Does anyone else have close family or friends who are still not happy to meet up?

[IncessantNameChanger]

I have a friend in her early forties who will only talk to her parents through a closed glass window. She is horrified I walked through my sisters house to get into her garden as the only other way is via the garage and two locked doors.

My mum has no interest in seeing me or her grand children since last March. Mum, me and dh are all three weeks post our second vaccine.

Anyone else in this situation? I'm not sure my friend will easy to meet up with even if she wants to after her second vaccine. I'm worried I would be on eggshells with her in case I made her uncomfortable.

I wouldnt step over their boundaries. My mum is rather toxic so its probably a perfect excuse to avoid us. I think my friend has long term undiagnosed OCD but she would deny this strongly. I respect her choices totally but I just wonder sometimes when will ever meet up.

All my close friendship group are meeting up but I have one wider circle friend who is not. She’s developed some form of mental health issue and is too scared to meet people. We invited them round, drinks in the garden and they declined, her husband said he’s not sure what to do about it or how to support her, and he’s getting a bit frustrated by it now. They are both fully vaccinated with no additional risks, fit and healthy ans in their forties. It’s a really difficult situation for them both.

Yes. I have one aunt who won’t meet anyone indoors.
I really feel for her as she’s just got more and more isolated. But patience is wearing thin in my extended family who are all meeting up.
It’s my mum’s birthday this week and my aunt will be the only one not a part of it.

Yes my DH has total Covid paranoia and refuses to see anyone, he also refuses to allow me to see anyone. It's shit. Everyone is different
This is not normal, not by long shot. Bet he's loving the covid excuse to keep you on a short leash. Really sad to read people live like this

I honestly don't know anyone that isn't as back to normal as far as restrictions allow and absolutely loving it. Most people I know have either been vaccinated, had Covid or both and are very keen to resume normal life. A lot of the stories on here are of people that sound very mentally unwell

Yes we have an aunt who has had both doses but still not left the house except for walks on her own when it’s very quiet. She will talk to us at garden gate but that’s it. Can’t give her presents that are perishable as they have to go in her spare room for 2 weeks before she will touch them. I’m not sure what her long term plan is, I think it’s to only come out once the whole of UK has had two vaccines? We and all friends are meeting people indoors and living life as much as possible as normal now.

@PosyBoo that is really sad to hear. It seems we have extreme parents in the grand scale of things. My kids dont ever talk about my mum either. I avoid talking about her in front of the kids as they ask about seeing her. I cant answer that.

Like you, its heading to irreparable damage to relationships if it continues on into 2022 and already being a month post second vaccine.

A lot to think about really. I think its because of this 21st date and a impending third wave. Feels like were in situation it's the safe window to meet up. But ultimately it's not my choice. I need to mentally park my friend and mum and seeing them until next summer.

I'm sure when they are ready they will say so

Most of my friendship group still won’t meet up inside, or even outside at pubs and restaurants. So we’re left with walks or coffee in the park. I understand but I’m a bit frustrated with it. We’re all vaccinated, most twice.

I really miss going out but don’t have anyone to go out with except my own family, and I’ve seen more than enough of them!

It's hardly surprising that people are feeling like this - and I know someone too who is still bleaching her shopping, not seeing anyone inside and is exceptionally nervous about things like takeaways and going to the doctor.

For a year, these people - who were probably anxious to start with - have been fed a constant barrage of politicians and medics telling them that if the leave the house they will either die themselves, or kill someone else. My MIL was absolutely convinced last summer that a trip to Aldi was a death sentence. She's still scared to leave the house.

Some people will never, ever get over the level of fear and anxiety which they have been fed over the last 12 months and that's so sad. A life led in fear, cowering inside and not going anywhere or seeing anywhere isn't a life, it's an existence.

I've had my first vaccine a couple of weeks ago so I'm a bit more comfortable than I was. I see my mum and dad at the moment and minimise other social things but I'll be happy to meet up indoors in the next couple of weeks once my first dose has had a chance to properly take effect.

I have a friend with a neurotic dh who hasn't been out for 15 months, because her dh won't let her. Post is quarantined, as is shopping.
It's abuse.

This is so worrying. I’ve been thinking about this a lot in the past few weeks. There’s a huge mental health crisis looming and the impact on many individuals will be far greater than covid would have ever been. One of our friends said the other day that he cant see himself going in any kind of bar or club for at least a couple of years, even when he is double jabbed. This fear is crossing over from justified to irrational and many people cant see it. It’s scary how many young, healthy adults seem to be suffering from this level of anxiety. It’s going to negatively affect so many lives for a long time and not just for the individuals but for those around them too.

DH and I both had COVID at the time of the beginning of the first lockdown, which may have coloured our attitude somewhat, but we have been out to do shopping and for a daily walk all the way through. We have also met up with people as 'permitted' gone to pubs, restaurants etc, but we have also used our own judgment as to what to do about elderly and disabled neighbours, so we have met people indoors when it was not strictly permitted, to support their physical and mental health.

Apart from a cluster of people, who had COVID at the same time as us, we have only known a very few people to have it and we've not come across a case in our social circle or FB friends since January. DH and I are both now fully vaccinated.

However, I have a friend who was never at any increased risk, but who has not been out of the house since February of last year and cannot see a point being reached where she will feel able to go out again. She has given up her job and appears, reading between the lines, to have developed some major mental health issues along the way.

The saddest one is, I think, the parent who is waiting for the go ahead from Boris to hug the DC who live with them!

This is so sad. What has been done to us?

DS GF has been staying over since it was permitted but she is so far our only inside guest. We have had people in the garden numerous times.

I have fallen out big time with DH because I would not let a relative of his visit. They had just travelled across Europe, two amber alert countries and because on a business visa, paperwork or whatever it’s called didn’t have to quarantine for 10 days. They have been staying with DH Mum for two days, he wasn’t keen on this as she is almost 80 but he didn’t say anything. His relative is a bloody bully and they are scared of them. Of course I’m the bad guy.

@TinaYouFatLard

This is so sad. What has been done to us?

Well, Laura Dodsworth book documents that.

OP I really feel for you.

What puzzles me most is how these people think key workers like those in food production are managing. And what they'd do if those key workers went on strike.

I am still very anxious about the situation and careful about going out, but I’m trying to temper my anxiety by really thinking about and balancing the risks of what we’re doing. We visited my mum over half term and stayed overnight, which she was very happy for us to do. We all did LFTs before we went and while we were there (x2 secondary dc). She’s double vaxxed but we’d only each had one, but we live in a low prevalence area.

Until I’ve had my second jab and waited at least 3 weeks, I don’t think I’d be happy to eat inside a restaurant or spend time with friends indoors. I am still meeting friends outside though. It probably helps that I’m naturally more introverted and prefer seeing friends individually or in small groups.

Of course I’m the bad guy
Holy fuck. Did I just read this right? You wouldn't put up this relative yourself because of a perceived covid risk and instead let him stay with your DH 80 year old mum . Not surprised you're the bad guy.

We aren’t meeting people inside for various reasons. I’m sure that other people think we are making the wrong decision but they don’t have all the information we do and I think it’s a very personal choice. I don’t judge others for what they are choosing to do right now and I hope that people would respect my decision as well.

Some people who have had both vaccines will not go out because there is still a risk of catching Covid because they aren’t 100%. Madness.

@SJK34

We aren’t meeting people inside for various reasons. I’m sure that other people think we are making the wrong decision but they don’t have all the information we do and I think it’s a very personal choice. I don’t judge others for what they are choosing to do right now and I hope that people would respect my decision as well.

What information do you have that they don’t? It’s all in the public domain.

@BreakingtheIce sorry I meant information about our personal situation. There are new underlying health conditions that very few people in our lives know about.

@Ostara212 I’m just about to start Laura Dodsworth’s book but not sure how it will make me feel.

I heard someone the other day ask how long the lockdown would have lasted if the bins weren’t being collected, deliveries weren’t happening or supermarket workers weren’t continuing to work. It does seem to be heavily the comfortable middle-classes who are able to indulge themselves in this particular type of anxiety.

[quote TinaYouFatLard]@Ostara212 I’m just about to start Laura Dodsworth’s book but not sure how it will make me feel.

I heard someone the other day ask how long the lockdown would have lasted if the bins weren’t being collected, deliveries weren’t happening or supermarket workers weren’t continuing to work. It does seem to be heavily the comfortable middle-classes who are able to indulge themselves in this particular type of anxiety.[/quote]
Yes, I was nervous about that too.

But reading it made me contact two friends - one mentioned here for waiting for zero covid - who I'd been avoiding. It made me feel better for being a bigger person. Reading about "the well known campaign that said x" and I didn't have a clue about them.

As I said, one friend wants zero covid. But the other one said although she was terrified the last time we spoke, now it's less about that and more agoraphobia.

Anyway, reading the book made me realise it was good to make the gesture, so that's something.

I appreciate that I and many others like me are in a very fortunate position, being able to work from home in stable(ish) jobs. I'm very grateful that key workers have continued to work, and that's included a lot of my friends and family. But surely us all staying at home has helped the situation - if everyone had carried on travelling to work and meeting up with people regardless, the pandemic would have been even worse than it already was.

You can't really blame people who have avoided risk as much as possible throughout to at least want to be fully vaccinated before going back to normal life. An to be a bit wary about doing things they haven't done in over a year.

That's really sad @PosyBoo