Will I ever go out again, or am I the only one still stuck at home?

[Stillstuckindoors]

Still stuck at home. Originally because DH has cancer. As things moved on he wants to get out and about more now and I suppose we do a tiny bit. I’m happy to shop when it’s quiet, we both go out about once a week to meet outside with friends.

BUT, before Covid I was out pretty much every week day meeting people, doing things, clubs, coffee lunches etc and I really miss those get togethers.

I tried going to a big group (30+ people) last month, we had a speaker so everyone was sat down and I sat near an open door but was the only one wearing a mask. When the speaker was finished everyone was milling around and wanted the door closed. I felt really vulnerable and left.

I had cancer myself some years ago and fight fatigue as it is, I can’t bear the thought of dealing with Long Covid if I were to get it. My husband wants to start going to some bigger group meetings he used to attend, I rightly or wrongly think it’s bonkers and I’ve told him we’ll have to social distance indoors and sleep in separate bedroom which he’s happy to do but I’m just scared for us both. He was told originally it would be unlikely he’d survive Covid and we shielded before the first lockdown. Lots of friends and neighbours are going down with Covid albeit with minimal symptoms, people we would expect to be meeting if we were to widen our social circle. I think it’s madness and want to hang on for a bit and let things reduce, he just wants to get on with life, which I can understand but having heard a few stories of people close to us with long Covid it just feels me with dread and despair.

just a venting rant I suppose that I can’t see an end to things and just about everyone I know bar a couple are out and about and I’m not, and I want to be, but I don’t want to be, it’s just so blooming awful still and I feel we are the only ones still basically shielding, even the supermarket delivery man said we we the only ones he knows of, just wondering if it’s just me then, stuck here watching my life disappear?

No, it’s not just you.
in fact you seem to be doing more than us even!
My loved one has one lung, severely immunosuppressed, multiple health issues and unlikely to survive covid.

if one more person says ‘well it’s everywhere now, we just have to live with it’ I will scream. The reason we are still isolating is because it’s everywhere, especially now people aren’t isolating and many aren’t even testing. We just can’t risk it.

my anxiety is now so bad I don’t even want to leave the house and get panicked if I have to go to a shop. I seem to be the only one in a mask and I go at first opening to avoid as many people as possible. I haven’t seen friends since before the first lockdown and see a couple of family members outside maybe one a month. I feel like life is over

Why are you still at home?
My DH and DF both have cancer in active treatment and are both out an about and have been for over a year

surely it is your choice and not medical advice?
Your husband needs to be out and about.

Have you spoken to a consultant about what the actual risk is?

It’s not just you. But, speaking from experience, even if you are CEV as I am, it worth getting as much real life back as possible.

Find cafes that have nice outside seating areas
and meet your friends there for lunch. Buy decent ffp2 masks (there are now reusable/washable ones) and wear them whenever inside. Prioritise the things that make you happy, and help you connect.

You don’t have to go full-on 30+ people events or crowded pubs to get what matters back into your life. And tell people how you are feeling, they won’t mind, I’m sure they’ll just be pleased to see you.

Yes - everyone else’s increased nonchalance is definitely not helpful for those of us who
need to be careful still.

I think I agree with your husband. You do just need to get out and about properly again.

If you intend to keep shielding until Covid has disappeared then you'll never stop. We have to learn to live with this as Covid isn't going anywhere. It is pretty well endemic now and there will always be new variants, just as there are with any other viruses.

Personally, I stopped paying much attention to the news bulletins and statistics on Covid a long time ago now. As did most people I know. Life is normal again now I am glad to say and the only place I wear a mask is in a medical setting, like the GP's surgery or at the hospital.

You need to get out and start getting on with life again.

You aren't alone. I am still shielding. We are still at peak levels in our area of London but predicted to decline soon which is good news.

I was already working from home full time so that's one positive and meet up socially outside our home in nice weather.

I drive to DCs 6th Form some days to collect them just for a change of scenery. They LFT every day, it's just a part of life. And they wear masks. So far, none of us have had it.

You aren't the only one shielding. Many people still are. I don't see an end to it either but am managing ok. Sorry you feel like life is passing you by but I agree that quality of life (ie not having long covid and not being dead!) is worth the shielding. 💐

I’m really sorry you’re stuck too, I know what you mean with everyone saying we just have to get on with it, I’m like, “really, let’s get Covid now because there’s no not getting it, let’s go out and suffer the blooming consequences even though we’ve stayed indoors for EVER”. My biggest fear is DH popping his clogs, I can’t imagine a life without him and I don’t think he understands my fears. I know he’s just as fed up as me but I like you don’t think we can risk it. I feel very odd being out in a mask when so few appear to be wearing them. Luckily for me there’s a shopping centre I can go to after 7pm which is really quiet and I’m often the only person in each shop, so I get my birthday cards and little gifts to send to the grandchildren without too much worry but that’s the easy bit, I miss our friends and family, we have a new grandson, I say new, he’s over a year now, seen him no more than six times and always in the garden.

I know the numbers are dropping so really hopeful we might see some respite soon and that life will improve. 💐

Oh, and before anyone pulls me up on saying that, I am also CEV. I just can't keep hiding away though and it would drive me insane.

The current advice from oncology is best to stay at home and limit those we see. ☹️

Oncology are obviously going to say that - they are health professionals so they can’t say ‘go out and mingle with as many people with Covid as possible’. But you need to make your own life decisions.

I wonder when or if things are ever going to improve. Obviously its here to stay now but surely there will come a point where case numbers start dropping.
I think they are still saying one in every 12 or 13 people have it which is a huge number far more than people who might have colds or flu.
When can we look forward to it being rare for other people to have it rather than likely?

Covid isnt going away though. And at some point you do have to accept the risk.
What is it that you are waiting for to stop the shielding? Because the prevelence is likely to remain high, we will get new variants because that's how viruses work. You cannot shield indefinitely

I think obviously your DH is vunerable, and I can understand why you feel the way you do. But, gently, I would say it sounds like you have some anxiety around covid as well, and it might be worth having a chat with your GP. You are missing out on a lot at this point, potentially impacting your relationship with your DH. Missing your friends, grandson. You can't continue like that indefinitely. At some point you have to take the leap to begin normal life again

I think this is really difficult. On one hand, I completely understand why you are so hesitant and how that impacts you and your DH. On the other hand, it IS true that it's probably time to start doing more.

Are there any statistics re Covid for people in your/DH's situation? Because I understand there's an increased risk but is it a massive increased risk or just a moderate one?

Are there ways to mitigate? eg, if I had a friend who was vulnerable, I'd be very happy to meet outdoors and/or test before meeting them etc. Do you have friends etc who would do the same? Obviously, you can continue to wear a good quality mask while out and about shopping etc.

My father had cancer proper to Covid. The reality is that while he was going through his treatment, they told us he was vulnerable. So we were all careful. But it didn't change our need to still do things and for him to be out and about with u when he felt up to it.

It's all very well being flippant on this thread when they aren't the one who could lose a loved one.

Could you join other communities, OP? Maybe an allotment, park run group, or wild swimming group?

Could you invest in an awning, nice patio furniture and heaters and become a bit of a social hub for your friends for coffee and drinks?

Whilst I really admire your way of thinking, I’m just not there yet and not sure when I will be ‘just getting out there and getting on with life’

I have recently been diagnosed with rapidly progressive lung disease and on a cocktail of immunosuppressants and steroids and warned by my Consultant that infection and covid are going to be my biggest risks now.

Having spent far too much time in hospital recently, including 7 hours on a drip in an A&E corridor, I want to at least try and limit my chances of going back in to hospital again and I know my children don’t want me taking risks either. Don’t get me wrong, I still shop, wear FFP2 masks and will sit outside coffee shops but my days of going inside for meals or events are over, at least until the numbers die down. So no OP, you’re not alone!

That isnt the advice that either my DH or DF have had from their consultants - except for time immediately before surgery.

Maybe seek a 2nd opinion? Was your from a senior Consultant who knows the case well ?

I think you are probably 4-6 weeks away from the point where you should start thinking about this. I think the BA.2 Omicron strain is now retreating but still not enough to break cover just yet.

Around June/July time if the hospital stats are looking good (which are the ones I would trust as I dont think positive tests is going to tell you much now) and dropping then we are I think at the level at which circulation of COVID is going to be at.

That is also the time though when weather is better so you can start with outdoor stuff - so outdoor meets up picnics, garden parties, eating outdoors etc and take it from there.

Top dr in oncology. Very rare cancer ☹️But is being managed very well with new drugs.

I hear the fear in your OP, but I think you have to at least let your husband make his own, guilt free decisions about how he wants to live his life for the foreseeable future.

💐💐💐I really hope you respond well to treatment and sometime soon things improve for all of us.

I understand OP.

I found vaccines made me feel better, but now it has been over 6 months since my booster, and science has shown boosters are down at 30% protection after 4-5 months, so god knows what that protection is at over 6 months. But the damn JCVI won't follow other countries and allow those that want another booster after 6 months and are CEV/CV to have one. Really backward thinking. It is so frustrating to live here rather than an enlightened country like Germany etc.

So the longer the time since my booster, the less safe I feel going out and about.

There are 150 people on my hospital's Covid ward and 30 people died of it last week (and I live in a backend of blood nowhere, not a big city). I know the media have moved on, but things are still shit if you have a waned booster and no hope of getting another until next winter if the JCVI ever become convinced of their usefulness going forward.

I'm not vulnerable myself OP, but my parents are, and they are still being very careful so I understand to some extent. I think there is a balance to be found between doing nothing as you are now and saying yes to everything. If something is relatively low risk (eg small number of family / close friends so that you feel comfortable asking people to test beforehand, preferably outside), maybe you can gradually start doing that kind of thing?

You're far from alone although I know exactly how that feels.

I was considered healthy throughout the majority of the last two years until last summer when I was put on regular and fairly full on immunosuppressants.
Since then, my consultant has told me that I should avoid crowds, unmasked people and unvaccinated people (not sure how I'm meant to tell with that one, of course!).

I've also been told if I did catch it, I have an increased risk of complications and the worst part would be I'd have to come off the immunosuppressants for a while which would mean my condition would flare and I'd be quite seriously ill with that, let alone COVID.

Luckily, I work from home anyhow but in terms of social life...it's all outdoor walks (when I have the energy) and I risk seeing one friend indoors regularly as they always do LFTs beforehand and live a fairly risk free life. Even then, we've had two close calls as they've been in close contact with one person with it and then caught COVID themselves a few months later.

It's been exceptionally tough and I miss the freedom to be able to go out without worrying that I've made a mistake. It's definitely a balancing act between physical and mental health but when the numbers are so ridiculously high, it feels too big a risk to do much more. Especially when I'm just starting to manage the condition that led to me needing immunosuppressants.

My main hope is that things improve at some point sooner rather than later. I keep booking tickets for events in the future in the hope that it's an option by then.

I’d love another booster. Due to DH we got very early vaccinations and was very grateful, mines now over 7 months old I think, DH got his 4th ok, but it does concern me how old mine is. DS went to play golf in Portugal the other week and you can’t move unless you wear a mask. One of our friends is still very poorly with long Covid and his life is awful, he had Covid back in lockdown 1, another friends dad got Covid for first time two weeks ago and is on a ventilator so at the moment I’m staying well and truly behind closed doors or a mask if I do venture out.