Can't handle the anxiety anymore

[YukoandHiro]

I have two children, 4 and 1, who are constantly ill. I feel jealous of other people becuse I feel like we're just always dealing with this. We've been for endless PCRs and the eldest who already had medical trauma due to lots of painful interventions in her early life, isn't coping with it.
She last had a test for a temp 8 days ago and now has developed a cough. She has asthma anyway so she coughs a lot. I'm lying here trying to work out if an LFT will be enough as I just can't go through it all with her again.
I'm constantly on edge now, I feel like I haven't relaxed in months and I haven't slept well since October due to both children being ill all the time and so much night waking.
The last year has been hell. I can't cope with much more.
This has destroyed my mental health and my ability to trust my instincts as a parent.
I just saw a hospital doctor warning this could be for another five years and for the first time I felt like I can't see any kind of life for us as a family like this.
It sounds awful but we're doing all this to protect my parents who are older and involved in the children's lives but it's at such a cost.
I'm tempted to just stop seeing my parents instead. But that's the only grandparents my children have.
No question really. Just utter misery and exhaustion.
I might just start relying on LFTs as at least it's quick and at home. I just feel like I carry guilt constantly about doing the right thing and meanwhile the useless government are doing whatever the hell they like and other people just getting on with their lives.

Ok so nobody has replied to this - maybe I am the only one awake worrying all night?

This is driving me utterly crackers.

I think Wales brought in some new legislation re under 5s and testing, designed to help stop this. They may have ditched it with omicron though.

Hi OP. I was about to go to bed but couldn't resist popping back in here one final time and I saw your post.

I'm so sorry for how you're feeling. It's an awful time and the stress can feel relentless.

I wish I could say it's all going to immediately completely better. But whilst that might not be possible, please try not to feel hopeless.

There really is light at the end of the tunnel. It's a long tunnel but we're making progress.

The vaccines - especially with boosters are making a difference.

And we now have some very promising drug treatments - some are around 80% effective at preventing serious illness or death.

There's global demand for currently only limited supply - but in time (before 5 years) there will be much better availability.

We'll also have made progress in getting the rest of the world vaccinated.

We might have outbreaks over the next couple of years but then again we might not. It might be over much sooner. We might need annual boosters (especially the vulnerable) but that's fine. We already do that with the flu vaccine. We might also need some mitigations at times - perhaps masks during a mini outbreak and/or when sick, but that's been the norm in many East Asian countries for years with no effect on everyday life.

In the meantime I know services are busy but please try to speak to your GP and/or self refer if available in your area for counselling. Some emotional support could really help you. And could you discuss your concerns with your parents? They might be fine with LFTs (taken just before a visit, same day).

I know it's easier said than done but try not to despair. It's horrible and stressful and very tough right now but things will get better

Also try posting on the mental health boards here. I understand that people on there can be very supportive.

No, plenty of us awake! Just didn't see your thread, 'active' is fast moving and if the thread doesn't have people posting on it, it's quickly dropped off the bottom of the 'active threads'.

It sounds like you've had a tough time of it!!

Why not order some postal OCR tests, then
It's not really any different than your 4 yo doing LFT's.

PCR are much better when testing for symptoms that LFT.

Are your parents vulnerable?

I don't know what the answer is either OP. Only want to say I know EXACTLY what you mean and your words resonated with me. My mental health is rock bottom. I have 2 young kids also. Sick of testing them for every cough. My 3 yr old has been snotty/couch/sneezy/fevery/mildly ill since September and in normal times I wouldn't have batted an eyelid. Sick of getting her PCR tested for every sniffle so she can attend preschool.

You sound exhausted, bless you and your wee girl.
It won't be another five years.

Op I feel exactly the same!
I've always suffered with anxiety but the last few months with depression now too (I'm not suggesting you have) but I feel it's never ending! I have two kids, and over the past few weeks it's been one thing after another, pcr after pcr, we get out of isolating and one of the DCs starts with a cold/sore throat/cough/ or fever and it's then another pcr test and repeat!
I know I'm being unreasonable but I'm jealous when I turn Facebook on and there's families out seeing Santa for the second time this week etc and we're stuck in, and have done very little of anything on the run up to Christmas!
I'm fed up of my anxiety getting worse because I'm not getting out or doing anything...
And I'm sick of the DCs lives being this way!
I'm sorry you feel how you do op, your not alone.

I know how you feel. Mine are 7, 6 and 3. I worry every night about them and symptoms, and what we won't be able to do next (like work), as we are constantly getting PCRs. The kids hate them. I object to people saying they are not invasive. They are.
My dh said the other day that he is sick of kids being criminalised for being under the weather. I just want them to be able to get on with their little lives without this constant fear on cancellations.

I only do pcrs if I'm told to by track and trace. And I would do a pcr if an lft was positive.

I’m sorry to read about how you are feeling and I have no comforting words. But I felt to reply as I feel exactly the same. Wide awake with anxiety and just wondering when this will all ever end.
It all feels so miserable and I feel I have no Christmas spirit at all.
I hope you feel better soon but have to admit it feels somehow relieving to know I am not the only one feeling this way.

Thanks to everyone who replied - it's actually w complete relief to hear that others are feeling the same way. I'm similar about social media, can't believe families are managing to do xmas traditions like Santa's grotto when we've had to take at least one pcr per person per week. I hope I'll feel a little better when we finally get to my mum and dad's for Christmas as once we're there we're there. It's amazing we're still in the same place a year on. Another year will break me. I need a bit of peace mentally.

I know EXACTLY what you mean, down to the medical interventions and trauma when young. So many PCRs and they just get worse and worse each time. I worry so much about doing the right thing for society and worry so much about traumatising my child again. It’s horrendous. I was awake for hours last night. Wish I’d seen your thread at the time.

I feel the same OP. I could have written your post. I know we are not alone but it often feels like it. Currently waiting for PCR results when I possibly didn't need to test but new symptoms appeared and I felt it was the right thing to do. But then I start doubting myself. It's a horrible mix of emotions.

I’m in the same position, only the one child though. It is utterly relentless and the nights are very long and dark with sick children. Coupled with the stress over missing work, and with no end in sight, it really has been a horrific time for those of us who have kids that pick all these bugs up.

I know what you mean about parental instincts being ruined. I was quite relaxed with DD when she picked up the odd cold as a baby, since covid and the endless onslaught of respiratory bugs, I have a panic attack if she so much as coughs or feels a bit warm.

You have my absolute solidarity, I wish I had some useful advice.

It will get better as children get older as they will be ill less often, one year olds in my experience are constantly poorly as they build their immune system.

The weather will get better, everything will feel easier.

It'll be OK.

Hello, in your situation I would rely on lateral flow tests. They are highly sensitive and will do the job.
Chances are your kids have already had Covid if they are at school or childcare.. or anywhere really.
This WILL improve. Try and forget about Covid, avoid the news for a bit and just do nice things for you and your family. It’s hard and the uncertainty is tough but we will get there

@Keepitonthedownlow

I only do pcrs if I'm told to by track and trace. And I would do a pcr if an lft was positive.

Yes, same here.

That sounds so hard and relentless. I’m finding the weight of decision making around dc’ illness is very heavy. It’s all very well to say test and isolate but dd gets regular sore throats and ds gets stress headaches and lately complains of aching legs because he’s growing. Dd got a wee bug a while back and it was miserable taking her to get her nose poked with a stick when she needed to be curled up for cuddles and cartoons. But I have a vulnerable relative, and we have to be careful. No matter which way I turn, I feel like I’m getting it wrong for someone.

Mine are at a better age for this, but I remember the early school years when they got every bug going and we played musical sick beds through November and December.

Worry is truly exhausting.

I really feel for you. I remember those years of my kids constantly being ill and I had a real anxiety around it. As soon as one of them coughed or felt sick…. Just stressing about them all catching it and then the sleepless nights, managing work etc… and that was without the BlOODY COVID!!! Sorry to shout!

I think what you’re feeling is completely normal. I really don’t think we’ll be doing this for another 5 years. I think your kids will stop getting ill as their immune systems build up and covid will become like another virus as people are vaccinated/catch it/build up
Immunity. It won’t be this big scary thing.

It sounds like you’re coping really well considering. Maybe limit your news reading and try to keep your mind off it. Anything to help with anxiety? Mindfulness, yoga, a run? Open up to your friends- a lot of them will be feeling the same way.

I was also fairly relaxed about illnesses. Now it all sends me over the edge. And how scared they get of the tests.

Same op my dd has a sort of asthma and has been rushed into a and e a few times.
I've been so petrified of her getting covid and she did test positive it was like slow motion.
But.. Incredibly it hardly affected her!
So I'm praying she has some anti bodies.

But she has a terrible cough at the moment and we are using the in haler but we went out yesterday and she seemed to be coughing so much and I became anxious about the train being delayed things like that and just wanted to get home.

Sometimes I do find the sheer enormity of the responsibility over whelming especially as I worry if something happens to me dh is great in so many ways but useless in others.
If it was nt for me dodgy moles wouldn't get checked, teeth wouldn't be in braces, other health issues not sorted no pe bra for sport... All these big and little things and no family back up either is so so hard. No mum to refer too...

I try to think of of how fortunate we are however in the west with our medical help even when it's creaking under great strain.how other mums cope with little access to anything to make life easier... Even a washing machine! They keep on keeping on and manage to get some joy.
It's so hard but I try and think of the positives... Sorry a bit of a ramble there

Order in some postal pcr tests and lateral flow tests.

Our youngest had covid and we know he wasn't contagious before his lateral flow showed two lines as he'd had a lot of very close contacts.

He'd probably have showed positive on an early pcr test as they are more sensitive.

But my point is he didn't infect anyone in the 12 hours before his lateral flow was a strong positive. So in our experience they were reliable.

Don't worry about taking children to a testing centre, it's all to traumatic when the results from a two second nose swap at home give the same results.

Honestly reading these replies has just made me cry. I'm so tired and it's just a relief to hear that others are feeling equally overwhelmed.
To the PP who said they worry if anything happened as their partner doesn't quite notice when things aren't right health wise - absolutely same here, but i think mothers are just totally tuned in to our children biologically.
It's so hard. Hang in there everyone

I was on tears reading your post OP, I feel exactly the same although only one DD (19mo) to worry about.
I have just self referred to the mental health services in our area and I get priority treatment as I have a child under 2 so will 🤞🏻be getting some CBT for crippling health anxiety in the next few weeks-might be worth seeing if the same exists where you are?
Sending a hug. I say to my husband daily that if I had known what the world I brought my DD home into would be like I wouldn't have tried to get pregnant.