'We've not been out since all this started'

[TheVampiresWife]

I heard this yesterday from someone DH works with (they're all wfh). A couple in their late 40s, no health issues with no vulnerabilities, fully vaccinated but 'you can't be too careful'.

They've not left the house apart from their vaccine appointments since the start of the first lockdown.

I understand how worrying it's all been for some people, particularly if you're vulnerable or have health anxiety. But it's so sad that people are this terrified. I wonder how they'll cope when restrictions end. The MH fallout from all this is going to be massive, isn't it?

Neither I think has the OP but she's heard about them!

@PrettyVacancy I'm not sure why you're taking such exception to everything I post?

I've already said I haven't met this couple. I heard the conversation, as I said. From the horse's mouth, not 'heard about them'.

As someone who struggled severely in the early weeks of LD1 and is now on antidepressants for the first time in years, I'm concerned about the MH crisis that's going to happen when people need to resume normal life again. That's why I posted. I'm not sure why you're so offended by this.

And neither am I sure why you're telling people who aren't trained mental health professionals to support people clearly suffering with anxiety/agoraphobia. Or telling those who are concerned to 'start initiatives', whatever that means.

The thing is we are still getting constant messages of doom. I regularly hear DH shouting fuck off at the radio which means they have played the stay safe advert yet again.
God knows how much that is all costing.

loop well that’s up to you and her of course.
But I can’t plan my social life around the weather. So if we arrange to meet for a ‘picnic’ then that’s what we do rain or no rain, cold or no cold.
She won’t go to a pub or restaurant with outside spaces cos they’re (not surprisingly) very busy.

I think I’m just mourning our old friendship, when what I want also mattered. And finding this new normal where it’s her way or the highway, very very dull.

@Yaykyay

Well of they're choosing to stay in I'm not sure their mental health is being greatly effected? One example is hardly indicatibe6of how everyone is behaving.

I think you're being a bit dramatic op.

Lots of people on this thread know people in similar situations who are too scared to leave the house, despite being double vaccinated in many cases.

I don't think it's dramatic to suggest that the mental health fallout is going to be massive, and the NHS was ill-equipped to deal with all those who needed help even before the pandemic.

The pandemic has made people so judgemental. Why does it matter to you what other people do?

Not everyone goes to pubs or bars or gets their nails done regularly or has two foreign holidays a year. If you'd asked me in 2019, I would have told you I hadn't done these things for a year then either. There's nothing strange about it; not everyone enjoys the same things. A lot of events, groups, courses etc. have been online throughout the past year so anyone who used to attend these has just done so online. I've technically attended more events that I used to because it's so much easier logging in from my laptop instead of travelling an hour or two on public transport.

And not everyone has been fully vaccinated all that long yet so you can't really compare spring 2020 to this year.

Obviously going for a walk/run most days is healthy for most people so it would be unusual if someone had stayed in completely for 18 months. Most people seem to say "I haven't been anywhere" when they really mean is they've only been out for "essential" trips like shopping, exercise, going to the Post Office and bank, attending appointments etc.

@pissface

My poor grandma is like this, she's mid 70's, no health problems, BMI in a healthy range etc and now double vaccinated but she never wants to do anything because she's so worried even when it's just a walk. Me and my children miss her so much :(

This is so sad for everyone involved

This is just so sad but I think there are quite a lot of people like this. I am CEV and in the first lockdown those of us shielding were told not to leave the house for any reason, not even exercise. Some people have continued with that. I know one family with a CEV DH and 2 young DC who wouldn’t even go in their own garden last summer. I followed the shielding advice as it was then not to leave the house for 10 weeks and it massively impacted my mental health. My DH has been back in work and DD at nursery since last summer. We’ve eaten out a few times since the last lockdown and are socialising with friends, in small groups but we’re enjoying it. We’re now both double vaccinated although as an immunocompromised person I’ve no idea how effective it has been. Of course there are risks but you have to live and it’s important that our DD gets to socialise with other kids and for things to be as normal as possible for her. Locking yourself and your family away isn’t living, it’s just existing.

I’m simply questioning what you hope to gain by making a post about people you’ve met and are concerned about, but not concerned enough to actually help them? I think we’re all aware that the NHS is no longer fit for purpose in either the physical or mental health spheres? I’ve belatedly realised that, as someone who’s suffering from mental ill health yourself, it might be therapeutic for you to have confirmation that others are suffering too, and possibly worse than yourself? If that’s what your post is about then I apologise and hope you feel well soon.

@nordica

The pandemic has made people so judgemental. Why does it matter to you what other people do?

Not everyone goes to pubs or bars or gets their nails done regularly or has two foreign holidays a year. If you'd asked me in 2019, I would have told you I hadn't done these things for a year then either. There's nothing strange about it; not everyone enjoys the same things. A lot of events, groups, courses etc. have been online throughout the past year so anyone who used to attend these has just done so online. I've technically attended more events that I used to because it's so much easier logging in from my laptop instead of travelling an hour or two on public transport.

And not everyone has been fully vaccinated all that long yet so you can't really compare spring 2020 to this year.

Obviously going for a walk/run most days is healthy for most people so it would be unusual if someone had stayed in completely for 18 months. Most people seem to say "I haven't been anywhere" when they really mean is they've only been out for "essential" trips like shopping, exercise, going to the Post Office and bank, attending appointments etc.

I'm not judging. Far from it. As I've said I've struggled too.

Yes it's unusual for people to have stayed in the house for a year and a half, but it's clear from this thread that there are plenty who have done so. Cutting themselves off from family, not going outside for exercise alone, not allowing their DC to go to school/mix with peers etc isn't the same as not going to the pub or getting your nails done.

Maybe they feel its better for their mental health to not take unwarranted risks. Each to their own. We had the same posts at the start of lockdown where people were risking their lives going to Tesco's. Don't feel sad for them they've made their own decisions.

@PrettyVacancy

I’m simply questioning what you hope to gain by making a post about people you’ve met and are concerned about, but not concerned enough to actually help them? I think we’re all aware that the NHS is no longer fit for purpose in either the physical or mental health spheres? I’ve belatedly realised that, as someone who’s suffering from mental ill health yourself, it might be therapeutic for you to have confirmation that others are suffering too, and possibly worse than yourself? If that’s what your post is about then I apologise and hope you feel well soon.

What do you expect untrained people to do to help? I can't go and knock on the door of people I've never met who are suffering severe anxiety and agoraphobia and demand they socialise with me, can I? That would be cruel and just plain weird.

And no, I don't need to know others are worse off than me in order to feel better about myself. What an odd thing to suggest

So why did you make this post? I’m genuinely confused as to what you’re getting out of it? You can’t make everyone conform to your rules. People will do what they want and some of them might like staying in, away from the finger pointers?

I think the trouble is the repeat change to behaviour required by the lockdowns.
So if you were a homebody person who never much enjoyed socialising, travelling and wasn't that keen on exercising, being made to stay at home and not exercise even 5 miles from home reinforced your (and I include myself in this) natural tendencies.
This was repeated 2-3 times and each time the reinforcement was amplified.
Now that is some people's new normal.

I think if some of the totally unneccesary, draconian and more inhumane restrictions like not exercising in local area had been dropped (after all it was not even part of any law) then people might have carried on doing non-risky activities like getting out and about for exercise and the closed-in at home feeling would not have been so great and so persistent even now.

I also think it takes some people longer to 'thaw out'. I am gradually doing more. I didn't start doing it all at once just because the government told me I could or should. So initially just essential medical appointments, then someone round to do an outside job, maybe soon someone round to do an inside job etc.

Just let people take it at their own pace. For some it will be very slow...

@LettyLoman

Maybe they feel its better for their mental health to not take unwarranted risks. Each to their own. We had the same posts at the start of lockdown where people were risking their lives going to Tesco's. Don't feel sad for them they've made their own decisions.

There's no real risk in going for a half hour walk alone when you're fully vaccinated though, is there. That's the issue. Some people's idea of risk has become skewed, through no fault of their own. When people need to start going back to the office and so on there's the concern that they won't be able to cope and MH services won't be able to, either.

Also those with DC who have been taken out of education and have not mixed with peers for a year and a half have had that decision made for them.

Plus there is an uncomfortable feeling about getting out and about when it might all get taken away again. So for some, they want to make the most of it while it lasts. But for others, they don't want to have to undergo yet another behavourial change in the autumn if there are more restrictions and it is easier for them just to stay at a low level of activity that then won't have to adjust much in the autumn/winter.

I know some people who became very nervous, and are still cautious but not to that extent. It really does become an illness. I’m not in the UK, and recently our numbers in this country have been very good, so restrictions have been relaxed a lot. We’re taking full advantage of that while still doing what is requested of us in terms of testing, providing contact info, etc, observing distancing and mask wearing where required. Covid is here to stay and we have to learn to live with that fact.

I think there is a lot of people on mumsnet that have health anxiety, who haven’t left the house, constantly on here telling everyone they will be seriously ill or kill someone if they dare mix outside their household, in reality for most people that go out every day, it’s nothing like that and quite normal. I’ve been working the whole time, even in the first lockdown I went to the shops every day. I have survived.

Seems to me there's going to be a huge surge of people meeting the diagnostic criteria for agoraphobia, but covering it up with excuses (covid) and engaging in avoidance behaviours (e.g. supermarket deliveries) which have been enabled on a wide scale. It is possible to have agoraphobia without a panic disorder - and the NHS website specifically mentions a phobia of becoming infected with a serious disease if they visit somewhere crowded.

www.nhs.uk/mental-health/conditions/agoraphobia/overview/

It's very sad.

We had a situation where a perfectly fit and healthy 20-something relative refused their last chance (probably ever) to see an elderly relative prior to nursing home admission. This wasn't because they were concerned they might give the elderly relative covid. It was because they were concerned the elderly relative might give the perfectly healthy 20-something covid

@PrettyVacancy what are you doing about it other than trotting out the generic “be kind” comment so beloved by social media? 😉

@PrettyVacancy

So why did you make this post? I’m genuinely confused as to what you’re getting out of it? You can’t make everyone conform to your rules. People will do what they want and some of them might like staying in, away from the finger pointers?

I've told you why I made this post.

I don't want 'everyone to conform to my rules' (I wasn't aware that I had any!). And why would I be pointing fingers at people doing their shopping or going for a walk?!

Liking staying in is fine. I'm not much of a socialiser myself. That's not the issue here. The issue is the many, many people whose mental health has been severely impacted by the pandemic to the point where they feel unable to leave the house.

I wasn't aware you had to get something out of everything you post, but I suppose what this thread shows is that these issues are incredibly widespread and the need for post-pandemic MH support is very real. Let's hope the NHS can cope.

[quote Whatalottachocca]@PrettyVacancy what are you doing about it other than trotting out the generic “be kind” comment so beloved by social media? 😉[/quote]
I hate the ‘be kind’ mantra. It’s always trotted out by those who have zero intention of being kind 🙄

I’m doing nothing. Why should I? I’m not the one pointing at the introverts, anxious etc.

I’m off to work now but do remember to beeeee kiiiiiind when you’re pointing those fingers 🤣

I’m not the one pointing at the introverts, anxious etc

You seem to think that everyone posting here is doing so to denigrate those who are struggling. That's not the case.

There's a lot of people just don't understand Risk. Covid has brought out both ends of the spectrum, the deniers and the shut-aways. And they feed off each other.

The UK hasn't at any time had a true 'lockdown', work has continued for the majority, there's not been curfew, no one has needed a permission slip to leave the house. All the talk of 'freedom day' ignores the fact that there are currently very few restrictions on day-to-day living.

It's sad that some people have allowed themselves to be frightened into becoming recluses. It's tragic that there are groups denying the risk exists.

I was drinking indoors in Edinburgh and Stirling 6 weeks ago. 6.

Lovely.

But as I said, I live on the outskirts of Glasgow. Most hospitality elsehwere in Scotland opened 17th May. Glasgow was in level 3 (no indoor alcohol, beer gardens only) for another three weeks after that, so until 7th June.