What to do about MIL?

[studychick81]

My MiL is not having the vaccination, she thinks the MMR gave her epilepsy when she was a child, now 65+. She also believes in conspiracy theories and sends us things like the vaccination can effect fertility (why she's bothered I don't know, she's in her 60s) and that it's got all sorts of harmful things in it. It's strange as her husband is CV and her two parents are elderly and they aren't coping without her help, they are still at home. She wants to get her mother into a nursing home I am assuming she wouldn't be able to visit without it.

I am not sure what to do about is seeing her though. We have two dcs 8 and 6. We are all very healthy but I would prefer not to get COVID, I know lots of people getting it badly even though they are fit and healthy, one needing oxygen and a few think they have long COVID, all similar ages to us 40s. But I think the dcs are probably more likely to get it at school or DH when he goes back to the office.

The biggest thing is my DDad is ECV and has a low white blood count. He is diabetic too. He says if he caught it he would not survive. He and my DM have had their first injections. But I know the injections don't stop you getting it.

I think DH would kick off if I said that I didn't want to see his DM, how long would that be for too? We would have a massive row and he would probably take the dcs to see her anyway.

What would you do?

I feel you are focusing on an odd thing.. your children seeing your MIL is surely more of a risk to her as a 60+ year old than to you as a non vulnerable family? Your DC are far more likely to catch it at school than your MIL unless she’s planning on going out to mass raves. The relaxing of the rules is a slowww process & outdoors until mid-May!

One dose of each vaccine has been shown to reduce death & serious illness by 80%. That’s huge. So I think you can breathe easier around your parents. Plus by the time you can see them indoors, they’ll be double dosed. The latest evidence shows the vaccine reduced transmission by 2/3rds, again huge.

At some point you’ll have to make the call to see all your family. I’m seeing my CEV mum outdoors with my two girls now. They are in our bubble as I have a baby but we are sticking outside. Both girls go to nursery so there’s a risk but my mum feels very reassured by the data coming out about the vaccine. Hopefully we’ll see the vaccine having a good impact on transmission & numbers as we head into summer 👍🏻

@dividedwefall

She can't give you COVID just because she hasn't been vaccinated. She would have to have COVID to pass it on, which she would only have for a short amount of time.

We are sliding into the dystopian world of seeing healthy people as diseased, all of the time. Our children have been treated like plague carrying rats for a year and now we are going to treat anyone refusing this new vaccination as Typhoid Marys. Just go and see ehr if you are healthy FGS.

And to the person saying that people refusing this new vaccine are worse than paedophiles - what a disgusting thing to say.

This, some people have totally lost the ability to think rationally about this! Stop treating people like lepers and if I run near you or my child passes a bit close it doesn’t mean that you’ll drop dead!

We are sliding into the dystopian world of seeing healthy people as diseased, all of the time

I am totally pro-vaccine and I consider risk carefully. But the govt has really done a number on people's fear levels.

Realistically it is going to become pretty hard for anyone unvaccinated to catch this virus, as more and more of us are vaccinated. Because there are going to be very few people to catch it from. Every day there is more and more data coming out which shows that the vaccine is indeed preventing spread, as well as protecting individuals.

If you, your DH and your children are vaccinated, the odds of a) your DM catching it in the first place followed by b) anyone in your vaccinated family managing to catch it and c) pass it on are tiny.

You are also going to come across other people who aren't vaccinated, without even knowing it. Your DM is going to be less risk to your DF than your children's classmates and any colleagues/acquaintances you might have who are unvaccinated. Never mind someone standing next to you in a shop. Are you going to mitigate that risk in the same way that you are considering avoiding your DM?

Did you avoid people like the plague even before covid, in case they could pass the flu or a cold to you- which you could then pass to your father ?

If you're worried about him being vaccinated and getting a mild case being too much, then I would consider the fact that flu or a bad cold may also be an issue for him ( I sincerely hope not ).

Therefore, I think he will be fine and you can see your MIL... if however you actually would rather not hang out with MIL ( she sounds lovely ) - then I reckon you can use this as an excuse

But if she passed it to one of us and then we passed it to my df if we had no symptoms. It is a risk. Third person transmission happens, it's not all first hand

But your dc won't be getting vaccinated either. Are you going to keep them away from your father too?
Surely the important thing is that HE has his vaccination?

Yes I agree with the last few posters

I think it is sensible for the next 3-4 months when we are still navigating are way out of this to air on the side of caution and not see her. But once restrictions are lessened to the degree that theatres and stadium are open, people are back in offices etc and we embrace the new slightly different normal you will have no way of knowing who has and hasn’t received a vaccine (unless they are under 16)

Cases should be v low and you will have your own vaccines

The update of the MMR is lower than the 90% we are expecting and those illness are ok

Thanks. Had a good conversation with DH and we decided that we would wait until we are vaccinated to see her. But I am also going to tell my df that she isn't being vaccinated and see what he says. I want to allow him to weigh up the risk he thinks there is too. If he says he can't see us if we are mixing with MIL then we might have to consider making it longer.

DH reckons if was rubella and whooping cough she had a reaction too.

It would have been the whooping cough (pertussis) one I think - right time and there was a controversy around it potentially being linked in the 1980s causing them to change the way the vaccine was created.

onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/full/10.1111/j.1528-1167.2007.01478.x

Not saying it did by the way - just that there was a lot of controversy over it that she would have been aware of