Can't handle the anxiety anymore

[YukoandHiro]

I have two children, 4 and 1, who are constantly ill. I feel jealous of other people becuse I feel like we're just always dealing with this. We've been for endless PCRs and the eldest who already had medical trauma due to lots of painful interventions in her early life, isn't coping with it.
She last had a test for a temp 8 days ago and now has developed a cough. She has asthma anyway so she coughs a lot. I'm lying here trying to work out if an LFT will be enough as I just can't go through it all with her again.
I'm constantly on edge now, I feel like I haven't relaxed in months and I haven't slept well since October due to both children being ill all the time and so much night waking.
The last year has been hell. I can't cope with much more.
This has destroyed my mental health and my ability to trust my instincts as a parent.
I just saw a hospital doctor warning this could be for another five years and for the first time I felt like I can't see any kind of life for us as a family like this.
It sounds awful but we're doing all this to protect my parents who are older and involved in the children's lives but it's at such a cost.
I'm tempted to just stop seeing my parents instead. But that's the only grandparents my children have.
No question really. Just utter misery and exhaustion.
I might just start relying on LFTs as at least it's quick and at home. I just feel like I carry guilt constantly about doing the right thing and meanwhile the useless government are doing whatever the hell they like and other people just getting on with their lives.

Exactly the same here. My nerves are frayed- I’m on edge the whole time and swing from thinking I’m doing the right thing to being over cautious and putting them through PCRs unnecessarily. It’s awful, really, really stressful and my children seem to get fevers at the drop of a hat. As soon as they feel slightly warm, I feel like the panic arrives and it’s a domino effect of isolating, PCRs, time off work/ nursery, anxious waiting for results and then the stress of trying to get seen by a GP if it doesn’t all clear up in a couple of days. I’ve even started to question if there’s something wrong with my children because of how often we’re having to test. I feel so ill from it all. You have my absolute sympathy and it’s reassuring to hear from others. Such a tough time. All I can advise is to just try and take care of yourself. I try and keep a lid on my anxiety by reminding myself that it’s a pandemic, this is unprecedented and I am doing my best to keep my children and the people around them safe.

One of mine also gets temperatures all the time. Seemingly for no reason. About once a month. The other gets a cough! Ffs. It would be so much easier if they weren’t so upset by the tests. I even started googling whether you can just do it on the inside of their cheek.

They are expensive but we’ve brought saliva spit tests for our kids

At those ages it felt like DD was permanently ill from Sept-March but it did improve when she started school. This was pre-Covid so I was always thinking please don’t turn into a bacterial infection because I would then start worrying about sepsis!

Have you spoken to your parents about how you feel, I’m sure they wouldn’t want you to be suffering this anguish.

I’ve also bought saliva tests and they’re over 90% effective. However they aren’t officially accepted which is so annoying. I wish they were

@SwanShaped

We’ve always done the saliva ones and if positive would do a PCR. Lots of my friends live abroad and all the kids there only do saliva ones!

My kids love them and ask to do a spit test 😅

Do your school/nursery accept them as proof?

I hear you. It’s awful feeling responsible for other people’s well-being. Are your parents well enough that they would be up to meeting primarily outside over winter (playgrounds, long walks, etc)- because that is something you can do to minimise risk but keep the relationship going. Then you could feel a bit less on edge about seeing them/ introducing Illness.

I’m really sorry- have you considered speaking to your GP about your mental health?

@SwanShaped

Ummmm my kids nursery is very relaxed and have never asked or sent them home with a cough.!

God I’m so envious. Mine will ask every time if there are any covid symptoms. They take their temp every day they’re in. They want proof of a PCR emailed before child can return. Same at school. They even rang me up once when he had the day off to check what his symptoms were. And even with all of this covid is in school and nursery. So it’s not like it’s working anyway.

@SwanShaped

Oh blimey they are thorough!! Ours is almost too lax, they say only 3 kids have had covid in 2 years but I think that’s due to lack of testing!!’

Yes, very thorough! The saliva tests are great tho. Just annoying they’re so pricey. I really wish that we didn’t have to test kids. It’s spreading round anyway, regardless of how much we’re testing. Because by the time there’s a positive PCR, it’s too late.

I hear you. Mine a little older so slightly easier but I don’t like doing the tests myself so the reaction of little ones doesn’t surprise me. It’s worse at the moment not just cos of the number of cases and an outbreak at school, but because advice seems to be anything that looks like a cold is probably Omicron as the symptoms seem to present that way - great! As people say there are other viruses (and my DC also has asthma and allergies so coughs/sneezes often) but impossible to tell without a test.

You can only do your best and you’re trying to be responsible. 💐

Anyway, OP, I know how you feel. It’s a very heavy burden to try and be keeping everyone safe but also worrying about upsetting your child all the time.

Is that how it is in the UK? That's crazy. We live in Germany and so many things are different.

No testing DCs for colds - only if they get a fever or lose smell/taste.

No test requirement for nursery (if no fever) - instead regular quick tests instead, only for 3 years and up.

Quick tests not done up nose for children. There's one that is a disc that you suck and then test from the saliva ("lolly test") and if a LFT is done you can just do it in the throat so it doesn't hurt.

Children tend to be exempt from being counted in meet up restrictions as well.

No wonder you are all fed up if it's been like that :(

God, Bertie that sounds so different! What is the lolly pop thing?

What about your PCRs? Do you have to send proof of the result to school/nursery? Do they take their temperatures every day?

I wouldn’t mind the testing if it didn’t involve sticking things up my kids’ noses.

We just send a written sheet, so I guess you could fake it if you wanted to. At first they all did the tests at nursery but I think it took up too much time. We have just had an email saying from Jan it will be children over 1 year and we must send in proof - I don't know if we'll then need to show the actual test. My 13yo did tests at school, until he got vaccinated, then he didn't need to any more. They do ask we take temp daily but I think DH forgets! He does the morning nursery run. They are not allowed to come with a temp of 38, so I think you'd notice anyway.

I think the lolly test is a saliva test designed to be easy for small children who might not know how to spit on demand.

If you need a PCR you go to a test station (drive through, or normal doctor) and they email you a QR code which is your digital certificate, you can show this to anyone you need to and also upload it on our app which informs contacts. There might be postal ones too, I'm not sure, never had to do one. DH did one twice at the GP when he had a cold/tonsilitis. (You have to go to GP for a sick note on the third day of illness here).

I had a nose swab test done, guessing maybe PCR, when I was in labour - I never heard back about the result so it must have been negative.

But it was awful and I never want to do it in the nose again. Horrible sensation. I do not think it is right to do that to children regularly. It's different if it's occasional.

The ones our nursery give are swab ones rather than saliva but they can be done in the throat or nose.

The lolly pops sounds amazing. Wish we had those here.

I don’t test my kids that regularly & they are constantly ill. My DD1 has asthma & frankly, I’m taking a very measured approach to her coughs. If she has a distinct new one, I’ll PCR. Otherwise, I don’t. She coughs all winter, it really stops. I refuse to test her every week! Similarly, I only test for temps if they are spiked for over an hour (my youngest likes to randomly burn up in the day for 20 minutes!)..

I’m not testing them for colds. They get them all the time. If they are very snotty, I lateral flow them before seeing my parents or before school/nursery. To my knowledge, they’ve not had covid this year. If they have & I’ve missed it, no-one close to them has got it either (ie, friends, classmates, grandparents, cousins).

DD1 has missed two days of school this term, both for stomach bugs. DD2 has missed a few days of nursery for minor things. We’ve seen Santa, we’ve done Christmas walks & Christmas markets, panto etc!

Kids get ill. You can’t be PCR-ing them weekly, it’s so disruptive! Use your judgement & lateral flows in my opinion.

@Bobholll I think you've got the right approach and I've been a bit overzealous. But mine do get fevers at the drop of a hat too. And the one with asthma gets viral wheeze. It's really exhausting. I'm definitely going to rely on LFT a bit more now, plus I can do them myself more regularly as even though I'm vaccinated and boosted with such young children if they are carrying it it's highly likely I would be too

Hope you find a system that works for you yuko that feels safe for everyone else and manageable for your family. I’m feeling better about it all today, thanks for your post.

OP.

Small children are ill, lots. They are also random (one of mine used to go in for monstrously high temperatures which would come on suddenly, and then disappear). If your 4 yr old is at school/nursery, the chances are that they've already had Covid. I wouldn't do any more testing on them at all, other than a lateral flow one if they are going to see your parents (and if your parents are vulnerable - have they been vaccinated/boosted? Do they have other conditions which would make it risky?)

Their little lives do not deserve to be disrupted any further by one of the biggest over-reactions in history to a mutation of the common cold. At the very least, get them and yourself outside and have some fun with them. 4 and 1 are lovely ages, and deserve to be enjoyed.

As a PP said, could you not tell your parents how you feel? They surely wouldn't want you to feel so anxious - for your sake, but also for the children's sakes (they should be as carefree as they possibly can be at the moment - not subjected to endless testing and fear).

I don't mean that you're doing anything wrong - just that there has been such hysteria whipped up about this, when a bit of normal common sense would have been so much more productive (and I curse whichever doctor said it will be like this for five years: some people just like to be tits).