I did not sign up to this **selfish rant alert**

[Notthissticky]

Warning: this is a selfish rant about the unfairness of COVID. Please don't read it if you've been strongly affected by COVID or its economic impact. I am posting this on an anonymous forum for a reason.

I have a 2.5 yo and a 2 month old baby. The only family who have met the baby are the in-laws who looked after the toddler when I was in hospital. On Tuesday night, the baby spent a rather unnecessary night in hospital. I had both kids alone yesterday. The toddler started coughing so we've done a test. It's been 24 hours but no results yet, meaning another day shut in the house with two small children, when it was supposed to be me and the baby. All because a 2 year old has a cold.

I haven't seen my parents since July, I have a 5 month old niece I've never met and haven't seen my siblings since Christmas 2019, because our freedom-loving government has made it illegal for me to travel abroad to visit them. There isn't a single baby group running or in fact anything to do to make life enjoyable, rather than just an existence that needs to be borne.

I am absolutely not against taking precautions to prevent COVID spreading and am following the rules as much/ little as the next person. Looking at the situation from a distance though, the simple fact is that I only know a handful of people who've had COVID, none of whom have been hospitalised, let alone died. Meanwhile, this pandemic has cost me an awful lot emotionally. I fully realise I am extremely fortunate compared to many, but it just feels unfair and I am so so done with it. When will we reach the point where the impact of the inevitable mental health crisis that is developing begins to outweigh the risks of COVID? Rant over.

I am totally aware that dwelling on it won't get me anywhere. That doesn't mean it doesn't get on top of me and I need to let off steam from time to time

Do you know, I think it’s perfectly reasonable to just ‘feel it’
We are far too quick to shun emotions in this country. It annoys me. Your pissed off and quite rightly so, feel it and rant away.

You are not being selfish at all. Life is shit for almost everyone right now, some more than others of course but that can be applied in any situation. Your feelings are valid so please be kind to yourself.

Did anyone sign up to it?

@Notthissticky, we are all, mostly, dealing with shit, it's just that it's not necessarily the same shit.

I'm the other end of the covid
spectrum from you. I'm old, I'm cev, I've got a very limited number of years left to live. And I've spent the last year isolated.

Some have lost their jobs/ businesses.

I really feel for you, I do. I have no idea how I would have coped if daughter had been small when this happened.

I've got no words of comfort, I just wanted to reassure you that you are not alone in feeling like this is a shit situation.

[quote loveheartss]@MmeLaraque Could say that about anything couldn't you. Bad things happen to people all the time, other things do exist other than COVID.

When I had my miscarriage, people saying oh but at least you CAN get pregnant did not put anything in perspective for me or make me feel any better, it made me want to tear their head off, so do spare me the bullshit.[/quote]
@loveheartss: What bullshit would that be?

C'mon. Which part is bullshit? There are lots and lots of people really struggling. They're just getting on with life, and being grateful for small mercies.

For years, British people have bragged about how their forebears coped in a war that most of them are not old enough to remember. Now that they actually have to cope with some stress, the reaction from so many is, "Ooh no... can't handle this."

Once again: humanity has given mother nature an absolute kicking for the last few decades. Now, we're all paying the price for that. This virus is totally indiscriminate. Because it's a virus. Anyone comparing it to the 'flu' shows their ignorance immediately.

Selfish rant alert

That bit was correct, at least.

I feel for you. Really I do. It is rubbish.

I can empathise as well @Notthissticky.

My daughter is 6 months old. I've not been at home (abroad) since 2019. She has never met her aunt, my sister, and she saw my mum once when she was a week old.

I have tried to 'enjoy' maternity leave but it has been hard. We've all been in situations we've never imagined ourselves to be in. F

In the past, I was able to overcome most challenging times with a positive outlook, but during this pandemic, I feel like there's been a lot of 'two steps forward, one step backward.'

I miss my mum and sister hugely. My dad passed away from cancer just two years ago and I am still somewhat struggling with his passing because I didn't manage to get back 'home' abroad in time before he become unresponsive. I was looking forward to spending some time with my mum and sister and my little girl, and I hope travel will be possible from May 17th onwards.

I find it saddening that on some threads, it feels like you're not allowed to post about feeling down or a little miserly about your situation unless you've been dealt with the worst of the worst situations. Everyone has been affected somehow and everyone's feelings are somehow valid.

@Sansaplans

Did anyone sign up to it?

Some people bloody well would have given half the chance 😂

@Wherediditgo

I am totally aware that dwelling on it won't get me anywhere. That doesn't mean it doesn't get on top of me and I need to let off steam from time to time

Do you know, I think it’s perfectly reasonable to just ‘feel it’
We are far too quick to shun emotions in this country. It annoys me. Your pissed off and quite rightly so, feel it and rant away.

I definitely think some people get very uncomfortable with anyone expressing negative emotions about all this and will rush in to chide them for it. Like the only thing holding us together is a plastered-on smile and a ‘mustn’t grumble!’ attitude and the minute we acknowledge we feel miserable, everything will go to pieces.

Urrrrgh @MmeLaraque 😷

@MmeLaraque you are actually vile

[quote Wellbythebloodyhell]@MmeLaraque you are actually vile [/quote]
And xenophobic to boot, I’ve never once heard anyone I know mention the war and how well we coped 😂😂 fucking twaddle.

Lots of similar feelings as you OP. It's this last stretch that feels the worst to me. Have been totally patient, strong and been thinking of others about how much harder they've had it BUT ......I had a total
meltdown when a local vaccination centre recently have out hundreds of spare vaccs and I missed out as not on the right social media. Instead of feeling happiness for those lucky enough to have got it (I am in the next group due to have it) I feel raging that there isn't a nationally agreed sensible and fair system for dealing with spares. It seems like we have been totally forgotten and just told to wait - GP said that you verb40's might not get done till June/July here. The loss of contact and being stoic for such an extended period of time has really taken its toll. I'm not sure id have coped with having a baby during to at time too - be gentle with yourself. I think it's going to take an age for the after effects to reduce - seeing the litter and dreadful behaviour since people could meet outside has given me the rage and made me feel super sad also. Feel free to vent away. Having all the anger and upset inside your head is also really hard.

We are nearly out of this, as long as the majority continue to follow the rules. 12th April we can meet more people, 5 weeks later indoors and outdoors, the hopefully June we are open again

It must be difficult with family abroad, but I know in lots of places toddler groups are looking to start again after 12th April, are there any in your area?

As we open up and you can do more things will get better

@Sansaplans The ones who still went on their ski trips last year because they didnt want to lose their deposit then had the temerity to screech that those who cant wear masks are selfish and have no social responsibility

@Chloemol

We are nearly out of this, as long as the majority continue to follow the rules. 12th April we can meet more people, 5 weeks later indoors and outdoors, the hopefully June we are open again

It must be difficult with family abroad, but I know in lots of places toddler groups are looking to start again after 12th April, are there any in your area?

As we open up and you can do more things will get better

I've contacted my favourite baby group from last time. They're still waiting to hear more about the conditions for reopening, as last time everyone had to be 2 metres apart, which made it a bit difficult to socialise! Need to ask about the other group I used to go to and check Rhythm Time.

Congratulations on your baby @Notthissticky.
I hear you. You are ranting here because you need to let off steam in an anonymous way and without worrying or offending those you love. You know and acknowledge you are one of the fortunate ones, and I am too. We all now know people who have died from Covid, have been seriously ill or have lost their jobs. I'm even in a position to be lucky enough to say my business has thrived this year, BUT it has still been a crap year. My children are older than yours and I feel they have missed so much but gained in other ways. Some pp are objecting because I suspect they also need to rant and let off steam.
I personally think that lockdown has been particularly hard for new mums. You have been cut off from society at what should be a very sociable time, when you get to show off your new baby. You should be posting asking for advice on how to deal with overbearing MIL, or clingy friend from anti natal, but instead there is a void with no one in it. The end is in sight, but in the meantime rant away here, this is a safe place.

I have allowed family and friends to meet my baby. I was equally concerned about the mental effect it would have on him.

You're not being unreasonable to rant. I suffered from depression after the birth of my DC and the only way I coped was getting out of the house and meeting people. I used to sit in my local cafe while the baby was napping and read a book and just enjoy being around other people. I made so many friends locally (not just other mums but also shopkeepers who I would chat to and waitresses and other people who wanted to cuddle my baby). Even the librarian in our local library. It is difficult fully to quantify the extent of the isolation to which we've all been subjected.

For new mums especially, many will have lost the chance to form those close friendships with other new parents living nearby which are so important in building a local support network, especially if you don't have family nearby.

I hear you, OP. 9 month old and 3.5 year old here and I am not the mum I used to be/want to be. I sit on my phone because it’s my only outside connection to the world. I have very little patience. My energy and enthusiasm for tuff trays and junk modelling is no more. It’s a good day if I manage to get to the park 5 mins down the road or get the play dough out. My children are suffering because I am so low. When I spoke to nursery about the baby starting they commented that as he’s a ‘lockdown baby’ he might need longer to settle/more settling in sessions compared to what my eldest had... that made me so sad!

I agree with all the restrictions and yet I still hear you. You're not alone op. I only have one toddler and that's bad enough!

I really feel for you, my children are a bit older now, but when they were babies it was such a special time, the little groups we went to, seeing friends and family, so many things you’ve been robbed of. Hang in there now, I think there might be light at the end of this tunnel x

[quote MercyBooth]@Poppins2016 This weeks Panorama was an eye opener about contaminated test samples.[/quote]
That was an interesting (and shocking, yet somehow also unsurprising) read...

BBC article

I actually had a covid test this morning and struggled due to pregnancy (had to start again 3 times due to strong gag reflex and then a nose bleed), however the staff at the test centre couldn't have been more helpful. So frustrating to read that the same care and attention isn't adhered to from process start to finish!

Wow, some absolute dickheads on this thread.

I had a baby in June @Notthissticky, and it has been incredibly soul destroying. I’m sorry it’s been shit for you too. Let’s hope things are about to improve

I really feel for you OP. A really hard time to have little ones. It’s a time in life when those groups keep you sane. That chance to talk to other adults that really get how hard it is and just how tired you feel. Who can make you feel human again just through that shared experience. You have done really well to keep going.

I haven’t seen family in over a year and DC really missing GP but they have been too far away. It’s hard.

Yes, there are people worse off than you. People have suffered enormously - orphaned children, loss of several family members at once, grief without the normal closeness and comfort to help, job losses, mental health issues, staff in hospital at the end of their ability to cope etc etc. But...

That doesn’t mean your pain isn’t valid and at this time overwhelming. You have every right to rant and let it all out. It’s a massive loss for you, the time you could have had with your DC and family so you are entitled to grieve that and rage against it. Go ahead and rant and rave as much as you need to.

If you can find support then please do. Exceptions are there for compassionate reasons and your Health Visitor might have some ideas. She might be able to put you in touch with online support so you can meet other local mums and go for walks, outside coffees etc.

Hang in there. We just need the vaccine to be able to do it’s job without the risk of lots of new mutations and that’s why everything can’t go back to normal all at once. But things are all heading in the right direction. We are hopefully through the worst lockdown - winter is crap anyway without a lockdown!

Sending you