If you have turned your finances around and learned to live frugally, HOW??

[LittleDorritt]

How have you done it??

I was made bankrupt this week. I got my first credit card at eighteen and I've been living above my means my entire adult life. I try to budget and save and I get nowhere at all. I don't seem to have an "off" switch when it comes to self-sabotage.

If you have successfully turned your spending habits around completely, please tell me how you've done it, and where to start.

A tip from a friend in similar circumstances was to withdraw her spending money each month (salary minus rent, bills, direct debits + savings budget) in cash and never, ever use her debit card. Not only is cash a more visual reminder of expenditures, she found getting out of the habit of using a card very helpful and lost that 'don't think about it/don't worry about it/don't check the bank account' mentality.

Only downside was cashless systems e.g. Oyster cards, bus fares etc. become more of a faff.

You need to know your weekly and daily budgets.

Have you had your statement of affairs looked at? It should give you a firm budget.

Bankruptcy is a huge wake up call and a clean state. Eight years on I've never used credit. What is ours is ours.

I had similar, was made bankrupt at 25 and at the time it floored me but was the best thing that ever happened. I had so much debt I just couldn’t pay it back and it wiped the slate clean. A good thing about BR is that it’s near impossible to get any credit for a good few years afterwards.

I now use the piggy bank approach as described by Martin Lewis, eg have one account for bills, one account for “spending money” and several different accounts for different things that I am saving up for. And actually in total now I have £12000 in savings which I never thought possible.

Talk to us a bit more about your spending habits? How do you self sabotage?

Thanks Lacking. I did try the cashless system but fell down almost immediately trying to do the weekly shop. I always seemed to end up with not enough cash at the till and had to put things back, and then go again another day. It worked very well for little purchases and top up shops.

I also found it really terrifying to have all my DDs come out on payday, and then take my cash out and have zero in the bank for a whole month. Mentally it just stressed me out big time, although I had the same amount of money obviously. I would definitely be up for trying it again though.

I haven't had my paperwork through yet Makingahome - I literally just got the BO. I didn't have to do a very detailed budget in the initial application as the money I get doesn't even cover the food bill. Everything else comes out of DH's wage and they didn't want to hear about that.

Fruitcider that is SO encouraging to hear. I really want this to be a new start. Having any savings at all seems like an impossible dream. Having £12,000 would be like winning the lottery!

In terms of self-sabotage, I guess I just find it impossible to think in the long-term, and to say "No" now in order to get there. There are things we need - like curtains for our bedroom, a chest of drawers for DD etc - that we could have bought ten times over with the money I have spent on the occasional cakes, junk food, a bottle of wine etc. We don't ever have holidays or new clothes but the children have swimming and ballet lessons and other non-essential things that I find it really impossible to think of cutting out of the budget. I'd rather have holes in my shoes and eat toast for every meal than have them feel that they couldn't do the things their friends do. It's hard to explain. We aren't massively irresponsible with our money (although that sounds ridiculous as I'm now bankrupt) but we spend it on stupid temporary things instead of working towards the future. I need some kind of mental-overhaul, which is why I was hoping for tips from someone from the "other side" of the journey.

FWIW, I'm exactly the same with my weight. I would love to get to a healthy, slim weight but I'm always thinking of the short term discomfort and inconvenience rather than the long term accomplishment. It seems impossible. Being slim and solvent is something that other, better, people do.

Self esteem. You are worth being healthy and financially stable.

Does making yourself bankrupt cancel a dept ? Who pays it if not you ?
Never thought about it before ..
As for us the system of different tins for each bill or running costs works really well - saying that we lost the habit of doing it when we got more sorted . It's so easy to use debit card . Much better to have allocated pots as when it's gone it's gone ! ( as in if we had spent our ( whatever ) allowance that's it .

I don’t know little, except that I’m also the same, with food, spending etc. I do feel that treat culture is everywhere these days - oh it’s payday, here come all the emails about payday treat purchases. Oh it’s halloween - here are 1500 ways you could spend money in a Halloween themed way.

I reckon boredom and poor sleep are my main causes for constantly wanting to treat myself - might be worth thinking about what your spending and eating triggers are.

Yes about treat culture
And also payday treat ethos
But it's often not about us treating ourselves for us - it's manipulation to fill the pockets of shops etc
I try to think I have " enough " if o can which can liberate me from being trained to want" more " by ads etc
It sometimes works !

Try you need a budget .com. It revolutionised my spending.

Also frequent the money saving expert.com website more than style and beauty!

Can you actually live within your means? If yes, and you are using credit cards for extras, get rid of them. I have a debit card rather than a credit card so I am never in debt (except for the mortgage) and check that I have enough money before making a purchase.

Money Saving Expert seems so enormous and confusing. MN is really the only discussion site I use and my poor brain can't seem to get to grips with MSE.

I like to try YNAB but, ironically, I don't have the spare cash at the moment, plus the bankruptcy means all my cards are currently frozen.

I guess I can live within my means as the cards have been maxed out for a while now, so we haven't been living on a full wage for a long time - nearly a quarter of it has been going on interest.

Gin - for £680 the debt gets wiped out. I don't know who "pays" ultimately, and whether I should be feeling awful about it - but as I have paid the amount I borrowed two or three times over in interest already I guess the banks aren't going to feel too much pain.

You don't have a poor brain.

Mse has lots of good articles , no need to bother with discussion groups.

Try these.

Stop buying presents, magazines, takeaways, books (use a library)
No new adult clothes unless you have none of the item left and really need it.
No cosmetics, beauty treatments except a haircut.
No food waste. No out of season stuff. Own brands or aldi.
No booze, smokes or pets.

Thanks little
I just never thought about how it worked before . And yes re interest !

I have a credit card but I always leave it at home. It's only for emergencies.

Try not taking your debit card out with you.

I’ve never been bankrupt but have been a terrible money situation mainly due to some awful personal circumstances coinciding with our business going thrigh a tricky patch.
We turned things around by ....

Doing a budget for every single thing you spend over a week, a month and then a year.
Cutting up DHs credit cards.
Taking cash out on a Monday for the week, (unless an emergency, no other money is allowed)
Not buying any new clothes, hobby items, magazines etc for as long as it takes to get back a healthy bank balance.
Work bloody hard and try to earn as much as possible.

You can do it, just be determined, it’s so worth it!

They have a specific board for bankruptcy on mse. There's also one called debt free wannabe.

YNAB is free for the first month. Or the chap who runs it (Jessie somebody) has just brought out a book.

Good luck.

little join us on the "frugal" mumsnet threadsHere. We've been going for a few years now. There are people in many different financial situations but it's all about supporting each other whatever our situation. We're a very friendly bunch.

Thanks Northender, I will

Silvertap I totally assumed that to sign up for the free trial you had to sign up for the year with your card details and then remember to cancel in time etc, like so many sites do. Wrong! Thanks so much, I managed to somehow click on a pop up that gave me two free months instead of one so I'm going to give that a good go.

I already do loads of things suggested by Special and Lizzie - I never ever buy magazines, clothes, smokes, beauty items. I haven't had a haircut this year, I don't own any pets. I joined a MN No Book Buying thread and have only bought one book since January 2016 (and it was rubbish ), using the library instead. My children are my absolute weak point. And possibly cake...

Thanks for giving me loads of things to think about

Special...that checklist is really useful and scarily simple.
Def given me food for thought as she rethinks plans to do MORE Xmas shopping tomorrow

I have an excel spreadsheet that I reconcile at least once a week. It tells me then whether I need to reign in the spending or whether I'm ok.
That helps me

Another vote for YNAB. It completely changed the way I think about money, for the better. It really is incredible, takes a while to get the hang of but it felt like I suddenly understood money for the first time.

Sorry to hear about your bankruptcy, OP.

See if a library has the book simplicity parenting. It might help you see you that your children don't need stuff.

BTW I love a new book to read. I have a nook e reader which means I can use the e library - in fact two because I am on a county border. Best £30 ever spent and no need to actually go to our excellent but grossly overheated library.

No need to stop the fun stuff, there are ways to have it free.

Do it one day at a time so as others have said take out your cash for the week then see how many days you can go without spending. I don't spend most days now I find things at home to do, free stuff for kids or I am working. I don't get taken in by buying junk if we need something g we buy the best quality and it tends to last. This takes research. Is there anyway to earn more money? Second / evening job?

Work out a budget for yourself.

So, if you have £1k a month coming in you need to work out where it is going to go...

Mortgage
Electric
Gas
Council Tax
TV Licence
Internet
Telephone
Mobile
Food
Clothes
Christmas
Birthdays
Holidays
Savings!

I used to have an Excel spreadsheet which categories down the left and Jan to Dec along the top. Worked a treat.