Will I ever go out again, or am I the only one still stuck at home?

[Stillstuckindoors]

Still stuck at home. Originally because DH has cancer. As things moved on he wants to get out and about more now and I suppose we do a tiny bit. I’m happy to shop when it’s quiet, we both go out about once a week to meet outside with friends.

BUT, before Covid I was out pretty much every week day meeting people, doing things, clubs, coffee lunches etc and I really miss those get togethers.

I tried going to a big group (30+ people) last month, we had a speaker so everyone was sat down and I sat near an open door but was the only one wearing a mask. When the speaker was finished everyone was milling around and wanted the door closed. I felt really vulnerable and left.

I had cancer myself some years ago and fight fatigue as it is, I can’t bear the thought of dealing with Long Covid if I were to get it. My husband wants to start going to some bigger group meetings he used to attend, I rightly or wrongly think it’s bonkers and I’ve told him we’ll have to social distance indoors and sleep in separate bedroom which he’s happy to do but I’m just scared for us both. He was told originally it would be unlikely he’d survive Covid and we shielded before the first lockdown. Lots of friends and neighbours are going down with Covid albeit with minimal symptoms, people we would expect to be meeting if we were to widen our social circle. I think it’s madness and want to hang on for a bit and let things reduce, he just wants to get on with life, which I can understand but having heard a few stories of people close to us with long Covid it just feels me with dread and despair.

just a venting rant I suppose that I can’t see an end to things and just about everyone I know bar a couple are out and about and I’m not, and I want to be, but I don’t want to be, it’s just so blooming awful still and I feel we are the only ones still basically shielding, even the supermarket delivery man said we we the only ones he knows of, just wondering if it’s just me then, stuck here watching my life disappear?

That’s sort of where we are at now. Only really see people who do LFT’s before coming to us without asking, mainly DH parents, see a few friends in our garden. I just so miss my groups, people I was friendly with but only in those groups, so I’ve lost sooo many ‘friends’ - I know they are still there it’s just a waiting game.

Does anybody have any idea when things might improve. I read today that somebody in Spain caught this twice in 20 days or something like that. Is this our future now.

I think you need to seek help for your anxiety about this, as it’s not normal to be so restricted.

It’s not just you. Although I am only CV, the 4 other people who I see most often are CEV so I am still being very careful. For me that is managing the risk. I wear a N95 mask inside (shops,etc) and try to minimise my time in any busy indoor environment, but spend lots of time outside with others.

I’m on holiday in Europe at the moment - having a fab time. We drove across via Eurotunnel as we didn’t want to fly or use packed ferries. We’re going out for meals / bars (sitting outside), visiting lots of outdoor sites, and indoor sites with masks on.

Some people characterise these behaviours as anxiety - it’s not for me. I’m a scientist and have read the evidence and am choosing a course of action that balances risks with enjoying life while 1 in 17 people have Covid. Others may be more risk tolerant - that’s their choice. I accept that Covid will be around for along time, and for me, living with the virus means taking precautions to protect my loved ones.

Once (hopefully) Covid prevalence reduces further I will ease up a bit more, but I’m happy at the moment. I’m lucky that my husband and I have similar views - it must be hard when your partner has a different risk appetite. All the best.

Anxiety is a perfectly normal response to risk, especially life threatening or life-altering risk. The OP would be abnormal to have no concern or anxiety about her situation.

It’s a tricky situation. My elderly relative was shielded by his wife for two years. We weren’t allowed to visit in case we gave him covid, despite both of them being fully vaxxed and us testing negative. We got to visit him once, after his health deteriorated rapidly, and he barely knew who we were by that point, and then he sadly passed away. He spent his last two years alive but not living, to avoid catching something he was fully vaccinated against and may well have had very mildly. He was very elderly but in good health prior to the first lockdown.

theres no "should" in how to come out of this pandemic but I think if my other half had cancer I would want to be making the most of our time together over the summer months...if you are both happy pottering at home fair enough but if you are going to miss out on spending tome together doing enjoyable things out and about, is there a way you could find to do this? Before long we will be back in winter again with all the normal bugs that come along and that's a more obvious time to be staying close to home if you feel he will be at risk.I think if anyone has a life limiting illness then it changes peoples perspective of what is most important to them and your husband may be wanting to make the best use of the time he has left.

This is not a normal response to risk. In 2017 there were 49 million cases of sepsis worldwide, with 11 million deaths. Sepsis is caused by infections of all sorts - wound infections, meningitis, kidney infections. What measures were you taking in 2017 to combat this absolutely astronomical risk? Did you even know about it?

I think the medical community has a lot to answer for - they have scared people shitless, totally unnecessarily. Yes, there is a risk from covid, but hiding away and doing nothing with your life is not the answer. What is the actual benefit of restricting your life in this way? You're not gaining any benefit because while you're not getting covid, you are still severely restricted and losing out massively. The worst thing is, you can follow this course of action to the letter for years and then one day get taken in an ambulance with a paramedic who doesn't know they've got covid, or visit a dentist who happens to slip and spread their infection, or simply meet someone on the doorstep who's highly infectious and - bam! - all your efforts were in vain. It's just not possible to protect yourself indefinitely. If you do continue doing what you're doing and get covid in two years' time and end up very ill, do you think you'll feel glad that you wasted years of good health doing nothing? Or will you feel it was a waste?

If you get covid, no one is going to blame you or think you were stupid. It won't be your fault. Infections spread, they affect some people badly and not others. That's always been a fact of life. You're lucky to have lived this long and to have some time ahead of you. Use it before it's gone.

I genuinely think the way covid has been handled, especially the messaging and the sense of responsibility given to people, is a form of psychological torture. It's no wonder people are responding with such anxiety - it's a response to the feeling that they're personally responsible for controlling a completely uncontrollable thing that is making them anxious. The message is 'you're at risk, do what you're told or you'll die.' It's hideous.

Absolutely @TheDailyCarbuncle . It’s been a disgrace.

Still mostly shielding
Don't go to shops pubs or restaurants
Occasionally have coffee outside
FFP2 mask

Our DIL is CEV and we wish to see them so we are still pretty careful. Outdoor restaurants and no theatre or cinema visits.

We have friends round but one or max two couples who have taken a LFT beforehand. We also keep a window or two open when visitors come.

I think it's sensible and not anxiety driven.

We've only been on self-catering holidays since Covid. Something I dislike.

Been on a tube train a couple of times only.

We are yet to get Covid but I'm thinking it won't be long.

I will buy more LF tests when my stock runs out.

I only test if we are seeing someone.

It's not a great life.

This IS me learning to live with it.

You're far from alone OP.
twitter.com/debra_caplan/status/1516816659125874695

My DH was just telling me about this today. A fascinating take on the current situation.

Daily deaths today reported as 646.

Oh, get a grip 🙄

You are doing what you think you need to do to keep yourself alive, but in the process, you are not living. Do you honestly enjoy life like this? It sounds like hell on Earth. Covid will never, ever, ever go away - can you live as you are until you naturally die? If not, get out there and start living. Your MH will be shot to pieces.

so sorry for your loss. What a shame his wife couldn't have considered his need to be with his loved ones before he passed away, and their needs to say their final farewells as well as just covid covid covid.

@earthisnthabitable
that figure for deaths today is because of the 4 day weekend we’ve just had. it is not helpful to anyone to just post figures out of context.

twitter.com/kallmemeg/status/1517160610760253441?s=21&t=0tAa8FdGxAxjns3H69CpTA

I say this with kindness OP, because I do understand your fears, but if your DH wants to get out and about and feels like he can't do so to respect your wishes, is that really living for him?

I know of a Lady that died recently. She shielded completely for 2 years, didn't see a soul except through a window including her children and grandchildren, because she didn't want to get Covid and die. 2 years in she died of something completely unrelated, but she'd missed all of that potential time with her family. Her Son is devastated and in an awful catch-22 that he regrets not being firmer with her, while accepting that they didn't know the future and how limited her time was to be anyway.

For those who are completely content to shield still then fine, but if your DH wants to spread his wings please consider ways to manage it that suit you both, and don't live to regret keeping yourselves locked away x

@Mariposista

You are doing what you think you need to do to keep yourself alive, but in the process, you are not living. Do you honestly enjoy life like this? It sounds like hell on Earth. Covid will never, ever, ever go away - can you live as you are until you naturally die? If not, get out there and start living. Your MH will be shot to pieces.

See I wouldn't say enjoy but it's all been a bit weird My horse died before covid arrived, and she was well.. my social life and hobby and place to go when things were shit So it was weird enough not having that, then the whole shielding thing I WFH full time so that's my days filled, exercise on the peloton every day, see my partner, I do meet a couple of other people indoors who LFT beforehand. Chronic health conditions mean work tires me out anyway so after peloton and a Netflix show, I'm off to bed!

sad about your horse.

Totally agree with @TheDailyCarbuncle choose life - no way to live.

@Wizzbangfizz

Totally agree with @TheDailyCarbuncle choose life - no way to live.

I've chosen life. That's why I'm not going to a pub with people who likely have covid and not wearing a mask. Because that would be absolutely stupid of me Sitting outdoors having a coffee, fine as less risk I'm just following what my consultant says. I cannot be bothered with being ill, chasing down anti virals, possibility of long covid and how it might affect my other conditions

You're not alone. Thinking (with good reason) your spouse will die if they get Covid is so different to thinking he'll probably just have a cold...we all need to get on with it etc.

I think the hardest part for many people, including me, was changing my mindset from the first lockdown “if you get it you’ll die” mentality to the post-vaccine reality that for most vaccinated people, it’s very mild. It’s a hard mental habit to break.

op, your DH is an adult. He has to make his own decision on this. His own risk assessment. And, gently, I’d suggest you have to stop fuelling your own anxiety with “I know someone that…” anecdotal evidence because I’d bet you know scores of folks who’ve had it and been fine yet you’re focusing on the rare cases that aren’t.

It’s a horrible quandary to be in and I hope you can find a solution that suits you both.