Positive but can't isolate

[itscoldinhere]

Just looking for some advice on my situation and to make sure I’m being as careful as I can.

I live with my DM (69) and DF (74) and two DC (15 months and nearly 3). My DM has severe arthritis and needs some support during the day. She’s healthy but her mobility is poor. My DF is in good health. DC have colds but are in good health.

My DD (nearly 3) was prem at 28 weeks and I panic a lot about her. She's healthy but I tend to overreact and go to worst case scenarios.

We all live in a large joint house (imagine two houses knocked through) on one plot. Lots of space but shared kitchen.

I’ve been doing LTF a few times a week as the children attend nursery (I work full time from home). Last negative LFT was Tuesday. Me and DF had a positive on Sunday. We immediately did PCRs on the whole family. Results came in today. Only me and DF are positive. We are completely asymptomatic. Bit of a shock.

We’ve tried to work out how best to manage this situation.

The obvious response would be for the household to split. Me and DF to move to one side of the house and my DM and DC to stay in the other half.

However nothing is ever easy is it?

We cannot isolate away from the children and my DM as she can’t look after them on her own. She absolutely wouldn’t be able to cope with the two toddlers - not only does she have chronic pain but struggles to move about. We also need to help my DM with certain day to day activities.

My DM refuses to isolate herself away from us on her own (which I understand) and has made the point that we are still caring for the babies who are also negative so why would she be separated. She is on medication for depression (triggered by mobility issues) and I would be concerned about her being alone.

So we are all living together with me and DF positive without symptoms and not isolating. We are trying to minimise risk by me and DF wearing masks (DM refuses), and when we have to be in the same room making sure we stay at opposite ends. All the windows are open (it's damn cold). We are washing and sanitising our hands frequently and are using anti bacterial wipes whenever we use items eg kettle, microwave etc.

We can’t keep distance from the babies as they simply don’t understand. We are wearing masks all the time and not kissing them and trying not to be too close but ultimately they want cuddles and for us to play with them.

Im feeling so anxious. I know positive people should be totally isolated without zero contact with others but I don’t know how to manage that here. Im scared of my babies getting it and becoming very sick. I tend to panic a lot over sickness with my children after having a 28 weeker who was in NICU for three months.

Are we doing enough to be safe? Or should we literally just isolate and just hope my mother can cope with the toddlers and only surface when she’s really struggling? But even as I type this it seems absurd. Equally I don’t want to infect anyone.

I’ve asked friends and most have said what we are doing makes sense but one friend (Jane) said the guidance is clear and we should isolate completely away from DM and DC. Another friend said we were overreacting snd to continue like normal as my DM and DC would have been exposed by now.

I can't help thinking about what Jane said. I’m so worried and upset about this. I feel like I’m doing the wrong thing but can’t think of a better scenario.

Note: it isn’t possible for me to send the children away from me. No father on the scene and no close family. We are a little unit.

No isolating within the household going on here. Not really possible with small children when both parents positive!

Totally freezing here too OP, we’re keeping windows open as well.

@JuergenSchwarzwald

Why do you care so much about Jane? Just get on with your life with your family. You won't see her now until you come out of isolation anyway.

Fair point.

I don't. She was in a WhatsApp group in which I asked this question. I think the reason I focused on her opinion was because she voiced my deep concern - that I'm not doing all I could be to keep my DM and DC safe. She sort of said exactly what was needed to make me spiral into a series of 'what ifs'.

Why I choose to focus on her and not the many voices saying I'm doing the right thing is beyond me.

@DiscontentedWoman

I think you've had great advice. Can I suggest your DM takes vitamin D and Zinc? An old friend of mine worked in a nursery, up to the age of 67. She absolutely swore by this nasal spray stuff here

Oh thank you! I will order some right now. Great advice.

Me and dp had covid. We have two children, both have sen. It would have been impossible to isolate away from them, so we didn't. They did catch it but Ds was mildly poorly for one day and Dd asymptomatic despite that she suffers from severe allergies and particularly
Prone to respiratory infections.

It's the same for many people. Isolating in the house when you have covid is really hard and difficult. Especially if you only have one bathroom etc.

The obvious thing would be for your mother to isolate but if she doesn't want to, you can't make her. Just carry on as normal with your dc. Wash your hands, try not to give too much face to face contact, let air in and clean surfaces. Not much else you can do really.

Also, ignore Jane. It's clear she doesn't have young children or a small house or experienced this herself. Isolating at home is unrealistic for most of us.

@livinthedream1995

Jane doesn’t live in the real world. There’s no way I’d be able to isolate from my own kids given we live in the same house, they’d go nuts. Plus, DM (I’m presuming) has the capacity to make the decision to not isolate herself away from you all and is well within her rights to make that call for herself, so I personally wouldn’t worry about her on that front. Finally, if you had a negative last Tuesday and then tested positive Sunday, you may of been positive any time between Tuesday and Sunday and likely had already exposed the rest of the household by the time you found out anyway. Part and parcel of living together I guess, not much you can do to prevent it.

Hopefully it just stays with you and DF and you both continue to be asymptomatic. Best of luck.

I also thought that they are likely to be exposed between Tuesday and Sunday. We watched the Strictly Finale on Saturday and I was laying on the sofa with my mum (your never too old lol) and all day I had been kissing and cuddling my babies. Playing close side by side. Sunday morning they were in bed with me. Then I tested. I was surprised the PCRs came back just me and DF. My DM had a bad 'cold' two weeks ago and now I wonder if that was possibly Covid and me and DF are the last to get it. Impossible to know.

I don’t know anyone who has isolated from their family. Most people I know just haven’t gone out and wouldn’t have the space to isolate within their house.

Jane is wrong about the guidance so I would ignore everything she has got to say.

@AD80

Me and dp had covid. We have two children, both have sen. It would have been impossible to isolate away from them, so we didn't. They did catch it but Ds was mildly poorly for one day and Dd asymptomatic despite that she suffers from severe allergies and particularly Prone to respiratory infections.

It's the same for many people. Isolating in the house when you have covid is really hard and difficult. Especially if you only have one bathroom etc.

The obvious thing would be for your mother to isolate but if she doesn't want to, you can't make her. Just carry on as normal with your dc. Wash your hands, try not to give too much face to face contact, let air in and clean surfaces. Not much else you can do really.

I'm glad you're all ok now and DCwere not badly affected. I hope we will be the same

Jane's outrage seems to be that we don't have to share a bathroom or any room and aren't like a lot of families struggling for space. We can separate completely. But as I tried to explain me and DF need to take care of the DC and DM. She just doesn't seem to get it. She doesn't have children so maybe doesn't appreciate how impossible it is for my mobility restricted mother to care for two very mobile young children!

You do not have to isolate. It’s advised but if you can’t you can’t.

What do you think single parents do? I’m not but my husband was away with work for part of the week I was positive in October. I have two young kids. I took them to school (the teachers met them out the car, I stayed in it), I cooked, played, danced, sang, bathed, cuddled, kissed, shared beds.. all the normal parenting things. What else was I supposed to do? They didn’t catch it surprisingly.

We didn’t isolate the first time I had it either, last December. Non of us were worried about catching it so we just stayed together as a household. The kids did catch it that time but not my husband.

Isolating within your home is completely your choice. No-one is policing it. It is your judgement call to make.

Antibody tests here which would possibly indicate whether your mum's cold was Covid. Not sure if you need to add VAT on there but less than a tenner isn't bad for perhaps a bit of peace of mind?

You can only do your best op and it sounds like what you're doing is great.Lots of people with small houses etc can't physically isolate away from the rest of the family fully. DP tried to stay away from us as much as possible but myself and DS both ended up positive. I had been terrified of DS getting it as he's 3 but thankfully he had zero symptoms.

Carry on as you are. Your friend is being very unrealistic.

And yes Jane is a fruit loop you should never trust the opinion of, because she's clearly batshit.

I'm a single parent to a 4 year old and I feel the damage I would do to her through trying to keep my distance would be more than her getting Covid.

WRT your parents, especially as they've had boosters I think that being sensible and keeping the house ventilated, masks etc. is as good as the situation can be under the circumstances.

Just do your best.
When one of our children had covid we kept windows open but otherwise carried on as normal - it's a small house, one bathroom, and she needed lots of TLC when poorly. None of the rest of us were infected.

My elderly mum lives with us OP. DM has her own living room + dining room, but we share kitchen and bathroom. And hall and stairs obvs!

Me, DD (7), DH, and DD(22) all had it in oct (one at a bloody time!) and my DM never caught it!

We just made sure surfaces were clean, kept DD7 out of her area and we 4 stayed out of the kitchen whenever DM was in there. We don't mix in the evenings or for sitting about anyway.

Jane doesn't know what she's on about!
I wouldn't isolate from my kids and they aren't as dependant on me as yours are. Especially with symptomless infections you've no idea how long you've potentially been infecting them so the chances are it's too late for isolation now.

You've all been mixing throughout anyway. You know you can't isolate as the children need looking after and your DM can't cope. The only possible solution would be your DM to isolate from the rest of you but she refuses. So you carry on as you are and just isolate the household from outsiders. Your mum and DC may not even be infected, nevermind suffer if you and your df were symptomless. Hope you all have an easy time of it.

I had two premature babies. With severe IUGR.

Both me and mine were in hospital for over a year. So I do understand completely

I think what you’re doing is fine. More than enough. Good luck

Jane hasn't got a clue.....

Meanwhile back in the real world, you're doing the very best you can in tricky circumstances. Ds, dd and I had Covid last month (so probably not Omicrom) but dh didn't get it at all! So there are no guarantees that DM and DC's will get it, so I wouldn't worry too much about something that hasn't happened and might not even happen.

Care needs were always an exception though. Carers were allowed into people's homes in lockdown, a family member could visit to provide care etc. Yes ideally you and your DF could isolate but leaving your DM alone with your dc would put them at risk in a different way.

I would find isolating very diificult too. I am a carer for my husband. Who would do everything, if I can't?

I think you're doing everything right.
And you sound a lovely family unit.
Noone is ill at the moment and might not get ill. So try to stay positive, and enjoy Christmas

You're doing the best you can and Jane is totally wrong, stop talking to her. The babies have already been exposed and hardly suffer from covid even if they do get it - they are more likely to be damaged by not being kissed and cuddled and by not seeing your face.

You do the best you can. Ignore Jane.... unless she is offering to look after the children while you isolate!