Springing into the New Year with the 2017 Frugaleers

[CathodeRayTube]

Just setting up the new thread for the chatty Frugaleers.

By popular request - copied from an old thread grin

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/other_subjects/1324074-For-those-who-cant-afford-to-use-central-heating-this-year-How-are-you-going-to-cope

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/credit_crunch/1543785-your-top-tips-for-money-saving-and-a-more-frugal-life

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/credit_crunch/1600030-Small-money-saving-habits-petty-even

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/credit_crunch/1628874-Gas-Elec-Bills-monthly-and-SKY-so-angry

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/mumsnet_classics/1911061-NO-MORE-COLD-MUMSNETTERS

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/_chat/2209167-Slow-Cookers-are-shit

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/_chat/2224969-saving-money

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/legal_money_matters/2258202-Debt-mutual-support-thread-number-6-start-the-new-year-with-a-clear-purpose-and-keep-moving-forwards-even-by-tiny-steps?

orchard.tesco.com/ Sign up to this.

www.topcashback.co.uk/home And this.

www.quidco.com/home/ And this

www.moneysavingexpert.com/ And this

www.moneysavingexpert.com/cheapenergyclub ditto.

www.checkoutsmart.com/ Plus this.

www.hotukdeals.com/all/deals/new?page=3 Check this daily.

MissA so sorry you are feeling down about it. Please don't take this the wrong way, but if you adopt you will have no idea about what they could genetically inherit or what damage the birth mother may have done by (potentially) not looking after herself. At least you would have total control over the nurturing of a biological child whilst you are pregnant and beyond. And even if mental health and alcoholism are inheritable, the baby would have half your genes. Maybe you need to discuss it with a health professional.

Anyway, NSD for me again! Need I've added that book to my wish list too.

Trying that sounds wonderful. :-) I've got my sunflower seeds on the mantelpiece ready for Easter. Also 12-foot tall cabbage plant seeds and pumpkin seeds for halloween. Looking forward to it. I love my greenhouse. It's my pride and joy really. It's a 12x10 dark green one. I got it for 30% of RRP in a closing down sale, in true frugaleer style.

That's good to know about HSBC Em. I'll have a look at them. Thanks for the tip.

Well done also on the GP visit. That sounds really helpful.

Hi all, I can hardly keep up these days!

Peonies, that really is tough. Some very close friends have adopted and i know a couple who have been approved but are waiting to be matched. It is not an easy route at all. There is the horrendous red tape, as you say, and also two other things to consider: first, there is a massive shortage of children to adopt vs approved adopters, some people who are approved will never be matched; second, adopted children often come from chaotic homes (in the uk very few children are voluntarily given up for adoption, most are taken into care) and can have other issues that they bring to their new families even when taken into care very young. My friends actually have two adopted children as they couldn't have their own. They certainly have no regrets, and it has been a largely positive experience (red tape aside) but they do find that one of the children, in particular, has a lot of sleep and separation issues and is very high needs. It is not an easy road at all.

I don't know much about inheritance of MH issues or alcoholism, but it would be worth finding out? I hope you and DH can agree on a way forward anyway, children (or not) is a massive life decision and not easy to compromise on.

I am sure I've missed loads but just to say that I must be a complete slattern because I think that quarterly washing of windows is perfectly respectable. It does cost me over £40 for all my windows though (London) which somewhat colours my view on the matter!

I am having a very bad day financially. In fact I've had a couple of sleepless nights over my tax return. I used to be self-employed (working as a freelance consultant) so took mostly dividends. I took very little last year so wasn't expecting to pay much tax but it turns out that some dividends from the previous FY are being counted in this return (accountant thought he was doing me a favour but it's not good, as it turns out, because I didn't realise!), so I have to pay a LOT more tax than I expected. This is also giving me a cash flow problem as most of the money I expect to be living on for the next year is coming from winding up that self-employment company. I started the liquidation process over a year ago and the liquidator company (who are charging me thousands) STILL haven't sorted their shit out so all the money is frozen somewhere. So, massive tax bill and no access to the money that is owed to me.

If they don't sort things out soon I am going to have to put DS back into full time childcare to try to find a few months work before I have this baby. Like it'll be easy finding a job while pregnant . Very stressed indeed.

Apologies that I can't remember anything from up thread, will have another skim later. Off to make some frugal mash...

So, Scarecrow, the dividends paid in a previous tax year were not declared until the following tax year, to reduce the tax burden at that time. Have I understood that correctly? You are able to NOT pay monies 'on account' if you speak to HMRC. We are doing that this year. They charge you 3% on the arrears but it's an entirely normal process. Both DH and me are doing this, our income in the previous tax year was massive, to overcome more stringent tax rules on dividends, but I'm not paying an 'on account' payment. based on the income they think I will earn, if that makes sense? As that was an exceptional year. .

Em. DH has bi-polar. I think you might know this. We've lived with this for over a decade now, and probably before then too, probably always. DH has always told me, even in his very darkest moments, that I MUST make him get out of bed and get on with his day, go to work, function. Until the darkness lifts a little. He says the day he doesn't get out of bed will be the day his illness takes control. There have been days when he's shaken, cried and nearly hit me, but he's got up and done it. All this is saying that, if you don't go to NZ this time, the next time will loom larger and larger and the anxiety will grow. I presume you would want any grandchild to visit NZ at some point, for their own sake if anything else. This is your own decision, you can choose to do what is right for you, I'm not telling you what to do. Just that I've 'done' mental illness/anxiety/bi-polar for a long while and this is what works for us. DH can't sign off work though, he can't stay in bed and wait for it to pass, rest up etc, we don't have that option. DH IS our income. So it may be different. .

Peonies MH is hereditary, DH's father and 2 of his siblings also suffer. Addiction isn't. MH isn't the end of the world. We live with bi-polar on a daily basis. Your DH needs to learn some more, if he can be persuaded to. .

need thank you. That helps. I cannot let this win. I'm better than that. I love nz. It's the most beautiful place I've ever been to. And yes if we had kids I wouldn't want to deprive them of family etc.

I have just had a talk with dh. He told me I have to give him a straight answer. Did I want to go. Yes or no. Am I going. Yes. Or no. He didn't want to hear the thought process. Just the answers. My responses. Yes. Yes. then he wanted to know what I'm afraid of. So I told him. We talked. I cried. He listened. He said he would absolutely understand if I didn't feel I could go. But I can't back out at the last minute. So it's all in now or not. But I'd have to tell lovely Bil and sil to be. And I'd have to cancel my flight as he didn't feel he could do it without being upset. and I don't want to upset him. he actually said he thinks I'm brave. For even considering doing something that frightens me. He knows a few people who don't fly. Full stop. They flat out refuse.
I at least do it. With a lot of wine and persuasion.

I've sent a few emails enquiringly re hypnotism for anxiety. Annoyingly the next course I can do starts in April. But I've out my name down. So that's a start.
#positivity.

Have just also had a bath and am now in bed. we talked while I was in the bath dh sat on the loo and chatted to me. Not going toilet. Just on it

The cold has taken its toll. I couldn't even be arsed to do my tan tonight. Sigh. It is serious.

Mil's can't live forever you know.

Em, get that tan on you lazy cow bag .

Seriously, I'm glad you talked to DH. I'm glad he listened, even if might not have fully understood (I don't think I do with DH as I don't live it iyswim). You are brave. You are brave to fly somewhere when you hate the practical process and the difficult relationship you face afterwards. But you are the better person for doing this. You are the better person for admitting the anxiety and how you feel. But you are the better person for finding strategies to cope and move forward. The world shrinks a little the less we allow ourselves to attempt. And you grow a little every time you attempt something that scares the shit out of you. xx

need oh balls that made me 😭

But. I am the bigger better person. am also upgrading our flight to premium economy. Anything to make the journey more doable for me

Peonies sorry to hear that :( adoption is a hugely different affair in the U.K. compared to the USA and in movies/TV. It is not something I knew about at all until recently when a good friend told me her own DC are adopted. Most children in this country who are given up for adoption are not 'given' (in the "young mum decides to give baby up at birth" type way - it's just not common here) but taken as an absolute last resort and the chances are incredibly high of having parents lost to addiction and crime, many babies and toddlers will have been abused (if not by the parents then in foster homes, a whole other thread :(), things like foetal alcohol syndrome are very common, even babies going through drug withdrawal after birth. :(

I am not saying this to put a downer on the idea - more that if DH is worried about his mother's MH history this will perhaps give an alternative view.

Beneath this facade I am a deep and meaningful person.

Premium economy. Valium. A large Jack Daniels x 2. These are all recognised coping strategies with scientific validity. I am sure of this....

Jan 10
£2.60 bus pass for DD (DSD stayed home with DS while I took DD to tap)
£1.30 water (forgot to bring any 😳) and a new chocolate bar to try (Millions. Hugely disappointing. More like Tens.)

And had my first tuition session of the year so I'm up on the day :o

Switch jd out for gin. Or if it's free champagne and I'm good to go.

Oh and the stir fry was a bit meh. Turns out uncle bens egg fried rice (one of the things mum bought to get the wok) is frankly a bit odd. But glad I did that rather than a takeaway anyhow :) I do feel like my mindset is shifting... just have to see how long my New Years resolve lasts :o anyway every little win is still a win right? It's not like I'll never have a takeaway again, or I'll never forget to take lunch with us etc, but every time I don't, it's still progress. :)

Make mine a premixed Malibu and cola can, em/need

cag that's my cinema drink!! Haha!!

Or a Smirnoff ice in a can..... #classybird

I found an app earlier which invests the pennies from bank accounts. It's only in usd though I think. I might look to see if there's a gbp one. Could be interesting to invest my small change and see what it does for me.

Ohhhhhhh I just lost a long post it was really good as well and now you'll never know

This will be the briefer version!

Seacow that sounds so stressful, I know its easier said than done but try not to worry as these things have a way of sorting themselves out. If you do have to go back to work is there an option of working from home? Also would a cm be an option for your ds? My dd coped better with a cm than at nursery which from a sensory pov was overwhelming for her.

Peonies I think not having babies at all would be a deal breaker for me, i'm so sorry as an impossible situation for you. I agree with everyone else that alcoholism afaik is not hereditary and mental health issues along with physical health issues are not guaranteed with any baby to any parents. Your dh sounds scared which I understand but giving up your chances to have a child of your own is too much to ask imo.

Em well done you, please read this book if you get chance as it really changed the way I thought about anxiety [[https://www.amazon.co.uk/Anxiety-Panicking-powerful-self-help-suffering/dp/1500117927/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1484084144&sr=1-1&keywords=panicking+about+panic excellent book]]

Spent £47 today on petrol.

Gah link fail!!

Em, well done for facing your terrors. You are definitely a better person for it. And your DH is right. You are brave.
And anyway, you have to go. We all want to hear all about it afterwards.
Cath, tell me more about this giant cabbage please. DGCs would love that. DDs two little ones are strange as kids go. Only like salad, veggies ( preferably raw) and fruit. So a giant cabbage will definitely appeal.
Peonies, I am sure it is true that some MH issues are hereditary, there are probably others that are caused by the environment, like stress causes some anxiety or depression. It may be worth looking at what sort of MH problems DH's mother had and seeing if they are genetic.
But, like others have said, any baby peonies would have half your genes.

Need I am not paying on account this year, similar to you my liability shouldn't be recurrent. I went into a proper employed job last year and so for half of this year I paid v high tax, then no earnings. I will be due a rebate on that next year which will partially offset whatever I owe in capital gains... IF I ever get my money!! It's still a fairly big bill, though probably not as big as yours

Girlie my nice accountant is going to get onto the liquidators for me and see if he can get things moving. I think I should have enough to last while, in theory. It will just be very stressful and upsetting if I have to leave DS to work because of their incompetence, when I gave up work because he needs me!

em for all the bad bits there will still be NZ itself and lots of lovely bits. On days when you can leave MIL behind, at least. And for the journey there is gin god I'd love a gin right now

Cag I agree with what you say about adopted kids often coming with issues... it certainly isn't always the case, and it may not go on to impair their lives, but the incidence of issues like foetal alcohol syndrome is much higher than in the general population. It's a roll of the dice in itself.

peonies it's not the same but I have been thinking about the parallels with our recent decision to have a second child. Our DS (4) had autism. He is moderate functioning. He may or may not be able to live an independent adult life. We had to decide whether to have another child, knowing that the risk of ASD in DC2 was around 20%, rather than the 0.5% of the general population. I wavered on that for a while. Selfishly I wanted another, and I didn't want DS to be an only child. But I was scared and had to be prepared to accept whatever life throws at us. Life is hard with DS st times, and it has changed our lives even more radically than a child normally does (I have given up my job because of his ASD; I would not have done so otherwise). For us in the end it wasn't logical, it was just knowing that once they are here and you love them you'd never go back. I am pregnant now and it is a massive leap of faith. I am glad to be pregnant though. I am not suggesting you should dive right in, just saying that there are always risks that one will have a challenging child. Sometimes you know the risk. Sometimes you don't.

Cag I meant to say before that the CAB appointment sounded quite positive. And good to be taking action. Can you sit tight where you are while you see how that plays out or will you have to make a move in the meantime, regardless?

The moving isn't really up to us - we've accepted there is no way whatsoever of moving to another private rental so we are simply waiting on the housing register, and hoping that my medical assessment, coupled with the kids' extra needs and their ages, and the fact the rent has increased, will get us moved up to an A priority level. Basically I'm hoping they will look at the list and think oh fuck it just find them a house. :o

Sorry to say guys but I thought Girl on a Train was shit. The book I mean. I am often finding that thrillers are really poorly written though. This one was immensely predictable as well, and I am really not one of those people who can figure out the answer easily.

Lovely evening watching anime with DSD here :o

The appt was for the PIP form by the way so not directly linked to the housing. Just figured I may as well do it all at once. It took a lot for me to apply for PIP though and I have to say it was immensely depressing going through the form as it really brought home just how little I can manage independently. Will be worth it though! :)

Right today will be a bit spendy. I'm going to primark with a friend as I need new knickers. I said I would buy coffee if she drives then toddler group later which is £3.

Today's balances

Joint ac £343.95
My ac £57
Credit card £559.31
Penny ac £3.67

Cash in purse around £16 plus a bunch of change.

Must call flight people this week and see what I can do about out seats on the plane. At present we're not able to choose seats together. May have to pay the extra to get us to a different category of flight.

wreck are you walking around knickerless in this cold & windy weather

em I love seeing your balances update, peonies was it you that used to that before or another poster?

Mine are:
Personal Acc €60.23
Joint Acc €191.09 but there's a credit of €75.99 waiting to be cleared also
Joint Cash €120 if till at work has cash for a cheque
Cash: €4.42
CC1: €1437.25
CC2 : €373.67

Fingers crossed em you can upgrade to choose seats together
cag my friends just got approved for a council house, they're moving 3 doors down from where they are renting currently it will make €250 difference approx to their monthly expenses, maybe more and they've just finished a loan that was €350 monthly so huge difference to their finances. It can happen, fingers and toes crossed for ye.

seacow and need I've been burying my head in sand regarding my final self employed tax return. It's not due until end Oct but I want to have the figures done by end Feb so I can prepare for paying it if I have some to pay. Meeting an advisor about my pension contributions tomo growingup
And got a final reminder from social services, had been ignoring previous appts as I'm not in receipt of social welfare but now they say they will cut off my child benefit so I must attend, hoping can get appt for tomorrow and do the two together.

It'll be fine mammy I'll have to pay the extra (probably about £400/500 to upgrade to a different ticket) but it's worth it for peace of mind. extortionate but worth it

in other news the snot seems to have subsided somewhat (probably because I spent money on a mountain of tissues yesterday) but I now have what can only be described as a "chunky" cough. #attractive

Am taking leftover chicken curry to work with me for lunch today. Along with some satsumas two apples some honey and some lemon slices a box of tissues some lemsips and a hot water bottle. Office was freezing yesterday. Air con/heatings packed up.