Kids in school and change

[CovidStopping]

Ok, so my kids are the lucky ones - they've been in school throughout as DH and I both key workers. We r very lucky and I'm not disputing that at all.

However, I was reflecting today how hard it's been for them.

Their best friends left in March to be home schooled and they were both placed in bubbles with kids from other classes they didn't know so had to make me friends. Then old friends came back and they were separated from new friends in September. Then in January (or whenever - lost track!) old friends went off again and they were both in new bubbles again (but not same kids as last march), so had to make a bunch of new friends. Now next week old friends are coming back and they won't be allowed to mix with the new friends they've made.

I just feel.so sad for them. My kids had already had school changes prior to all this, as well as class shuffles mixing up the kids in the year.

I just feel.like they are learning that whatever friends they make will only be temporary so they better not get too close.

They've been great, but it's pretty hard on primary age kids to have to keep making and losing friends. :(

Just felt sad for them today that's all :(

Jesus, here comes the race to the bottom again

Young children don't really understand that other people have it different. I mean, that might understand in theory, but not fully emotionally.

So the OP's children can be struggling because their groups and bubbles are being changed so much. And another child can be struggling because they've not been socialising. And another child can be struggling because they prefer home schooling and are worried about going back to school.

Can we not for a moment just remember that everyone is experiencing this shit differently and we are all allowed to struggle with different things and be upset about different aspects?

Or maybe it's just more fun to start a pile in straight away...

Thanks thurlow

@OverTheRainbow88

I am willing to sacrifice my own social life and mental health etc but not that of my children’s.

Rates are dropping with nurseries and pre schools open so outdoor socialising with kids is low risk.

Everywhere I go I see kids playing together. Groups of teens. All outside. I assumed this was going on everywhere.

Are you in London? We live miles from friends. It's just not possible. It pisses me off a lot how breezy you sound about it. Neither of my children have seen anyone and they are really struggling.

@Shrivelled

I feel for the kids who won’t have any summer holidays this year as their parents will be clawing back their jobs, business and livelihoods from the brink of total destruction. I feel for the kids who haven’t played with a single child (friend or enemy or anyone) for almost 3 months. I feel for the kids hiding away as their parents are ill and shielding and waiting for a vaccine. I feel for the kids who’s parents are suffering horrendous mental illness caused by the combined stress of losing work AND being ill, with no end in sight. Do I feel for the kids of key workers who’ve attended school and whose parents have both kept their jobs and their income as a result? Not really.

Yep

But in the back of their minds children know it could all be snatched away again at a moment's notice. I worry about what effects this will have psychologically - I don't think it's been properly thought about.

My kids keep saying this. They’re expecting schools to shut again.

My daughter's grown in confidence from being in small groups at school, plus she's lucky to be in school at all. I think she's so so lucky compared to the kids at home. I don't think you'll get much sympathy.

My daughter has not been in schools at all since last March and not played with a single child or seen her dad etc she wasn’t allowed out the front door for for 4 months it’s been really hard in her but I know in 10 years fine she will be like do you remember when ??? 😂

@Thurlow

Jesus, here comes the race to the bottom again

Young children don't really understand that other people have it different. I mean, that might understand in theory, but not fully emotionally.

So the OP's children can be struggling because their groups and bubbles are being changed so much. And another child can be struggling because they've not been socialising. And another child can be struggling because they prefer home schooling and are worried about going back to school.

Can we not for a moment just remember that everyone is experiencing this shit differently and we are all allowed to struggle with different things and be upset about different aspects?

Or maybe it's just more fun to start a pile in straight away...

The only pile in on here was people berating those of us that have stuck to the rules and not let our kids socialise. Yes it's crap for everyone. But losing 23 weeks education and socialisation is much worse than having a bubble change back to existing friendships. Of course it is.

My 9yo (an only) hasn't seen another child since before Xmas. I'm glad you recognise how lucky your DCs are OP.

How can you say so definitively that it is "worse"? These are young children we are talking about. They don't have the emotional capacity to think, as most adults can, "yes this is shit but at least I'm getting to do X". And let's face it, even as adults we can try and remind ourselves that but it doesn't always stop us from being stressed or upset by a situation.

Let's say the OP's children have been in school through both lockdowns. So they've not experienced being isolated from almost everyone. Their experience of the past year has been being shunted around in different bubbles and feeling their friendships have no consistency, that might be something that is making them anxious or unsure about everything.

You seriously think it's ok for an adult to look at whatever is stressing or upsetting a young child and say, look mate, tough, at least you got to be in school, so pull your socks up, you're not allowed to be stressed about it?

And I say that as a parent of a child who's been at home through both lockdowns with a WOH parent and a very stressed WFH parent, and of one who has been in nursery this second lockdown.

Because all it has done has highlighted to me how different children are and how differently they react to experiences. My older DC has ridden through school closures and lockdown pretty fine. My youngest had two back to back isolations and the change in routine and the confusion had a huge impact on him.

We cannot be a society that shuts down concerns about children's experiences and emotional responses to the past year because "other people had it worse".

@Thurlow

How can you say so definitively that it is "worse"? These are young children we are talking about. They don't have the emotional capacity to think, as most adults can, "yes this is shit but at least I'm getting to do X". And let's face it, even as adults we can try and remind ourselves that but it doesn't always stop us from being stressed or upset by a situation.

Let's say the OP's children have been in school through both lockdowns. So they've not experienced being isolated from almost everyone. Their experience of the past year has been being shunted around in different bubbles and feeling their friendships have no consistency, that might be something that is making them anxious or unsure about everything.

You seriously think it's ok for an adult to look at whatever is stressing or upsetting a young child and say, look mate, tough, at least you got to be in school, so pull your socks up, you're not allowed to be stressed about it?

I'd blame the school. Last year ours had different bubbles but our class made up 1 as only 9 kids were in. This time from Jan the bubble is the class...18 in most days. So 10 classmates at home and 18 in. They're not talking about catch up for keyworker kids are they? 23 WEEKS lost education. Yes those at home have had it worse overall. As I said losing new friendships but going back to ones that existed is much easier than having no friendships at all for all those weeks. But it's not a competition.

@MrBullinaChinaShop

Exactly the same situation here. Following the rules and live rurally, so there aren’t heaps of kids everywhere to start with, even if I was someone who thought the rules didn’t apply to us. As well as the loneliness of being at home, my child is now struggling to sleep as she is experiencing anxiety about going back to school. It’s just crap.

You're allowed to feel sad but it is your job as a parent to remind your children that they have had lots of opportunities to make new friends which others in their class won't have done and to make plans with them for meeting up when this is over. I would have no time for the parent of children who have been in throughout lockdown who are not encouraging this sort of resilience and instead wallowing in a morass of "sadness". Sorry that is harsh but I have read so many heart breaking threads on here about children on their own and unable to play. You can be sad but please don't expect any sympathy.

I’ve been able to to send my dd to school twice a week this lockdown , as I’m a key worker. We have been very lucky. It doesn’t stop me from worrying about her, though. The impact on her because of all the upheaval could be enormous. I don’t really know how to explain all the changes to her, as I don’t really know what will happen from one week to the next myself.

She has spent so much time at home, and when in school it is a very small group (up to 6) so next week a class of 30 could be very overwhelming for her.

We are all concerned about our children in different ways, and quite rightly so. This has been huge for them.

It shouldn’t be a case of ‘well mine have had it worse than yours’...the fact is, it’s been shit for ALL children in different ways.

We need to be kind and support ALL the children and parents in the next phase. We need to stick together and try to look forward, instead of judging each other and making parents feel worse.

@Cherrysherbet

I’ve been able to to send my dd to school twice a week this lockdown , as I’m a key worker. We have been very lucky. It doesn’t stop me from worrying about her, though. The impact on her because of all the upheaval could be enormous. I don’t really know how to explain all the changes to her, as I don’t really know what will happen from one week to the next myself. She has spent so much time at home, and when in school it is a very small group (up to 6) so next week a class of 30 could be very overwhelming for her.

We are all concerned about our children in different ways, and quite rightly so. This has been huge for them.

It shouldn’t be a case of ‘well mine have had it worse than yours’...the fact is, it’s been shit for ALL children in different ways.

We need to be kind and support ALL the children and parents in the next phase. We need to stick together and try to look forward, instead of judging each other and making parents feel worse.

I agree with the sentiment of this, but you cannot compare children that have missed 23 weeks of face to face teaching and socialisation to those that have had it. I think the original post made a few people speak out because feeling sorry that your child has to play with a different child they already knew is no way comparable to the alternative of children that have had no social interaction for weeks on end. It (to me) almost came across as someone that had their kids in school, that were happy, and didn't really want the rest of the kids to come back and upset that. That's how it came across.

[quote OverTheRainbow88]@MrBullinaChinaShop

I genuinely find that shocking. She’s not socialised with anyone since dec?[/quote]
My kids have also not socialised with other kids. Lucky they've had each other. But it isn't the same.

And you're either being obtuse or goody to suggest that kids should have been socialising between December and now.

It is absolutely awful that kids have gone 3 months without seeing other kids. That's why they need to be back to school

I though playground were closed. I didn't realise you could take your child to the park to meet a friend either.

I think our job is to worry about our kids. Just because ours haven't been at school it doesn't mean the op can't be concerned for her kids. Plus she's been working it's not as though she's been sat at home. Home schooling has been awful though.

My 7 yo hasn't got friends any more.
It's a small cohort of boys in his class and his old friends stayed in school together, so their friendships continued to develop since last March.
Meanwhile with only his brother with ASD to socialise with for 5.5 months, DS2 regressed and lost his social confidence. He didn't have the confidence to rebuild his friendships again, not helped by it now being against the rules to bring in things like Pokemon Cards to trade with.
I wasn't aware of how bad it was until.he came to me sobbing at 11pm one night in November. I have been in touch with school, but it wasn't many weeks before Christmas to make much progress before another 2.5 months of social isolation.

I've managed to get him to play football with the next door neighbour once at half term when freed from the logistics of home learning/ neighbour's childcare and the park not an ankle deep swamp. He's also had a run around with DS1's best friend on the park, but that was less successful as DS1 gets jealous and results in fighting.

For some reason, I didn't really feel like putting a message out in the class chat to ask if anyone still likes DS2 and was prepared to break the law to meet up...

I'm looking forwards to DS2 getting back to school, but after 2 months of demoralising daily battles over (not) doing home learning, we now restart the problem of trying to get him socialised again and are only halfway through this shit (as well as having fallen behind academically again).

I know my friend's child in the next year down has struggled with her friendships broken up in the y1 bubbles last year and KW bubbles this year, but at least she's retained the ability to socialise with neurotypical children of her own age and not been undermined by only the company og the neurodiverse behaviour of a sibling, which has made it easier to switch her friendships back when they're together again.

@lousie5754 most places had parks remaining open and the Government didn't say they had to, our ones in my council did though, which i disagree with

@Bubbinsmakesthree

It’s shit for primary aged children in general (I mean it’s shit for all children in different ways, but I think primary age have been particularly neglected - Scotland being a noble exception in allow under 12s to mix).

My Y2 DS I have always had down I was quite gregarious and resilient. We bumped into a school friend of his today when we were out for a walk and my DS refused to acknowledge his friend at all - he buried his head in my coat like a shy two year old and wouldn’t come out until his friend had gone. It’s sad.

This is what my 7 yo is like. He has a huge mental wall up to protect himself. He claims that he no longer wants friends (he does really) because that puts him in control of the fact that he doesn't have any. He won't have the cameras on for live learning and will only answer a targeted question from his teacher, then spends much of the time with his head in my lap. If I'm not glued next to him, he runs away.

He's always been such a lovely, sunny, gentle soul. Quieter at school than home. Everyone finds him likable... just not likable enough to actually bond a secure friendship with him.

you cannot compare children that have missed 23 weeks of face to face teaching and socialisation to those that have had it. I think the original post made a few people speak out because feeling sorry that your child has to play with a different child they already knew is no way comparable to the alternative of children that have had no social interaction for weeks on end. It (to me) almost came across as someone that had their kids in school, that were happy, and didn't really want the rest of the kids to come back and upset that. That's how it came across.

Sorry it came across that way palacegirl. Totally wasn't meant to.

To answer your points -

-as I have stated already in my OP and in a later post.I KNOW I AM LUCKY. I know lots of people.have it harder. I feel deeply deeply sorry for the children (and parents) home schooling.

• my children's school is 4 form entry, and they DID NOT know the kids they were bubbled up with in march or more recently, as from different classes in the large year, so had to make new friends on both lockdown occasions.

-Your assumption I don't want the kids coming back on Monday is completely wrong. I can't wait for the kids at home to come back, they deserve it and it will be so nice to see them and to see the school busy and bustling again. But I am sad (and I think it's ok to be) that my children now have to say goodbye to the friends they've had to make this lockdown and school have said that from Monday they'll no longer be allowed to see their new friends or talk to them at school. That's quite hard to understand or come to terms with when you are little.

Just to reiterate... I know I am lucky. I am also lucky I don't live in a refugee camp or in a war torn country. I'm lucky I'm not homeless. I'm lucky I live in a free country and not North Korea. But just because I don't have it as bad, doesn't mean I can't recognise how hard things are for my own children and others in a similar position and be sad for the experiences they are going through. Kids at home have it very very bad (in lots, but not all, cases), but better than kids going through lockdown in Syria or North Korea, or kids being abused at home. But just because home schooled kids in this country are in a better position than kids in Syria or North Korea or those being abused anywhere in the world, that doesn't mean you can't feel sad for your home schooled kids. Or should we never say we feel sad or are having a hard time, because someone always obviously has it worse?

*We are all concerned about our children in different ways, and quite rightly so. This has been huge for them.

It shouldn’t be a case of ‘well mine have had it worse than yours’...the fact is, it’s been shit for ALL children in different ways.

We need to be kind and support ALL the children and parents in the next phase. We need to stick together and try to look forward, instead of judging each other and making parents feel worse.*

Completely agree with this.

Reading this thread has got me worried that there will be divides after all this, friction, and bitterness that filters down to the kids. I hope that's not the case. I hope we all stick together and support each other to support all our children as life starts to return to some kind of normal.

@Bubbinsmakesthree

Imagine that happening 2 years ago and people not finding it shocking!

I would have found 99% of what’s happened this last year shocking if it had happened 2 years ago because 2 years ago we weren’t in the middle of a global pandemic.

this made me laugh! Yes, isn't it shocking that a new situation has arisen and we have responded to it instead of just carrying on as if it was not happening at all...

I do however think the English rules on young children and mixing were wrong and the Scottish rules much better.