Dear people who were parents of toddlers in lockdown

[jallopeno]

How on earth did you manage?!!

I'm so sorry. I don't think I realised how much of a struggle it must have been. Hope you're doing OK.

How? Were you a key worker?

I had a 7 year old, a 5 year old and a 3 year old in the first lockdown. I was working from home and trying to homeschool / look after the big 2. DH worked out of home as normal during the pandemic.

whats really interesting now is that DS 3 is the worst behaved of the lot of them. I read a thread on here the other day about children who are screamers and it’s him. He’s a screamer. The other 2 weren’t.

and I like to think it’s nature because, you know, they were all brought up the same. But the reality was, at the age of (just) 3 I used to stick him in front of the tv or the iPad with me and the 7 and the 5 year old at the dining room table working (in some semblance) so we could get on. And I used to kid myself that it was wholesome or educational because he would watch Julia Donaldson stuff on iPlayer or alphablocks etc but, in reality, I just ignored him. And at 6 he’s still fighting for attention. 😢

Very difficult. We were lucky - one child (2), sympathetic employers, a garden, money. DD probably benefited academically from it - she was reading fluently by three, and fully bilingual in her dad’s language. But it was hell for me - routines and friendships vanished or disallowed overnight, no nursery, fear alternated with rage at people whose standards of adherence to whatever covid regulations were different to mine. And just how explosive I was as a parent.

My abiding memory from that time is lying to my daughter and saying that we couldn’t see John because he was on holiday - they were our closest friends and we’d seen them weekly or more before - instead of trying to explain to her what lockdown meant. But one day weeks later we were out on our daily walk, and John was out on his daily walk with his mum (who quickly saw me and scuttled away), and DD looked at me and realised I’d been lying to her.

I have a 6 year old who was 2.5 in lockdown and it wasn’t too bad, though granted I was furloughed. They don’t need friends or formal education at toddler age! They are happy with repetitive activities and will spend ages doing messy play etc. Every morning we went on walks of a couple of miles which took 3/4 hours as we stopped and looked at everything on the way. Now my DC is 6 I shudder at the thought of a lockdown at this age, juggling home schooling and not having proper ways to let off energy with friends. Though having been a teacher I think teens had it worst. Don’t get me wrong though, all ages will have their own challenges - lockdown or not!

I had 4 under 10. Youngest was a toddler and I’m a single parent. It was tough being locked down alone with them.

This is interesting. My eldest who was a toddler then had too much screen time due to DH and I having to work. She's a screamer. It does feel like she's fighting to be heard sometimes....

@Archymum i was the same…she’s now 5.5 and actually it was fine, it was only about 3 months or so that nursery was shut, I was WFH so DH looked after her. Social skills didn’t seem to be affected at all, and actually it was nice to have the downtime as it was great for her and DH relationship. I realise lots of other people had it hard though, I feel more sorry for parents of teenagers doing exams, or anyone with kids at school, also mums on mat leave who missed baby groups. I actually think toddler, age 2/3 ish was probably the best aged kids to have in lockdown 🤷‍♀️

My son was 16 months when we went into lock down and I don't know if covid is the reason but he is a very anxious child and absolutely hates to be separated from me. He's only just starting to become more confident. My second was born in august 2020 when the lockdowns weren't as strict, we had bubbles and could socialise much more and he couldn't be more different to my oldest, he's a very confident child.

Actually being in lockdown with my toddler was fine, but we're lucky we had a huge garden at the time and so we spent most our time outdoors. However, had I have been in lockdown with the 2 of them as toddlers I think I'd of gone mad!

And there were, looking back on it, some bits that I wouldn’t change. The family walks, the meals, the activities.

but it was also brutal.

my FIL and SiL were both furloughed. No kids. They had a very different experience of the pandemic.

Ah this is why my situation differs as dad and I were high risk so DD was out of nursery for the best part of a year...

You're being really weird! Toddlers are happy with their family and their home, extra lucky if you had a garden with all that lovely weather. Try getting through it with teens, home schooling, mental health, can't see friends, get first jobs, start driving lessons. Screwed over when it came to exams and uni... toddlers in comparison were easy! I'm a childminder, I did both!

Yes I’m a nurse so went to work as usual.

3-year-old with autism plus 7-year-old to homeschool, plus I still needed to go to work evenings until late . Oh and a tiny house with a tiny garden. The worst time ever. Always feel irrationally annoyed at those who loved and enjoyed the lockdown (even though I can see why it was good time for some people)

I had a 10 Yr old, 7 Yr old and 2 Yr old during lockdown. My mental health was in bits. Fortunately, my dh is amazing. He took most of the load

@YukoandHiro yes, I was that parent who was literally queuing at the door of nursery the moment it opened again 🙈🙈…best part of a year would have been really hard

Thank you OP.

meh I’m not ok.

I actually was ok at the time.

BUT NOW I’m not. They get everything. It’s absolutely brutal. They missed all that early exposure.

my mental health is in the gutter.

I have four. Two adopted. Then one born a year before lockdown. Then a lockdown baby. Born alone. Well I was there. DH met her in the car park. Lucky she’s his double.

i don’t think I will ever get over that.

funny I was thinking about it today. Being made to wear a mask until a lovely nurse took it off me. I had been covid tested three times.

I had a toddler who was 2years and 8 months and slab bang in a stage of trying to learn to deal with big emotions such as anger when not getting his own way. We also have a DS who was half way through his first year of primary school. Both of us trying to work full time remotely, home school DS1 and keep our toddler happy too.

The week before lockdown DS1 also had a double operation.

I have no fucking clue how we done it.

I started lockdown with a 1, 3 and 7 year old.

one year old’s first words included many Pokémon characters.

by the time she was two and the schools were closed a second time, the middle one had started school. The youngest was more interested in homeschooling than the school aged one.

husband and I worked from home, we were both on 32 hour contracts or so but had high pressure jobs and often worked more than that. It was hell. I took unpaid leave from my work for three weeks to try and assuage some of the guilt during the second lockdown. I felt close to a breakdown. In fact if I dwell too much on it I get very shaky and very sad. My husband is a very calm and cool and collected person but doesn’t have much emotional depth and frankly his “it’s all ok, we’ll manage” and calmness is something I can’t quite forgive and yet was the necessary counterbalance to my hysteria. I’ve given up career ambitions.

also my middle child never slept through the night. So basically we worked in shifts 7am - midnight and then got no decent sleep.

and I didn’t lose my job and didn’t lose anyone from covid and wasn’t financially affected and had space to work from home in etc etc but it was awful. Absolutely awful.

furlough wasn’t available to either of our employers, nor were either of us essential workers.

and that’s enough of dwelling on it because I’m sad again :(

Thank you OP. I had a 14 month old and we both worked full time in jobs that need quiet and concentration. It was hell. I was doing a shit job at everything and my physical and mental health really suffered and haven't really recovered.

My son is absolutely fine though, doesn't remember anything, not even the Covid testing tent we took him to approximately a billion times once he was back at nursery. He starts school in a week. So strange to think that his cohort were massively affected by Covid but won't remember it at all.

I relied on my seven year old to basically entertain the two and a half year old while I worked in a job that was extra busy and husband was key worker out if the house.

We were also in Scotland so locked down longer and both parents had to be key workers to get them into school so at home for both of them (although to be honest I needed the older one to manage!)

My worst day was when she put metal trains down the maceration toilet! Oh and when she brought in her potty and used it in the background of an important Teams meeting because we also had to toilet train as nappies became hard to get!

But it's funny how kids see it. I remember Smyth's toys starting delivery and ordering a train set they really wanted just to cheer us all up.

My son said the other day "mum, remember that day that was the best day ever" and proceeded to describe the day it arrived and I treated myself to a longer lunch to build it. He sees it very differently to me!

I cringe posting this as my toddler had a 'lovely' lockdown. I was furloughed for 3 months and DH for about 2. Lots of crafts, hours walking round empty woods and splashing in rivers, digging and planting. DD thrived.

Lockdown / COVID was fucking horrific in other ways, but just thought I'd add a counterbalance on the toddler front

Strange this isn't it - maybe not UK though? All the nurseries in our area were shut until they were allowed to open in the June.

Mine were 3 and 5. They were left alone downstairs in the house all day aside from lunch when my husband came out of the bedroom/office to feed them. I was out at work.
The house was trashed. The kids were neglected. Our mental health was in tatters. It was horrendous

We had nowhere to work quietly so had to set up a desk in eldest child’s room. We couldn’t leave both alone whilst we worked 9-5 so we did shifts, one of us would work 7-1pm then swap with the other who did 1-6pm then we’d break for 6-7pm to do tea then bed then both of us would catch up on work in the evening. When I wasn’t working or doing childcare I was asleep.

I remember crying real tears when playgrounds were unchained.