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Original poster

Parents want me to do and kids to do covid test before visiting

550 replies

Needarest22 · 22/12/2022 12:51

AIBU for being a bit put out by this?
My brother is also visiting and he's really cautious about covid so it could be driven by him. There is no talk of them doing one.
AIBU to be a bit miffed?

OP posts:
tigger1001 · 23/12/2022 21:43

For me the issue would be the accuracy of the test. Quite a few people I know have been ill for a few days before getting a positive test. So could just be a false sense of security.

And I would also be worried that even if the test was negative if the parents or brother ended up poorly, the op and their family would get the blame.

tigger1001 · 23/12/2022 21:46

"Your argument makes zero sense. You are saying that because you can't test for everything, it's worthless to test for covid.

That is like saying thar because there is no screening for brain cancer, there is no point in getting a mammogram.

Silly silly logic"

I disagree with this. The equivalent is saying I've had a mammogram which is clear therefore I don't have any type of cancer

Bleachmycloths · 23/12/2022 22:02

Honestly, it’s no big deal to test yourself. You are probably angry because you feel you are being controlled by your brother.
Part of me wants to suggest that you simply lie, tell them you’re all tested and negative, but I know that’s not good advice.
if you haven’t got a stash of testing kits at home, it will be inconvenient, otherwise it will be quick and easy.

Twentyfirstcenturymumma · 23/12/2022 22:08

This is irrational nonsense

Tygger · 23/12/2022 22:39

Please ignore the covididiots that are saying that you're unreasonable in not wanting to get tested, it should be clear to anyone by now, that the jabs don't prevent transmission and that the PCR tests are unreliable, if any of the other guests are vulnerable then they should protect themselves by either self isolation or wearing a proper anti-viral, full facemask.

eastegg · 23/12/2022 22:42

Brokendaughter · 22/12/2022 13:27

My dad is dead & was buried just a few months ago, because one of his children visited him without doing a Covid test this year.

Turned out they had it even though they felt fine.

Can you live with that possible outcome?

Or do you think they are unreasonable to want to take precautions that might keep them alive at a time when the NHS are no help in a medical emergency?

I’m so sorry for your loss. Can’t believe some of the attitudes on here.

eastegg · 23/12/2022 22:47

Tygger · 23/12/2022 22:39

Please ignore the covididiots that are saying that you're unreasonable in not wanting to get tested, it should be clear to anyone by now, that the jabs don't prevent transmission and that the PCR tests are unreliable, if any of the other guests are vulnerable then they should protect themselves by either self isolation or wearing a proper anti-viral, full facemask.

What’s the jabs not preventing transmission got to do with it? How does that support your argument that OP shouldn’t test?

Blueink · 23/12/2022 22:53

You’ve explained they are health anxious and they have limited exposure normally, their immunity will be low, so don’t find their request unusual given the background you’ve explained.

It’s a sensible and usually easy precaution as you are saying they don’t mix with others much, which is not the same for you.

Obviously you can choose not to go if you don’t want to test the children, but unless a massive back story can’t take it personally.

Abraxan · 23/12/2022 22:58

scatterolight · 22/12/2022 13:11

Say you did it and it was fine? Or do they want you to bring the completed tests as proof?

Don't lie about it.

Either say no, don't do one and then let them decide if they still want to come - or just do one and let them know the actual result.

But don't lie - that's not fair on people, especially if they could be classed as vulnerable.

Fwiw I'm classed as vulnerable and wouldn't ask anyone to test. However, I will test myself afterwards if I begin to feel ill- that's how I access antiviral treatment again and need to know before I get ill so would rather know if my risk of catching it was higher due to contact.

XenoBitch · 23/12/2022 23:39

Opposite issue here. Both my parents (in mid/late 60s) have bad colds and wont test.

Goldiemummy · 23/12/2022 23:41

I would be more than happy to do a covid test if someone asked me to. My daughter has a bad cold at the moment and I’ve asked her to take a covid test before my elderly dad comes round for Christmas Day.

thing47 · 23/12/2022 23:59

Tygger · 23/12/2022 22:39

Please ignore the covididiots that are saying that you're unreasonable in not wanting to get tested, it should be clear to anyone by now, that the jabs don't prevent transmission and that the PCR tests are unreliable, if any of the other guests are vulnerable then they should protect themselves by either self isolation or wearing a proper anti-viral, full facemask.

@Tygger I appreciate that the title of the thread isn't entirely clear, but it's OP who is visiting her parents, not the other way around. So it is OP who is the guest.

Presumably that changes what you say above because the parents most certainly do not have to take any precautions in their own home. They get to impose whatever rules they like – just as OP gets to choose whether she wants to comply with those rules or not. What she doesn't get to do is ignore them and still expect entry into her parents' home.

T1Dmama · 24/12/2022 00:17

Either do the test and respect their wishes in their home, or don’t go. The choice is yours to make

Stewball01 · 24/12/2022 00:21

Can't you do a home test? My son has just come down with it and did a home test.
I wouldn't be at all miffed if asked. I think you're being a wee bit selfish tbh.

JamFriedPlumpy · 24/12/2022 00:44

Hi, new to MN & GN 👋🏾😁

Having just had to completely change my Christmas plans twice as 2 different groups I was going to see have confirmed Covid this evening, I would say it’s wiser to test. Just in case.

Both groups are in South London/Surrey and the number of ambulances going past my home at night is steadily climbing again.

I’m CEV and was going to visit my grandkids, so would have tested before I went anyway as the youngest is only 16months old. However, it’s moot as an extended family member there tested positive tonight.

We’ll just have to Zoom instead and probably play Minecraft! 🧑🏽‍🎄🎄

Judgyjudgy · 24/12/2022 00:59

Whats the issue? Or you'd rather pass on covid?? My parents are elderly so we'll all be testing before heading over

LBFseBrom · 24/12/2022 01:35

I don't get it either, Judgy. What is such a big deal about testing, surely it's better to be safe than sorry.

JMR185 · 24/12/2022 01:53

I currently have Covid and feel awful. Why wouldn't you want to test? As for lying, do some people think so little of their family?

OldMam · 24/12/2022 06:54

Stay home and organise your own Christmas so your parents will be safe from your selfish ignorance. Look up the long-term sequelae of covid infection - heart attack, stroke, diabetes, rheumatoid arthritis, erectile dysfunction, chronic fatigue, immune impairment, the list is endless. Then ask yourself what sort of person you are.

Tygger · 24/12/2022 07:39

That's a very sensible way of looking after yourself.

Tygger · 24/12/2022 07:42

My reply was to Abraxan.

gettingolderandgrumpier · 24/12/2022 07:53

fuck that if I felt unwell I wouldn’t go anywhere I’m not testing for every family event forever. Those that choose to do it fine but dictating others is unreasonable.

Gingernan · 24/12/2022 08:24

If they ask you that should be reason enough.A lot of people are still scared of it with good reason. Who are we to scoff at them? I'm a fairly robust 73 who worked cleaning offices most of the pandemic, it didn't help my anxiety ( which I do struggle with and that's another thing the kids don't appreciate,sadly) I got on with it but not all can.

I know we have to live with infections but a plea...from me anyway! If the children are poorly please don't take them round nans! We can get so rubbishly ill with just a cold. I've been so unwell these last 2 weeks, but because my supervisor is on annual leave I've been doing the job,5 am to 12, I've not had energy left for my own Christmas preparations or even cleaning.Had I not been in charge I would have taken a couple of sick days.

Sorry,rant over, do those tests for the family don't be selfish,even the kids they will get over the huge trauma and imposition ,it is Christmas and if they are anything like my grandkids they do pretty well out of it!
Merry Christmas x

Gingernan · 24/12/2022 08:31

I'll be testing before going to family for Christmas Dinner. We see each other frequently so not so much for them but for their other guest. He's not vulnerable but why spread it if you can avoid?

Rosejasmine · 24/12/2022 08:36

Do the test, maybe not on the young children but in yourselves. Having just had Covid with with DH for the first time it was awful, fever, cough - still not feeling great 2 weeks later. We are fully vaccinated and had been exposed to it before but had never caught it. I don’t know what has changed but this was a nasty illness and I’m healthy and relatively young.