Exactly how much are our youngsters expected to give up?

[StayAGhost]

So after not been able to do her GCSE's, been locked down for 18 months, not able to grow and develop as a teenager should, no concerts, no Meeting with friends, no shopping or general hanging round, no holidays, no seeing grandparents the NCS have now CANCELLED their camp
For a virus that does NOT affect the young

Exactly when us enough enough??

DD sobbing in bedroom, this was what got her thru 14 assessments in 3 weeks

To take from her is cruel

And SO UNNECESSARY

Just take a breath. Now take a look at previous generations.

The teenagers who didn;t see their fathers for years during wars,
The evacuated and refugeee children who didn;t see their mothers or fathers for years, or maybe, ever.
During which food was rationed, there was no money for fun and holidays and outings.
Whole schools evacuated far from family.
School leavers (who might have gone to university, or paid work) compulsory enlisted straight into National Service.

This is NOT the worst or most mentally stressful time ever to be a child or teenager in Britain by a very long chalk. Encouraging them to wallow in angst is not in their best interest.

I get your frustration OP, my teen had this, as well as GCSEs, prom and basically the last month at school cancelled and then left to her own devices over summer until college started (will it, won't it......🤷🏼‍♀️) And she was upset, and I was angry that she was upset.
On the flip side I've sat at several bedsides this year of people who have died (not from covid), held phones so relatives could say goodbye, read letters, latterly asked people who are about to lose a loved one in a matter of hours to take LF test, temp taken, put on PPE that is effectively a barrier to human comfort so they can sit at a bedside without actually you know, touching (although what I don't see, I don't know about)
I've missed the last month's of family members lives myself.

It's not just the young that this has affected, it's everyone, I really dislike the narrative that our young people have given up so much - yes, they have - but then other people have too.
I agree it's unfair, but that's not specific to our young people.

The problem is that we’ve come to regard this peaceful luxurious life that we’ve had in western countries for the last 70 years as normal, when actually it’s extremely abnormal and it’s surprising it lasted as long as it did.

This! Exactly this!

Yes, it is shit. Really shit! But we all know it will get better. Isn't it already better? Isn't it sensible to not go backwards?

It’s pretty obvious who are the parents on this thread!

YANBU OP, it’s monumentally shit for children and young people! People say that they’ve got plenty of time to make up for it, but they haven’t! They can never, ever be 1, 4, 12, 16, 21 or whatever again! In our area 2 young boys have tragically died in freak accidents within a week of each other recently and they wasted over a year of their tiny lives. They can’t get their time back now and their families can’t get their time back with them either.

On the subject of gratefulness, DS (12) was shouted at really rudely towards the end of this lockdown by an older man for having the audacity to ride his BMX around an empty car park! Apparently he should ‘go and have a good read of the sign (that was at the entrance to the park not the carpark) 🙄. The reason he was riding his bike around the carpark causing no trouble at all? Because there was fuck all else to do and his BMX club where he would have happily gone to ride his bike was shut down thanks to bloody Covid!

The problem is that we’ve come to regard this peaceful luxurious life that we’ve had in western countries for the last 70 years as normal, when actually it’s extremely abnormal and it’s surprising it lasted as long as it did.

This.

And people in other countries have been dealing with all sorts of desperate situations over the years but not many people give them a second thought. Now we’re ‘suffering’ and people can’t cope. It’s the worst thing ever. Except it’s not. We’ve just had to stay home, we’re still safe, have power, water, food, housing. Yes, people have died, which is dreadful, but this is a global situation. We’re only bothered because this time the bad situation involves us and it ‘shouldn’t’.

@2bazookas

Just take a breath. Now take a look at previous generations.

The teenagers who didn;t see their fathers for years during wars,
The evacuated and refugeee children who didn;t see their mothers or fathers for years, or maybe, ever.
During which food was rationed, there was no money for fun and holidays and outings.
Whole schools evacuated far from family.
School leavers (who might have gone to university, or paid work) compulsory enlisted straight into National Service.

This is NOT the worst or most mentally stressful time ever to be a child or teenager in Britain by a very long chalk. Encouraging them to wallow in angst is not in their best interest.

They''re entitled to be upset, this hasn't been easy for kids, even if it isn't World War 2.

There has to be a better option than what is currently happening for young people. Locking everyone down is not proportionate to the risk they personally face. The rest of the population is protected by the vaccine programme before anyone jumps at the young passing it on line.

@JayDot500

The problem is that we’ve come to regard this peaceful luxurious life that we’ve had in western countries for the last 70 years as normal, when actually it’s extremely abnormal and it’s surprising it lasted as long as it did.

This! Exactly this!

Yes, it is shit. Really shit! But we all know it will get better. Isn't it already better? Isn't it sensible to not go backwards?

The Boomers hit the absolute jackpot as a generation.

It's crap, but it's hardly the end of the world. People have got on with far worse in history, so the fuss about prom is just ridiculous.

Grrr it is so unfair I'm so sorry for your dd

And all of our children who've missed out on so much 😞

They''re entitled to be upset, this hasn't been easy for kids, even if it isn't World War 2.

It hasn’t. And in my house we’ve had lots of sadness about it all. But I also encourage my children to see that they are still fortunate to live where they do. And to do what they can instead of dwelling on the things they can’t. And to have hope that things will improve. The alternative is to keep looking at the negatives and end up in despair. Of course there are days when it’s hard to think that way, but kids look to their parents and I know my kids are better with me trying to be positive.

I am positive with them, in fact sometimes I’ve felt like a sponge as it hit me harder but wanted them not to get extra despair.

But also I do think it’s tough and I’m not ready to go down the Anne Frank / Hobbes route (jesting partly on latter, been years, just one quote sticks in my mind)

Yes we stay positive our two have been fab very non moany and just got on with it. But each had a “last straw” moment when the one thing they hoped would go ahead was cancelled too. They’re only human.

And actually the older I get the more I prioritise the young. We’ve had our rite of passage stuff healthy adults missing a few holidays tough luck. But teens and young adults - those are formative years so yes I do feel more sorry for them.

Oh and the elderly client I saw recently said her experience of ww2 as a child was fantastic playing in the bomb sites!

OP I am very sorry for your DD. My teens too have missed out on so much, and like yours they are frustrated and angry.

We have made them sacrifice nor just normal life experiences, but also education and future prospects. They have every right to be angry.

It's possible to put on a brave face and simultaneously feel sad for what our young people have missed out on and apply critical thinking to ongoing restrictions.

Of course no one is suggesting this is worse than concentration camps, WW2 or being a refugee it's still been a disappointing time for many.

Well said @rookiemere!

I am positive with them, in fact sometimes I’ve felt like a sponge as it hit me harder but wanted them not to get extra despair.

That’s all we can do.
I agree, I’ve had conversations with my kids where they’ve gone off happier yet I’ve felt completely drained, having taken on all their worries and frustration. But it’s what we do I suppose, as parents.
I’ve cried out of despair for the situation, still now I feel overwhelmed at times. One of my kids is doing his A levels having been in year 11 and missed doing GCSEs. He never got to finish school properly, summer plans went out the window, college isn’t like it would have been. He wasn’t able to see friends for ages. No fun at all. And now who knows what the future holds for uni courses and jobs. It is overwhelming. But it’s not in our control, so acceptance and making the most of the things we can do is the only way to get through it.

'It's possible to put on a brave face and simultaneously feel sad for what our young people have missed out on and apply critical thinking to ongoing restrictions.'

It is possible and of course they and the rest of us have missed out. However in a pandemic life will change.

The previous posters wailing 'they've sacrificed so much to save the very old' are just being very goady and not actually remotely accurate.

If they actually have dc hyperbole like that will not help their dc's mental health in the slightest.

It has been hard, it is now improving. There is no point making an even bigger drama out of the crisis.

@2bazookas

Just take a breath. Now take a look at previous generations.

The teenagers who didn;t see their fathers for years during wars,
The evacuated and refugeee children who didn;t see their mothers or fathers for years, or maybe, ever.
During which food was rationed, there was no money for fun and holidays and outings.
Whole schools evacuated far from family.
School leavers (who might have gone to university, or paid work) compulsory enlisted straight into National Service.

This is NOT the worst or most mentally stressful time ever to be a child or teenager in Britain by a very long chalk. Encouraging them to wallow in angst is not in their best interest.

I do find the comparison to the experience and situation of WW2 interesting.

In 1939 a section of society (namely and in the majority of which were male aged 18 to 40) were asked by the country and willingly agreed to put their health and safety at risk to fight and potentially die for the country for the benefit of the larger remaining section of society that stayed at home.

In Covid the country was not willing to put the health and safety of a section of society (namely and in the majority the country over 80s) to either self isolate or potentially die to avoid to avoid a detrimental impact on the rest (and majority) of the country - such as missed education, massive Government debt, everyday restrictions etc.

Now I get that Covid also killed people under 80 and in 29 cases under 20 but the majority of deaths were over 80. Equally in WW2 the war also killed women and people of all ages but the majority of deaths were male and 18 to 40.

So rightly or wrongly in the case of Covid the country chose to sacrifice the futures of young people over the long term for the benefit of older people (over 80) in the short term.

Dd2 and I cried together once when we realised all her leaving primary stuff (a play / a ceremony /residential trip) weren’t going to happen. She’s looked forward to that for 5 years seeing all the other years have their fun waiting until it was her turn - all cancelled. Yes it’s not like being in a concentration camp 🙄 but reasonable to feel sad.

The previous posters wailing 'they've sacrificed so much to save the very old' are just being very goady and not actually remotely accurate.

Ultimately, it's all about having a functioning health service, that's why most of the world have locked down, rather than to necessarily save lives.

If the health service can't cope then there is no normality.

"It may have negligible affect on teenagers, but those teenagers go home to parents, see grandparents, parents go to work. That negligible teenager might not get ill but those they come in contact could get ill."

But nearly all grandparents are totally vaccinated now. As are a lot of parents, everyone I know over 40.

@rookiemere

It's possible to put on a brave face and simultaneously feel sad for what our young people have missed out on and apply critical thinking to ongoing restrictions.

Of course no one is suggesting this is worse than concentration camps, WW2 or being a refugee it's still been a disappointing time for many.

This is where we are I think.

It's never really been one thing - it's been a succession of things not happening and as I say strong indications they may never come back - even for our younger children.

As a parent I'd really hoped next year school year would be normal - I now think the proposed secondary school vaccination program starting in Autumn may well delay that.

MsTSwift

It’s rubbish. As well as having my eldest in year 11 at the time and all the issues that brought, my youngest was in year 6 so she missed all the finishing primary school things. And no transition to year 7 either. It wasn’t a great time in our house. It is sad and I think acknowledging your children’s sadness and letting them see you too feel sad is a good thing. Feeling sad and things being crap at times are a part of life. But, we have to keep perspective.