Positive but can't isolate

[itscoldinhere]

Just looking for some advice on my situation and to make sure I’m being as careful as I can.

I live with my DM (69) and DF (74) and two DC (15 months and nearly 3). My DM has severe arthritis and needs some support during the day. She’s healthy but her mobility is poor. My DF is in good health. DC have colds but are in good health.

My DD (nearly 3) was prem at 28 weeks and I panic a lot about her. She's healthy but I tend to overreact and go to worst case scenarios.

We all live in a large joint house (imagine two houses knocked through) on one plot. Lots of space but shared kitchen.

I’ve been doing LTF a few times a week as the children attend nursery (I work full time from home). Last negative LFT was Tuesday. Me and DF had a positive on Sunday. We immediately did PCRs on the whole family. Results came in today. Only me and DF are positive. We are completely asymptomatic. Bit of a shock.

We’ve tried to work out how best to manage this situation.

The obvious response would be for the household to split. Me and DF to move to one side of the house and my DM and DC to stay in the other half.

However nothing is ever easy is it?

We cannot isolate away from the children and my DM as she can’t look after them on her own. She absolutely wouldn’t be able to cope with the two toddlers - not only does she have chronic pain but struggles to move about. We also need to help my DM with certain day to day activities.

My DM refuses to isolate herself away from us on her own (which I understand) and has made the point that we are still caring for the babies who are also negative so why would she be separated. She is on medication for depression (triggered by mobility issues) and I would be concerned about her being alone.

So we are all living together with me and DF positive without symptoms and not isolating. We are trying to minimise risk by me and DF wearing masks (DM refuses), and when we have to be in the same room making sure we stay at opposite ends. All the windows are open (it's damn cold). We are washing and sanitising our hands frequently and are using anti bacterial wipes whenever we use items eg kettle, microwave etc.

We can’t keep distance from the babies as they simply don’t understand. We are wearing masks all the time and not kissing them and trying not to be too close but ultimately they want cuddles and for us to play with them.

Im feeling so anxious. I know positive people should be totally isolated without zero contact with others but I don’t know how to manage that here. Im scared of my babies getting it and becoming very sick. I tend to panic a lot over sickness with my children after having a 28 weeker who was in NICU for three months.

Are we doing enough to be safe? Or should we literally just isolate and just hope my mother can cope with the toddlers and only surface when she’s really struggling? But even as I type this it seems absurd. Equally I don’t want to infect anyone.

I’ve asked friends and most have said what we are doing makes sense but one friend (Jane) said the guidance is clear and we should isolate completely away from DM and DC. Another friend said we were overreacting snd to continue like normal as my DM and DC would have been exposed by now.

I can't help thinking about what Jane said. I’m so worried and upset about this. I feel like I’m doing the wrong thing but can’t think of a better scenario.

Note: it isn’t possible for me to send the children away from me. No father on the scene and no close family. We are a little unit.

Stop worrying, I was 62 when I got it pre vaccine and there's a HCA on same ward who was 68 and only knew she'd had it because of an antibody test! 69 isn't old and with all those vaccines unlikely to be seriously ill even if DM got it💐

Jane can keep her beak out!! You are doing the absolute best you can, you're doing brilliantly in the circumstances.

I think if you're worried about it then I'd split the households but not into positive and negative but into you and your DCs; then your DF and DM together. If that's possible for meeting all the vulnerable members' needs. It will limit your DM and your DCs' exposure if they are only exposed to you or DF rather than both of you.

But if that doesn't work with the levels of care your DCs and your DM need, then what you're doing is fine. To reassure you slightly, I know quite a few families where some members tested positive and the others didn't despite not isolating from each other at all.

@DiscontentedWoman
The test kits sound as good idea but if one is triple jabbed would the antibodies produced in response to the vaccine show up as a positive result?

Ah the Janes of the world. Wouldn't it be nice if they'd focus on themselves or offer a helping hand. You're doing your best and it's good enough OP.

We’re in a similar position in that DC has tested positive and we live inter generational house. Dc is not asymptotic, is very ill and clingy. I don’t think we tried masks but we are keeping windows open during the day, heating off dressing warm. Then windows closed at night, heating on. Just trying to maximise airflow, reduce viral load for us who are negative, constantly washing things so there is no build up. I think thats the best you can do. In your situation I’d put df in another bedroom to dm.

When DS2 had to isolate due to exposure (he lives with DH and I) it wasn't possible to completely 'lock him away' due to the set up of the house. So, we did 'set aside' one bathroom for his sole use and he stayed in his room as much as possible. When he had to pass through or be in the same room with us we all wore masks and he also wore gloves as an extra precaution. I fixed meals and he ate off paper plates/utencils in his room.

Can you do something similar?

We've had 2 outbreaks....... one 6 months ago and one ongoing.

We've just isolated as a household each time, and not everyone has caught it.

You just have to do the best you can. People have turned into zombies over rules and don't seem to be able to use their own judgement.

Just do what you can. We are a family of four - two v young DC, me and husband who is CEV. We are in a flat. We have already agreed that if we get it we'll just have to accept that we're all in it together.

You can only do your best and chances are everyone will be absolutely fine. Assuming your Dm has been double/triple vaxxed the likelihood of her falling ill is very very low. Also, it sounds like she has made an informed decision that she would rather take her chances (no mask etc ) rather than try to put in more isolation. Perhaps her mental health just feels too fragile and that is important. Last year right at start of the pandemic both me and DH got covid and we decided not to try to isolate from out kids as not only was it not happening from their side, we figured everyone would be getting this virus eventually and this was our families time.
I have friends who have isolated their primary aged kids in their rooms for a fill ten days which To be honest i find really really odd and a total over reaction!!

Jane can do one.

You just do your best.

Hope you all stay well and symptom-free.

You're all going to get it. Zero point trying to isolate in the house. You'll be fine!

Honestly you have absolutely every right to decide how you do things inside your own house, and it sounds like everyone in this situation is operating from a place of informed consent.

Jane's a twat.

And if your mum and kids do get covid, then so what? Really, so what?? The chances are the children will have extremely mild, if any, symptoms, and you say your mum's in good health apart from the arthritis. So really, what does it matter? Far better to let it rip through the household and get it over with in one go.

There is guidance to suggest isolating within a household, with the infected person sticking as far as possible to one room and bathroom BUT only if it is possible. It just isn't in your circumstances and you're doing the absolute best you can. We have a positive adult DC in the house who is isolating in their room and only using one bathroom that we're not using but we also have a baby at home & if one of my DH or me tests positive, we just won't be able to isolate from her - nor would it be the right thing on balance. Whether to isolate within the household is totally circumstances-dependent and not everyone will be able to. You just do the best you can, which you are. Try not to worry. It will be what it will be now and your DM has made her own decisions as a rational adult - you have to respect that.

I’m afraid I don’t see how you can isolate from your DM in this scenario. When we had it I could not possibly isolate from DD7 because it’s hurtful for them, they don’t understand. If your DM is jabbed and boostered and refusing to wear a mask I don’t see what else you can do.

We have been in a similar situation albeit easier to manage. My household consists of me, DH, our two teenagers and my 91 year old DM. DH tested positive last week but the rest of us were negative (admittedly LFDs rather than PCR). We have had to assume that I remain negative so I have been taking on all care for Mum that would previously been shared between DH and me.

In terms of measures that we took - DH is sleeping downstairs and spending most of his time in one room on his own. Whenever he leaves that room he wears a mask. I bought some FFP2 masks so he now wears one of those but for the first few days it was a regular cloth mask. DH is the only person using the downstairs toilet but we are still sharing the bathroom. We’ve been keeping windows slightly open to increase ventilation. I bought an air quality monitor which checks CO2 levels - it helps remind us to make sure that rooms are ventilated if the CO2 levels rise. I also bought and air purifier which I’ve set up in Mum’s living space - no idea if that helps but in theory it should catch virus particles that pass through its filter. And cleaning - lots of cleaning of shared surfaces with Zoflora and lots of washing hands.

Our period of isolation finishes in a couple of days. Fingers crossed we’ve done what we needed. Ultimately we just did the best we could in the circumstances, just as you are doing in your own situation. I wish you luck

I think we have all pretty much all agreed that Jane is a clueless twat who is upsetting you unnecessarily. I think she is really being very unkind and thoughtless.

Thank you everyone. I think it is indeed unanimous that Jane just is totally unrealistic and we are doing all we can and acting sensibly.

It's really given me peace of mind. We shall continue as we are and fingers crossed no one gets ill. It will be a bit of a strange socially distanced, mask-wearing Christmas but at least we have each other.

You're doing your best.

And Jane need to see this from somewhere other than her high up branch.

What do people think I did last year whilst I had covid? I'm a LP to a disabled ds and both my parents were shielding as on chemo (we live separately).

The realism is households cannot just isolate someone away in most cases.

You are doing your best and I sympathise. Is there no way that you can persuade your mum to wear a mask of the correct quality though? That would be the single best thing to protect her.

Tell Jane that as she’s such a concerned friend, maybe she would like to scrap her Christmas plans and look after all the dependants in your house while you and DH isolate in front of Netflix drinking wine and eating mince pies for 10 days. 🤷‍♀️

Also, everyone in your house has already been exposed. Covid has an incubation period like all viruses and you’re infectious typically 2 days before symptoms start. It may only be a matter of time until the others have it too.

I would find isolating very diificult too. I am a carer for my husband. Who would do everything, if I can't? You can't try harder than you are doing!

I know positive people should be totally isolated without zero contact with others but I don’t know how to manage that here.
No they shouldn't. They should be isolated from the outside world, not zero contact with people in the house! Chances are if your kids and mum were going to catch it, they will do so anyway as you are contagious before testing positive.
Kids are really really unlikely to be unwell with covid, I understand your anxiety but a 15 month old is too young to be isolated from their parent for 10 days, in my opinion even wearing masks around them is too much.