The vaccine hasn’t made a difference

[fireflylanegirls]

I had my vaccine last week (group 6 high BMI milk asthma)

I’ve spent over a year now worrying about Covid.
I don’t go to supermarkets, I haven’t been to one for over a year, I haven’t met anyone indoors (even when it was permitted)
I very rarely do much unless it’s outdoors.
My husband works from home, we have our shopping delivered and I wash everything down.

I had a baby last February and was diagnosed with post natal anxiety & ocd for which I had CBT.

When the vaccines were approved I was so happy.
I thought it would make so much difference to how I feel.
It hasn’t. I don’t feel any better for being vaccinated.

I still read about Covid several times a day, wash my shopping and stay in the house.

I’m honestly not sure how much longer I can cope feeling this way.

I’m having more CBT and I’m taking Sertraline but I still cannot get past this worry.

My son started nursery this week as I’m back to work in 3 weeks.
I’ve been scared to be close to my son now in fear that he’s got Covid and will pass it to me.

My husband has said I’m making him miserable with how obsessed I am with Covid.

I just don’t know what to do anymore 😭😭😭

Which vaccine did you get? If its one that requires a second dose then you're right to keep taking precautions. The hospital that I work in had a covid outbreak and plenty people got sick 2-3 weeks after getting their first Pfizer vaccine.

I have to. I feel like I really have to read about it and see what’s going on.

I didn't say it would be easy to, but that's what you need to do.

If you continue to "see what's going on", no matter what drugs you take, no matter what therapy you undertake, your anxiety will remain.

Anxiety is a fight/flight response from your ID. It does not do logic. Ergo you cannot THINK your way out of this. No matter how much evidence is presented to you to show you the risk is low, it will not register.

Grab a quit smoking guide and use the same techniques for banishing cravings, to banish your craving to find out "what's going on".

@Calmdown14

I remember your last thread. I thought you would quit so going is a massive step, even if it doesn't feel it. How is your work? The more time you spend around people the easier it will start to get. Well done on the weight loss. Every pound off reduces your risk further. Honestly I would stop watching the news and certainly reading about covid on here. Very few people of your age have died. We have learned such a lot and treatment has improved. You are probably putting yourself at greater risk crossing the road or driving while your mind is so preoccupied than covid will ever present to you

@Calmdown14

I haven’t gone back to work yet.

My son is still settling in at nursery. I’m due back
In 3 weeks. 😭

Try just one day not looking anything up that is covid related. Avoid the news. Don't read or watch anything to do with covid for just one day.

Hopefully you will feel an ease in anxiety, not completely, but hopefully enough to make you see that you are putting extra stress on to yourself when you don't need to. That one day could be all it takes to help yourself see that nothing bad happens if you don't check, and infact you actually feel better for it. Try and wean yourself down to looking only once a week. That way you're up to date, but not overloading and overwhelming yourself with the constant doom and gloom.

Mindfulness like someone else suggested is brilliant and graded exposure might be worth looking into.

@shivawn

Which vaccine did you get? If its one that requires a second dose then you're right to keep taking precautions. The hospital that I work in had a covid outbreak and plenty people got sick 2-3 weeks after getting their first Pfizer vaccine.

@shivawn

Oxford.

@Doomsdayiscoming

Weird title but okay.

Helpful. That's sorted the op right out.

Could you try and build yourself up to getting back to work? Maybe each day go somewhere more populated, so you get used to being around people and realising that there isn’t any risk?

You've had lots of good advice here. The only person with the power to change anything here is you. Make choices that benefit you and your son.

I would keep taking sensible precautions for now as you're not fully vaccinated eg limited socialising. But it would be healthy to get back out into society in small stages, maybe start by going to supermarkets when you know they'll be quiet like right before closing?

@shivawn

Which vaccine did you get? If its one that requires a second dose then you're right to keep taking precautions. The hospital that I work in had a covid outbreak and plenty people got sick 2-3 weeks after getting their first Pfizer vaccine.

Unhelpful

Has the vaccine not helped at all?

Look it’s very difficult actually because although I do agree that your anxiety sounds completely disproportionate if you look dispassionately at statistical risks, the reality is that we are all still dealing with some risk of COVID and is randomness on the individual level, and I can assure you that many people still have some level of anxiety around the whole thing. Plus nursery aged kids do get coughs and colds which is hard to cope with in the current environment especially if you were struggling with your mental health postnatally anyway. I’m a GP and I still have a certain level of anxiety about COVID too and have barely been out for the last year except to go to work. So huge sympathies firstly.

Having said that your anxiety is definitely at the extreme end. Almost OCD like perhaps. I suspect if the pandemic hadn’t happpened you would be obsessively anxious about something else. Stop reading the news for sure! You don’t “have to”, what would happen if you didn’t? This is one of the things that makes me think this is obsessive thinking of OCD (the worry about your child being “contaminated” from nursery being the other). I personally don’t think it’s worth the effort of washing groceries etc. There is almost no evidence of spread through touching contaminated surfaces, it seems to be mainly air based spread. If the sertraline is helping but not enough can you increase the dose? Or if not belong change medication? I do think this may need a psychiatric medication review as well as the CBT counselling and maybe even see a consultant psychiatrist if you haven’t yet, to get a clear diagnosis. Postnatal OCD is a thing that can happen. It is severely impacting on your family life if you can’t cuddle your son.

I think you should give yourself a huge pat on the back for losing that weight when you are struggling this much, and also for continuing with work and nursery despite your fears. I think this will be ultimately a very good thing for you long term. Your partner should be more supportive in my opinion, but I get that it can be difficult living with someone with this degree of anxiety around COVID at the moment.

I feel for you OP, I suffer from anxiety have done for 16 years.... i usually function relatively well but my anxiety is driven my my profound deafness. I've haven't been anywhere since masks where introduced as I cannot cope at all. I will happily wear a mask.. but I simply cannot understand what is going on around me . This has caused a major flare up in anxiety, and also triggered depression.

I've had cbt, I've had medication, I've had HCP coming to take me out..

But the underlying cause I'd not going to go away. I've been vaccinated as part of cohort 6 due to this and heart issues. But... until I get second jab that means shit to me. Plus the bad press around Oxford does not help .

I had quite strong anxiety about covid in the first half of the year, it eased a bit over summer, intensified when schools returned, and for some reason I seem to have told myself enough is enough, I'm not going to just exist, it's a waste of my life. I've seen my Mum and allowed her to cuddle by baby, I've stopped wiping down shopping and I let myself pop to shops. ( I haven't been vaccinated yet) I think this is mostly down to my children returning to school as I now feel the risk of getting it is out of my control so I've stopped trying to control it so much. I hope when you go back to work, the same will happen to you, the busier I have been, the less I've heard about covid and the more my anxiety around it has lessened.
I think to myself that once we have been vaccinated, that's as good as it gets so we need to start actually living.
Keep putting one foot in front of the other until it becomes second nature to just keep going. If things don't get a bit easier then I'd go back to your gp and see what else they can do

I just wanted to say I think you're really brave and doing really well to keep trying, this type of worry is absolutely draining

Have you tried EMDR therapy if CBT not working for you?

Try and think of your anxiety as unwanted attention from someone you don't like, you wouldn't invite them round for a meal would you ? That is essentially what you are doing by reading about covid, you are constantly feeding the person you don't like, breakfast, lunch and dinner, every day.

And well done on the weight loss

I agree with pp you really are feeding your anxiety by reading about it. This thread is feeding it. I’m sure your cbt books would say that.
Try to limit yourself to one 30 minute slot a day where you let yourself worry about COVID and read about it. When you get the urge, which is a habit, tell yourself you can think about it at x time and do something else. Make a list of other things to do and keep at it. Don’t talk about COVID at any other time apart from your worry time.

Reading your replies your not engaging fully with CBT. CBT would tell you to not engage with the negative thoughts and break yeh feedback loop which means you don't read about covid all day. It also means you look rationally at thoughts like 'I would have caught covid and died' rather than just take them to be truth.

I've said this to you before but I had covid at your weight and with asthma and I'm fine!! It was like a bad flu and felt terrible but never was I near to death.

You need to go back to the GP explain that you feel a strong urge to leave due to this feeling and you need strong and urgent help. Can you afford a private therapist right now?

OP your post has made me so fucking angry and sad for you! And not just sad for you, sad for the thousands of others in your shoes plagued with unnecessary worry. You have stopped living in fear of dying - how ironic! It makes me so angry at the media for printing and reporting so much covid scaremongering bullshit. You really need to stop reading about it OP, it is benefiting you absolutely none, but you're definitely suffer as a result of it. I so hope you feel better soon

Op -

STOP. READING. THE. FUCKING. NEWS

You can shovel sertraline and do your CBT homework and muck about with mindfulness all you like - but if you are still feeding you addiction - they cannot help you.

Commit to not watching or reading any news for the 3 weeks till you go back to work, then if you want to know what’s going on in the world, take a sub to the week magazine - tells you everything and is non-hysterical.

It’s great you are getting back to work and loosing weight etc (although to be clear at your age, the chances of Covid killing you are tiny.)

.... but if you want to fix this you have to STOP. WATCHING. THE. NEWS - until you do that this cannot end. You owe it to yourself, your son and your husband.

@Doomsdayiscoming

Weird title but okay.

^^ This!

I'm sorry you're feeling this scared. It's awful. I was terrified too.
The cure for me was actually getting it. I know you probably don't want to hear that but it was the best thing that could've happened to me.
Yes I was rough (I'm overweight and asthmatic too) but nowhere near as ill as I was expecting to be.
I know that that's not helpful to you and your situation though.
It is really awful to be that terrified.

@IWantMyHoney

I'm sorry you're feeling this scared. It's awful. I was terrified too. The cure for me was actually getting it. I know you probably don't want to hear that but it was the best thing that could've happened to me. Yes I was rough (I'm overweight and asthmatic too) but nowhere near as ill as I was expecting to be. I know that that's not helpful to you and your situation though. It is really awful to be that terrified.

@IWantMyHoney

I just can’t get past the fear.😞

This time last year I had a 4 week old baby.
I will never forgot the fear, the scenes coming from Italy. The empty supermarkets.
I just remember such panic thinking I was going to be taken away from my baby.

The panic and fear has not gotten any easier, it just keeps getting worse, and worse, and worse....

I remember your last thread. Do you remember when you didn't think you could let your son go into the nursery? The thought of it was terrifying you? Well.. you did it. And nothing bad happened. Keep doing it, because you know you can, because you already have. Same with the garden centre, and same with your first day at work, and the second. You absolutely can do this.