I don't want a f***ing holiday, I want to see my mom!

[MooseBreath]

So sick and tired about people thinking international travel is just about going on holiday. It's not about the beach. It's not about all-inclusive drinks. It's not about wanderlust.

Making international travel illegal (which it basically has been for months already) means that people like me, who moved to the UK due to a partner's job, have been told we cannot see our families.

Soon, we will be allowed to visit friends and family in the UK in people's gardens. We can go for walks or sit in a pub garden. After that, we will be able to go into each others' homes. And that's amazing and I'm so happy for all of the people whose lives will be bettered by this.

But I want to be selfish for a moment. What about me? What about the people like me whose families are a plane away? My grandfather in has dementia. It has worsened since the start of the pandemic and he doesn't know who I am anymore. I never got the chance to see him after his diagnosis because of the restrictions. My other grandfather has been moved into longterm care and isn't expected to live much longer. I won't be able to see either of them or likely attend their funerals, even if they are 6 months down the line.

My son who was born in May 2020 will likely never meet his 4 great-grandparents. He isn't old enough to understand video calls with his grandparents and uncles. There is no telling when he will ever meet my side of the family.

When I moved here, I did so entirely under the impression that I would be free to go home whenever I needed to or wanted to. I am so close with my family and it is hard enough being an ocean away from them, but the thought of never seeing them again is unbearable. I don't know what I want to get from this thread, but I just want some posters to understand that it's not about a holiday. Not at all.

@MooseBreath
As much as your story, and no doubt there are hundreds of others, is incredibly sad for you.

It remains necessary that you cannot leave, to protect the other citizens of the country that is now your home.

Hundreds of thousands have died from covid, our UK rate is already sky high and we're trying to vaccinate our population and reduce the risks of importing yet another variant that could take us back to square 1.

As you've said, you don't have the funds to pay for the isolation charges in either, so really the travel ban is a smoke screen for your decision that you couldn't find this and perhaps that just more palatable for you?

Likewise you have no intention of relocating back, so ultimately, it's you having to manage a sad situation, including your financial limitations and making peace with how things are.

It is very hard, I have family 400 miles away we have seen once in 15 months and an immediate family member in Europe who can not get home as worried about being able to get back, not the year we had envisioned.
I want to know when we will be allowed to stay with family in uk, that’s not clear, I can not drive a 12 hour round trip in 1 day so have not been able to visit. 17 May sounds as though it is staying in holiday hoMes / hotels as 1 family, so surely I can stay with extended family in their house ? Better than mixing with compete strangers in a hotel surely but it is not clear yet if this is allowed.

I agree, my mum lives overseas, miss her terribly

I am in the same boat as many others here. My kids have not seen their grandparents since the summer of 2019 either and it's really starting to become unbearable. They are not young, but also don't require care so we don't have a legal reason to go and see them.

I wish that the government would consider us too, not just people who are desperate to go on holiday. I agree that holidays can wait but I don't agree with the fact that it is illegal for me to go to the country I am a citizen of.

The issue here is how would the government differentiate between visiting family members and a holiday?

If family members are seriously ill that's something that could be proved but in cases where people (understandably) just want to be with their loved ones, how could it be proved that that was the reason for travel, rather than just wanting a holiday in the sun?

The issue here is how would the government differentiate between visiting family members and a holiday?

I think I mentioned this on another thread recently, but this is what Germany has been doing for a few months now.

If you come back from visiting a first or second degree relative, partner, or are going somewhere regularly like visiting your children once a month etc, then you are exempt from quarantine on the way back. You must have a negative PCR before entering the country even if you come from an area that doesn’t require one, but you’re exempt from quarantine (with the exception of coming from a virus-variant country eg Brazil/SA/UK until recently... No exemptions there).

You self-certify your reason for travel (unless it’s a work-related quarantine exemption in which case you need an official letter). There is technically nothing stopping you self-certifying yourself even if you haven’t gone to see family, but this country functions very differently. Nowhere in Germany do you find ticket barriers at train stations. People are trusted that they will buy a ticket. Newspapers, fruit stands on the street without anyone manning them - you’re trusted to leave money behind even if no one is watching.

Incoming travellers are trusted they will declare their reason for travel honestly. Of course not everyone is honest, but the vast majority of people do comply so this works quite well here.

We’re in the same situation, it’s shit and tough and even the FaceTimes are getting less and less as my 2 year old won’t engage in them. He’s only met my mil twice in 2 years and not once in 14 months.

Incoming travellers are trusted they will declare their reason for travel honestly. Of course not everyone is honest, but the vast majority of people do comply so this works quite well here.

Hard to say if people would be similarly honest here. I've only ever been to Germany on holiday but I remember noticing the sort of 'honesty box' things you mention and being impressed.

@Arbadacarba

The issue here is how would the government differentiate between visiting family members and a holiday?

If family members are seriously ill that's something that could be proved but in cases where people (understandably) just want to be with their loved ones, how could it be proved that that was the reason for travel, rather than just wanting a holiday in the sun?

I would say that if you can prove citizenship in the country you are visiting, then you should be allowed to go there as it is then far more likely to be for visiting family than just a regular holiday.

I think I should be allowed to travel to Sweden on my Swedish passport, but not to France or Spain for example as I have no connection to there.

Could your mum come and see you?

In my case for example my mum can’t come as she would have to quarantine in her home country for two weeks afterwards. She has a small business and already taken a financial hit due to covid and couldn’t afford not to work for 3 weeks. (She has to be there physically)

And people need to stop going on about workarounds. Yes there exemptions allowing people to travel. But that doesn’t stop the requirement for quarantining at your destination or upon returning to the UK, or the costs of the many tests that would be needed. Many people can’t afford 4 weeks of quarantine or £600 on tests.

I’m in the UK, but my teen daughter lives by herself abroad. The borders in the country she lives in have been closed and you need police permission to enter the country.

My mom can't come see me either because of the quarantine restrictions. It's too costly to pay for hotels as well as a trans-Atlantic flight - it literally quadruples the cost of the (already expensive) trip.

I agree with @SwedishK that citizens should be allowed to travel to their home country and back without hotel quarantine.

Yes, it's unfair. It seems that if u are a celebrity or a politician with 2 homes u are allowed to flit between them.

Maybe get a garden shed/barn on your family's property assigned to u legally and then u can call it your second home?

@AnaofBroceliande

Work hard at finding workrounds.

Do you really think we haven't thought this through? For some countries, the only workaround is death, which is not something we'd be wishing for. Also, plane prices are sky high, flights are rare, quarantine is compulsory and costs the earth... Most people couldn't afford it even if they could find an excuse

@Notonthestairs

There is an exemption to visit critically or terminally ill relatives - I think you need proof of their condition and of your relationship.

Doesn't wrok if they are just slowly deteriorating though. Also, ridiculous flight and quarantine prices rule travel out for many at the moment.

Incoming travellers are trusted they will declare their reason for travel honestly. Of course not everyone is honest, but the vast majority of people do comply so this works quite well here

That's Germany though. I doubt the UK (and other countries) would find it so simple.

For those who still don't get it, under normal curcumstances I could book a plane today for tomorrow, at a price I could afford and see my family.

Currently, there is no availability on flights for weeks, tickets are a minimum of £8000, there is compulsory hotel quarantine of 2 weeks ($3000 in a hotel) going and 10 days coming back, there is compulsory testing before and after travel, both ways.

So, I would already be at £10000 just to get there and back, combined with a month's leave (28 days of travel + quarantine). That's without actually spending any time with family there, which would involve even more time off.

Realistically, this is impossible for virtually everyone who has a job or any other obligations.

Can you understand now?

I haven't seen my family since summer 2018. Our plannned trip at Christmas was cancelled and Christmas 2021 isn't going to happen either.

It is shit! I am losing the will to live. This has nothing to do with holidays

Travellers coming from UK into Germany and other European countries still have to quarantine no matter the reason they travel.
You can also self declare coming into the UK but still have to quarantine or pay for Hotel costs. At the moment there is no tourist industry in most countries anyway so the only reason you would come to the UK is family and business. I mean what would tourists in London do here atm?

The virus isn’t able to distinguish between holidays and family visits so it’s sensible to have limited travel and to insist on quarantine.

@IceCreamAndCandyfloss

The virus isn’t able to distinguish between holidays and family visits so it’s sensible to have limited travel and to insist on quarantine.

I don’t think people like the poster above who hasn’t seen their family in 3 years would call such a simplistic explanation ‘sensible’. It’s easy to say these things when one has an end in sight and a provisional date for seeing relatives again. Not so easy for those of us living abroad.

I'm glad you started the thread but I'm sorry we're in this heartbreaking situation. I miss my family so much and basically don't have the option of moving permanently back to my home country.

Wish people would keep their fucking pious smug "this is necessary and it's your own fault for living abroad" attitude on other threads. Of course I'll follow the bloody rules, as I've done all along, I'd just like one place to commiserate with people who actually have some understanding of what I'm going through.

Can I just chip in as well, please? Haven’t seen my mum since Summer 2019. She is not terminally ill, thankfully, but is blind, is in a nursing home and broke her hip in Dec. 2020. (she is 85). My brother has had to deal with all this and I am not able to get there (Croatia, BTW) and help. It is driving me insane. All 3 of us have had our jabs (my second dose is in early May). And yes, it does concern me that I have to go through 3 airports and 2 planes to get there (no direct flights from Scotland).

I have also had to deal with my own cancer recurrence last Summer, so there has been shit upon shit upon shit.

Sorry. Just had to offload.

@CousinKrispy

I'm glad you started the thread but I'm sorry we're in this heartbreaking situation. I miss my family so much and basically don't have the option of moving permanently back to my home country.

Wish people would keep their fucking pious smug "this is necessary and it's your own fault for living abroad" attitude on other threads. Of course I'll follow the bloody rules, as I've done all along, I'd just like one place to commiserate with people who actually have some understanding of what I'm going through.

Yes, yes, especially to the second paragraph.