Newborn meeting family

[FebruaryJuly]

Hello,

Today is my due date for our second baby (no sign yet though).

I want to ask, is it unreasonable for us to ask for family members to show proof of a negative Covid result before meeting our newborn, when he arrives?

I know they will all be very eager to meet him and I will want to take my time, but at what point do I become silly, too cautious and unnecessary when thinking about Covid?

There have been newborns in our family in the last year and mum of the newborn wanted to see negative tests but certain family members (my MIL to be exact) voiced negative opinions about it calling them silly. I don't want that to be the case with us, especially since she is our baby's Grandmother, but I do want to see negative tests before they meet him.

@ravelston why are you so pressed? The thread has moved on, get a hobby or something.

It's your baby and your choice - but don't complain if you lay down rules and some people decide they can't be bothered to visit.

Totally reasonable OP. They can decline and wait to meet the baby if it's an issue. I will be doing the same or allowing garden visits only and certainly no cuddles!

I think you are being very sensible, op. Apart from covid risks, which are real and nobody wants to expose a new born to that, it won't be your baby who wants to be meeting people, it will be the other way around.

You've made me wonder, however, how many people do you envisage descending on you when you've just had a baby. I don't think I would want visitors, apart from the grandparents of course who would help out, for several weeks. It's nice to have a peaceful (relatively speaking) house with little intrusion for a while.

Good luck, I hope your baby comes soon and that you are both fit and well.

Covid is still out there. With vaccinations adults are safer but your baby unfortunately won't be. Don't worry about people who think you're being precious or unreasonable, if your child got covid all they'd be able to do was be regretful which doesn't help you or your little one. People saying it's cold or whatever, in the past year that's what life has become, it's how we keep people safe

@FebruaryJuly Hope all is going well for you OP ❤️ Maybe your DS is already here?! 🤞🏼

I have a DS born in Nov 2020. Family have now started being able to come and spend time with him now that restrictions have eased which is amazing 😊 But everyone has been asked to take LFT before they visit 😊 and it works both ways - we are now mixing with various households regularly for them to spend time with DS so DH and I test regularly too. We have a family group chat on each side of the family and people just post their negative test on there the morning of their visit 🤷🏻‍♀️ Didn’t ask them for pics, one person just did it so everyone started 🤷🏻‍♀️ It’s not a big deal...literally takes 30 seconds or something to do then you check it half an hour later so I don’t see any issue with asking people to do it.
We had one family member who told me I was being precious and it was a ridiculous thing to ask of people - which is her opinion and that’s fine but she was politely told that’s her choice but she can’t visit without it. She’s chosen not to 🤷🏻‍♀️ That’s on her as far as I’m concerned.

And yes, I know they’re not very reliable but they’re better than nothing! And yes, if people had other illnesses such as colds etc I would also ask them not to visit 😊

I have no issue with asking people to take a few extra steps to help us do what little things we can to try and keep everyone a bit safer 😊

I honestly can't believe some people cba to take a quick swab before visiting a newborn! I'd be happy for them to stay home as they probably also cba to wash their hands after using the toilet or take other basic infection control measures 😂

This is a genuine question and not meant to be goady at all, as I'm due next week - but for the OP and others who are requiring LFTs or other restrictions for visits to baby, at what stage do you think you will feel more relaxed about visits?

Given that rates of infections, hospitalisations and deaths are generally very low across the country, vaccine take up is extremely high and has reached people in their 30s already, and vaccines also seem to be working against the variants - what conditions are you actually waiting for? 0 cases?

As I say, my PFB is due next week so I'm genuinely interested.

@Maggiesfarm not everyone would describe visits from their loved ones and friends as an “intrusion” there are some of us out there who are very social and like to share happy, precious moments with those we love. Not bunker down and bolt the door but it seems we are in the minority!

COVID has died down. There is hardly any around. I think you’re being OTT.

Don't know why everyone is getting on your back OP as if it would be the worst thing in the world, better being safe than sorry. I would ask them to take a LFT, it's just making sure your newborn baby that hasn't built up an immune system yet is safe. My best friend had a baby last year and I went to visit, found out the next day my mum had covid and she's in my support bubble, thankfully my test came back negative but I felt so incredibly guilty and wouldn't have forgave myself if I gave my best friends baby covid. I would have no problem if someone asked me, it's hardly an effort taking a LFT.

@Mackie2020

This is a genuine question and not meant to be goady at all, as I'm due next week - but for the OP and others who are requiring LFTs or other restrictions for visits to baby, at what stage do you think you will feel more relaxed about visits?

Given that rates of infections, hospitalisations and deaths are generally very low across the country, vaccine take up is extremely high and has reached people in their 30s already, and vaccines also seem to be working against the variants - what conditions are you actually waiting for? 0 cases?

As I say, my PFB is due next week so I'm genuinely interested.

@Mackie2020 Good luck with your PFB ❤️ It’s very exciting/tiring when it gets down to the last week isn’t it?? 😅 hopefully won’t keep you waiting too long!

For me, once we’re all vaccinated I think I’ll feel better. My DH works offshore for weeks at a time and I’m here alone with our PFB so I also want to minimise the risk of people bringing it into our house incase I catch it. I’m 30 and DH is 33. We’re still only on the 45+ age bracket for vaccinations in our area it would seem so we’ll still be waiting a wee while for ours. Obviously the vaccine doesn’t protect us completely but it would mean that should I end up catching anything it would hopefully be a milder case and allow me to still look after DS on my own as DH wouldn’t be able to return to the house if I had covid. We test regularly due to his job anyway.

@KM38 - you don't need to wait for the GP to be vaccinated if your area is slow. Your DH can book his vaccine now and you should be able to book by Monday, though you can try putting your details in sooner. Use this link and see what sites you can feasibly get to: www.nhs.uk/conditions/coronavirus-covid-19/coronavirus-vaccination/book-coronavirus-vaccination/.

@MRex We’re in Scotland so I think it’s a bit different up here 😊 I don’t think we have that option. To book through your link you have to be registered with a GP in England 😊 I’m assuming it’s 45+ in our area - our neighbours in the flat next to us received their letters on Friday and both fall into the 45-50 age bracket.

I think it's a great idea. Every adult should be testing twice a week anyway so this should be a non issue

I take a LFT before going to the hairdresser so I certainly wouldn’t have a problem if a new mum asked me to take one before meeting their newborn. I know they are not perfect and would still be careful around them.

Likewise I wouldn’t visit if I had a cold etc.

For those saying COVID is on the way out, tell that to the people in Leicester etc who have been advised not to travel outside their area. It’s not gone yet unfortunately

Ah sorry @KM38 hopefully not too much longer for you to wait.

In due in about 2 weeks and my parents have been taking LFTs without being asked before seeing us since they’ve been available.

It’s just common courtesy at the moment. Most people have to test atleast once a week for work. We test before meeting up with friends anyway and that’s without any babies being involved!

For outdoor meet ups I won’t mention it but for people who want to hold the baby, I would expect them to of had a negative LFT.

I’m actually thinking less about the baby and more about myself. I don’t want to catch Covid, unvaccinated in a time when I’ll have very little sleep and be recovering from birth.

Those asking when will testing not be a requirement, probably when we’ve had the vaccine and/or when the government no longer recommends twice weekly testing.

@MRex

Ah sorry *@KM38* hopefully not too much longer for you to wait.

@MRex Fingers crossed 🤞🏼🤞🏼 Have you managed to get yours yet?

I don’t understand why you’ve had so much grief. I’d be happy to do one to protect your family and your peace of mind. I can’t understand why anyone would complain. I’d be happy that you were happy for me to visit. If they don’t want to then that’s their issue and they’ll need to meet the baby at a later point.

Yes thanks @KM38, I'm group 6 so having my second already this week. I dithered about bringing it forward on the guidance but decided in the end that 10 weeks will do. AZ so I already did the minor side effects and not expecting much. It's helpful that toddler DS still breastfeeds so hopefully has some antibodies.

My gut reaction is "sod off"

Trying to work out why I feel that strongly, I hate this false binary culture of "safe/ not safe". What is the exit point of this unsustainable testing culture? Plus all the other contagious infections that still exist. DS1 was born shortly before a Christmas, and over that period in the heart of the colds/ flu season we had lots of family and friends visit. None came while ill, but there always has been and always will be the risk of a variety of illness and it's not wise to dwell too hard on that. By DS2, I had a toddler who continued going to nursery for all our sanity. At 7 weeks, I had a very spotty toddler with chicken pox... at 9 weeks I had a spotty, poxy baby. Fortunately both were fine, but the point is that you can't avoid all risk and it's not mentally healthy to get fixed on that.

I'm not testing for an illness that I have negligable chance of having without good reason, and massaging someone's anxiety is not a good reason. Cases are very low locally... the worst hotspot in the city is currently 3 cases, all other areas 0-2 cases. I'm not spending time with people in high risk situations to be any chance of a high risk contact. If I was in a hotspot and had done anything more risky than going around the supermarket at a quiet time then I might humour you because there might actually be more than a negligable chance of having been exposed to the virus, and some purpose to using the resources and triggering a sensitive gag reaction to check.

(And yes I do wash hands, swerve vulnerable people if I have something mild like a cold and am due a second vaccine in the next month)

LFTs can be used in a purposeful way in a targeted population, but I don't agree that they are particularly helpful in situations like this.

@MRex Oh excellent! And fab with the BFing too!😊

Looks like most people think your health and your baby, your rules OP . People who genuinely care about you wouldn't prioritise their "why bother/piss off why should I?!) feelings over yours at this time in your life and aren't people you want coming over!

I agree with you OP and will be doing the same.

If people have a problem with that they can sod off. It literally takes half an hour and if they can't do that for you are they really friends or people who you want in your life?

Do what is right for you and your baby.