Page 9 | Someone somewhere needs to articulate the lost quality of life

Gguin · 2021-12-17T15:18:43+00:00

Firstly, I am not saying I think there shouldn't be restrictions as needed, masks, reduced social contact. I do. Just to reemphasise that, to prevent people misreading the title, I support and abide and have abided by restrictions, both statutory and advised. I also hated every single second of the lockdown. I hated what it did to friends. I hated the disregard of single people. I hated the criminalisation of social lives. I hated the lost opportunities for young and not so young people to build or change their lives. I hated the paranoia and judgmentalism. I hated the NHS worship and everyone else can go hang. And yes I hate this feeling, somewhere between anxiety, depression and a grinding underlying fear of future regret on all that has been lost. I drove past a pub in rural Ireland where I live today and it was shut, boarded up and probably will never reopen. The sign "craic agus ceoil" (laughter and music) was worn and frayed, like a relic of the times when we were able to enjoy themselves with abandon. All I would like as the latest chapter of shit unfolds is for someone, somewhere to actually articulate the sadness of all the lost opportunities. The friends that have never been made, the months and years spent indoors, the catastrophic toll on mental health and above all this awful feeling that the many of the very things that make life worth living are so expendable and in some quarters, not even mourned.

ILoveHuskies · 17/12/2021 20:43

@Gguin totally agree

VikingOnTheFridge · 17/12/2021 20:45

[quote EnidSpyton]@IcedPurple no, I'm not. I am fully aware of that.

But what I'm saying is, it's a state of mind.

You can choose to be upset at every closed shop, or you can choose to see it as an opportunity to change your old routines and discover somewhere new instead. I love travelling and have hated not being able to leave the country for two years. Am I sad I had to cancel my trips to China, the US, and South Africa I booked for 2019? Yes, of course I am. But I'm not sad that not going to those places led me to go to Skye for the first time, and Wales, and Cornwall, which were beautiful and glorious in their own ways. I still got something out of the experience - it wasn't what I wanted or expected, but it was worthwhile anyway. It's how you frame it.

Change is part of life. As someone said upthread, these sorts of crises happen at regular points during history and it's part of the ebb and flow of human existence. I remember as a child during the recession of the early nineties how I suddenly couldn't go to violin lessons or ballet lessons anymore and we had to move house because my dad's business went bust. Every conversation at home was about how much things cost and what we could and couldn't have to eat, or wear, or do at the weekend/after school. It was sad and upsetting but we survived. I remember the 2008 recession when loads of shops and bars and places we loved shut overnight, loads of my friends got made redundant, and none of us could find jobs. We'd all recently graduated and this was supposed to be the time of our lives. Instead none of us could afford to go anywhere and I remember having to choose between heating and dinner. It was a bleak time. But we got through it and made the best of it. Shit happens but vodka is always cheap, and where there's life there's hope.

If you want to mourn, then mourn. But I do wonder what the point of it is. You can't change what's happening, so why make yourself more miserable?[/quote]
Whether you see the point in it or not is irrelevant. It's a thread for people to articulate what they feel we've lost, not for people who can't see that happen without feeling the need to offer platitudes that nobody asked for. If you don't fall into that category, it's fine to simply reflect that not everything is for everyone.

Ginger1982 · 17/12/2021 20:48

It's the 10 day mandatory isolation that is the killer. There must be a review of this due in a vaccinated population. Here in Scotland, everyone in a house has to currently isolate if anyone is positive. It's shit. Trying to keep an exuberant 4 year old entertained whilst trying to work is awful. I think it's worse when it happens now as, during lockdown, you know nobody was getting to do anything, but my son has had 2 lockdown birthdays already and missed his first nativity, Christmas party etc. Folk say, 'oh you'll have years of nativities to go to.'

Well, will I? Or will this be life now forever?

User135644 · 17/12/2021 20:54

One thing I find really difficult is that when you plan ahead for something you spend the last 10 days or so before it happens worrying that you'll get Covid so won't be able to go ahead with your plans.

I had a gig I booked two years ago that I was really looking forward to, it got pushed back a year to last month. I ended up booking a week off work before it just so I could isolate.

dementedma · 17/12/2021 20:57

Lockdown resulted in massive mental health problems for me. Working from home, the lack of human interaction, the fear mongering, the stress. Good thread

Happypootler · 17/12/2021 21:01

lubbaloo full lockdowns have saved lives but some measures seem to exist purely to keep people a bit on edge and make life more difficult. Closing the pub at 8pm for example - I just cannot fathom how that could be a meaningful measure against omicron.

IcedPurple · 17/12/2021 21:06

[quote EnidSpyton]@IcedPurple no, I'm not. I am fully aware of that.

But what I'm saying is, it's a state of mind.

You can choose to be upset at every closed shop, or you can choose to see it as an opportunity to change your old routines and discover somewhere new instead. I love travelling and have hated not being able to leave the country for two years. Am I sad I had to cancel my trips to China, the US, and South Africa I booked for 2019? Yes, of course I am. But I'm not sad that not going to those places led me to go to Skye for the first time, and Wales, and Cornwall, which were beautiful and glorious in their own ways. I still got something out of the experience - it wasn't what I wanted or expected, but it was worthwhile anyway. It's how you frame it.

Change is part of life. As someone said upthread, these sorts of crises happen at regular points during history and it's part of the ebb and flow of human existence. I remember as a child during the recession of the early nineties how I suddenly couldn't go to violin lessons or ballet lessons anymore and we had to move house because my dad's business went bust. Every conversation at home was about how much things cost and what we could and couldn't have to eat, or wear, or do at the weekend/after school. It was sad and upsetting but we survived. I remember the 2008 recession when loads of shops and bars and places we loved shut overnight, loads of my friends got made redundant, and none of us could find jobs. We'd all recently graduated and this was supposed to be the time of our lives. Instead none of us could afford to go anywhere and I remember having to choose between heating and dinner. It was a bleak time. But we got through it and made the best of it. Shit happens but vodka is always cheap, and where there's life there's hope.

If you want to mourn, then mourn. But I do wonder what the point of it is. You can't change what's happening, so why make yourself more miserable?[/quote]
Thanks for the trite lecture, with the additional note of smugness.

But if you're wondering what the point is, perhaps this discussion isn't for you? For some of us, it makes us feel slightly better to know we're not alone. Like I said, it's fantastic for you that you're dealing so well with all this and that your life is pretty much as it was two years ago. But for many of us, that's simply not true and we're allowed to discuss our feelings without having to justify them to you.

ILoveHuskies · 17/12/2021 21:08

@Chessie678

I agree. The fact that 66m people have basically lost over a year of good quality life (albeit to different degrees) just hasn’t been factored in.

I have good days and bad days but still basically feel that the first two years of my son’s life have been taken or at least severely compromised and I will never get that back.

I find the uncertainty and loss of control very hard. That even if I am enjoying something today (even something very simple like taking DS swimming or meeting a friend) within days it could be criminalised and taken away for some indefinite amount of time.

It’s not that I can’t find joy in anything but there’s a shadow hanging over everything.

I also feel that the restrictions have brought out the worst in a lot of people- the nasty self-righteousness about masks, the calling the police on neighbours, the excuse not to see anyone or do anything for anyone and pretence that this is virtue. There is so much talk about protecting people and selfishness but I don’t see much common decency or empathy from people. I’ve seen it in my own family in that they are less trusting of people, quicker to get annoyed or judge and more insular. I know that it comes from a place of fear and that’s understandable but sometimes it feels like peoples moral code has been replaced with following the covid rules.

It doesn’t help that I think it was all completely futile and has done much more harm than good. Perhaps if I believed following these rules was doing good it would be easier.

You have articulated perfectly how o feel about it all

ILoveHuskies · 17/12/2021 21:10

@HaaaaaveyoumetTed

I'm one of the lucky ones, we lived lockdown. Our quality of life and mental health improved massively.

Why?

brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr · 17/12/2021 21:13

I liked lockdown. The peace & quiet. No obligations to have to go out and see people. Blissfully calm times.

HaaaaaveyoumetTed · 17/12/2021 21:15

@brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

I liked lockdown. The peace & quiet. No obligations to have to go out and see people. Blissfully calm times.

Yep. This was us.

ILoveHuskies I've explained further up.

MarshaBradyo · 17/12/2021 21:17

But I do wonder what the point of it is. You can't change what's happening, so why make yourself more miserable?

It’s just a chat, I find it insightful

Not everyone has to

VikingOnTheFridge · 17/12/2021 21:18

But if you're wondering what the point is, perhaps this discussion isn't for you? For some of us, it makes us feel slightly better to know we're not alone. Like I said, it's fantastic for you that you're dealing so well with all this and that your life is pretty much as it was two years ago. But for many of us, that's simply not true and we're allowed to discuss our feelings without having to justify them to you.

I actually think I prefer the posts from people telling us they liked lockdown to the ones who feel the urge to squash the discussion entirely. At least they're sharing their honest experiences, not trying to police the discussion or centre their inability to understand.

Smileyoriley · 17/12/2021 21:21

EnidSpyton
@IcedPurple no, I'm not. I am fully aware of that.

But what I'm saying is, it's a state of mind.

You can choose to be upset at every closed shop, or you can choose to see it as an opportunity to change your old routines and discover somewhere new instead. I love travelling and have hated not being able to leave the country for two years. Am I sad I had to cancel my trips to China, the US, and South Africa I booked for 2019? Yes, of course I am. But I'm not sad that not going to those places led me to go to Skye for the first time, and Wales, and Cornwall, which were beautiful and glorious in their own ways. I still got something out of the experience - it wasn't what I wanted or expected, but it was worthwhile anyway. It's how you frame it.

Change is part of life. As someone said upthread, these sorts of crises happen at regular points during history and it's part of the ebb and flow of human existence. I remember as a child during the recession of the early nineties how I suddenly couldn't go to violin lessons or ballet lessons anymore and we had to move house because my dad's business went bust. Every conversation at home was about how much things cost and what we could and couldn't have to eat, or wear, or do at the weekend/after school. It was sad and upsetting but we survived. I remember the 2008 recession when loads of shops and bars and places we loved shut overnight, loads of my friends got made redundant, and none of us could find jobs. We'd all recently graduated and this was supposed to be the time of our lives. Instead none of us could afford to go anywhere and I remember having to choose between heating and dinner. It was a bleak time. But we got through it and made the best of it. Shit happens but vodka is always cheap, and where there's life there's hope.

If you want to mourn, then mourn. But I do wonder what the point of it is. You can't change what's happening, so why make yourself more miserable?

I'm even older. I remember the three day week, recessions, negative equity when people lost their homes and businesses and other bleak periods , but this is hands down the worst in my lifetime. I could cry for so many, old and young right across the world. If you have other problems ( a friend with MS, my DGC with cancer, myDP with chronic coronary problems, elderly neighbour whose family live abroad, numerous patients with life limiting condition to name just a few off the top of my head) this bloody situation just compounds the misery. I have seen so many people suffering both in my personal and professional life. No, you can't change what is happening but "chin up" platitudes just don't cut it for everyone. It's shit. Please God it will get better but this truly is the pits. And we need to be able to vocalise our truth.

thirddayout · 17/12/2021 21:21

The length of time of the highest level of restrictions would have been much shorter had the Prime Minister acted promptly in both March and September 2020. Children could have had some schooling in the summer term, and the autumn restrictions would have been shorter and at times of more daylight.

So whilst I think that most of the restrictions were necessary (never a lockdown as in Italy or Spain or Australia), they could have been much shorter. Eleven months out of the last 22 is a lot, nine months or even eight would have been less harder for many.

hilariousnamehere · 17/12/2021 21:22

I haven't RTFT yet (need a cuppa because so many of the posts are thoughtful and expressing things I've also been feeling and discussing with friends). But a few people have mentioned the lack of creative response - from my own experience (photographer, artist and two small businesses) it's not that we don't want to respond, it's that creatives have been drowning just trying to keep their industries and livelihoods alive. Most of them weren't eligible for much in the way of grants, most don't have the sort of day jobs which were secure enough for furlough, and there is no time for personal work when all your work for the year falls off a cliff in the space of three days.

Arts have never been considered essential so that's been fun to deal with, and those of us that offer services have dealt with endless cancellations, moving dates, postponements and the knock on impact on income.

If you happen to work in the performing arts, right now even the recovery that had started is fucked and there is no support from the government despite it being their warnings causing cancellation and no shows and performances cancelled due to isolation.

The last two years have been, for me and the others in my studios, and my other friends in various creative industries, purely about survival and keeping going at immense cost to personal mental health in most cases. Most of us haven't had a day off in months, we're working mad hours and we're not sleeping.

And we still love our work and we know it's important to keep creating, so perhaps once the pandemic is properly ending we'll start to see art which reflects what so many of us are feeling.

GarlandsinGreece · 17/12/2021 21:23

I’m waiting for Kazuo Ishiguro’s thought-provoking Covid novel.

blussedbe · 17/12/2021 21:35

I feel like this is going to sound ridiculous and dramatic but... I think I'm a different person.

I don't know what's wrong with me and I'm scared I won't get it back.

Just before the pandemic I'd started a business and it was doing amazingly well. I was single mothering like a boss, had a little car, had a little flat, we'd go on holiday in the summer.

I'm struggling to get the business back to where it was. Not entitled to any of the help. I'm in debt up to my eyeballs. Sold the car. Might lose the house next year. Tried to get a job a few months ago - doesn't really work when the kids are off school constantly and they want you in for 12 hour shifts.

I loved my flat and now I notice every little thing about it. The walls need painted. I don't look after myself.

I'll be 30 next month and I feel like I've just failed massively. Like I was on this trajectory and now it's all gone to shit and I don't know how to get any of it back.

And probably the worst thing is I don't understand why I'm so completely useless at this? I see people coping and I want to be like them. December 1st I started to dig myself out the hole. I bought some clothes since I've lost so much weight nothing fits. I started working on the business 100% again. Made an effort to get the house all gutted and sorted and put the tree up.

And then the last couple of days happened and it feels like stepping back into March 2020 and it terrifies me. I'm not scared of covid, or even the complete societal collapse aka the bigger picture. It's the thought of being stuck in this flat for months watching my girls become shadows of their former selves while everything I worked for slips away again.

I hate it. Right now the only thing keeping me sane is the thought of making enough money to go and live on an island somewhere where none of it matters. I'd take a small little community where the goal is to be self sufficient. Probably sounds mad but then I probably think I am...

HaaaaaveyoumetTed · 17/12/2021 21:37

@blussedbe