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Original poster

got covid DP Says I have to stay in one room whilst I isolate

108 replies

missdoglady · 29/06/2022 19:11

I looked on the nhs app and it says WFH if you can and avoid going out, says not to spend time around others in the household and to open windows for a bit that I've been in when I leave, so I've been doing that, sleeping in separate rooms, not sitting with one another.

Only me and my DP at home full time, he has two older kids, one 21, the other 17, both of them still come at the weekend to stay over, tonight my DP told me off for going down to make a drink and Told me to keep to one room, I said as long as we keep our distance and follow the app guidance, he said when his kids come at the weekend I have to keep to the bedroom as he doesn't want them catching it, I said it's probably best they don't come this weekend to avoid catching it, am I being unreasonable to suggest that ? DP said I am being very selfish to suggest that.

My DP not the most thoughtful when it comes to looking out for me when I'm not well, so I am use to looking after myself, but I am going to find it difficult at the weekend when I can't leave the bedroom 🤦‍♀️

How have others got around the whole avoiding one another when ones got covid ?

OP posts:
lemmein · 30/06/2022 04:45

missdoglady · 29/06/2022 20:08

He's a bit hit and miss with the tlc, I might get a cup of tea, but he certainly doesn't wait on my hand and foot! Doesn't think about making meals for me, unfortunately he's never been that kind of person!

I don't know how to handle this as twice now he's got mad me at me for leaving the bedroom, could do without it 😔.

I don't know if he's told his kids yet, I think they may feel pressured to still come as he gets upset if they don't come to see him.

God he really rules the roost doesn't he? Tell him to get fucked!!

Eviebeans · 30/06/2022 05:15

This might just be the prompt you need to leave this relationship. It doesn't sound great, he sounds terrible. The idea that my partner/husband would "let me" do or not do something is incredible. Is there some kind of imbalance in the relationship or is he generally abusive towards you?

detectora · 30/06/2022 06:09

GoldenSongbird · 30/06/2022 01:09

We caught it at different times and each of us stayed in our room when we had it. I don't understand why you wouldn't want to limit the risk. You can sanitise your hands all you like but Covid is airborne so hand sanitising doesn't negate the risk.

This.

I stayed in my room with the window open and the others didn’t catch it.

It’s airborne, so the wiping things and washing hands isn’t enough.

Eviebeans · 30/06/2022 06:31

I think it also makes sense to limit the risk by not having people in the house who don't live there all the time. I won't refer to them as children as they are adults and would easily understand the reasoning behind a request not to stay that particular weekend. If they live with their other parent most of the time then I don't imagine that they would be pleased to be exposed to that risk either.

TenoringBehind · 30/06/2022 06:44

He sounds so awful that in your shoes I’d be glad to isolate from him.

crazy that the adult/near adult dc would want to come and stay when there’s Covid in the house, regardless of whether or not you’re isolating away.

liveforsummer · 30/06/2022 06:54

Sounds like it was your partners son you caught it from anyway. Far more likely that it's from a coughing/spluttering person in your house than a trip to a quiet store. Do you have an en suite or is he grudging you using the toilet too? Bottom line is he cannot expect you to isolate unless he provides you with ample food and drinks regularly. Make sure you point this out to him. Can't believe so many people isolating their dc. Mine slept in my bed and was stealing my drinks when she had it and I still didn't catch it. Would have been better if I had tbh as then wouldn't have had to do 2 separate full isolations (back when it was mandatory). When did you test positive anyway? Surely by the weekend you'll be good to go anyway?

liveforsummer · 30/06/2022 06:55

To add of he doesn't get it from you he will get it from someone else further down the line - it's not going anywhere

ilovebagpuss · 30/06/2022 06:55

What a lovely catch you have there, maybe consider if you are really happy while you are shut away in your own house all weekend.
The rules should be the young adults dont come this weekend and as if a couple of teens aren't going to catch it out and about in their daily lives anyway!
It's sensible to put a few measures in place like sleeping in another room but thats all we did and free roamed the rest of the time. Me and DH just had it and kids did not catch from us.
We told other visitors to stay away.

liveforsummer · 30/06/2022 06:56

I also don't think you need to ask them not to come - let them know you have covid and let them, as adults, make the choice. Let them know you will be coming out to make food and drinks etc

collieresponder88 · 30/06/2022 06:58

It's your home No I wouldn't stay in one room I would take sensible precautions to limit the risk but ask that they dont come over this week

Suzi888 · 30/06/2022 06:58

The legal requirement to isolate has now ended and people are moving freely (as they often did before). They’re going on planes, staying in hotels, going shopping and so on.

RockinHorseShit · 30/06/2022 07:20

DH isolated in our bedroom as it's bigger with tv etc, bar toilet, he didn't leave it for the full quarantine time. I slept on the couch until I could manage to clear the spare bed Sod's law covid hit just as we'd emptied our attic onto the spare bed. He cares so he didn't want to risk passing it on to me & DD, so did all he could to avoid that. We didn't catch it. I would do the same to save them from a nasty bug too

That said if you're mixing closely with your DH, he's likely to have it soon anyway & could pass it on himself, so he's being daft.

He should have asked his DCs how they feel about staying in a covid household, but with you moving around freely. They either wouldn't care as they mix in busy bars etc, or would choose not to come. DH can't say to them that you'll hide in your own home IF they still come, when that's not what you've been doing so far. If that's happened DH is VU

Fizbosshoes · 30/06/2022 07:32

DS (12) had it last year. He didn't want to spend 10 days in his room, neither would asked him to.
The only difference was he sat on the chair rather than the sofa to watch TV and we had less hugs! No one else got it

Moodycow78 · 30/06/2022 07:35

I'd never let anyone tell me what I can do in my own home, if he's worried about the kids getting it they can stay away. I'd tell him to do one.

stayathomer · 30/06/2022 07:44

The legal requirement to isolate has now ended and people are moving freely (as they often did before). They’re going on planes, staying in hotels, going shopping and so on.
It’s nothing to do with the legal aspect though, is it? It should be like anything-you’re sick and if you can do something to not spread, you should (although op’s dh is being u by not just holding off having them over) A lot of the legal stuff never made sense anyway, they could have let people do certain things and stopped people doing others.

CoverYourselfInChocolateGlory · 30/06/2022 07:50

I also stayed in the bedroom for 8 days when I had it because I was living with my elderly father and didn't want him to catch it. I used a different bathroom and would sometimes sneak down to the kitchen early in the morning before anyone was up. DH brought me food and drinks and left them on the table in the hall and I put the empty plates back. Would your partner be willing to look after you in the same way? I avoided giving it to anyone else in the house.

thinkofablinkingnamewoman · 30/06/2022 08:07

On the basis of how you've described him I'd be self isolating from him forever by leaving him.

Original poster
missdoglady · 30/06/2022 08:17

I am staying in the bedroom which has en-suite during the evening and the office to wfh during the day, windows are open permanently since I found I had it on Tuesday evening, I was sharing same bed, car and space with partner up till this point, only times I move about is when I get myself a drink or make food, my partner has made me a couple of hot drinks. I was in the kitchen yesterday getting a drink when he arrived home from work, he told me off for moving about, I said I was getting a drink. He said he didn't want me spreading my germs in there and had wiped the kettle and surfaces down in the morning and now I have infected everywhere! - so I am isolating from others but I do need to look after myself, my partner is hit and miss and thinks I can survive on one cup of tea per evening! I do not feel great, so I have to go to the kitchen to get food and drink, or I will make matter worse for myself.

OP posts:
CheshireChat · 30/06/2022 08:26

Have you pointed out how little he's doing for you and how you have to get stuff for yourself?

Honestly, I'd rethink the whole relationship as this sounds like death by a 1000 cuts.

Silverswirl · 30/06/2022 08:26

missdoglady · 29/06/2022 21:35

I am very anal about washing my hands, always have been, even before covid, hand sanitizer was something I carried around too, But I got it still, and like I said, only been within a metre with my DP and his kids, no one else - I did pop to the co-op, so that's how easy it was to catch and that's with me being little OCD! 🤦‍♀️

Listen, I mean this in the kindest way.
Pretty much Everyone is going to get covid each year, possibly multiple times a year unless you live on your own and never leave the house.
Your DH or DC could have had it last week without knowing and passed it on to you.
You can’t live your life in fear of this worrying about where and when you are going to catch it, scrubbing your hands. That a total waste of enjoying and making the most of every moment, every day.
Dont isolate in your own home and certainly don’t let anyone tell you that you have to. Inform DC that you are positive and they can make their own minds up.
Stay away from DH if he is worried but it’s highly likely that he’s had it or already caught it from you before you tested positive.
Honestly it’s a cold / feeling crap for a few days for most people like many other viruses out there and not worth being told to shut yourself away for, guiltily creeping out to make your own food, getting told off for breaking the rules.
Your house too, you make the rules, not him.

stayathomer · 30/06/2022 08:37

There’s got to be a bell sound on your phone op-can you ring it? Dh isn’t always the most helpful around the house but my god he’s a legend when I’m sick. Hope you have a good book and some good series and a good stash to get you through and you feel better soon x

Scianel · 30/06/2022 14:19

Hope you have a good book and some good series and a good stash to get you through and you feel better soon

If she follows her Hs wishes she won't actually have any access to food, which will hardly aid her recovery.

Goldbar · 30/06/2022 14:27

missdoglady · 30/06/2022 08:17

I am staying in the bedroom which has en-suite during the evening and the office to wfh during the day, windows are open permanently since I found I had it on Tuesday evening, I was sharing same bed, car and space with partner up till this point, only times I move about is when I get myself a drink or make food, my partner has made me a couple of hot drinks. I was in the kitchen yesterday getting a drink when he arrived home from work, he told me off for moving about, I said I was getting a drink. He said he didn't want me spreading my germs in there and had wiped the kettle and surfaces down in the morning and now I have infected everywhere! - so I am isolating from others but I do need to look after myself, my partner is hit and miss and thinks I can survive on one cup of tea per evening! I do not feel great, so I have to go to the kitchen to get food and drink, or I will make matter worse for myself.

You really need to tell him to fuck off!

I would go nuclear on him. Tell him he can leave you in peace to get what you need to recover or he can get his arse out of the house. And that if he continues to make a fuss, you're considering reporting him for controlling behaviour.

This is not on and the sooner he realises, the better. He either has to take care of you - snacks, hot drinks and nutritious meals - or he needs to get out.

Frosty1000 · 30/06/2022 14:52

My 6 year old got it first in our house and me and hubby accepted that he needed us so there was no way we could isolate. I got it first out of the two of us but if I had been told to stay in my room I'd have gone crazy. It's just something you have to get on with and not live in fear of.

If you had a cold, would you isolate? It's not anything different, just has been sensationalised.

Popcorn77 · 30/06/2022 16:12

he wants you to stay in your room with no food & drink!!!
i did mask up, avoid being in room at same time and keep windows open.. etc but was pre vaccines. Ds (14) had it and ate in his room/windows open / used an allocated bathroom the rest of us avoided .. etc to avoid rest of us getting it
but he used kitchen.. etc and I did not starve him!!
isolation is only 5 days anyway

it would be really selfish not to tell kids before they come