Unvaccinated mother at home with Covid sick

[Londonmummy00]

I am currently away abroad on holiday with my husband 2 young children on holiday. My mum who is 64 is home in the UK with Covid at home by herself. She is unvaccinated, believing all the conspiracy theories on facebook. She also believed that if she had not contracted Covid for all this time she wasn’t going to get it now, it would not happen to HER. She worked full time in a hospital throughout.

My mum and I have always had a very strained relationship, at its worst during the teen years and then we slowly ‘drifted apart’ when i left for university. I kept in contact but found our relationship, and her very difficult at times. She became more bitter after her divorce. We were not close although we did always speak once a week.

A week ago she told me she had gotten covid from a patient at work who tested positive during a routine test and had no symptoms. She already was home for 1 week with it when she told me (2 days before i was due to go on holiday with my family) She seemed ‘ok’ as far as mild covid goes, I rang her the night before our trip. However it’s now been 2 weeks of her being home with it and she sounds dreadful when i call (i call daily and text) She has an awful barking cough, can barely get a few words out together before she has to stop to rest and catch her breath, she cannot finish a sentence also due to barking cough. She’s on her own at home (divorced) She does have friends and family calling her daily to check on her but obviously no one has been to her house to physically check on her. Our family are dotted all over the UK and don’t live close to her, her friends are all mid 60s to mid 70s so even double jabbed i doubt anyone would physically enter the house and take that risk for themselves/ their own families at their age (sorry I would assume that’s not even the right thing to do anyway)

Being a nurse she has blood pressure monitor and other monitors at home she’s checking herself with daily and they are all on the borderline for still JUST ok. But she’s had a fever for now 2 weeks, a horrible barking cough, breathlessness and weakness when talking. She’s not eating and has vommited a few times. She said she passed out once too when getting out of bed. She’s taking painkillers for the headache and fever but due to very little to no eating they are giving her intense stomach pains now as she’s been on them 2 weeks.

She’s stubborn and will not call an ambulance. She won’t go to hospital as believes once they put her on a ventilator she won’t come off it and will die there. She believes her home is cursed and she will die at home- lots of bad things have happened in her house (even prior to her moving in there) but i’ve told her that over such a long period bad things can happen in any house. Her mother, my grandmother died in her sleep in the house and she says she will probably go the same way.

She has plenty of food at home as does online deliveries, but says too weak to make food or even eat it once made. She said she ordered herself a take away one night but binned it all as as soon as she smelt the food she became very nauseated.

I am still aboard for another 2 weeks and very worried. There is a private doctor my family and I have used in the past for a few more serious issues, and I emailed him yesterday to please call my mum at home for some advice. I trust him and value his medical advice. He called me straight away and we arranged a call for him and my mum.
He believes my mum may have a secondary infection such a phenumonia and has greatly encouraged her to call an ambulance that day or the next day (today) As a professional has told her i hope she’s thinking about it seriously and will do this (but i’m my heart I feel she still won’t) He said her stats seem ok so far but he’s concerned she has a high fever for 2 weeks and is so weak on the phone. He will not prescribe her anything to take at home as believes the situation is too serious now and she should be on antibiotics and steroids in hospital.

When I gently encouraged his advice last night she went a bit weird… telling me what a mess her house is that she hasn’t cleaned and started painting it right before she became unwell so there are now paint pots everywhere. I asked why any of that matters as we are talking about her health but then she just went silent. Is she worried what ambulance staff will think of her ‘messy’ house?!

I barely slept last night, I am so worried.

For reference she is overweight with some minor heart issues, nothing else.

Can anyone please advice what they would do if this was their parent. I’m abroad for another 2 weeks and just don’t know what to do.

Thank you

Is she healthy or is she over weight? Chances are if she doesn’t believe in the vaccine she won’t trust or believe in the new treatment to treat those with Covid which is a difficult choice and conversation.

She’s over weight but not massively so. Yes doesn’t trust the vaccine, and in turn government/ ventilators / even hospital (even though she works in one)

So sorry my phone only displayed half your message. I’m reality most people recover but the vaccine does help and we do know many die. Can your doctor just call an ambulance?

I honestly don’t know what you can do or say but sadly she is allowed to take the risk as angry as I would be.

Presumably if the gp felt she was bad enough he would’ve called an ambulance himself?
Or other option - you could call an ambulance and just let her know it’s on its way at the last minute so she can’t cancel it?

I would call the police or ambulance to go and see her.

She would go crazy if I did this …. I have never been in this position not even close. It’s middle of the night in the UK you should all be asleep i’m so sorry , but very grateful i have your advice thank you!!

Can i call the police ?? is that ok to do? She almost just needs a wellness check if that’s even possible?

Don’t call the police, it’s not their job. Call 111 and ask them to send an ambulance.

Sorry to hear that you are so worried, but your DM also worked in healthcare during a pandemic and refused to get vaccinated. Not only a risk to herself but also other vulnerable people. The mind boggles. At this stage getting a vaccine might actually relieve her symptoms. Hope she makes a good recovery.

I was in a somewhat similar position with my Dad. He had fallen outside his townhouse and a neighbour phoned my brother who phoned me. I got Dad on the phone and he said he was ok and in his chair. He refused to call an ambulance.

I was not convinced he was ok. I phoned his doctor's office and got put straight through. I told her the situation and she called the ambulance.

The paramedics found him on the kitchen floor unable to get up with confused Mum with dementia not knowing what to do.

He was in hospital for 6 weeks. We had to quickly get to Mum who was a four hour trip away alone in the house.

If I were you OP I would call an ambulance or police for a check. I would not wait. Your Mum sounds like she needs help, now, and the doctor agreed.

Maybe he can phone like my Dad's specialist did.

If she's a nurse is she close to any of her colleagues and could you contact them with your concerns? Just trying to think outside the box, as you say her friends are elderly and probably wouldn't want to take the risk checking on her. Maybe a colleague would? All I can think of right now, it's so difficult when someone wont get help.

Obviously I meant in the morning, hadn't seen your last post. I honestly dont know what to say if you feel it's urgent. Sorry you're in this position.

We nearly lost DM because she refused to seek medical help and everyone was too worried about upsetting her. Not covid but heart failure.
We had to call an ambiance in the end.
She was incredibly lucky to pull through. The medics did an incredible job but didn't hold out much hope once she'd developed pneumonia and a sepsis.
In hindsight I would have got help for her much earlier and will do in the future. DM is extremely grateful that we intervened.

I do understand how you must be feeling. I was where you are last December.
In the end I decided I would rather have DM livid with me and alive than the alternative.
I hope she sees sense soon and seeks medical help.

Actually as I read your post it sounded as if your mum has symptoms like I did when I had pneumonia, then I read that your doctor thinks that's a possibility. Although I did end up in hospital for a couple of nights, it was only on a normal ward until the antibiotics kicked in. Can you try to persuade her that this may be all that's needed ( obviously I'm not trying to diagnose her) but that it really may be something easily treated once she gets proper medical attention. I'm sure that come what may, hospital staff would respect choices she makes regarding treatment if she does end up in hospital. Can you remind her of that?

I would send an ambulance, she might be relieved once they get there. She's too sick to be angry, worry about that when she's all better.

Someone needs to get into the house to see her. Who has keys that can gain access? Ideally a friend or family member should go in and check - make sure she has fluids and in all probability call the ambulance. If they have to drive a couple of hours to get to her then so be it, this is what you do for family. They need to go today though really. If there’s no one then call the ambulance when you are aware that she’s awake… now if you can. I think the Drs put you in a difficult position because they raised concern levels but didn’t actually do anything. They should t have put the onus on calling your DM on her. At least if you call the ambulance you’ve taken divisive action and a medical professional will have actually cast eyes on her. The police are only going to be of assistance if the ambulance can’t gain access and you can’t contact your mum , but they’ll be kicking the door in. Ideally you want her to be able to open the door if she can or have another person let them in. But don’t let that issue put you off.

Honestly? My mother was similar, not covid but cancer and WOULD NOT CALL AN AMBULANCE when she was dying. There was actually nothing we could do for her. It's a horrible feeling but you can't force someone to get medical help.

Do you know if she's drinking much? It could be that she's dehydrated (as well as possibly having a secondary infection, as the GP said). Severe dehydration can cause feverishness.

Can you FaceTime or Skype her so you can assess how she looks? If she's very dehydrated her skin may look dry and more wrinkled. Or you could ask her to pinch her skin - does it ping back or does it 'tent'? Also ask if her urine is darker than usual.

It sounds very much like she needs a physical assessment, and quite likely does need hospital treatment. In your shoes I really would consider calling an ambulance.

So sorry you're going through this, it must be terribly worrying.

Please don't call the police. Given it's a medical need, all they will do is call an ambulance (that's if they even attend).
I think you have two options - either call an ambulance yourself or ask one of the friends calling round with food to stop and have more of a chat through a closed window.

I’m a bit confused why your doctor didn’t call the ambulance himself if he really thought she should go within 24 hours as she needs the drugs only available in hospital.

Someone is going to have to get her into a hospital.

This sounds like she is going to be too far gone when/if she is finally in the right place for the correct treatment.
Sorry to say this but this can’t be reversed once it has a firm hold and adding pneumonia into the picture, once this is added to COVID it’s not likely to be a good outcome.

She is an adult. She makes her own informed decisions.
She has decided by not having vaccinations and by not protecting herself and by not seeking early intervention, she is ignoring medical advice even, so she accepts that this is the consequence.
So there is nothing you can do especially from abroad.
She has other people around & checking on her, it’s not like she is alone.
Sorry you are dealing with this OP, very very difficult situation.

I would call an ambulance, and fly back to look after her.

Annoying, but you would not forgive herself if f Something bad happened and you didn’t.

I am wondering the same as SpringRainbow. Why didn't the doctor call an ambulance?

My mum was ill with covid last year, she was refusing any help. She wasn’t taking her diabetic meds and not eating and sounding confused on the phone. She had fallen out of bed and cracker her face. Her GP would not speak to me and asked her to phone them. but she refused. Same with 111 they refused to speak to me because I wasn’t in the same building as her, but she refused to phone them, she was scared to be taken to hospital and she wasn’t thinking straight. I was away at the time so couldn’t visit. Eventually a family member, who was CEV herself, had to go round and check her. Wearing full on ppe. Her blood sugars were through the floor. She was made to drink some pop and choc and she was dehydrated too. She started to improve. this was at the 10 day posts covid mark. She had a cough but not as bad as what your mums chest seems. If I was you I would at least call 111 for advice even if they say they cannot do anything because you are not there in the building . Then you could ask a work colleague of hers if they would call round . She won’t be thinking straight, she is vulnerable and maybe it’s best you take control of the situation and deal with the fall out later if she gives you a good telling off !

I would call the police or ambulance to go and see her

This call 999 I agree not a police matter but tbe fire brigade can force entry. It is called a welfare check. Say you are very worried about her, she sounds confused and is unwell. They will go round.

I'm sorry op but you need to call an ambulance for her if she won't call one herself, no action will leave regrets while action will mean you know you've done the right thing and what needs to be done.

Call the ambulance for her. I don’t understand why the doctor didn’t if he thought she had pneumonia and coming from him she may have accepted it.
Anyway call them. They’ll turn up, assess her and take her in.