The vaccine hasn’t made a difference

[fireflylanegirls]

I had my vaccine last week (group 6 high BMI milk asthma)

I’ve spent over a year now worrying about Covid.
I don’t go to supermarkets, I haven’t been to one for over a year, I haven’t met anyone indoors (even when it was permitted)
I very rarely do much unless it’s outdoors.
My husband works from home, we have our shopping delivered and I wash everything down.

I had a baby last February and was diagnosed with post natal anxiety & ocd for which I had CBT.

When the vaccines were approved I was so happy.
I thought it would make so much difference to how I feel.
It hasn’t. I don’t feel any better for being vaccinated.

I still read about Covid several times a day, wash my shopping and stay in the house.

I’m honestly not sure how much longer I can cope feeling this way.

I’m having more CBT and I’m taking Sertraline but I still cannot get past this worry.

My son started nursery this week as I’m back to work in 3 weeks.
I’ve been scared to be close to my son now in fear that he’s got Covid and will pass it to me.

My husband has said I’m making him miserable with how obsessed I am with Covid.

I just don’t know what to do anymore 😭😭😭

CBT isn't effective for everyone and it's not your fault if this turns out to be the case for you. I remember feeling as though I'd failed mine. It wasn't me, it just wasn't the right therapy for me. There are other types that may well help you instead. What kind of therapist are you seeing? Is it a consultant psychologist?

As helpful as all the posters are trying to be, OCD is not the same as other anxiety disorders. No amount of reassurance will help and in fact that is not the way to get better.
As others have said you need to access more intensive therapy targeted at severe OCD.
The people posting who either suffer or have close relatives with OCD give very sensible advice.
The OP needs to accept the uncertainty of catching a virus not obsess over the stats and how ill she could get.
It is one of the most difficult disorders to treat and at the moment those with it are suffering more because of Covid.
Good luck and well done for losing the weight and getting your son to nursery.

Well done on the weight loss, that's nearly a stone!

How often are you reading stuff about Covid? Could you wean yourself off by not checking for say an hour (or even 30 mins if it's that frequent) and gradually building up? Perhaps distract yourself by taking a walk literally around the block, that way if you panic, you're still close to home.

I know this'll sound daft but when I was trying to change a certain behaviour, I had a diary that I literally put gold stars in for every day that I didn't do that behaviour and when I had a wobble I could look at it and see how well I'd done.

For the last year we've been under a huge grey cloud but I really believe that the cloud is thinning and we will soon see the sunshine. Hang in there, you will come through this.

OP I remember your last thread. At that point you had not started any medication if I remember correctly? When did you start the medication? It takes a while to work and can initially make you feel more anxious.

Don't be afraid to go back to the GP if the sertraline isn't working, you may need a higher dose or a different medication.

The reason the vaccination hasn't made you feel much better is because when you have anxiety it latches on to things. It's latched onto Covid at the moment. If COVID disappeared in a puff of smoke tomorrow you would be anxious about something else.

You are doing really well. Keep engaging with the talking therapy and speak again to your GP.

Are you on meds for anxiety? You really need to see your GP again and tell them exactly how you’re feeling. I had PND and it was similar to what you describe but that was 10 years ago with no worldwide pandemic. It must feel overwhelming. Please go back and see what other options there are as this is very serious for your mental health. Speak to them first, get meds/up meds then once you feel them kicking in (can take 3 weeks+) set yourself small things to do each week like take ds for walk round block, then walk in park, then walk in garden centre. Build up gradually. The more you get out, the more people you speak to the easier it will be.

Sorry just seen you have OCD, my ds has anxiety related OCD with intrusive thoughts. It’s incredibly difficult to live with and you do need specific help to deal with your mental health. Please do speak to your GP again and see what else you can try. My DSis had PND with anxiety and OCD and did CBT which didn’t help her at all, it just wasn’t the right therapy for her, she was on anti-ds which eventually took the edge off and then she was able to attend a group talking therapy specifically for anxiety/OCD (pre-covid) which she found very helpful. Also have a look at www.ocdaction.co.uk the information on their website was very helpful.

@fireflylanegirls I replied before and have a huge amount of sympathy.

However, I'd recommend using the time you're researching COVID to research how it is spread and ways to protect yourself. This empowers to you control your level of worry - so it's not either paranoia or "let me jump about unmasked in a nightclub with 400 people". For example, I was disinfecting shopping back in March, but have now stopped because the evidence is that this isn't a major route for transmission.

Likewise, it is extremely hard to catch outdoors. Thus, if you want to go for a three-hour walk, or buy something from an outdoor kiosk, you're safe to do that.

Some of us, myself included, aren't doing a lot of unnecessary stuff indoors - because there is a risk of COVID. However, we are doing necessary things indoors with proper precautions. As an example, I double mask with an FP2 and surgical mask when I go into an indoor space. Likewise, when we had a guy come to replace the dishwasher, I opened the windows and doors, left the air to change for an hour before re-entering the room, and we all wore masks.

I also calibrate what I'm personally doing depending on the case count. So, for example, I am doing all my indoor appointments when case counts are low, and avoiding any non-urgent appointments when case counts are high. As I'm four weeks out from a Pfizer vaccine now, I've also been more willing to take small risks as I'm probably about 85% protected from the disease.

It's all about getting a good balance between being appropriately concerned, and getting things done.

It's worth mentioning that I also have a pre-existing condition, have food delivered, am working from home, and send my older child to an (entirely outdoor) nursery. We also haven't been to a supermarket for a year and I'm dyeing my own hair.

So, I'd say, your level of caution isn't unreasonable, but how you allow that fear to affect your life probably is - hence why other Mumsnetters are recommending CBT, etc.

I’m not sure that focusing on risk levels is always the right approach when it comes to OCD. I think this is why CBT style rationalisation doesn’t always work and sometimes ERP - or even other approaches like psychodynamic therapy - is called for instead.

So for example I think the point about wiping down shopping is that the OP is using the wiping down of the shopping as an OCD type ritual to neutralise her fears. It’s a ritual as part of the disorder, rather than a considered attempt to deal with a particular risk. If rationalising about the low risk of fomite transmission hasn’t worked, which I think it hasn’t, the other approach is to try to get the shopping and not wipe it down and exist with the discomfort and the urge to complete the ritual and not give in. You do this in baby steps. As a result you get desensitised. It so happens that the OCD has latched onto this among other possibilities - but for some one else the fear could be that something bad will happen to a family member if they don’t complete the ritual of turning off and on a light switch 16 times. Sometimes rationalisation doesn’t work - there may be none to be had - and that’s when you turn to things like exposure and response prevention.

People have totally lost sight of the fact that TWO THIRDS of people have no symptoms at all, to any of the strains.

The original science has been buried under fear mongering by governments and the press designed to ensure compliance with restrictions.

The thing is that even if you avoid the news, every time you go into a shop etc there are masks, reminders over the tannoy, you can't escape it even then.

I think baby steps might help, like the graded exposure thing. So maybe walking to the garden centre gate, then the outdoor part to start with. I feel for the OP it is horrible to feel like this.