How do I look after an isolating teen?

[Mommybunny]

DS16 has tested positive, the rest of the family (DH, DD14 and I) are all negative (so far). DH and I are both fully vaxxed. No major health issues with any of us. DS is feeling “a bit shit” in his words but so far nothing to really worry about.

DS has his own room and bathroom (though not en suite) and our house is big enough to really maintain isolation but I’m not sure how best to look after him to make sure he’s ok without exposing the rest of the family. All my instincts as a mother to touch his forehead or take his temperature and keep constant track of his symptoms, or even just to give him a reassuring cuddle, are being challenged! He took an LFT yesterday morning which was positive which is when he started isolating (the PCR confirmed it this morning). He’s been having meals separate from us (his appetite so far is holding up well!) and I’ve been leaving drinks outside his door and he’s been told to wear a mask when he leaves the room for his toilet. But can I go into him at all if we’re both masked?

DD and DH and I will continue to take LFTs. If she comes down with it, should we continue the isolation, with DH and I fully vaccinated?

Any tips from anyone about how to get through this next 10 days would be much appreciated.

@Mommybunny the average age of death from Covid is 83; I think there has been a huge problem with people feeling that their perceived risk from Covid is far greater than it is.

You’re quite right @SupermanWithTheGreyHair, I did ask what people would do and where people have said they would not require their child to isolate under any circumstances that is fair enough. I don’t object to that at all and I think it’s an area where reasonable minds can differ. What I did object to, and apologies if this wasn’t clear, was the implication that I was cruel or a negligent parent because I decided differently.

I still think the chickenpox analogy is appropriate. My DCs were exposed many times through normal school attendance but never contracted it. I finally decided to get them vaccinated as I didn’t want to run the risk of disrupting their exams or worse, getting it as adults when it is much nastier. But I never exposed them deliberately and had I known there was someone who had it I would have consciously kept them away.

Thanks also for all the kind wishes.

What I did object to, and apologies if this wasn’t clear, was the implication that I was cruel or a negligent parent because I decided differently.

Yes, I can understand that. Just ignore those people, it’s obviously not cruel and doesn’t make you some sort of bad parent. People go about things differently and that’s fine. You know your son best so I presume you know he’ll be fine with it. People go a bit far about things like this when they start shouting about cruelty and neglect but that’s mumsnet for you. It’s a teen boy spending time in his room for 10 days, it’s what many of them do anyway.

Wishing your son a speedy recovery. x

My cousin made her teenagers isolate in their rooms, but they do have quite a lot of space

I think it depends on the child. I have one teen who pretty much chooses to self isolate in her room as her normal behaviour. My younger child needs close contact with the rest of us.

Slightly different as DH is obviously an adult but when DH got Covid he did isolate as soon as he knew he was at risk of testing positive. I still caught it from him as I started to feel sick 5 days later.

We didn't really know what to do so he did still isolate for 10 days while I looked after the kids. He was feeling better and finished his 10 days just as I started to feel really rough so we swapped over roles.

In my head it was better for him to isolate to reduce the viral load in the house and reduce the risk to our children. I don't know if that had any scientific backing though really.

I hope your son feels better soon and the rest of you are ok.

I did try and keep distance from DS when he was positive but I didn’t keep him in his room and I wanted to keep an eye on him. I did end up catching it and despite being double jabbed it’s been a nightmare 3wks. I kind of wish I’d stayed away a bit more. DD also caught it but hardly had any symptoms

My dd(11) got it and we tried keeping distance. I failed within the hour with that. But we did tell dd(13) to keep some distance from her sis, and not lie in her bed, cuddle each other etc. Just to reduce virus load really. On day 8 of isolation I got it (fully vacced), and even though it’s not severe, I do feel not well with it. It feels like this isolation period in never going to end.
Dh and dd(13) are fine, tested negative and they are all now released from isolating.

Hi OP

I could’ve written your post this time last week.

DS (17) has been really rough with it and asked me not to go in his room as he didn’t want me to catch it and be as ill as him and therefore not be able to look after the rest of the family (DH working from home, DS15 bored out of his mind, dog needs playing with as not allowed to go for walks).

I’m not going to lie, I have found the past 9 days very difficult. Putting a mask on to go upstairs in your own home and leaving a tray by your precious first born’s bedroom door is not what I signed up for when I decided I wanted children.

The past couple of days DS has turned a corner and is in less pain but still very tired. I have asked him to join us downstairs at mealtimes but he doesn’t want to as we only have one more full day of isolation and he can’t bear the thought that we might have to go through all this again.

You know your son best. I hope he is soon on the mend.

My advice would be to get a couple of supermarket deliveries so you have plenty of treats and comfort food.

Best wishes to you all.

Really sweet post @RapidRollerSkater, thank you. We are in a very similar situation with DD14 and boisterous dog bored out of their minds (after only 2 days!), and DH WFH (and so am I!).

Glad your DS has recovered. The supermarket deliveries are a great tip.

I'd carry on as normal too. No way would I isolate my child from the rest of us!

Look after yourself.

Just do whatever is right for you and yours

When covid/potential comes into my house though, it's nothing short of sensible for the person to isolate in order to reduce the risk to the rest of us.

If you've got the space, not everyone has. No kids here but if DH or I get it we won't be isolating from each other as it's not possible. Well he can sleep in the shed if he wants but I won't be giving up my bed!

I hope your son feels better soon OP and that the rest of you don't catch it

If you've got the space, not everyone has. No kids here but if DH or I get it we won't be isolating from each other as it's not possible.

We wouldn't be either. We don't have much space at all. I was talking about my teenagers though, who do have their own rooms.

OP if that's the path you've chosen that's fine just go with it you don't need a seal of approval from strangers on the Internet. If everyone is happy with the situation then there's no issue and certainly no cruelty going on. 16yo boys are renowned for being solitary creatures where the wider family is concerned. The only situation I'd go as far as to say your being cruel would be if your ds was suffering mentally from the isolation and you still insisted on it, but I'm sure in those circumstances you'd reevaluate. Take it each day as it comes and I hope your ds is feeling better soon.

I would do the same as you OP. Dh and I are double vaxxed but wouldn’t want to catch it. Both because I don’t want to be ill - and because I wouldn’t want to extend my self isolation period - I’ve got bills to pay!

@budgun

If you've got the space, not everyone has. No kids here but if DH or I get it we won't be isolating from each other as it's not possible.

We wouldn't be either. We don't have much space at all. I was talking about my teenagers though, who do have their own rooms.

Indeed - that would have been one of the “if you can’t” disqualifiers from the guidance.

I would not isolate a child from their family, isolation is hard enough for single adults living alone and the teen would be enduring the same, just in a bedroom rather than separate household. If there was an CEV adult I would try to separate them from the child, such as them staying in another household for a couple of weeks if possible.

DS had Covid earlier this year, he isolated in his room (he's 17) and was happy with that. No one else in the family got it. He felt rough for a couple of days, after that he enjoyed having room service and 24/7 Xbox access . If he'd shown any level of upset of being in his room, he could have come out, but he didn't so stuck with it!

Some bitchy comments here. “Cruel/awful
parenting”. I couldn’t read that crap past the first page.

My DS 16 caught it and isolated from us the whole time. He had the run of three rooms and a bathroom as we moved his brother to our spare bedroom.

Meals delivered on trays and unlimited screen time/reading. We chatted from afar. Delivered the odd paracetamol. He had a great time and was disappointed when isolation ended.

Of course not all 16 year olds are the same. Some would hate that. But it certainly wasn’t cruel for my son. Oh and none of us caught it (we weren’t fully vaccinated and my younger son had a big sporting commitment that we really didn’t want him to miss just at the end of isolation).

@Wellbythebloodyhell You’re right I don’t need a seal of approval from the internet to keep a Covid positive, resilient, neurotypical teenager away from the rest of his Covid negative family to reduce the risk of his unvaccinated sister getting sick. In my OP I wasn’t really seeking that - I had already decided what I was going to do, I just wanted some tips to help us get through it.

It’s just that the horrified comments about me bring cruel and an awful parent for even contemplating this course of action came at a time when I was already emotional from just having his positive result confirmed (plus exhausted from being awake half the night worrying). Perhaps that makes me too fragile to be a proper parent for some (not you) but the support many (including you) have given with their similar experiences has been really helpful.

@Mommybunny hope your son is OK. It’s such a stressful time. I think you know your situation and your own son the best. We went for isolation as we really didn’t want to catch it and also we knew our son would be fine with it. If he’d struggled we would have changed tack. Just do what’s best for you. ❤️

@Mommybunny I can only assume that those horrified haven't got teenage boys themselves to realise that they "self isolate " at the best of times anyway. No two families circumstances are the same we just have to adapt to what works for us in the moment and re evaluate if it stops working .

I've just tested positive. We are all carrying on as normal, it would be awful to have to isolate at home, plus if I have it they probably have

and yes, I have a 15 yo who may have it too, but it would be awful to be apart like that so we have decided all for one etc

[quote Wellbythebloodyhell]@Mommybunny I can only assume that those horrified haven't got teenage boys themselves to realise that they "self isolate " at the best of times anyway. No two families circumstances are the same we just have to adapt to what works for us in the moment and re evaluate if it stops working .[/quote]
Exactly! Unless there's something exciting going on (usually food involved), my children rarely appear out of their rooms! In fact, i regularly popped my head in on DS for a chat - he probably spoke to me more that week than he does usually