The vaccine hasn’t made a difference

[fireflylanegirls]

I had my vaccine last week (group 6 high BMI milk asthma)

I’ve spent over a year now worrying about Covid.
I don’t go to supermarkets, I haven’t been to one for over a year, I haven’t met anyone indoors (even when it was permitted)
I very rarely do much unless it’s outdoors.
My husband works from home, we have our shopping delivered and I wash everything down.

I had a baby last February and was diagnosed with post natal anxiety & ocd for which I had CBT.

When the vaccines were approved I was so happy.
I thought it would make so much difference to how I feel.
It hasn’t. I don’t feel any better for being vaccinated.

I still read about Covid several times a day, wash my shopping and stay in the house.

I’m honestly not sure how much longer I can cope feeling this way.

I’m having more CBT and I’m taking Sertraline but I still cannot get past this worry.

My son started nursery this week as I’m back to work in 3 weeks.
I’ve been scared to be close to my son now in fear that he’s got Covid and will pass it to me.

My husband has said I’m making him miserable with how obsessed I am with Covid.

I just don’t know what to do anymore 😭😭😭

There are lots of free hypnotherapy sessions for anxiety on YouTube. You may find some of them helpful. I fall asleep every time, they're very relaxing.

I'm sorry you are feeling this way, it's very natural to feel anxious about returning to work after maternity and putting your baby in childcare in normal times added covid into that too its understandable to have concerns.
Try to do 1 small thing every day to slightly push your comfort zone instead of focusing on the bigger aim you eventually need to get too. Go for a walk to the end of the street, next day walk to the next street along, next day go into the corner shop for milk, and so on. Turn off the news and listen to mindfulness or positivity podcasts instead.

I also agree with a PP who said you are not engaging properly with the CBT process, but I think you maybe can’t due to obsessional thinking rather than just “normal” anxiety.

So maybe need a medication review. I would ask about seeing a perinatal paychiatrist.

So far I’ve lost 12lb.

That's amazing, well done! You'll already have significantly lowered the risk of complications from the virus - every lb counts. Together with your vaccine you are in a much better place than you were previously.

Oh god OP that sounds an awful existence!
A year ago when it all started i was Dettolling everything- my shopping, my bank card, my keys. I didn't know how bad this virus was and thought even 1 germ could cause it. I've learnt alot more about viral load since then.
Now, at 9 months pregnant, i dont worry about covid in the slightest. I wear my mask and practice good hygiene, im conscious of protecting others & my unborn baby of course. My recommendations would be:

•News detox. I banned myself from a few certain websites for a month as it was too negative. Did me the world of good.
•Get outside- fresh air & exercise will boost your mood & immune system!!
•Baby steps. You have already come a long way, start branching out a tiny bit more at a time.

You deserve to enjoy life. Dont let this fear take over xx

Have you had any obsessive tendencies in the past OP? What were you like 3 years ago?
I really wish you had a private therapist who could cut you off from the news. Like rehab, or a retreat. To give you time to connect with yourself and reality again.
I also see now that you could be a size 8 with an ideal BMI and you might still feel like this. Well done on the weightloss, by the way!.
I agree with the poster who suggested that you try one new thing per day. Get a takeaway coffee tomorrow and sit in the park. Try a large supermarket. You might love it when you see everyone out getting on with life.

When you say that you have to and you feel like you really have to read about it and see what’s going on - that's exactly when you need to put your CBT into practice.

What will happen if you don't read the news for a day?

Are you on any medication for anxiety?

But be proud of yourself for the weight loss (12lb is amazing!) and for taking your child to nursery.

I've got no good advice but I feel the exact same way as you do about everything. I've got a baby too and I've been so scared. I haven't been anywhere apart from going on walks for a year now. I really don't want to keep living my life this way

I have OCD, anxiety, depression and OCPD. You need proper MH support because with the best will in the world, people on here aren’t going to be able to unpick this properly. I don’t leave my house other than to drive my children to places and drop them off. I’ve not been to a shop in years. The longer it goes on, the more entrenched it becomes. Best of luck, I understand and feel for you x

Oh op i really feel for you, this health anxiety you are experiencing is all consuming and like another poster says the fear of death is preventing you from living life. Catastrophising and always imaging the worst outcome is a symptom of high functioning anxiety and these thoughts need reframing. The more you dip your toe and try something you feel is high risk and see that you were OK and didn't get ill will help you regain more of your life so I would also definitely recommend you try a new small thing daily. Edmr or havening may help alongside your cbt.

[quote cinammonbuns]@fireflylanegirls you need to get more intensive mental health help. Go back to your GP. The longer you don’t participate in society the worse it will get.[/quote]
^This
CBT can be effective for some. It sounds like you've engaged with it fully and it hasn't helped.
Please go back to your GP, or a different GP if necessary. It sounds like you need more than CBT, in that exploring where this all comes from etc. You might also be able to up your sertraline dose.
I agree with PPs, step away from the news. Although the outlook is getting brighter, it will just feed your anxiety.
Good luck 💐

OP, I have lived with OCD for more than 15 years. I know exactly how difficult it is just to stop thinking they way you do. What I would say is that it is really worth going back and being honest about your current situation. The first time I had CBT it made no difference at all. I went back and redid the process with a different person, and it was honestly a huge transformation. I am not "cured" and I have had many relapses since, but the right therapist makes a huge difference.

When you describe how you felt when your baby was small, it sounds like you are traumatised. I wonder if CBT is really going to cut it for you - perhaps you need a form of therapy that will help you process your trauma about the pandemic beginning when you had a very small baby. I would push really hard for mental health support, which you should get given you have a baby.

You realise that after 2-3 weeks post vaccine, your chances of dying of Covid are virtually nil?

I do feel for you, it must be horrible to feel this way.
But I’m really not sure what else can be said to you on here. I’m not even on that often and have seen a number of your threads.
I’m sorry you don’t feel the vaccine has helped your anxiety. Do the rates make a difference to you? They are very low at the moment in most areas compared to what they were.

I agree you need more than sertraline and CBT. Next step: EMDR, given how you describe the feelings you had last year. Then see how you are.

Congratulations on your weight loss and for returning your son to nursery.
I’d probably go back to your G.P regarding your anxiety and stress levels and see if there’s anything else that can help.

You need to go back to the GP. This isn’t a vaccine problem. It’s a MH one OP. You need more help and support.

You've been through trauma. You're going to take time to heal. Just keep going in the right direction and keep asking for and taking all the help you can get.

OP your post has made me so fucking angry and sad for you! And not just sad for you, sad for the thousands of others in your shoes plagued with unnecessary worry. You have stopped living in fear of dying - how ironic! It makes me so angry at the media for printing and reporting so much covid scaremongering bullshit. You really need to stop reading about it OP, it is benefiting you absolutely none, but you're definitely suffer as a result of it. I so hope you feel better

I'm angry with SAGE.and the government for the damage they have done by playing up the fear factor. This is really sad how its affecting you. I hope you can get some peace of mind for your sake.and your son's.

Can you try something like psychodynamic therapy? I’m doing it currently as I’ve had years of health anxiety and I’m also diagnosed with bipolar. Oddly Covid has never been a massive trigger for me but the pandemic caused me to freak out and think I was going to get cancer then be unable to get treatment. The therapy is definitely helping. It’s not a quick fix though and I don’t know how ready available such a thing is on the NHS.

Apologies if this has been said already but I wonder if you might benefit more from Exposure and Response Prevention type therapy iocdf.org/about-ocd/ocd-treatment/erp/

It fits with CBT but it is its own thing. I know it sounds a bit mad and hellish but so is what you are going through!

Huge sympathy. I hope you get the anxiety in check soon.

@fireflylanegirls
You have my every sympathy
I could of wrote this about myself my eldest daughter works at the local hospital on the covid ward and caught covid in November for a young girl she was poorly not with breathing or coughing but rash and headaches I needed up starting to have panic attacks and anxiety through the roof I'm in a slightly better place now but still not back at work (school setting) but hoping to go back after easter
I've tried an array of medication but they all make me worse so have ended up paying for private 121 therapy not the best solution but all I can do
Have you spoken to your doctor about upping the dose of your medication
Covid absolutely terrifies me but I believe I has it in January of last year and never want it again
I purposely make myself meet with a friend for a walk each week have done now since about February time and she works in a nursery setting so has a high chance of contact
It's all about finding out what's right for you and you personally I try my best to stay off social media and google
Sadly covid will be around as will many other viruses and this is what I keep rationalizing in my head and to just use common sense when out and about hopefully once you see people around you getting back to some form of normality it will help you aswell I wish I had a magic wand for us both always around if you need a chat

What dose of sertraline are you on? It can go up to 200mg. (Maybe even higher if treating for obsessive thoughts, but a GP wouldn’t do that).

Well done on starting with nursery and also the weight loss! It shows you do have some control and determination to overcome this.