Mortgage advice please

[bucketbetty]

Hi all, I'm really fed up struggling financially. I've taken on more than I can manage and made some serious errors (I'm a bit thick when it comes to money). I don't really have anyone in real life to advise so I'd like some help if you please :) I earn a decent amount but have a huge mortgage. I stupidly bought a flat but didn't really think about the extra costs for example ground rent (which is also quite a bit). I also have a huge personal loan which is the worst thing I've ever done (God knows where it came from). I've counted a total of 14 direct debits a month (is this normal?). I've had it being skint. I want a holiday!!!! I'm thinking about putting my personal loan on my mortgage but don't know how this will work. I'm wondering if I should cut my losses with my flat and sell up and move out (I'll probably make a loss though). I feel really stuck. Can anyone help please? It's useful to say I'm also premenstrual and not feeling great. :)

Im not an expert but i am also in debt!

I find it helpful to list all my expenses including direct debts, what date they go out on, food, travel, birthday presents, car expenses etc. Then go through and see what you can lose or cut back on. Is there anything in those direct debts which isn't essential?

Also keep all your receipts for a month and see where your money is really going. Add them up in categories of food, clothes etc. You might be surprised.

Adding your debt to your mortgage is only a good idea if you can stop your debt building up again and to do that you need to be more aware of what you are spending your money on.

I get that you are crap with money but now is the time to learn not to be.

Yes, what poopoo said re budgeting.

Only add the loan to the mortgage if you are sure you are going to stay there in then long term, and with the extra amount your LTV ratio is the right side of 90% (otherwise you might struggle when you come to re mortgage)

Worth speaking to Citizens Advice if you need help to cut your repayments etc?

I think my problem is that I want to be rich and I'm not! I'm waiting for my knight in shining armour but he never turns up (and the lottery's just as bad)... I know it's a serious matter but I have to laugh or I'll cry. I hate the thought of counting every penny and therein lies my problem. This is what I need to do but this is also the bit I find really difficult. :(

Yeah i hate that too. I hate the fact that i haven't been abroad in many many years and only have one pair of jeans. It sucks.

You can't wait for someone else to rescue you though, whether that is a rich man or the lottery, because it might never happen. You need to take responsibility for yourself.

Judging by your wanting to be rich and not wanting to count every penny comments Im guessing that you live above your means most of the time. If that's the case it should be easy to cut back and all you have to do is decide which areas to cut back on is the most acceptable to you. It could be cheaper food or less expensive drinks, restaurants when you go out, or just not going out quite as much. Do you have expensive taste in clothes? You can waste a lot of money there which has little benefit other then to have you seen in the right labels.

I have a friend who sounds similar. Her parents always bailed her out as a young adult and continued to do so. She wanted quality stuff and a lifestyle that didn't fit her budget. Were your parents like this? Im wondering where this has come from.

Write down all your regular outgoings add them up and check you have enough money. Assuming you have. Stop using all cards even debit. Instead use the card once a week to get out cash, it may help to write down every little thing you spend. That way you can look for patterns and reduce spending. Paying by cash whenever possible makes you think before you spend it also lets our children see the link between goods and money and that it runs out easier than using a card

Thanks all, I really really appreciate your responses and wise words. Poo poo, I've never had much when I was growing up and I want my son to have everything he wants (within means). I explain to him when we can't afford things but I also want him not to worry about money. I earn quite a bit in relation to the rest of my family. I've studied and worked really hard over the years and I'm not that bothered about what I have but I want my son to have lots. I'm not extravagant. I teach my son the value of the things he has and he's mindful of being careful about money. He's a wise little man, more so than me. I need to reign it in. I need to live within my means. I don't go out much, I do buy reasonably expensive clothes seasonaly, but not all the time. I spend more on my son than myself. I'm generous but not sensible. I need to be sensible. I will try. But, for example I have money in my account but I have 2 days of child care to pay for. I have not been out for a month and I'm child free, so I've used my credit card and bought a bottle of wine while I'm out. I'm not frivolous but I want to enjoy an occasional night out. Goodness, it's just not easy.

I want, I'll try what you say, but I'm already way into my credit card because I couldn't afford to go out. I've not been out for a month and tonight was the only night I was child free so I took my credit card and bought one bottle of wine. I got on the bus to my destination and had enough to get a cab home. I don't go mad but it all adds up. If I'd used my debit balance I wouldn't have been able to go out tonight and can't go out now for another month. It's all crazy!

Can you get some advice - CCCS or other voluntary agency. You have made the first step which is acknowledging the problem, if you get a workable budget you will be able to have nights out.