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Original poster

Parents want me to do and kids to do covid test before visiting

550 replies

Needarest22 · 22/12/2022 12:51

AIBU for being a bit put out by this?
My brother is also visiting and he's really cautious about covid so it could be driven by him. There is no talk of them doing one.
AIBU to be a bit miffed?

OP posts:
JohnPrescottsPyjamas · 22/12/2022 13:34

I just wouldn’t go if they’re that anxious about their health.
Children are germ vectors - fact. If it’s not covid, they could be carrying flu, norovirus or Strep A. All potential killers in a vulnerable person.

Their health choice, their consequences - either way.

HerMajestysRoyalCoven · 22/12/2022 13:34

Someone I work with went to a wedding just before Xmas last year, all 60 guests were asked to do a COVID test. One family turned up and admitted that they hadn’t done tests as their (snotty) kids didn’t want to miss out - and sure enough, the kids had COVID and it went through the guests like wildfire. So many Christmases got wrecked. The family were sort of apologetic but very breezy about it.

Don’t be that person.

BlueKaftan · 22/12/2022 13:35

Well, children are germ vectors, OP.

FoxtrotSkarloey · 22/12/2022 13:36

Needarest22 · 22/12/2022 13:13

No they haven't indicated that they will be doing one on the rationale that they avoid mixing. Same my brother will say he has quarantined before visiting my parents. They're 'clean' and we're germ vectors is how I feel.

I say this kindly as mum to a 2 and 4 year old... they're probably right about germ vectors!

There aren't really any rights and wrongs about how everyone feels about Covid. I'd just do the tests for everyone's peace of mind. Bribe the kids with a biscuit to get it done and move on. Not worth making a thing about it.

Megifer · 22/12/2022 13:37

Brokendaughter · 22/12/2022 13:27

My dad is dead & was buried just a few months ago, because one of his children visited him without doing a Covid test this year.

Turned out they had it even though they felt fine.

Can you live with that possible outcome?

Or do you think they are unreasonable to want to take precautions that might keep them alive at a time when the NHS are no help in a medical emergency?

So sorry for you, this is awful.

People can be absolute twats about testing. I always imagine they sit back with a little self satisfied smirk when they proudly announce they won't test to help people be and feel safer.....when they actually just look like silly little children.

Killingmytime · 22/12/2022 13:37

Everydayimhuffling · 22/12/2022 13:03

The people advocating lying to your family to avoid 2 minutes discomfort are disturbed. I'd do it if asked, OP, although I wouldn't check the preschoolers unless asked

Agree. I’ve had Covid again and this time I was so ill. I’m still having side effects weeks later.
1 min of discomfort is nothing.
don’t go if you don’t want to test yourselves.

tootyflooty · 22/12/2022 13:38

I think everyone in the family should test, that would be fair, but not if they are just asking you and your children. But I don't see a problem with testing

Mariposista · 22/12/2022 13:38

miltonj · 22/12/2022 13:00

Haha I'd honestly think that was some kind of sick joke!! After the last 2 Christmas' surely people want to just enjoy each others company.

Totally agree with this. I have always made it crystal clear that I will never test again, not for anyone.

Riapia · 22/12/2022 13:38

Test or don’t test, the choice is yours.
If you feel strongly enough about it there’s nothing and nobody that can force you into it.

JustLyra · 22/12/2022 13:40

Everyone coming to ours for Christmas is testing.

And the two people with stinking colds/bugs are not coming.

We have a couple of vulnerable people in the family and everyone is careful.

Kids that young are vectors tbh - the majority of illness that comes into this house comes from one of the kids

Killingmytime · 22/12/2022 13:40

MelchiorsMistress · 22/12/2022 12:59

Just tell them you’ve done it and it was fine.

Vile.

Noix · 22/12/2022 13:41

402 people died in just the last seven days. It still isn't a cold for a lot of people, especially the elderly.

If you have small/school aged children, you are a germ factory compared to them. That's not judgemental but just how it is with nursery bugs etc. - snotty noses everywhere.

They are not accusing you of bad hygiene or want checking for bedbugs, they are asking you not to ruin their Christmas and potentially their lives.
Really, I think you need to give your head a wobble.

Killingmytime · 22/12/2022 13:41

Kids are germ spreaders! I’m constantly getting illnesses from them!

SellFridges · 22/12/2022 13:42

We were due to see family yesterday. I have had a cold all week so tested to be sure. Positive. Cancelled plans because the one thing I want less than to have covid for Christmas myself, is to then pass it on to others.

AnyRandomName · 22/12/2022 13:42

I get it, my parents had a double standard with Covid. We were considered high risk (children and DH works in London) we didn't see them for almost a year. They wouldn't let us visit when it was legal to do so, they wouldn't come here either.

My sibling and partner were welcomed with open arms (despite travelling when it wasn't legally allowed to) and encouraged to stay for months. They live and works in London, shooed regularly, mixed with friends, travelled by public transport and a flight to get to them. Somehow they were considered safe, and us not.

The double standard, whilst being preached at about covid rules which they themselves broke when it suited them, was painful to overcome.

In your shoes I'd probably insist that they all do a test, I'd play the health concern card. But then I'm petty and it would bring my a strange pleasure to get some control back Blush

Adeckofcards · 22/12/2022 13:43

I can't see your problem with doing it.
The kids don't sound like they are under 4 so being a bit 'uncomfortable' is fine and a good way of showing them that we need to care for the elderly.

If you don't want to do it, don't visit them. Being 'miffed' is petulant.

toomuchlaundry · 22/12/2022 13:44

If they don’t go anywhere and brother is quarantining then it is not really necessary for them to do tests as they are using another method to avoid COVID. OP on the other hand with small children is quite likely to be a germ vector

I don’t ask my elderly DM to do a test before seeing us as we could cope with COVID and we are mixing in school, hospitality etc so likely to pick it up there. But we do test to see her to try and minimise the risk for her

Sunset6 · 22/12/2022 13:44

Do you do a test every time you see them? Whatever approach you have for the rest of the year should be carried on - no reason to have special rules because it’s Christmas (the virus doesn’t care)

middleager · 22/12/2022 13:44

Needarest22 · 22/12/2022 13:13

No they haven't indicated that they will be doing one on the rationale that they avoid mixing. Same my brother will say he has quarantined before visiting my parents. They're 'clean' and we're germ vectors is how I feel.

My mother was like this during the peak of the pandemic. We were asked to test frequently, but she never tested. It was annoying, as when she was coughing and sniffling she'd say 'it's just a cold' without actually knowing.

How old is your brother and your parents? Are they vilnerable or just Covid paranoid. Your brother is quarantining? I've not heard of anyone doing that for a long time.

It sounds to me they have a few issues around Covid that they need to address.

birder · 22/12/2022 13:45

If your dad had a bad chest last year, then he needs to be careful. DH caught Covid in March, several weeks in hospital and now has long Covid and heart issues. My DD is extremely careful around him, having a test before visiting etc., without being asked. She loves her dad, and would never put him at risk.

Better you don't visit if you care so little.

Teresa777 · 22/12/2022 13:47

MelchiorsMistress · 22/12/2022 12:59

Just tell them you’ve done it and it was fine.

Nope that's just shitty and selfish.

Seriously, how hard would it be to just do one? They've got every right to not want to catch COVID. Over 50s are catching the latest strain even with booster, and it leaves you feeling fucking awful.

808Kate1 · 22/12/2022 13:48

Better you don't visit if you care so little.

Agree.

YourApplePie · 22/12/2022 13:48

Megifer · 22/12/2022 13:37

So sorry for you, this is awful.

People can be absolute twats about testing. I always imagine they sit back with a little self satisfied smirk when they proudly announce they won't test to help people be and feel safer.....when they actually just look like silly little children.

Show quote history

My dad is older and vulnerable and this is why everyone is testing before we descend on my parents this Christmas.

£2 and a bit of discomfort vs burying my dad?

Megifer · 22/12/2022 13:48

Sunset6 · 22/12/2022 13:44

Do you do a test every time you see them? Whatever approach you have for the rest of the year should be carried on - no reason to have special rules because it’s Christmas (the virus doesn’t care)

Pretty well known that doctors/hospitals are more stretched over Christmas and new year.

I've not tested regularly unless I've had symptoms but I will be doing over Christmas when we visit family and friends (as will they) because we want to reduce the risk of anyone needing to see a doc over this period because it will more of a nightmare than usual.

Numbat2022 · 22/12/2022 13:48

Why on earth would you be miffed about being asked to protect your own parents from a potentially nasty illness? Honestly, what is wrong with people.

Small children are germ vectors. My three year old certainly is.