down a decent deposit on this house and got it at a really good price too, we’ve also made a lot of improvements and it’s value has increased a lot, it’s all just tied up in the house. Yes maybe a 5 bed would be better - I was going on the theory the little two would enjoy sharing currently. But it’s all worth looking into in my opinion.

OP posts:
Poorlyplants · 02/03/2022 16:17

That a massive jump from a 3 bed semi on an estate to an individual period 7 bed detached no wonder you are struggling, and if you are struggling now it’s going to get a lot worse in the next 12 to 24 months, inflation is going up, interest rates will go up, energy bills are sky rocketing and the price of goods/food etc is increasing . It’s clear you can’t afford your house and yes I would move. A lot of people on here hate new builds particularly if they are on an estate but honestly if you pick the right one in the right area you could be doing the right thing, some of the houses now are really designed with family life in mind and yes much less expensive to heat.

Hadenough21 · 02/03/2022 16:17

I would move personally. Energy bills are obviously going through the roof and it sounds like it’s just not feasible to stay in such a big house. Plenty of kids share rooms and your youngest 2 are only very young. They could happily share for the next 10 years then you may be in a position to get something bigger again? I wouldn’t want to struggle financially and have no holidays etc just to stay in a 7 bed house when I could live happily in a 4 bed, if it’s a choice between the two. It sounds like it is a bit of a status thing for your husband and what he is used to from his upbringing, but if it’s that important to him then he shouldn’t have reduced his income!

Cocha · 02/03/2022 16:35

Must be awful Hmm

itsnotdeep · 02/03/2022 16:38

You don't say if you work OP, but maybe you could look into earning money to make up the shortfall if the house is so important to you.

itsnotdeep · 02/03/2022 16:39

I'm actually hoping this is a troll, but even if it isn't it's one of the most tone deaf posts I've seen for a long time. People are worrying about feeding their children and heating their house, and you're talking about missing your weekends away. Hmm

BessAndCress · 02/03/2022 16:51

@itsnotdeep

You don't say if you work OP, but maybe you could look into earning money to make up the shortfall if the house is so important to you.
Try re-reading the OP... She has covered this there and throughout the thread.

Also, it's bollocks to suggest that you can't ask advice on MN unless you can pass some poverty purity test. It's not as if she's wandered into a thread about not being able to afford food and said that her situation was just as bad. This is her thread about her life, if you can't cope with the fact that some people are better off than others then that's on you.

RagzRebooted · 02/03/2022 16:57

I'd move. Definitely! Can you afford your mortgage payments if interest went up to 7%? Energy bills double? University for 4 children?

JohnStonesMissus · 02/03/2022 16:58

Some posters on here are unreal, so basically if you're better off you're not allowed to have problems and ask for help? OP if there's no part time, term time jobs can you look at perhaps offering an ironing service from home? Not sure how much it would bring in but at least you can work the hours you want without having to shell out for childcare..

itsnotdeep · 02/03/2022 17:00

I never said she was better off than me actually and this isn't at all a personal issue for me. But there's a certain (high) level of insensitivity in her posts, where she doesn't even acknowledge the situation that she's lucky enough to be in and there's seemingly very little awareness of in any of her posts about this.

BessAndCress · 02/03/2022 17:06

@itsnotdeep

I never said she was better off than me actually and this isn't at all a personal issue for me. But there's a certain (high) level of insensitivity in her posts, where she doesn't even acknowledge the situation that she's lucky enough to be in and there's seemingly very little awareness of in any of her posts about this.
I didn't suggest that she was better off than you, I suggested that you can't cope with the fact that some people are better off than others.

And I don't see why anyone should have to wrap their posts in cringing little disclaimers counting their blessings and apologising for their existence. Why can she not just ask her question in a straightforward way, as she has done? These are the facts of her life, which she wants advice about; I don't see any boasting or insensitivity. I don't have anything approaching a seven bedroom house and frankly it would rub me up the wrong way to have people apologising to me for mentioning theirs.

JohnStonesMissus · 02/03/2022 17:08

@itsnotdeep

I never said she was better off than me actually and this isn't at all a personal issue for me. But there's a certain (high) level of insensitivity in her posts, where she doesn't even acknowledge the situation that she's lucky enough to be in and there's seemingly very little awareness of in any of her posts about this.
Why should she? Are you the thread police|?
GreenLunchBox · 02/03/2022 17:14

@itsnotdeep

I never said she was better off than me actually and this isn't at all a personal issue for me. But there's a certain (high) level of insensitivity in her posts, where she doesn't even acknowledge the situation that she's lucky enough to be in and there's seemingly very little awareness of in any of her posts about this.
Why does she have to acknowledge she's 'lucky'? The 'I know how privileged I am" disclaimers on posts actually annoy me because it's not a race to the bottom.
RobertsRadio · 02/03/2022 19:35

Op, Ignore the poster who is incapable of reading your posts and seems to think they are in charge of what people can post about, they are being facile.

Re your dilemma, I am with you. It sounds as though it would be prudent to move and buy a more modern 4/5 bed house that is more economical to heat and easier and cheaper to maintain. Also nearer to shops and amenities so you don't have to use the car all the time.

Much better to have money left over every month for holidays and savings. It seems a no brainer to me.

itsnotdeep · 02/03/2022 20:09

I think that given I'm one poster, and you've all resoundingly disagreed with me, I'm sure the OP, if genuine, has no issues with anything I've said.

Babyroobs · 02/03/2022 21:05

Lets face it no-one needs seven bedrooms unless you are the Radfords.

Original poster
Pando53 · 03/03/2022 09:30

Some posters on here are unreal, so basically if you're better off you're not allowed to have problems and ask for help? OP if there's no part time, term time jobs can you look at perhaps offering an ironing service from home? Not sure how much it would bring in but at least you can work the hours you want without having to shell out for childcare..

Oooh I love the ironing. idea. Currently looking into this to see if it’d be something people would want around here. Any tips anyone?

Lets face it no-one needs seven bedrooms unless you are the Radfords.

I agree - and definitely no more babies in my future!!

Thank you for all the helpful advice, really sorry if I offended anyone

OP posts:
JohnStonesMissus · 03/03/2022 18:13

You've not offended me OP, there's nothing in your post that is even remotely offensive, some people just see it as an opportunity to have a dig, don't you know by now that you have make disclaimers and apologize for your very existence? Anyway, as for the ironing business I do know that there are people willing to pay for it, my sister pays for her DHs shirts done by her local small business, she's booked up for weeks!

ilovebagpuss · 05/03/2022 08:05

I would definitely down size while housing market is busy. Nice 4/5 bed somewhere closer to amenities for you with the little ones.
You could find somewhere with decent downstairs space so a nice big kitchen diner and play room or snug. Bear in mind when they do get older the bedrooms will get used and the reverse of all being together comes into play for a bit.
Probably more little part time job options for you closer to town too for the future.

Winter2020 · 05/03/2022 20:40

Hi OP,
I think it would be a good idea to downsize but I'm sure you will still be able to find a really lovely house while saving a load of money on the mortgage. I don't think you should have to martyr yourself to something that you hate at all.

I think it would be better for your kids to be in comfortable modern bedrooms that can be warm and cosy than large airy period rooms that you can't afford to heat adequately. Better for them to enjoy the odd day out and takeaway than scrimping in splendour (aware this is probably an exaggeration but you know what I mean!)

I think be open minded/flexible when you are looking for the new house. You might spot one that has one too few bedrooms but a separate dining room as well as a kitchen diner or downstairs playroom and you could make one bedroom downstairs. Or somewhere that has one too few bedrooms but scope for an extension or attic conversion even if this was not going to be done straight away. Something "with potential" might be one way of getting your partner on board with the idea.

I don't think living in a grand house out in the sticks but without much in the way of a budget for socialising would be great for teenagers, and I do think as they get older it is nice for them to have the chance to play at friends houses or have friends over under their own steam.

All of the above assumes that you are not head over heels in love with your new home and desperate to keep it. If you are and want to go down the job option is your partner available at home in the evenings and nights? Perhaps bar work or supermarket replenishing or warehouse/production work on the evening/night shift when your husband could have the kids.