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Original poster

What to do about MIL?

59 replies

studychick81 · 07/03/2021 19:27

My MiL is not having the vaccination, she thinks the MMR gave her epilepsy when she was a child, now 65+. She also believes in conspiracy theories and sends us things like the vaccination can effect fertility (why she's bothered I don't know, she's in her 60s) and that it's got all sorts of harmful things in it. It's strange as her husband is CV and her two parents are elderly and they aren't coping without her help, they are still at home. She wants to get her mother into a nursing home I am assuming she wouldn't be able to visit without it.

I am not sure what to do about is seeing her though. We have two dcs 8 and 6. We are all very healthy but I would prefer not to get COVID, I know lots of people getting it badly even though they are fit and healthy, one needing oxygen and a few think they have long COVID, all similar ages to us 40s. But I think the dcs are probably more likely to get it at school or DH when he goes back to the office.

The biggest thing is my DDad is ECV and has a low white blood count. He is diabetic too. He says if he caught it he would not survive. He and my DM have had their first injections. But I know the injections don't stop you getting it.

I think DH would kick off if I said that I didn't want to see his DM, how long would that be for too? We would have a massive row and he would probably take the dcs to see her anyway.

What would you do?

OP posts:
GingerBiscuit21 · 07/03/2021 19:28

I mean, she knows she didn't have MMR doesn't she? I'm 38 and it wasn't available when I was a child...

HelloThereMeHearties · 07/03/2021 19:29

Why not suggest that you don't see her until you've had your injections?

Although I am with you, I'd be 'no visiting'!

Original poster
studychick81 · 07/03/2021 19:39

Sorry maybe it wasn't the MMR, might have that wrong. Were they given as individual injections first? An injection anyway. I think she doesn't like how fast it was developed too.

But even when we have ours we could still pass it to my dad, and that could be more likely from someone unvaccinated as are they more likely to transmit it to others? But on the other hand I guess the dcs are most likely to pass it on through school. My dad hasn't been near them for a year now.

OP posts:
notrub · 07/03/2021 19:45

This reply has been deleted

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starfish4 · 07/03/2021 19:47

We've been very careful here, followed all the guidelines as we don't want Covid for different personal reasons. Also, I wouldn't forgive myself if I passed it to a loved one. Those who we know who've had it (11 - two lost their lives) have been very/extremely poorly. Very lucky in that we both unexpectedly qualified for vaccination through work, so have had first dose.

I mentioned to DH yesterday I wasn't that comfortable with household mixing right now and he immediately said we won't be seeing anyone inside who hadn't been vaccinated.

Either way, you have to do what you're comfortable with and what you feel is right for protecting your family.

JayAlfredPrufrock · 07/03/2021 19:48

She maybe had the polio vaccine on a sugar lump.

MereDintofPandiculation · 07/03/2021 19:48

measles, mumps and rubella vaccines weren’t available when she was a child. They were regarded as childhood illnesses that everyone got.

She would have had vaccinations against diphtheria, tetanus, polio and tb. Epilepsy is no fun but it’s possibly better than any of those four

JayAlfredPrufrock · 07/03/2021 19:49

And maybe the bcg test in her teens.

Original poster
studychick81 · 07/03/2021 19:49

@notrub

Sorry but anyone who refuses the vaccine where they are in contact with vulnerable people is on the same moral level as a paedophile.

Anyone siding with them, is no better.

What? A ridiculous comment to make. You can't compare the too.
OP posts:
Quartz2208 · 07/03/2021 19:51

I think for now that is fine but in the longer term when the vaccination programme has been completed for the first and second shots and cases are low and things are getting back to normal how can you not see her?

Because the worry for this winter is that all of the other respiratory diseases that have been suppressed are going to come back and you cant be protected from that all

Vaccinations once done aim are to stop you getting it seriously so once you are protected I cant see the issue

Original poster
studychick81 · 07/03/2021 19:52

Thanks, more likely it was those then. I am also worried about a big row with DH though. I don't think he's going to accept that and will probably take them out.

OP posts:
Motnight · 07/03/2021 19:53

@notrub

Sorry but anyone who refuses the vaccine where they are in contact with vulnerable people is on the same moral level as a paedophile.

Anyone siding with them, is no better.

That's a completely bonkers thing to say.
OverTheRainbow88 · 07/03/2021 19:54

I guess where do you draw the line?

Their optician may have refused it; their teacher; their sports coach, their doctor, etc

Myalternate · 07/03/2021 19:55

Have her parents had the vaccine?

TomHardyAndMe · 07/03/2021 19:56

@GingerBiscuit21

I mean, she knows she didn't have MMR doesn't she? I'm 38 and it wasn't available when I was a child...
I’m 43 and it was around when I was a baby. I couldn’t have it as a forceps delivery though.
dividedwefall · 07/03/2021 19:57

She can't give you COVID just because she hasn't been vaccinated. She would have to have COVID to pass it on, which she would only have for a short amount of time.

We are sliding into the dystopian world of seeing healthy people as diseased, all of the time. Our children have been treated like plague carrying rats for a year and now we are going to treat anyone refusing this new vaccination as Typhoid Marys. Just go and see ehr if you are healthy FGS.

And to the person saying that people refusing this new vaccine are worse than paedophiles - what a disgusting thing to say.

Original poster
studychick81 · 07/03/2021 19:57

@Quartz2208

I think for now that is fine but in the longer term when the vaccination programme has been completed for the first and second shots and cases are low and things are getting back to normal how can you not see her?

Because the worry for this winter is that all of the other respiratory diseases that have been suppressed are going to come back and you cant be protected from that all

Vaccinations once done aim are to stop you getting it seriously so once you are protected I cant see the issue

Because if my df gets it even mildly it could kill him. He has a low white blood count and a compromised immune system.

Excuse my misunderstanding but Are you more likely to get it and pass it on if you are unvaccinated or is the risk the same?

OP posts:
dividedwefall · 07/03/2021 19:59

Re the MMR - she probably just means the Measles vaccine surely?

Original poster
studychick81 · 07/03/2021 19:59

@Myalternate

Have her parents had the vaccine?
My MILs parents- I don't know. I don't think they could consent themselves, they aren't in their right mind unfortunately.

My parents have had the first one.

OP posts:
Littlepaws18 · 07/03/2021 19:59

I'm in a similar predicament, my father has type 1 diabetes by no means under control he has a strong possibility of dying, my mom too has had a brain tumour so absolutely no way would I meet with someone without the jab in the future because the virus will go to them as carriers or sufferers because they are an easy target for the virus. My step children's mom is making views that they won't be getting the jab... I am dreading this. Your MIL decision is more than just her, it's about everyone around her and everyone around them. I would be and will be no jab no see. It's too dangerous not too.

Wellbythebloodyhell · 07/03/2021 19:59

You can't force her to have the vaccine its her body her choice and if she knows the possible consequences for not having it and she's happy with that you need to accept it. Of course you can choose to keep your distance from her until you've been vaccinated if you wish but I would avoid making it a game changer in your relationship as a whole, covid isnt the be all and end all.

HelloThereMeHearties · 07/03/2021 20:01

She can't give you COVID just because she hasn't been vaccinated. She would have to have COVID to pass it on, which she would only have for a short amount of time

Well going by that argument @dividedwefall then nobody could pass on Covid ever Confused

I mean, did you miss the bit about this being a pandemic because of asymptomatic transmission?!

notrub · 07/03/2021 20:01

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dividedwefall · 07/03/2021 20:03

@HelloThereMeHearties

She can't give you COVID just because she hasn't been vaccinated. She would have to have COVID to pass it on, which she would only have for a short amount of time

Well going by that argument @dividedwefall then nobody could pass on Covid ever Confused

I mean, did you miss the bit about this being a pandemic because of asymptomatic transmission?!

Well the jury is still out on asymptomatic transmission. Unless you know otherwise?

And even if it does transpire to be a thing, she can't possibly have it all the time. She would likely have it once for a few days. Are we treating everyone as having it all of the time? Because that's nuts.

Littlepaws18 · 07/03/2021 20:04

You are more likely to catch it without the vaccination because everyone who is vaccinated would be tricky for the virus to attack so they go for the vulnerable. That's one of the reasons why those at risk are also vulnerable with other ailments.

So putting themselves at risk as well as everyone around them.

Also the vaccine doesn't automatically stop you from getting it, you may still get a milder version which can still be a huge risk to those with extreme vulnerabilities like your dad and mine.

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