Positive but can't isolate

[itscoldinhere]

Just looking for some advice on my situation and to make sure I’m being as careful as I can.

I live with my DM (69) and DF (74) and two DC (15 months and nearly 3). My DM has severe arthritis and needs some support during the day. She’s healthy but her mobility is poor. My DF is in good health. DC have colds but are in good health.

My DD (nearly 3) was prem at 28 weeks and I panic a lot about her. She's healthy but I tend to overreact and go to worst case scenarios.

We all live in a large joint house (imagine two houses knocked through) on one plot. Lots of space but shared kitchen.

I’ve been doing LTF a few times a week as the children attend nursery (I work full time from home). Last negative LFT was Tuesday. Me and DF had a positive on Sunday. We immediately did PCRs on the whole family. Results came in today. Only me and DF are positive. We are completely asymptomatic. Bit of a shock.

We’ve tried to work out how best to manage this situation.

The obvious response would be for the household to split. Me and DF to move to one side of the house and my DM and DC to stay in the other half.

However nothing is ever easy is it?

We cannot isolate away from the children and my DM as she can’t look after them on her own. She absolutely wouldn’t be able to cope with the two toddlers - not only does she have chronic pain but struggles to move about. We also need to help my DM with certain day to day activities.

My DM refuses to isolate herself away from us on her own (which I understand) and has made the point that we are still caring for the babies who are also negative so why would she be separated. She is on medication for depression (triggered by mobility issues) and I would be concerned about her being alone.

So we are all living together with me and DF positive without symptoms and not isolating. We are trying to minimise risk by me and DF wearing masks (DM refuses), and when we have to be in the same room making sure we stay at opposite ends. All the windows are open (it's damn cold). We are washing and sanitising our hands frequently and are using anti bacterial wipes whenever we use items eg kettle, microwave etc.

We can’t keep distance from the babies as they simply don’t understand. We are wearing masks all the time and not kissing them and trying not to be too close but ultimately they want cuddles and for us to play with them.

Im feeling so anxious. I know positive people should be totally isolated without zero contact with others but I don’t know how to manage that here. Im scared of my babies getting it and becoming very sick. I tend to panic a lot over sickness with my children after having a 28 weeker who was in NICU for three months.

Are we doing enough to be safe? Or should we literally just isolate and just hope my mother can cope with the toddlers and only surface when she’s really struggling? But even as I type this it seems absurd. Equally I don’t want to infect anyone.

I’ve asked friends and most have said what we are doing makes sense but one friend (Jane) said the guidance is clear and we should isolate completely away from DM and DC. Another friend said we were overreacting snd to continue like normal as my DM and DC would have been exposed by now.

I can't help thinking about what Jane said. I’m so worried and upset about this. I feel like I’m doing the wrong thing but can’t think of a better scenario.

Note: it isn’t possible for me to send the children away from me. No father on the scene and no close family. We are a little unit.

Sorry that was so long. I'm just really worried

You’re doing your best. That’s all you can do.

Isolating together makes more sense. Lots of families have to. Your DM does daily LFTs. If DC remain asymptomatic just do another PCR next week.

Relax.. its not a definite they will get it. Or indeed get ill from it. The only symptom my entire household had was one headache for a few hours.

Op just do what you need to do/what you can do.
Everyone in your household has been exposed to it for afew days now.
Just do the best you can.

Daily lateral flows for DM.

You don’t need to isolate inside your house… you “just” need to isolate from the outside world. Nobody is expecting you to distance yourself from your children; and it doesn’t sound like your mum wants that, either.

If your mum has been double jabbed; she can carry on as normal, I think - but to be honest, I’d probably just have everyone in the household isolate until the end of the period.

Honestly just keep doing what your doing.I personally wouldn't be leaving the windows open though.

I would keep up with masks and hand washing and keeping a distance unless you need to help DM

Babies will be fine

You're doing so well in some difficult circumstances

Ventilation is key to avoid spread - windows open front of house to back for constant airflow especially when together in a room and distance as much as possible. Masks on if you want another level of protection.

You sound like you’re doing your absolute best.

Look at it this way, in a ‘normal’ 2-parent household with DC your ages, no one would be isolating if both adults were positive. Who would look after the babies?

Isolation is to contain the spread from household to household, not necessarily within households.

Your mum sounds the most vulnerable and she’s rather take the risk. Stop worrying.

Hope your symptoms stay mild and no one else catches it.

You are doing your best in a very hard situation.
Your DM also has agency in this & she's refusing to mask up.

Aside from sending your mum into some kind of respite care at extremely short notice, I don't know what else you can do. Did Jane offer to step in & take over her essential care?

Oh sorry I didn't say. We are all double vaccinated and have had boosters.

I think Jane's bewilderment was that we have a huge house and I'm talking about us sitting in the same living room with windows open etc. And she's like 'you have enough space to be in a different area of the house entirely'. We do. It's a fact. Problem is the negative members of the household need the positives members to function.

Thanks everyone for your replies

In the first wave, pre-mass testing, I had symptoms and was told to isolate away from the rest of the house for 4 days. At the time GP used symptom start date and worked out how many days I had left.

DS was 19 months old at the time and it wrecked me mentally.

DH and I said if it happened again we wouldn’t bother separating the household. It was pretty impractical in term of sharing our one bathroom, looking after DS etc. I couldn’t put any of us through the enforced separation again.

Knowing what we do now, I’d just isolate as a household. You’re trying to lessen the chances of spreading it and if your DM is OK with it, carry on.

I’d be willing to bet ‘Jane’ wouldn’t listen to her own advice if the situations were reversed.

As said, you can only do your best, exposure has already happened, and if people need caring for they need caring for. You cannot isolate yourself from your babies - no-one I know or know of who's had covid and has children who are young has really tried, they've all realised childcare needs to go on as undisturbed as possible. I hope you all stay asymptomatic OP!

As for Jane, I hope her response was out of worry and concern for you and nothing else, but she's wrong. And not helpful. Try and ignore what she's said - every variety of statement about this stuff is said by someone somewhere; what's not helpful or pertinent to you is best discarded.

Best of luck OP.

@GroggyLegs

You are doing your best in a very hard situation. Your DM also has agency in this & she's refusing to mask up.

Aside from sending your mum into some kind of respite care at extremely short notice, I don't know what else you can do. Did Jane offer to step in & take over her essential care?

Thank you.

Jane is a real stickler for rules. For her it's hard and fast. She wouldn't come near our house as it's an infection site. She probably won't ever meet me in person again lol!

We’re doing the same here - windows open, masks on and trying to keep distance where possible but half have it and half don’t at the moment! I think what you’re doing sounds sensible.

You isolate as a household. Jane is off her head!

Windows open, mask on.

Hope it all works out OK

Thanks everyone. Really reassuring and kind replies here. It's made me feel a lot better for sure.

I'll just continue as we are.

Hopefully we will stay asymptomatic. It's been 3 days now since positive LFT and we are all fine. Fingers crossed.

I'm more worried about the DC getting it. I just panic about my prem child. She's not on oxygen anymore and wasn't even entitled to RSV vaccine this year. I just can't seem to ever accept that she's ok. It sounds strange but to me she's this prem baby when in reality she's a powerhouse of a nearly 3 year old.

There is no guidance at all that says you should isolate from house members

My view has always been that as a family who live together we are all in it together. I wouldn't be making any effort to isolate from such young children. I think that would be far more damaging for them than covid is likely to be. Two of you have it with no symptoms, and it is entirely likely that if the others get it they will be the same, or only mildly ill unless you were incredibly unlucky. Your Mum has clearly made an informed decision knowing the risk too.

You are isolating. Your title is completely misleading.

You are one household.

You are over thinking it tbh given how omicron is infectious. It can linger in the air and there are incidences of people in a completely separate hotel room giving it to someone in a room nearby. There are cases of people coming into a room AFTER the infectious person has left.

You have a shared kitchen.

You are either going to pass it on, in this situation, or you aren't.

Stressing ridicilously about 'splitting the house' isn't going to help.

There is no guarantee you will pass on, especially if you elderly relatives are boosted. You are asymptomatic so I believe you are less likely to. Besides which the flip side to this is it may well be too late - you are infectious before you test positive. So you may well have already given it to them.

Just get on with living as best you can. There's not much more you can do.

Most people wouldn't even think twice about this, because they don't live in homes as big as yours.

I think you’ll be well rid of Jane - she sounds like a PITA (and I’m pretty Covid compliant).

I’m on day 5 of me and one DC being positive. We haven’t done a hard and fast isolation as the other two need me to feed them etc, but just avoided getting too close, lots of hand washing etc. TBH I abandoned the mask fairly early on as well, unless I’m close by (eg doing their lat flows). So far none of the others has tested positive (daily lat flows) so maybe we’ll get lucky.

You can only do your best (and obviously stay at home).

You are managing so well under a very difficult situation. If you have Omicron, it is so much more transmissible that unless you are doing hospital grade isolation - you are all going to be exposed. Limiting the viral load (the amount of the virus you can get exposed to) can be done by taking sensible precautions. (Trying to air rooms out regularly etc)

If you are asymptomatic you can still pass it on, but I think you are less contagious overall.

I know you are worried about the smallest one, but really they are almost certain to be fine. Your mum is trickier - but I am assuming boosted? But maybe her and your Dad can sleep separately for a week or so?

Good luck.

Jane doesn’t live in the real world. There’s no way I’d be able to isolate from my own kids given we live in the same house, they’d go nuts. Plus, DM (I’m presuming) has the capacity to make the decision to not isolate herself away from you all and is well within her rights to make that call for herself, so I personally wouldn’t worry about her on that front. Finally, if you had a negative last Tuesday and then tested positive Sunday, you may of been positive any time between Tuesday and Sunday and likely had already exposed the rest of the household by the time you found out anyway. Part and parcel of living together I guess, not much you can do to prevent it.

Hopefully it just stays with you and DF and you both continue to be asymptomatic. Best of luck.

I think you've had great advice. Can I suggest your DM takes vitamin D and Zinc? An old friend of mine worked in a nursery, up to the age of 67. She absolutely swore by this nasal spray stuff here

Why do you care so much about Jane? Just get on with your life with your family. You won't see her now until you come out of isolation anyway.