Teenager refusing vaccination

[Hueandcry]

My older teen has refused to be vaccinated. It's causing endless arguments between us. Please help me deal with this

Back off and don’t mention it again. It’s his body and his choice.

My teen dd is planning to get the vaccine (couldn’t previously as she had covid a few weeks ago) but my teen ds has said he doesn’t want it. I respect his decision and have no worries about him getting covid as he’s incredibly fit and healthy - I and all the other adults in his life are triple vaccinated. If it impacts on his social life then that’s the consequences of him not getting it and he might change his mind but that’s his decision to make.

I find it very distressing how many people are willing to throw their teens under a bus on this. "make him move out" "don't let him have Christmas with you"? I mean, FFS people - get some perspective. If you have all had your vaccinations why on earth are you so petrified? They work, right? So just start loving your children again.

Ultimately it has to be their decision. I do know of a couple of teens who have died from covid (one was clinically obese and one was a high risk ethnic group) but ever person has to weight things up for themselves.

I would insist on LFT's though.

@Seriouslymole

I find it very distressing how many people are willing to throw their teens under a bus on this. "make him move out" "don't let him have Christmas with you"? I mean, FFS people - get some perspective. If you have all had your vaccinations why on earth are you so petrified? They work, right? So just start loving your children again.

And the lovely poster who suggested grassing him up to his employer. Ever wondered what type of person grassed on their own families for doing “anti-communist” activities in Eastern Germany? Just look at some of the posters on mumsnet for an indication.

@Snookie00 - it feels a bit like it's getting to that state, doesn't it? Tragically.

I find it astonishing how many people on this thread have such low expectations of their teens that they will protect them from the natural consequences of their actions.

"Grassing up to the employer" is actually informing the employer than this adult is choosing to break the law and his contract because he doesn't think COVID would be a big deal for him. The laws are there for the people for whom that isn't true. Similarly no-one is saying OP shouldn't see her son at Christmas, just that he shouldn't be allowed to be near people who have a higher risk of dying even if vaccinated. That OP should just "mind her business" when someone she lives with (and who presumably does not contribute his costs to the household pot) is behaving in a way deeply counter to her values. If he was smoking pot in the house or getting ripsnortingly drink every weekend and puking on the carpet, many of you would be up in arms, and saying to put him out on the street, but apparently potentially infecting her or her parents with a rapidly mutating disease that might be nothing, or might be deadly, is just fine. His body his choice, but choices have consequences, and those consequences might include needing to move house, having problems at work, or having a disrupted Christmas.

@CallitLoneliness - So glad you are not my mum.

[quote nojudgementhere]@CallitLoneliness - So glad you are not my mum.[/quote]
Yep. Can imagine there are many teenagers who will be thrilled not to spend Christmas Day with their parents being treated like a plague carrier just because they won’t get a vaccine that doesn’t actually prevent the spread of a mild illness which their loved ones have been vaccinated against.

Perhaps he doesnt want to risk potential side effects knowing how small his risks from actual covid are.

@Snookie00

You have taken what I said the wrong way 🤦🏾‍♀️

Ok I'll bite.

Your son is 18 and can do what he likes with his body.
I am in a customer facing role and have only taken one LFT in all the time this nonsense has gone on. This is because I think the response is completely overblown.
I had COVID once in March 2020. I was off work for a week. I was eventually fine, after about 2 weeks. I'm double jabbed but don't plan to have a third because Pfizer is only on offer and it doesn't interact well with cardiac problems, which I have.
My 15 year old hasn't had her jab because we haven't consented to her having it. Both her parents (her dad and I) had it and all she got was a bad headache. Pfizer has anecdotal evidence of messing with periods and I'm not consenting to that, even at a tiny risk. She could be judged Gillick competent but no-one has pressed this and if she decides to have it at 16 then fair enough, she can consent, and doesn't need my approval.
Irrespective of anything the Government tries to make us do, we each need to listen to our bodies and do what is best for the individual.

Disclaimer: I'm pro-vaxx. Daughter is up to date on her vaccinations.

“ It would be good if you could call his job and tell them he doesn't do LFT tests before his shifts he will soon start when his job warns him they want to see proof otherwise he can't work there and can't be paid and that means no more money for nightclubs”

@Strangevipers. Did you not suggest phoning his employer and grassing him up for not doing LFTs in the hope he does them or he loses his job? Is there some other way to interpret your proposal?

I think all you can do is advise and give information and let your teen make their own mind up because they can withdraw consent on the day regardless of parents decision. My DD is 11 but already had a form from school for when she turns 12 next year. She is refusing to have it, she's already had covid and doesn't want the vaccine. We've had a good chat and I've respected her decision and just told her if she does change her mind then to let me know.

You just have to leave him alone. My oldest refused the vaccine. You can’t force him.

My older teen has refused to be vaccinated. It's causing endless arguments between us. Please help me deal with this

You deal with it by respecting his decision! If he's 18 and fit and healthy he probably won't get very ill from covid anyway.

All you can do is tell him that very many people with a lot of education and research experience disgaree with him. That you won't be able to help when his work, clubs and pubs, grandparents etc decide they don't want to let him in because he increases their risk of infection.

Then leave him to get on with it. Make your own boundaries really clear and repeat as often as needed that you won't be swayed by bastardisations of the truth, that crop up on every covid thread and obviously the social media and friendship groups your DS has. He has chosen to belive and act as he has. You have chosen otherwise. The consequences will be as they are!

But you also have to get him to tell the truth. With passes being mandatory there will be a formal, legal repercussion to refusal or falsification, same for LTFs at work.

Can imagine there are many teenagers who will be thrilled not to spend Christmas Day with their parents being treated like a plague carrier just because they won’t get a vaccine that doesn’t actually prevent the spread of a mild illness which their loved ones have been vaccinated against.

Exactly this.

I was wondering why the take up amongst 12-15 year olds was so low...

It's interesting. As another poster said, it's individual choice versus the wider good - altruism then.

Be more likely to test positive (and miss school etc).
Be more likely to pass on the infection and then be the cause of a positive test in others (who then miss school, work etc).
Be more likely to pass the infection on to elderly/vulnerable people (albeit that they are less likely to need hospital treatment if vaccinated - still not a pleasant experience for them to be ill).

I guess the middle ground might be exercise the right to refuse the vaccine but continue to LFT for the benefit of others?

@Snookie00

Absolutely

I said it would be good, not to actually do it

BUT

to be fair maybe this might be the only way to get through to some people

@Krakenchorus

Book him an appointment to talk through his concerns with his GP, just like any other medical decision.

Ha ha ha ha, good one. A GP appointment 🤣😂😂

@FflosFfantastig

*My concern is more that he is putting myself & his elderly relatives at risk due to his lifestyle - mixing with lots of others at sport & nightclubs etc*

He's 18! What is so wrong with him having a social life. You would have done at his age. Why are you so scared? You had your vaccines I guess? And your relatives. Stop viewing young perfectly healthy people as diseased. Posts like this are so tragic. This is what Government have done to people, making them fear their own family members. He made a different choice to you - that's all. He won't be the only 18 year old who feels like this.

Its not about this life its about the worry he can spread covid to vulnerable people , yes vaccinated people can still spread it but not same rate. Why is this so different for people to understand

Vaccinated people can and do still transmit the virus.

Getting the vaccine helps to protect yourself against serious disease. This is especially important for older and vulnerable people.

I asked for help to deal with it. Thank youto those posters who have helped me to get some perspective. We are in Scotland and covid passports were introduced here some time ago but it would appear they are not being enforced as he can still enter nightclubs & sporting events without one.

You deal with it by accepting his decision. I am very pro vaccine but allowed my dds to make their own decision.

Leave it as their choice As it is
They may change their mind at some point when they want to go away or something and other countries have stricter criteria etc or it becomes harder to go places in uk anyway.
If not its still up to them and their choice