Anyone not want things to go back to how they were before?

[UntamedWisteria]

We are a family of 4 & will see my parents outside on Easter Sunday which I am really looking forward to.

But I don't want to see anyone else. DH has just texted some neighbours & suggested meeting up with them over Easter as well. I just don't want to, and think he should have checked with me first. I'm not ready for this yet.

I'd like to keep table service in pubs. I've also found travelling to work much more pleasant now I can get a seat and not spend the journey clinging to a pole with my face pressed into someone else's armpit.

Apart from that I can't wait for normal life to return, and definitely can't wait to be able to meet other people. But if you're not ready to do that, OP, you don't have to. Give it time.

Agree about table service in pubs and also lots mor outdoor provision.

Main problem is that you don't seem to be able to say no, surely he didn't just text on your behalf without asking, that's your problem, you may have already have had plans

Amazed at all of these people that have others planning their life, that's nothing to do with covid. Surely people don't need the excuse of covid to have a lie in

I understand OP. I am looking forward to the world becoming normal but for some reason the sudden change feels as overwhelming as it did the other way around

I think a wide range of responses are natural after a year like this, some can't wait and some are slower out of the traps.

Read up on all the articles about the emotional processes we are going through - both being keen and being cautious are understandable.

Personally I'm not rushing because I am a person who is at the quiet end of the spectrum anyway. I am looking forward to seeing friends/family though.

What will make me really happy is feeling things are really better, that I can plan long term again. A trip to a pub doesn't help me with that, so it isn't that important to me.

Me too op. You are not alone for sure. I’m in no rush to socialise. I’m looking forward to a lot of things once things ease ie being able to go clothes shopping or going to the zoo. Not regular pub goers here so even that doesn’t bother me at all. But as for socialising - I couldn’t care less. I’ve learnt how much I love my own company. I might be in the minority here but I’ve really enjoyed lockdown and it just being the 4 of us!

I want someone else to cook me a steak and clear up the plates.
I want my kids to tear around soft play while I drink a crap overpriced coffee but get the chance to....breathe.
I want to turn down numerous social invited by choice.
I want to go back to the office and bitch about colleagues in the hallways rather than have to use WhatsApp

People will have, just like they always had, the ability to say no to social things they don’t want to do. I’m a miserable sod at the best of times and said no to lots of stuff, but I can’t wait for things to get back to normal and have the ability to say yes to the things I do want to do.

Amazed at all of these people that have others planning their life, that's nothing to do with covid. Surely people don't need the excuse of covid to have a lie in

Absolutely. I hope people reevaluate their own lives and relationships rather than public opinion moving towards keeping things shut for longer.

The same goes for those who are rejoicing about offices closing because they didn’t like their 2 hour commute which they willingly signed up to and took the increased salary benefit from.

@Ladderclimber

I totally agree with you OP.

I’ve enjoyed not having to see my inlaws at all. Bliss!

Other things I never want to go back to:

• Fighting to a packed bar
• Shaking hands (it’s just weird)
• Having to go in person to the GP
• Going in to the office
• Small talk with people I either don’t give a shit about or actively dislike (see above plus school run)
• Packed public transport
• It being socially acceptable to mix with other people when ill including when coughing and sneezing and revolting nose blowing.
• Eating in public rather than having the same nice food delivered to your home.
• Excess pollution from pointless shopping trips and commutes.
• Indoor kids’ activities at grotty soft play centres or laser tag, trampoline etc places.

Etc!

This

I am interested to see what the medium-term behaviour change is from this really.

Overall I feel that a slight shift towards outdoor, space, cleanliness is surely likely? As in an invite to a lovely outdoor place will be more desirable than an invite to a crowded indoor venue?

@poppycat10

I don't like crowds so that's something I definitely don't want to go back to normal.

And the pp having friends round for a few G&Ts - I suppose this is the start of the rest of us getting no sleep while you all party in the garden squawking more and more loudly as you get more and more drunk. There are definite upsides to lockdown.

You sound very bitter.

I can understand you're not ready. I've said to DH I don't think I'll be comfortable having people in the house. Thus even applies to my Mum who has no one else. His answer was that we won't have anyone close to us inside until we're all fully vaccinated.

The only thing I would say, is that as you're seeing your parents, he probably just assumed that was the green light for seeing other people. As it's outside and more space, can you set your own gentle guidelines, ie I've got a friend who won't get nearer than 4m.

@SaskiaRembrandt

I'd like to keep table service in pubs. I've also found travelling to work much more pleasant now I can get a seat and not spend the journey clinging to a pole with my face pressed into someone else's armpit.

Apart from that I can't wait for normal life to return, and definitely can't wait to be able to meet other people. But if you're not ready to do that, OP, you don't have to. Give it time.

Trouble is the train service you like isn't viable. It needs the huge number of commuters to pay for the trains, infrastructure and staff. If trains remain "quiet", there'll be a lot less of them and those that remain will, once again, be crowded as more people would be on fewer trains. The "rush hour" armpit sniff is what's paying for the network.

The table service in pubs is nice but it won't carry on, you need twice the staff and only half the customers, it doesn't make financial sense long term.

@cryh

I am interested to see what the medium-term behaviour change is from this really.

Overall I feel that a slight shift towards outdoor, space, cleanliness is surely likely? As in an invite to a lovely outdoor place will be more desirable than an invite to a crowded indoor venue?

Those who don't care about covid will rush back to pubs, clubs, and various other crowded places.

Those who are paranoid after a year of restrictions, or who have medical vulnerabilities will probably never go back to pubs, never go abroad again, nor to other "close contact" places ever again.

The "middle ground" crowd will ease themselves back in slowly, doing "safer" things first and building up confidence.

Whether the first group will be big enough to make things like pubs and restaurants etc viable is something time will tell. Last Summer the first few days/weeks of restrictions lifting were very busy, but the novelty quickly wore off and there weren't the numbers of my second and third groups to keep them at full capacity, so some started to have empty tables etc even at busier times and under social distancing limited numbers.

Places where you can stay apart from others, such as outdoor spaces and open/airy premises are the ones where my groups 2 &3 will be more confident to go.

@UntamedWisteria

I guess what I am feeling is this sense of social obligation returning with our freedom.

It's difficult to reconcile.

Just say no to things. If DH wants to meet the neighbours he can, honestly I think people make a huge issue of this when in reality I doubt they'll be that arsed if you don't go.

@Waxonwaxoff0

The table service in pubs is nice but it won't carry on, you need twice the staff and only half the customers, it doesn't make financial sense long term.

That depends on the customer though. Many customers will be put off by busy crowded places, more so if you have to wait in a queue at the crowded bar to order.

Yes, table service costs more, but minimum wage waiting staff don't cost that much. So the equation the pub owner has to make is whether they'd get enough extra custom to cover minimum wage of extra waiting staff.

Look at supermarkets - they've made the decision to offer a lot more loss-making pickers and vans/drivers to massively expand their home delivery and click n collect. They're not making any profit when you can buy a slot for a couple of pounds, but it's a business decision to attract customers and make money from what they buy which is better than not getting their custom at all.

@Kazzyhoward supermarkets will have a lot more money in reserves to do that than a small independent pub will though.

Just say no to things. If DH wants to meet the neighbours he can, honestly I think people make a huge issue of this when in reality I doubt they'll be that arsed if you don't go.

So funny. You really don't understand what it's like to be bullied and criticised for saying no to social events whether it's work or family. The pressure is immense and some people just can't accept you're not a social animal and take it upon themselves to "cure" you.

I've walked away from good jobs in the past where there was a "culture" of social activities where attendance was an unwritten rule, not by the owners/management but by other staff. Saying no resulted in snide remarks, jokes at my expense, and lots of other "banter". It can very quickly become a toxic environment.

Everyone I know is keen to get back to normal. Desperate even. Ans that includes me. I habe to be honest if my previously sociable husband didn’t wish to see anyone, I’d be bemused, correctly identify it was a mental health problem. And urge him to get help.

However, as others have said, if you cannot cope with or do not wish to see other people, then you need to make your boundaries clear to your husband. He though should not be “jailed” for his own mental health. Maybe you need to compromise. You can sit in the bedroom or something whilst he socialises, or not go and see the neighbours with him. It’s not fair to you to be forced to see peoole, it’s not fair to him to be forced to stay in lock down longer. So you both need to find a compromise

@Kazzyhoward

Just say no to things. If DH wants to meet the neighbours he can, honestly I think people make a huge issue of this when in reality I doubt they'll be that arsed if you don't go.

So funny. You really don't understand what it's like to be bullied and criticised for saying no to social events whether it's work or family. The pressure is immense and some people just can't accept you're not a social animal and take it upon themselves to "cure" you.

I've walked away from good jobs in the past where there was a "culture" of social activities where attendance was an unwritten rule, not by the owners/management but by other staff. Saying no resulted in snide remarks, jokes at my expense, and lots of other "banter". It can very quickly become a toxic environment.

I think you’re projecting. At no stage has she intimated her husband will start to behave like this.

Say no if you don’t want to do things it’s that simple

Personally I’d quite like to not spend every single evening alone and heaven forbid I’d quite like a shag too

@Ladderclimber I think you have covered most things. Though I think going into an office or not should not be 100% one or the other, a day or two a week going in would be good for me.