Why I'm angry about the May parties at Downing Street - share your stories

[ThirdTimeIucky]

No agenda, just a whinge to demonstrate rhe millions of individual reasons people are angry about BYOB parties in Downing Street whilst the rest of us were in Lockdown. I've heard so many stories of loved ones dying alone, loneliness and heartbreak.

For me, when the party took place on the 20th, I had been struggling in a domestic abuse situation for months. In lockdown. I'd been on my own trying to deal with this situation. I felt like I was trapped. It was an incredibly painful and difficult time of my life. Three days later, feeling terribly guilty, and despite the restrictions, if went to my sisters as the situation had become so bad. But because of those restrictions, I stayed in that situation for so much longer than I should have done.

So sorry for all the tragic stories on this thread

@Hedonism you are absolutely allowed to be pissed off about your child's party, I have been lucky to come out of the last two years relatively unscathed but I am still furious about all the social events my teens have missed out on, while fucking Boris was attending garden parties and then lying through his teeth about how he'd stuck to all the restrictions.

He has the integrity of a cockroach

Also his credibility is gone. How could he now tell the electorate what to do?

@MsTSwift

Of course it’s awful not defending it but the majority voted for him if they looked at how he had behaved in the past this is true to form. This is him.

No, the majority didn't. Nowhere close. He got 44% of votes cast and slightly over 30% of the electorate as a whole voted for him. Don't confuse winning a majority in parliament with majority support from the votes cast, let alone the population as a whole, because under our electoral system they're not the same thing at all.

On 20 May 2020, I'd been sent to A&E by my GP. I'd had (suspected but unconfirmed) Covid in March and I just wasn't getting better with ongoing chest pain, fatigue and breathlessness. Once there, I was diagnosed with pleurisy plus a host of other conditions. I had to beg for sleeping pills as I wasn't sleeping. Of course, now we know lots about Long Covid but it was not a recognised condition then. I do remember still being there at 6 pm, waiting on blood tests etc and feeling anxious. All while our most esteemed leader and his household were sipping beer at No. 10.

I know it's not much compared to what a lot of other people went through. But, on the 15th of May (the day of the wine and cheese "work meeting") my mum had been isolating for two months without seeing a single other living soul apart from her 16 year old ginger tom cat.

On that day, following a phone consultation with the vet, she drove the cat to the surgery and left him in his box on the pavement and got back into her car. A vet wearing PPE came and got him and took him into the surgery. After 15 minutes or so waiting in her parked car, mum got a call on her mobile to say the cat was very ill with diabetes and the best thing was to have him put down.

So mum continued to wait in her car while the vet administered a lethal injection. She didn't get a chance to say goodbye or to be there as the cat she had looked after since he was born was dying. Another few minutes later the vet called her back and said everything was done and that was £140 please. She read out her card details so they could make the payment and drove back to her completely empty house.

Good to see that on that same day, Carrie and the baby and the dog all joined Boris and his colleagues in the garden for some important work drinks, though.

Many people on here are contrasting what they were doing on the precise day the party happened.

And I think a child missing a party is a really interesting contrast. Of course it wasn't the worst thing that happened during this pandemic, not by a long shot, but I think children deserved their parties a hell of a lot more than Boris and co deserved a piss up in the garden.

I think it's very worrying that it was a civil servant who sent the invites out too. Someone said upthread they're political too - but that's a problem. I worked in the civil service ages ago and IIRC I had to sign a document saying I would remain impartial and would not be a member of any political party. Civil servants are meant to work for the public good.

I don't really understand how Martin Reynolds can still be in post: he broke the law (unless all 100 people invited lived together in one household - unlikely) and there's written evidence - what more could possibly be needed for him to at least be suspended? Is this another example of how the law only works for the little people?

What is also concerning is that obviously some civil servants / politicians did respond to the invite with disbelief knowing it to be breaking the law but didn't feel they could challenge it fully and stop the party. Quite a few people raising concerns but the party still went ahead. Which shows quite how far above us they think they are.

On May 19th I was allowed back in the office for the first time. I live alone and had been crying at my desk every day as the isolation had become too hard. When I got in the office and saw other people there I sobbed. They didn't hug me as it was against the rules.

Anyone see that well known left wing MN poster Jim Shannon from the DUP crying in Parliament, as he tried to ask Boris whether he was at the party and broke down recalling his MIL dying alone?

My then 14 year old daughter was having a mental health breakdown and developing agoraphobia.

In May 2020 she couldn’t leave her bedroom without having a panic attack, let alone make the most of the lovely weather with us in the garden.

I remember spending hours, helplessly trying to encourage and support her to just come out of her room and have a bath or sit in the garden with a cup of tea with me. Sitting on the stairs with her in floods of tears, struggling to breath as her fear of walking the dog round the block was too great, then the countless hours on the phone begging for help for her

18 months and a lot of very expensive therapy (that we were very lucky to be able to afford to pay for) later, she’s beginning to put her life back together. Her future will be very different to the one she had planned and dreamed of, as a result of developing a couple of neurological conditions, that although weren’t caused by lockdowns, the stress and anxiety certainly exacerbated them.

[quote LadyPenelope68]@Bordois
Yes, it does make my blood boil when someone is moaning about their child not having a party when others on this thread have experienced so much heartache. Clearly I’ve more of a heart and compassion than you clearly have.[/quote]
I don’t feel in a place to share the awfulness of the past 18 months and I don’t think it will ever be ‘over’ - to summarise it’s been cancer and deaths.

However, I also sympathise with the missed birthday party, because that was us too in May 2020 - cancelling end of GCSE holiday plans. The mundane is also life.

The relative nature of people's sacrifices is a red herring that works to the advantage of BJ and his like. It's tempting to say children's birthday parties are not vital, or not as vital as x,y, or z, but that just distracts us from what matters.

What matters is that BJ and his Cabinet set out very stringent rules for the whole population, stated clearly that everyone needed to follow them for the greater good, allowed the police to fine those who didn't follow them, sometimes for behaviour where the risk to the greater good was clearly minimal, and that all the while he and his staff were blithely organising BYOB parties to make the most of the lovely weather, shagging around and generally not making any sacrifices whatsoever.
Yes, they were working together on the same premises: so were NHS staff, who were suffering badly, putting their lives at risk, unable to see their families for weeks on end, and they weren't "spilling outside", organising BYOB parties in the sunshine.
BJ and much of the current, purged Conservative party doesn't give a shit about the greater good or about the effects of lockdown on the entire population.

What matters is that no one who got that email or heard about it had the guts to blow the whistle, which is an alarming indication of how deep the rot goes and how cowed civil servants are.

What matters is that the media must have known about it, but sat on it.

What matters is that if this doesn't do for BJ, it's hard to see what will.

What matters is that people are still sufficiently unaware of the deeply undemocratic nature of UK elections to think that BJ was elected by a majority of the population and presume that means he has carte blanche.

The Tory party release plenty of dead cats, to distract attention from the deeply undemocratic legislation they are pushing through and which will be very hard to unpick in years to come, without the relative significance of birthdays and funerals adding to that list.

@Lex345 I was also a care home manager in May 2020. In fact on the 20th I was actually living in my home to make sure we didn't drop below legal staffing levels. I hadn't been home to see my kids for a week. It was as bad as you described and it has taken a long time for my mental health to recover. I manage a different social care setting now for far less money because I don't think I could handle that environment again. I was also good at my job. But a combination of the conditions during lockdown and the constant lies about how we will be valued going forwards and the sector invested in have done for me.
I hate this government for all they've done and all they stand for.

However, I also sympathise with the missed birthday party, because that was us too in May 2020 - cancelling end of GCSE holiday plans. The mundane is also life.

I agree.

I do feel for my older daughter who never got to take the A levels she’d worked so hard for, or have prom, or the end of exams holiday they’d been planning. Her first year at uni was nothing like she had hoped, no freshers week or trips to the student bar.

It’s mundane, and unimportant in the grand scheme of things stuff, but it’s still important to her.

All those sacrifices, big or small, the rites of passage and milestone missed still count.

I think the point about the kids party absolutely hits the nail on the head. It demonstrates how a child can comprehend and stick to the rules, and our leaders and policy makers cannot. I think it sums this mess up perfectly.

In early May 2020 I went in to be induced along to have my first baby. 2 days I was in before being transferred to the labour ward where my husband was finally allowed to join me. In the days following, I was gaslighted into believing my widowed mother who lived alone and was sticking to lockdown rules (not seeing anyone) was somehow a risk to me and my baby. It makes me sick with regret how I let her meet her grandchild through a window.

I couldn't have given a shit if Harry from down the street held garden drinks. They weren't the ones telling us to stay apart. It makes me so angry I can't even think about it too much .

These stories are heartbreaking x

Induced alone*

@ThirdTimeIucky

I think the point about the kids party absolutely hits the nail on the head. It demonstrates how a child can comprehend and stick to the rules, and our leaders and policy makers cannot. I think it sums this mess up perfectly.

Too right people should be angry that their little kids (and big kids) missed out on so many of the things that children and young people should be doing as a rite of passage. Little kids missed school, clubs, play, and thousands of other things "for the greater good". Yes the PP is perfectly withing her rights to be furious, even though other people lost relatives. It's not a competition.

@MsTSwift

The electorate knew what Boris was like when they elected him and can’t go all hand wringing and mournful when he behaves true to form! What did they expect!

I didn’t vote for him. Am I entitled to be pissed off still?

I haven’t been through anything, although understand why so many so angry as a result.

My anger stems from the fact that despite ‘world class’ education Oxbridge etc. they could be so thick as to think that a) they’d get away with it and b) that it was ok to do.

Honest to god it’s made me much more confident in my abilities as a manager!

@AuldAlliance

The relative nature of people's sacrifices is a red herring that works to the advantage of BJ and his like. It's tempting to say children's birthday parties are not vital, or not as vital as x,y, or z, but that just distracts us from what matters.

What matters is that BJ and his Cabinet set out very stringent rules for the whole population, stated clearly that everyone needed to follow them for the greater good, allowed the police to fine those who didn't follow them, sometimes for behaviour where the risk to the greater good was clearly minimal, and that all the while he and his staff were blithely organising BYOB parties to make the most of the lovely weather, shagging around and generally not making any sacrifices whatsoever.
Yes, they were working together on the same premises: so were NHS staff, who were suffering badly, putting their lives at risk, unable to see their families for weeks on end, and they weren't "spilling outside", organising BYOB parties in the sunshine.
BJ and much of the current, purged Conservative party doesn't give a shit about the greater good or about the effects of lockdown on the entire population.

What matters is that no one who got that email or heard about it had the guts to blow the whistle, which is an alarming indication of how deep the rot goes and how cowed civil servants are.

What matters is that the media must have known about it, but sat on it.

What matters is that if this doesn't do for BJ, it's hard to see what will.

What matters is that people are still sufficiently unaware of the deeply undemocratic nature of UK elections to think that BJ was elected by a majority of the population and presume that means he has carte blanche.

The Tory party release plenty of dead cats, to distract attention from the deeply undemocratic legislation they are pushing through and which will be very hard to unpick in years to come, without the relative significance of birthdays and funerals adding to that list.

This. Exactly this.

Everyone who received that email needs to go, not just those who sent it and attended it. Plus anyone else who knew about it.

Those who make the rules have to abide by them. The bar is higher for them.

My younger daughter's baby came 6 wks early - her partner was allowed to spend half an hour with her before being sent home.

Her baby was in NICU for six weeks, her partner wasn't allowed to visit - not once.

We met our tiny granddaughter through a window pane.

First cuddles were months later. Then another lockdown.

Older daughter had a premature baby due to her having covid - eight weeks early. We met him after 8 weeks as we weren't allowed near the hospital.

Both of these premature babies have not had sufficient after care from midwives, health visitors, GPs or consultants.

They have ongoing problems because of this.

My 13 month old grandson cannot sit up, never mind stand up. He was 8 weeks early. My daughter reported concerns that he was 'floppy' when he was 3 months old. He has just had an appointment (waited 10 months) to find he needs scans and investigations - when will these be done?

All this 'lack of follow up' with regards to newborns goes against NICE guidelines.

This is still happening - why?

What amount of damage has this absence of care caused?

(I appreciate that most new borns have straightforward onward journeys - but the small percentage of vulnerable new borns have been abandoned. The staff responsible for aftercare just weren't there.)

Anyones entitled to be angry not saying otherwise. But whichever way you cut it (and I didn’t and neither did you vote for him) but many people DID vote for him and they like the charismatic / slightly haphazard / goes his own way “oh well that’s Boris isn’t it” bit of a cheeky chappy laugh type. Well this is the flip side of that personality type…

@MsTSwift

Anyones entitled to be angry not saying otherwise. But whichever way you cut it (and I didn’t and neither did you vote for him) but many people DID vote for him and they like the charismatic / slightly haphazard / goes his own way “oh well that’s Boris isn’t it” bit of a cheeky chappy laugh type. Well this is the flip side of that personality type…

Yes a lot did vote for him. But how many here on this thread (or in real life) who DID vote for him are pissed off now? You don’t know. So your comment is pointless.

Well if they had looked into the nature of the individual they were voting for they would not be one bit surprised by this behaviour. If it makes the electorate think more carefully in the future and to not be swayed by stupid things when electing a leader then frankly that is no bad thing

@MsTSwift

Anyones entitled to be angry not saying otherwise. But whichever way you cut it (and I didn’t and neither did you vote for him) but many people DID vote for him and they like the charismatic / slightly haphazard / goes his own way “oh well that’s Boris isn’t it” bit of a cheeky chappy laugh type. Well this is the flip side of that personality type…

The substantial majority of the adult population didn't, though. Slightly over 30% of those eligible to vote in Dec 2019 chose the Tories. There are a couple of million more who've turned 18 since then, and there are adult immigrants in the UK who live here but don't have the right to vote. So the percentage of the current adult population who did actually vote Tory in the last GE is probably in the 20s. Even if you take the view that the people who did choose him have got what they voted for, the point is being overstated.