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Original poster

Parents want me to do and kids to do covid test before visiting

550 replies

Needarest22 · 22/12/2022 12:51

AIBU for being a bit put out by this?
My brother is also visiting and he's really cautious about covid so it could be driven by him. There is no talk of them doing one.
AIBU to be a bit miffed?

OP posts:
FluffyFlower · 22/12/2022 13:19

Are you afraid your Christmas would be ruined if one of you are positive ?

EnterFunnyNameHere · 22/12/2022 13:21

I don't see the issue with asking them to do one too, but I also don't see the issue in doing one if it makes them feel better... it's not like they are asking you to sacrifice your first born or something.

As for the people advising you lie through your teeth - have a fucking word with yourself. If someone is making an assessment of their personal risk you don't get to throw it out the window because you "don't wanna". If you really don't want to test (not sure why this is a big deal!) be honest, and let them adjust their risk assessment accordingly. You don't get to put other people at more risk than they are comfortable with just because you don't want to be inconvenienced or whatever.

Pearl664 · 22/12/2022 13:21

If they're over 50 they've had the chance to have the vaccine and at least 3 boosters. That's what my DH and I have had. I won't be asking any of my family to test and I won't be testing. I haven't tested in months.

Purplechicken207 · 22/12/2022 13:21

Honestly, if you've young kids and they aren't mixing, you probably are germs repositories! We certainly are here, the toddler brings home everything from preschool. Though nothijg we've had in the last few months has been covid and 2 of us feel absolutely rotten right now.
Just say you will if they do, and WhatsApp photos to each other the night before. It's not exactly a hardship for adults. That said whenever we've done it (last Christmas, and prior to people visiting our new baby this year) we tested ourselves but not the toddler, especially as its pretty likely we all have the same things. I don't think that's fair to do to a child too young to understand, and more likely to thrash during the test. Either that or just don't go. People are allowed to request you check (for their safety), you're allowed to request the same (for yours, and fairness), and you're allowed to not go because you don't want to 🤷‍♀️
Anyone complaining purely because 'why should I have to, I don't agree/believe in it' needs to get some compassion for others who may be less healthy, more anxious, or at risk. The last thing anyone wants right now is serious illness, when accessing healthcare is so arduous/impossible

melj1213 · 22/12/2022 13:22

Needarest22 · 22/12/2022 13:13

No they haven't indicated that they will be doing one on the rationale that they avoid mixing. Same my brother will say he has quarantined before visiting my parents. They're 'clean' and we're germ vectors is how I feel.

Tbf kids are germ vectors especially at this time of year - coughs and colds are par for the course for any child who is in school/nursery bit even more so in winter.

I had my nephew (7) and nieces (5 and 1) to stay last weekend, they all had awful colds that the children picked up from school and then they kindly passed it on to everyone in the family so we've all had a cold this week but it's hot some people much worse than others.

Topseyt123 · 22/12/2022 13:22

I'd be irritated too. I just would.

I'd probably just about comply, but say that when my batch of tests runs out I won't be getting anymore.

NursieBernard · 22/12/2022 13:22

I wouldn't have a problem with doing it, I would ask that they and your brother also did them too though.

SouthwarkSwish · 22/12/2022 13:23

We have Covid in the house at the moment. Not the first time for anyone. We are all really sick with it (raging fever, flu like symptoms, vomiting etc). It's rife and I don't understand people's weirdness about testing now. Surely it's common courtesy to not want to pass on sickness of any kind to relatives, especially at Christmas.

The "oh you're all all sheep, I'm too cool to no longer test" people piss me right off. How about collective responsibility.

loudbatperson · 22/12/2022 13:23

If you want to see then just do the test? If taking the test matters that much then don't visit and have Christmas by yourselves?

Having chest problems can be absolutely awful and getting I'll can really reduce your quality of life. I don't blame them for being precautious. The vaccine may make serious infection less likely, however vivid still floors a lot of people, especially those with other health issues.

If you mix a lot with other people or go busy places, and they do not, I can see why they see you as a higher risk.

Pearl664 · 22/12/2022 13:24

In real life I don't know anyone who still tests for covid (unless they have to for their job I suppose).

Blanketpolicy · 22/12/2022 13:24

Needarest22 · 22/12/2022 13:13

No they haven't indicated that they will be doing one on the rationale that they avoid mixing. Same my brother will say he has quarantined before visiting my parents. They're 'clean' and we're germ vectors is how I feel.

Well, it is factual that you are the mostly likely out of the group to potentially have it. 🤷‍♀️

It is you that is choosing to feel it is a personal slur on your cleanliness instead of just accepting they want to take precautions to ensure their Christmas isn't affected by illness and doing a quick test to make them more comfortable.

noodlezoodle · 22/12/2022 13:24

Covid, flu, and RSV are absolutely ripping through the country at the moment - you just don't know it because the government has decided Covid is over and don't require reporting anymore. Just do the tests. Kids are absolute germ factories and if you take Covid to your parents and they are very ill (or even worse), how will you feel then?

Setyoufree · 22/12/2022 13:25

It would be a no from me. They can then decide whether they want to 'take the risk' of seeing me or not.

Brokendaughter · 22/12/2022 13:27

My dad is dead & was buried just a few months ago, because one of his children visited him without doing a Covid test this year.

Turned out they had it even though they felt fine.

Can you live with that possible outcome?

Or do you think they are unreasonable to want to take precautions that might keep them alive at a time when the NHS are no help in a medical emergency?

Tessasanderson · 22/12/2022 13:27

All fine as long as EVERYONE is doing one and sharing the results. Works both ways, your protection is as important as theirs. I think i would just sack it off as too much hastle and make my own arrangements.

Unifolorn · 22/12/2022 13:27

You're taking it too personally, if you have children then you are going to be more at risk of having covid than they are if they 'live limited lives'. If you're that against it then don't go, but can't see the issue really.

FlounderingFruitcake · 22/12/2022 13:29

eatdrinkandbemerry · 22/12/2022 13:19

It's sensible 🤷‍♀️
My partner has been floored this week with covid and if he hadn't tested and presumed he had a bad cold he would have been near my vulnerable mum who probably wouldn't survive to see Christmas if he passed it to her !

Regardless of your views on testing, I really don’t follow this rationale. If your partner had a bad cold then wouldn’t he avoid your vulnerable mum anyway? Sorry if I’m misunderstanding you and I know covid can be much worse than a cold obviously but I would have thought you don’t want to pass on anything you’re unwell with to someone that is immunocompromised.

HerMajestysRoyalCoven · 22/12/2022 13:29

Small children are germ vectors though. Hence the many many many threads on here about kids getting ill so much at nursery.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 22/12/2022 13:30

Why would you want to put your parents at risk for a few seconds of discomfort?

Just do the tests.

I've got a shocking cold at the moment and did my first COVID test for ages yesterday (negative) but you never know.

CharlotteRose90 · 22/12/2022 13:30

Why are you refusing to do one? Do you have something to hide.

we have family and friends coming for Xmas and we’ve asked everyone to do a test due to my low immune system. We’ve also asked those that are unwell not to come .

poefaced · 22/12/2022 13:31

Are they willing to pay for the box of tests?

poefaced · 22/12/2022 13:32

CharlotteRose90 · 22/12/2022 13:30

Why are you refusing to do one? Do you have something to hide.

we have family and friends coming for Xmas and we’ve asked everyone to do a test due to my low immune system. We’ve also asked those that are unwell not to come .

Hope you’ll be doing a test too.

tackling · 22/12/2022 13:32

What on earth is wrong with some people here? You'd seriously lie, rather than spend a few quid and do a very simple test to reassure people you supposedly love and care for?

Lovely to see the generous spirit of Christmas alive and well on mumsnet Grin

NumericalBlock · 22/12/2022 13:33

There are two issues here, the first being asking you to do one and the second being that they won't be doing it.

I would happily test myself and husband would too, but there's no way I'd be testing my kids again unless I absolutely had to, especially ASD 6yo.

I wouldn't be so bothered to test myself if they were refusing to test as well though, yes you're more likely to catch it with kids but it's a bit of a dick move to insist you all do one but not do one themselves!

Itloggedmeoutagain · 22/12/2022 13:33

Just do a test