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Original poster

I don't want a f***ing holiday, I want to see my mom!

118 replies

MooseBreath · 23/03/2021 21:18

So sick and tired about people thinking international travel is just about going on holiday. It's not about the beach. It's not about all-inclusive drinks. It's not about wanderlust.

Making international travel illegal (which it basically has been for months already) means that people like me, who moved to the UK due to a partner's job, have been told we cannot see our families.

Soon, we will be allowed to visit friends and family in the UK in people's gardens. We can go for walks or sit in a pub garden. After that, we will be able to go into each others' homes. And that's amazing and I'm so happy for all of the people whose lives will be bettered by this.

But I want to be selfish for a moment. What about me? What about the people like me whose families are a plane away? My grandfather in has dementia. It has worsened since the start of the pandemic and he doesn't know who I am anymore. I never got the chance to see him after his diagnosis because of the restrictions. My other grandfather has been moved into longterm care and isn't expected to live much longer. I won't be able to see either of them or likely attend their funerals, even if they are 6 months down the line.

My son who was born in May 2020 will likely never meet his 4 great-grandparents. He isn't old enough to understand video calls with his grandparents and uncles. There is no telling when he will ever meet my side of the family.

When I moved here, I did so entirely under the impression that I would be free to go home whenever I needed to or wanted to. I am so close with my family and it is hard enough being an ocean away from them, but the thought of never seeing them again is unbearable. I don't know what I want to get from this thread, but I just want some posters to understand that it's not about a holiday. Not at all.

OP posts:
yetmorewaiting · 23/03/2021 22:29

OP I am so with you, it's awful, been15 months since I've seen my Mum and almost everytime we speak, there are nearly tears with the lack of not knowing when we can get together. The slow vaccine progress where she lives is only adding to the frustration.
I've told my boss on more than one occasion that's soon as I can travel, expect a leave request at short notice and my dh is happy for me to go whenever.

Plumedenom · 23/03/2021 22:43

I keep racking my brain on how to get over to the UK. Haven't seen parents in a year. My dad is really not well, in fact I've not seen him since his heart attack last march. I have two kids at home as schools are closed here and the sad thing is my parents could entertain them while I worked from "home" and we could easily do the ten days quarantine there. It's the reason to leave my country, I'm worrying they'd turn us away at the gate and the kids would be heartbroken.

Xiomara22 · 23/03/2021 22:45

I want to see my parents too. I had my first child and their first grandchild in December and I'm desperate for him to meet them and to see them too.

FontyMcFontface · 23/03/2021 22:48

My children haven’t seen their grandparents since Summer 2019. It’s shit.

tiredmum2468 · 23/03/2021 22:49

@MooseBreath

My neighbours 2 doors down are Nigerian and in a very similar position
My heart goes out to you

This family have said they're considering moving back home when they can the pandemic has made them very homesick

It's so difficult to work out what's best

Hopefully things will ease soon

Whenspringcomes · 23/03/2021 22:53

Completely sympathise, op. Similar situation, we’re in Europe and British but all
family still live in U.K. Parents booked to cone to us in July & August and have been vaccinated, how likely that’s looking I’m not sure, I can’t bear the thought of it not happening. They’re desperate to see their granddaughter. It’s really made me re evaluate everything, I don’t give a crap about holidays and just want to see them

AdriannaP · 23/03/2021 22:54

@Plumedenom do you have a UK passport? You should be able to enter as UK citizen. But as you said you have to quarantine and pay for two tests in a 10 day period. My friend recently came back to the Uk (has a house here) and said he said at customs he has residency here and was not challenged or asked to prove.

RyvitaBrevis · 23/03/2021 23:02

I hear you. My baby born in June is my parents' first grandchild and they haven't met. Family is essential.

Whenspringcomes · 23/03/2021 23:05

Does anyone know then if my family can come from the U.K. to me (Portugal) in July/August yet? They are vaccinated

LynetteScavo · 23/03/2021 23:10

I hear you. I have a close family member desperate to see their new grandchild. I will happily forgo holidays abroad for several years in exchange for them to visit hug/meet their family living abroad. But obviously that's not how it works.

It's not just about not having a summer holiday this year. People fussing about not being able to have a week in the sun are irritating me.

BogRollBOGOF · 23/03/2021 23:21

DH has seen one household of his family in 18m as most are still in his home country. His mother is frail and of an age group not famed for its longevity. She was vaccinated about 2 weeks ago... DH 40 years younger is getting his at the end of the week!

She'd aged noticibly between visits the last time we went over. She looked further aged again on photos sent by siblings at Christmas. Staying in a bungalow and only leaving for medical appointments is not keeping her active and healthy.

I hope we do get to see her again...

I also have family in a different European country again. Younger, and we're used to longer gaps between seeing each other so not so worrying, but it's the principle that we are prohibited from seeing each other. And their livlihood from international tourism...

RyvitaBrevis · 23/03/2021 23:26

@sansou

And this is the reason why many are reevaluating their lives so far and making different plans for the future regarding where they live and work. Seriously, we will have to live with this virus/its variants for some time to come. I know so many families who have made fairly drastic lifestyle changes in the past year. It's OK to vent, it's shit all around not being able to visit family due to distance. Fingers crossed, travel restrictions will be temporary - I'm fairly sure all countries want tourism to happen this summer.

I'm pretty sure that visiting a seriously ill close family member would suffice as a good enough reason for travel. And if you really needed/wanted to go, you'll make the request for leave from work including maybe unpaid leave on compassionate grounds. No one is going to stop you visiting a terminally ill relative - you won't get fined for that!

I am from another country to my husband, should I be reevaluating my 15-year marriage? Should my baby re-evaluate his decision to have grandparents in two countries?
Original poster
MooseBreath · 23/03/2021 23:32

@RyvitaBrevis Exactly that. My husband is from here. His job is here. His parents and disabled sister are here. My son is British. My job is here. My house is here. Going back to my home country sounds amazing, but isn't realistic.

OP posts:
TheBabyAteMyBrain · 23/03/2021 23:33

God I hear you. My mil died of cancer in October. My DH watched his mother's funeral on a phone. He couldn't go as he was isolating. He just wants to go home, see his dad, visit her grave and grieve. He feels he's stuck in limbo, he needs his family. We don't want to go for a jolly, hell even if only he can go, it'd be something. He needs his home and family.

EileenGC · 23/03/2021 23:55

Does anyone know then if my family can come from the U.K. to me (Portugal) in July/August yet?

You will find out in July/August. Gone are the times of planning months in advance.

I’m quite optimistic international travel will resume in some form this summer, but we won’t know how and when until it happens. My brother has a ticket to come visit my next Monday. Allowed between the 2 countries involved as of 10 days ago. They’ve changed the rules again today. For a week. They will probably change them again before he comes. There’s just no point in planning...

Whoever is up for traveling on very short notice, will be allowed to. I’m more worried about getting into the UK this summer as now that they’re not part of the EU, the borders can stay closed for as long as they like 😞 Family and friends ARE essential. Anyone who says they aren’t, has them close by.

sansou · 24/03/2021 00:19

I think some posters have taken my point in a different way to which I intended.

I really don't think that we'll be returning to our pre Covid era of cheap/easy global travel any time soon which is why people are making changes to their lifestyles.

To be clear, I was thinking more of relocation within the UK - plus Brits coming home from long term working/living abroad - an option not even contemplated pre Covid. I have close family members who have done both in the past year; uprooting themselves from jobs/homes to move closer to loved ones. These weren't painless decisions.

Yes, it's more complicated for those of dual national families who have the option to live in more than one country. What would normally be an advantage is obviously a disadvantage at the moment. (Sorry, I wasn't really thinking about this group when I made my point).

alwayscrashinginthesamecar1 · 24/03/2021 00:33

I've been in this position for a year already in Australia. Yes it sucks, yes I'm worried I might never seen my mum again. But we are able to live a normal life here, and I think the sacrifice has been worth it for that. I'm hoping travel will open up again in 2022.

Mygardenisnotperfect · 24/03/2021 00:46

It’s really terrible, I have been thinking all through the pandemic about how hard this must be for people with families abroad. My parents and siblings all live in other parts of the UK and even that has been very difficult as we have seen each other significantly less than usual, despite a new baby in the family and the death of my sibling. I’m a single parent and it has been very lonely and isolating as usually we visit each other so much more. It has made me think hard as to the possibility of moving to another part of the UK although due to having shared custody of my child with my ex, it’s not really a choice that I am free to make at present (people forget that a divorce with children also really traps you in place). But I’m grateful I’ve been able to see them at all during the pandemic and I do have some friends locally as well.

OP I definitely think your reasons for visiting would qualify under the reasonable excuses/exceptions and I don’t think you would be asked to prove your relative’s diagnosis etc. at the UK side of the border at all, so I wouldn’t worry about that. Obviously it might be different in the country you are going to. Having to quarantine both sides and the impact of that on work and finances could also for sure make it logistically impossible (there is part of me that feels this is discriminatory against working people who can’t just take a month off for quarantine like you could if you were retired etc. as that’s actually most of a person’s usual annual leave for the whole year gone before they’ve even spent any time with family!) but I think technically it ought to be doable if you really want to go.

Mygardenisnotperfect · 24/03/2021 00:50

Yes I think for those in Australia and NZ the ability to live a fairly normal life within your own country may well go a long way to making up for not being able to travel outside of the country so easily. Honestly, I don’t think people outside the UK can completely understand just quite how crap it’s been here. We’ve basically all just lived half-lives in the shadows in complete isolation for really most of the year. Even people with family and friends nearby haven’t been allowed to see them really since Christmas anywhere in the country (ok you can go for a socially distanced walk one on one and that’s it but even that I don’t think was allowed at one point), it’s very tough if you live alone as well.

Heyahun · 24/03/2021 05:27

Can’t you go for childcare reasons? We are going to take our newborn home to Ireland and stay with my parents for 2 months soon! Also my husbands mum is elderly and has dementia and he is going to spend a week or so with her to take the pressure off the other brothers who alternate looking after her !

These are essential reasons

FrenchFancie · 24/03/2021 05:28

Same here - it’s been 18 months since I saw mum, 15 since I saw Dad and 22 since I saw my brother and his family. Travel isn’t just about holidays.

mars2 · 24/03/2021 05:49

It's hard, all my extended family including my dad are in Europe & I'm desperate to see him. I don't have an issue with quarantining as I would hate to pass anything onto him. He's not had a vaccine yet despite needing one.

amylou8 · 24/03/2021 05:59

The basic removal of our human rights is unacceptable. There should be steps to mitigate the risk to others (tests and quarantine), but this outright ban on travel isn't on. I hope you get to see your family soon OP.

Londonnight · 24/03/2021 06:00

I feel the same. I haven't yet seen my grandchild, who is now 15 months old. They live in Canada. I can't see it happening this year, so he will be over two when I finally get to meet him [ if we are allowed next year ].
I haven't seen my family there for over two years. We do Skype each week so at least I get to see my grandchild and see his progress.

Whenthesunshines · 24/03/2021 06:07

@amylou8

The basic removal of our human rights is unacceptable. There should be steps to mitigate the risk to others (tests and quarantine), but this outright ban on travel isn't on. I hope you get to see your family soon OP.
The OP is not banned from visiting her sick elderly relatives. She can go any time she likes.There is no ‘outright ban’ in her case. The quarantine laws (you agree should be in place) are stopping her. They are not compatible with her work commitments.