Will I ever go out again, or am I the only one still stuck at home?

[Stillstuckindoors]

Still stuck at home. Originally because DH has cancer. As things moved on he wants to get out and about more now and I suppose we do a tiny bit. I’m happy to shop when it’s quiet, we both go out about once a week to meet outside with friends.

BUT, before Covid I was out pretty much every week day meeting people, doing things, clubs, coffee lunches etc and I really miss those get togethers.

I tried going to a big group (30+ people) last month, we had a speaker so everyone was sat down and I sat near an open door but was the only one wearing a mask. When the speaker was finished everyone was milling around and wanted the door closed. I felt really vulnerable and left.

I had cancer myself some years ago and fight fatigue as it is, I can’t bear the thought of dealing with Long Covid if I were to get it. My husband wants to start going to some bigger group meetings he used to attend, I rightly or wrongly think it’s bonkers and I’ve told him we’ll have to social distance indoors and sleep in separate bedroom which he’s happy to do but I’m just scared for us both. He was told originally it would be unlikely he’d survive Covid and we shielded before the first lockdown. Lots of friends and neighbours are going down with Covid albeit with minimal symptoms, people we would expect to be meeting if we were to widen our social circle. I think it’s madness and want to hang on for a bit and let things reduce, he just wants to get on with life, which I can understand but having heard a few stories of people close to us with long Covid it just feels me with dread and despair.

just a venting rant I suppose that I can’t see an end to things and just about everyone I know bar a couple are out and about and I’m not, and I want to be, but I don’t want to be, it’s just so blooming awful still and I feel we are the only ones still basically shielding, even the supermarket delivery man said we we the only ones he knows of, just wondering if it’s just me then, stuck here watching my life disappear?

@Stillstuckindoors

I think this is actually quite complicated because I think it comes down to a mix of this

My biggest fear is DH popping his clogs, I can’t imagine a life without him and I don’t think he understands my fears.

And the fact that it is HIS choice as to the risks he takes with his own life.

You need to find a balance between this - because it is his choice I think ultimately rather than yours.

Because you are going to have to find this - Covid is here and not going anywhere and you need to find the level of comfort for both of you.

I think you are being cruel to DH to be restricting the enjoyment if his life because of your selfish (but totally understandable) fear of living without him. Your attempt to cover up this selfishness with a lament about Long Covid is ridiculous because the chances of getting LC are very remote and I say that as someone who was unlucky enough to get post viral fatigue syndrome from glandular fever in my late teens and spent 5 months bed bound and 18 months recovering. So I dont take it lightly.

Anecdotally, my Mums friend has locked herself and her husband down in the house since Feb 2020. Loses her shit if the tesco delivery man comes too close, and initially even refused the vaccine as it meant leaving the house to get it and entering into the public domain. They are now vaccinated but still she wont ever leave the house nor allow her 70yo husband to, still washes shopping and quarantine post.

Last week they both came down with covid, she is shocked as she cant work out where they caught it. Both of them have had little more than a cold. We hope that by her and DH now having had it and realising that for the more than vast majority it is a mild illness, that she will start to brave the big wide world now if only for her husbands sake.

But it does show, anecdotally, that you can be very careful and still get covid. So what's the point in hiding away excessively like you are?

Risk of long COVID isn't very remote though.

www.npr.org/sections/goatsandsoda/2021/11/18/1055071699/coronavirus-faq-what-is-long-covid-and-what-is-my-risk-of-getting-it?t=1650621698414

'Nearly 60% of people with COVID-19 had at least one symptom lasting six months'

Granted, it adds that nearly 40% of people with the flu also had at least one persisting symptom similar to those seen in people with COVID-19' but flu isn't as widespread as COVID is right now.

Also, those statistics are for previously healthy people that don't have pre-existing conditions. Many people with pre-existing conditions tend to catch things much worse than healthy people.

I think a lot of people are being quite harsh to OP. It's incredibly hard knowing that things can escalate health wise, and living in a world where people are a bit 'meh, it's mild. Get a grip' because they can't see another person's perspective because they haven't lived it.

I agree Neighbourhoodspiderwoman but I think here the issue is that as a couple they have two different perspectives and it is navigating the way through it all.

The UK may well have been first but slowly other countries are lifting mask mandates as well so whether or not you agree with the approach it is what it is - and barring something awfully unexpected it isnt going to change.

I would give it 4/6 weeks to let the current wave settle down to probably a level that it is going to be at for at least the remainder of the summer - hospital admissions metrics are good for that. @Stillstuckindoors the Covid data thread on here still has an amazing poster boys3 who posts some really good graphs that might help here. Deaths - as a PP said is not a good indicator as it tends to include a whole lot of backdated stuff that doesnt really show where we are

And continue to mask - I know you may well be in the minority but most should respect the decision to do it

Is that 60% really true though? I don't know a single person who's had a symptom lasting more than 6 months, and I know loads of people who've had Covid.

I understand the difference between anecdote and data, but maybe that research was done on the more serious earlier variants rather than omicron?

The issue with throwing round stats like 60% is that the definition of what constitutes Long Covid is incredibly wide.

We need better analysis to understand what percentage of people are seriously debilitated by long covid 6 months post infection. Anecdotally I know hundreds who've had covid and only one who was still affected 6 months later and he was pre vaccine, 70+ and had lots of risk factors. After a year he's back to full health.

I appreciate my anecdotal experiences aren't necessarily helpful, but neither is the data we have currently.

Well said TheDailyCarbuncle. Couldn't agree more.

@User2538309

It’s not just you. But, speaking from experience, even if you are CEV as I am, it worth getting as much real life back as possible.

Find cafes that have nice outside seating areas
and meet your friends there for lunch. Buy decent ffp2 masks (there are now reusable/washable ones) and wear them whenever inside. Prioritise the things that make you happy, and help you connect.

You don’t have to go full-on 30+ people events or crowded pubs to get what matters back into your life. And tell people how you are feeling, they won’t mind, I’m sure they’ll just be pleased to see you.

I think is the best advice ever. I know it's scary but you do need to live too.

We have just finished shielding. My DH had cancer but is currently free from cancer so doesn't require any more treatment. It was a nightmare and terrifying. Not just because chemo makes him more vulnerable to covid but that a positive covid test would delay treatment meaning more chance of the cancer spreading and him becoming incurable. I still had many people who just didn't understand why we did what we did. But we are glad we made the choice we did as he is still here and we can now cautiously return to doing more things outside the home. Don't expect to get much empathy and understanding from most of Mumsnet. If you are on Facebook, I suggest you join one of the shielding groups on there where you'll be supported by like minded people who understand what it like when you are vulnerable to covid.

I am failing to see the point of putting so much effort into a life that is on lots of levels, not worth living!
Where is the joy?

@MintyMoocow

I am failing to see the point of putting so much effort into a life that is on lots of levels, not worth living! Where is the joy?

How much time do people have for joy? I work 8-6 mon Friday so I'm not doing much after work That leaves the weekend which I use to catch up with my partner, cooking, cleaning, sorting stuff I haven't done in the week and exercising. Couldn't afford holidays before Covid

Joy to me is a hot bath, a new book, my cat, exercise achievements, fresh bedding, cooking, my partner...

My Aunt was like you. Hid away for the last 2 years. Last month she died of a heart attack. Life is for living, and not just existing.

This is so sad. It’s really no life at all 😢

It makes me cross to hear medical professionals telling people that they are unlikely to survive if they catch Covid …. nobody knows that! A lot of CEV people have had it and been fine.

0.25% of the population of the UK have died of/from covid. I’m not belittling it as that is still a lot of people but it needs to be kept in perspective. And how many of those were extremely elderly and would have died in that two year period anyway.

Thank you, DH is on chemo, thus needing to be cautious, but is very well, it’s an odd treatment and he’ll be on it forever. I’ll look at FB groups, some people do like to get a little “get a grip” shouty but I expected that on mnsnet and I’ve skimmed over those unhelpful replies, most have been very kind and understanding and given helpful advice.

I’m really pleased to hear your DH is cancer free, that’s brilliant news and I hope he stays that way.

@neighbourhoodspiderwoman Those figures are most certainly not what the ONS is saying, even given that their figures are only “self certified” ie self selecting sample

spreading misleading information to fit your own narrative, especially to those already anxious really is criminal.

I'm so sorry to hear about your situation. Shielding for so long must be very hard, especially with so much uncertainty over new vaccines and variants. If your DH wants to go back to attend meetings he could wear an ffp2 or ffp3 face mask and have a lot of protection. My daughters (one CEV) have been going to school throughout and haven't caught it despite very high cases in their classes. They wear ffp2 masks normally and upgrade to ffp3 when there's an outbreak in their class. I hope this will reassure you.

If that's too much, what about booking a nice self-catering cottage for a little holiday? A change of scenery will do you lots of good. My Dad has cancer and they've been shielding but went on holiday to a quiet place on the coast and had a lovely time. They've also joined some citizen science project and spend lots of time outdoors counting butterflies etc. A big change from their old lifestyle but they love it. Thinking of new hobbies might help you?