Christmas when your attitude to money and possessions has changed...

[TheWrathofNaan]

My family has lived on very little money for quite a while. When I look back to before this I regret the money I wasted on rubbish which my children didn't ask for or seem to enjoy and which ultimately clutters my house.

Currently we have more money but this will revert back to subsistence living shortly.

I look at the Christmas board and stuff in the shops and I think what I could buy with the money if we were struggling again. I therefore have no impetus to buy stuff but at the same time don't want to spoil my childrens Christmas.

How does everybody else approach this situation?!

We have also had both lavish and frugal Christmases, and I am increasingly struggling against the materialistic culture we seem to have developed.

Fortunately our DCs are old enough to understand that there is a finite limit on what we can afford, especially as 4 of their birthdays (blended family) fall before February half term!

Last year I told my siblings that I had set a cash limit of £10 per head for everyone except our DCs, and was more than happy if they wanted to do the same. DH and I used to spend over £100 per child, but on the first frugal year that the sum allocated was £40 each, they all said it was one of their best ever Christmases. Things aren't too bad this year but I have no intention of going back to splashing unnecessary cash, and won't feel bad. Fortunately, they are not greedy or entitled, and will be grateful for whatever we come up with.

I can't stop my mother from going overboard- I tried- but I found myself giving away stuff for weeks. Who needs 6 tins/boxes of sweets/chocolates/biscuits?!

Married can I ask you what you buy your children? Whatever they ask for or do you do something different?

I have lost my taste a bit materialistically too. It's like when you see someone gorging on sweet foods, shovelling them in with both hands, with it all dripping out because you can't possibly swallow it all. You look at that and it puts you off.

So the kids have had maybe £40 -£50 all together, including stockings for the last few years. And one or two presents from other people, not many relatives.

I think when you have less to spend (through choice or necessity) it focuses you more. You have to really think about the value you'll get from those presents (combination of opening joy, how much it was wanted, play experience etc) and think more deeply about what the person might want rather than buying whatever random stuff you see that they would like.

Ultimately it's better, the recipient feels less overwhelmed by stuff that they can't find one particular thing and appreciates the fact that you got the one thing they wanted. With DC I tend to go for 1-2 things that I know they want, within reason - I'm not going to buy something they saw on an advert but will play with twice ever. And then a few more things that I think they will like based on personality/interests.

The youngest are teens now and there are grandkids too so Santa negotiations can be done directly Am a big bargain hunter out of necessity. I usually say 'what do you want?' at which point they ask the budget. They may think of something, or just ask for a surprise.

Off the top of my head from the last year or two for the DS's .... A watch, a branded neck warmer, a nice jumper/cardigan. Silver necklace/bracelet, a onesie, a sports branded T shirt. Headphones. A wallet. A calendar. Also fun stuff such as a big box of combs (one of the DS's is always losing his) and a giant jar of Nutella for the addicted one
DD's (older) had onesies, earrings, a hair dryer, some kitchen stuff (both left home).

We do stockings too. Has to contain a toothbrush, shower gel, socks, mini box of chocs, a satsuma and chocolate coins plus one or two random but useful items such as a torch, key rings, beauty miniatures. I will start buying those shortly as last year the stocking count reached 7...

I'd like to say it gets cheaper as they get older but there are THREE milestone birthdays after Christmas!

Thankyou for your replies Nota, Bertie and Married.

I guess I feel a bit lost and disconnected from it all. I am happy with so little or at least I have had to become happy with so little.

I was kind of hoping for some kind of code to direct me e.g a book, a cd, an item of clothing something frivolous etc!! I guess I feel the need for instructions to navigate Christmas so I am not buying for the sake of it!!

Married if you ds likes nutella have you seen the other galaxy, milky way spreads in squeazy bottles- could be fun for stockings!

Oh yes totally. I asked my partner two Chistmases ago if we could stop buying for each other as it was ridiculous. Instead we buy for my son and extended family. I would happily arrange to stop buying for my sister but last time I mentioned it she said she buys my gift early in the year so I left it.

This is a refreshing thread. I hope I have the same resolve when my dd is more aware of the piles the of plastic given to more affluent friends. I had many a poor Christmas as a child and as a family we still roar with laughter at the memory of a wotsit, party rings, frozen sausage roll Christmas dinner. Crap food and colouring books aside, I remember my mum's childlike wonder at all things Christmas and insistence on the black and white a christmas carol fondly.

We've agreed within our family that we only buy for kids...nothing for siblings/parents though we do make a contribution to the family dinner

I've heard this saying, which I really like and will be using this year for teenage DSs,

'Something you want,
Something you need,
Something to wear/eat
Something to read.'

I can buy to suit my budget and not drown in excess.

We've cut back a lot over the years. We do kriskindle in my family (adults and kids). It means we just have to buy one present. It cuts down on the cost and means a lot less shopping. We encourage everyone to make a list which means there's a good chance people will get something they actually want.

DH's family have decided they're not doing presents this year. We're having a Christmassy day out instead.

DH and I will get each other something very small.

The things I love most about Christmas are mostly free - decorating the Christmas tree while Christmas songs play in the background, snuggling up on the sofa watching Christmas movies with DD, the Christmas lights in the city, the Late Late Toy Show (an Irish institution), the look of wonder on DD's face when she discovers that Santa's been etc.

Agree with everyone else that I am totally over the materialistic thing. We do enter into it a bit with my family but I shop very carefully to make sure that what I buy looks like more than it is!

DH and I do buy for each other but we always ask each other what we would like/need. I really don't need fancy presents and far prefer days out and nice food/wine!

DH and I both have large families, and the DCs get a lot of presents. I buy most of them as the grandparents etc are not in great health. I tend to buy annual subscriptions to comics/magazines, or experiences such as a skateboarding lesson etc.

Since I know that the DCs will get a lot of gifts, I only spend about £20-30 on them. It's more than enough, I usually get them a lego kit, or something I know they want, plus a set of books from the Book People.

Me and my partner don't give each other gifts and haven't for years. All my relatives I have traded off with "I won't buy you one, don't buy me one". the kids will get a modest stocking. However, if the kids need something (eg new bike) I will get that when they need it (if I have the money) not because it's Christmas/Birthday or whatever. I like to think that this is teaching them that you buy something when you need it not when the shops tell you to!

I usually give ds a main gift early (this year hopefully an Apple Ipad mini) and then a half dozen gifts on xmas day itself. They don't cost much e.g. a choc stocking, 3 annuals making 3 more gifts, then a dVD and a CD - job done! He really likes numbers of gifts still as he is 9 and now he knows there is no Father Xmas he will realise more than ever there is a limit to the cash to spend.

I feel differently now too. Trying to massively declutter and be more frugal too. But of course I want it to still be magical and festive!

There's lots of tips on the Minimalist Christmas thread over on the Christmas board :)