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Original poster

I feel scared…

96 replies

FeelingJittery1 · 13/08/2021 16:46

I’ve been struggling with anxiety- I’m so scared of catching Covid and was scared of the vaccines as well.

I sought help from the GPs etc which were all useless- in the sense not saying GPs are useless but the advice was hold off the vaccine until you are more calmer but I’m not calm as I’m scared of Covid-

My husband (double vaxxed) said why don’t we drive to walk in centre in a hospital and you can either go in or familiarise yourself as much as you want and come out

We did that, each step was hell / I was crying but I did take each step went to the door and told the volunteer through my tears- I was taken in (my husband and dd (7) came in as well)

Went through the whole process in floods of tears but I didn’t run- I got vaccinated

It was Pfizer

But since coming home-

1). I’m terrified that I’m going to die if a cardiac arrest or stroke as a side effect of the vaccine

2). I’m 40 so not young - but no underlying conditions - I’m convinced we (husband,me and dd) have caught Covid in the vaccination centre.

I feel panicky all the time…

Not sure why I’m posting maybe just to get it off my chest

OP posts:
Original poster
FeelingJittery1 · 13/08/2021 17:51

@Stormyequine - when we drive to the place I really didn’t think I’ll go ahead- but before getting out if the car I stated feeling panicky so I explained to her that I might be upset etc as I’m a little scared - so I a way she expected me to be upset

OP posts:
Original poster
FeelingJittery1 · 13/08/2021 18:09

*drove

OP posts:
Mindymomo · 13/08/2021 18:14

Well bloody done.

Whataboutme21 · 13/08/2021 18:50

Well done! I’m the same with my anxiety, managed to the door of a vaccination centre last week but couldn’t go through with it. I can only get AZ where I am as I’m over 40 and just can’t bring myself to get it

Miseryl · 13/08/2021 18:56

The issue isn't COVID or vaccines, it is your anxiety. You are unwell and need help.

Miseryl · 13/08/2021 18:58

How old is your DD? Unless she is CEV, witnessing your anxiety is more damaging to her than catching COVID. She deserves to have a mentally well mother.

MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 13/08/2021 19:00

I feel the vaccine is so new who knows what will happen

The flu vaccine is a new vaccine every year yet everyone has it.

You've don't it now.

CordeliasPencil · 13/08/2021 19:08

The vaccine is not new. That is incorrect.

Whilst developed in a quick amount of time (an absolute triumph of scientific work) it involved most of the people around the world who were working in the field of developing medicines and vaccines, stopping their work to dedicate their time to developing the covid vaccines. Therefore the number of man hours involved in creating them was equivalent to decades of scientific research that would normally be given to such a thing.

It's just that everyone around the world who could, stopped what they were doing to do this.

So it's not something that was developed quickly.

However, this isn't the problem at all. Your reaction to the situation is drastically out of proportion, your DD has seen it which will have been shocking for her..... You need help. And the help you need is more than you have been given so far from your GP. IAPT may be able to offer you something, hopefully they will. However it may be the case that you also need medication until you are able to receive the appropriate talking therapy that you need and deserve.

In the kindest possible way, you sound beyond hysterical in your posts, and you need a lot more help than you're getting.

Covid is extremely unlikely to affect you or your family, but your severe anxiety will

Original poster
FeelingJittery1 · 14/08/2021 21:38

@CordeliasPencil agree that the GP support was pretty poor- they just couldn’t get off the phone fast enough. Hopefully IAPT services makes contact next week- if not I’ll consider going private

Just in your last point re: unlikely Covid to touch my family

My dad has gone into hospital with Covid- and my mom sister are waiting to find out if they are positive

They are in a red listed country and I cannot travel to them easily

As they say it doesn’t just rain- it pours

Thank you for your post

OP posts:
Pinkpowderpuff · 14/08/2021 21:48

OP, sorry to hear about your family. Are they all vaccinated? How are you feeling after yours?

Original poster
FeelingJittery1 · 14/08/2021 22:15

My mum and sister our double vaccinated - AZ equivalent
Although the second dose was 14 days ago

Dad had a bi-pass surgery and was in hospital so missed the 1st call for vaccination

He had his only 4 days before testing positive

I felt a tad tired and the arm pain was there- both subsided now

I feel achy and panicky, I don’t know if I’m imagining these as I’m ‘subconsciously expecting’ something to go wrong with me or if it’s the vaccine

OP posts:
Original poster
FeelingJittery1 · 14/08/2021 22:42

@Pinkpowderpuff thank you for your concern

OP posts:
EmeraldShamrock · 14/08/2021 23:16

Calm down it is done you'll have a sore arm. Your level of anxiety needs to be dealt with overall.
It isn't right for a 7 y.o to experience her DM in such distress sounds awful for her.
In your mind it is life or death the reality is very different.
Seek further help for anxiety.

EmeraldShamrock · 14/08/2021 23:16

You'll most likely only experience a dead arm.

Frederica852 · 15/08/2021 08:48

You really need to avoid your daughter seeing you like this. I am the daughter of an anxious mother and it was a living hell. I'd be much more worried about this than your daughter catching covid

Suzi888 · 15/08/2021 08:52

@Miseryl

The issue isn't COVID or vaccines, it is your anxiety. You are unwell and need help.
“I’m 40 so not young” Hmm That IS young. You need real life help for this, go back to your GP.
CordeliasPencil · 15/08/2021 08:59

@FeelingJittery1

My mum and sister our double vaccinated - AZ equivalent Although the second dose was 14 days ago

Dad had a bi-pass surgery and was in hospital so missed the 1st call for vaccination

He had his only 4 days before testing positive

I felt a tad tired and the arm pain was there- both subsided now

I feel achy and panicky, I don’t know if I’m imagining these as I’m ‘subconsciously expecting’ something to go wrong with me or if it’s the vaccine

OP I am genuinely sorry that your dad is in hospital and I obviously wish him a swift recovery. But as you've pointed out he unfortunately hasn't been able to be double vaccinated.

So my point still stands that you do need more support. Hopefully IAPT can help you, I have found that they have been better than the GP has been but you still do need to push for what you need. (I've not seen them for this, something totally different).

Original poster
FeelingJittery1 · 15/08/2021 09:46

@Frederica852 I try - believe me. This is not what I want or chose. It happened - I don’t even know why the anxiety creeped in the way it did but the grip on me was very evident when it did- I’ve eat healthy, try to excercise, have done cbt and practice that as best as I can- and as I said I’ve also requested support from IAPT- I don’t want to harm her mental status in anyway and when I see posts saying that I am it hurts more

OP posts:
Original poster
FeelingJittery1 · 15/08/2021 09:49

@CordeliasPencil my dad has been moved to the ICU - I and family are taking each day as it comes.

Yes the two GPs I spoke were pretty awful- I’ll see if IAPT gets back to me if not I’ll ring the surgery and make an appointment with a different GP

OP posts:
Frederica852 · 15/08/2021 09:51

[quote FeelingJittery1]@Frederica852 I try - believe me. This is not what I want or chose. It happened - I don’t even know why the anxiety creeped in the way it did but the grip on me was very evident when it did- I’ve eat healthy, try to excercise, have done cbt and practice that as best as I can- and as I said I’ve also requested support from IAPT- I don’t want to harm her mental status in anyway and when I see posts saying that I am it hurts more[/quote]
Please don't think I'm getting at you, I'm absolutely not and I know how hard anxiety is. I'd suggest practical solutions to try to insulate her from moments where you are at peak anxiety, e.g. could you get your second dose when she's at school/playing at a friend's house/with your DH.
My mum made no attempt to do this when I was growing up and I was always right in the middle of whatever trauma she was having. I now of course have anxiety too but I have found ways to manage it so it doesn't impact my family so much

EmeraldShamrock · 15/08/2021 09:51

I try - believe me. This is not what I want or chose. It happened - I don’t even know why the anxiety creeped in the way it did but the grip on me was very evident when
You must try much harder the risk of your reaction was there and you brought her?
I'm a DD of a nervous DM. There was so many things we couldn't tell DM because of her nervous anxious reactions meaning 4 teenager girls dealing with their own sometimes serious problems.
Don't bring her anywhere when a possible trigger could set you off.
Get better for her.

Original poster
FeelingJittery1 · 15/08/2021 09:59

@EmeraldShamrock I really don’t think you understand what it means to be lining in a country you were not born in and go through what life throws at you…

We both are not from the UK - no family and no friends whom we can call upon.

My husband came in so that I had an emotional support - where can we leave our daughter?

In the car? - that’s illegal
Locked in the house - that’s illegal
Out side the vaccine centre - that’s illegal
Drop her in the waiting area - that’s more scary for her

I prepped her as much as I could - my husband was cuddling her throughout and explained that mummy was not hurt just a bit scared of the needle

She didn’t see the jab go in etc- the staff gave her stickers etc to keep her occupied

Husband showed her the hospital snd was talking about ‘operation ouch’ bbc program etc

When I came out I reassured her that I’m fine now

We all are in a storm but we all our not in the same boat- but everyone is trying in their own way to stay afloat

OP posts:
Original poster
FeelingJittery1 · 15/08/2021 10:02

I’m not planning to take her for the second - school will be open

And this was not planned - we did it suddenly as to reduce my anxiety and backing off- so we couldn’t have booked her in a holiday camp either.

It was fine in a way I was cleaning a cupboard and husband came over and said get dressed let’s just drive over and see how the place looks, parking facilities etc

OP posts:
PurpleDaisies · 15/08/2021 10:05

This has happened before though.

You have been to a vaccine centre and reacted exactly the same way. You knew what your daughter would be exposed to. Your husband has been abusive to you, yelling at you to get it before.

Your daughter seeing all this is awful.

CordeliasPencil · 15/08/2021 10:25

[quote FeelingJittery1]@CordeliasPencil my dad has been moved to the ICU - I and family are taking each day as it comes.

Yes the two GPs I spoke were pretty awful- I’ll see if IAPT gets back to me if not I’ll ring the surgery and make an appointment with a different GP[/quote]
You need to. If anything for your daughter.

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